#070: Help! I Married An Entrepreneur, Part 2 [Podcast]

My wife, Gail, often travels with me when I speak at various events. Inevitably, she is asked, “How do you live with a entrepreneur?”

Couple in B&W

In fact, two literary agents have encouraged her to write a book on this topic. So I sat down and interviewed her about this very topic. It was lot of fun. So much so, that we have decided to make this a three-part series.

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Last week, we focused on what you need to do if you are married to an entrepreneur. This also applies to those who are married to corporate executives, ministry leaders, or any other kind of “Type A” personality.

This week, we focused on what you need to do if you are the entrepreneur. How do you achieve your dreams without sabotaging your marriage in the process?

Next week, in week 3, we are planning to take questions from my listeners. So if you have one, please scroll down to the voicemail widget below and leave your question.

If you are are the entrepreneur in your marriage, you can help your spouse (and yourself) by giving him or her five gifts:

  1. The gift of honor
  2. The gift of awareness
  3. The gift of inclusion
  4. The gift of commitment
  5. The gift of trust

Special Announcements

  1. We still have a few tickets left for the Platform Conference, which will be held in Dallas, Texas on November 3-5, 2013—just about a month away. We have a terrific lineup of speakers this year:
    • Lysa TerKeurst
    • Amy Porterfield
    • Derek Halpern
    • Cliff Ravenscraft
    • Stu McLaren
    • Ray Edwards
    • Jeff Goins
    • Ken Davis

    This conference is for anyone who wants to build a platform or take their existing platform to the next level.

  2. If you are considering launching your own platform—or just getting serious about it—you need to start with a self-hosted WordPress blog.

    This is not as complicated as it sounds. In fact, I have put together a step-by-step screencast on exactly how to do it.

    You don’t need any technical knowledge.By the way, I just updated this screencast a few weeks ago, so it has the latest and greatest information available. I walk you through the entire process in exactly 20 minutes.

  3. In my next podcast, Gail and I will answer your questions. So, if you have a question on this or ANY subject, please leave me a voicemail by clicking below:

    This is a terrific way to cross-promote your blog or website, because I will link to it, just like I did with the callers in this episode.

Episode Resources

In this episode I mentioned several resources, including:

Show Transcript

You can download a complete, word-for-word transcript of this episode here, courtesy of Ginger Schell, a professional transcriptionist, who handles all my transcription needs.

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Question: What advice do you have for someone who is married to an entrepreneur? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

Want to launch your own blog or upgrade to a self-hosted WordPress blog? It’s easier than you think! Watch my free, twenty-minute screencast. I show you exactly how to do it, step-by-step. You don’t need any technical knowledge. Click here to get started.

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  • http://ThatGuyKC.com/ ThatGuyKC

    While applicable especially to entrepreneurs I feel like these “gifts” could be titled “How to be married to anyone.” Keep up the good work.

    • http://ThatGuyKC.com/ ThatGuyKC

      P.S. Don’t know if you noticed, but I started a conversation earlier this week on Twitter about bloggers liberating their RSS feed content. Mr. Hyatt, I’ve been a fan of your blog for years and now your book and podcast. Forcing loyal readers who choose to consume your content via an RSS reader to click through to your site seems like an amateur move. I understand why from your perspective, but as a reader I want control over the medium of how I read content.

      “We bloggers should not make it difficult for readers who are turning to our content.” Acts 15:19 (International Blogging Version)

      • http://michaelhyatt.com/ Michael Hyatt

        I understand. The problem is that providing the full post via RSS has no benefit to me. It’s win-lose. I’ve done it for years, but just can’t justify it. The content is still free, but I am asking for a click.

        • http://ThatGuyKC.com/ ThatGuyKC

          No benefit? I respectfully disagree. As a loyal reader I’m very likely to share a post that resonates w/ me (which is most of the time). When my followers click on that link they’re taken to your site and all it’s glory.

          However, if I can’t get all the content w/out yet another click (and waiting for a page to load) I’m less likely to share.

          My win is consuming content in the medium I choose. Your win is a diehard fan who champions your content on my platform.

          • http://michaelhyatt.com/ Michael Hyatt

            Fair point. You’re making me think. Thanks.

          • http://ThatGuyKC.com/ ThatGuyKC

            #MissionAccomplished. :)

          • http://jonstolpe.com/ Jon Stolpe

            I’m with KC on this one. I am definitely more apt to read (and even click) a post that I can read completely through my reader. Thanks for pointing this out KC. And thanks for rethinking this one, Michael.

        • http://www.twitter.com/erikjfisher/ Erik Fisher

          KC makes a good point. As a reader, I am more likely to share content if I can read the whole thing in Feedly, and then share it right there from Feedly. If I have to click through to the site, I may not choose to read the entire piece, and may not share at all.

          • http://michaelhyatt.com/ Michael Hyatt

            Dang, et tu Erik? ;-)

            I am rethinking this whole thing.

          • http://ThatGuyKC.com/ ThatGuyKC

            Mr. Hyatt – Thank you for being open-minded and hearing me out. How you engage personally w/ your audience goes a long way to inspire loyalty.

            Only said something because I care. If I didn’t then I’d just delete your blog from Feedly and move on.

          • http://michaelhyatt.com/ Michael Hyatt

            I know that’s true. I really appreciate you pushing back.

          • http://www.lawrencewilson.com/p/about-me.html Lawrence W. Wilson

            I sort of hate to disagree with the other readers, but I actually don’t mind the click back, provided (1) there’s enough content in the RSS to make a decision about reading more, and (2) the original post is on a single page, which yours always are. On the other hand, when I’m reading on a mobile device, the click back is kind of a pain.

      • http://michaelhyatt.com/ Michael Hyatt

        I understand. The problem is that providing the full post via RSS has no benefit to me. It’s win-lose. I’ve done it for years, but just can’t justify it. The content is still free, but I am asking for a click.

    • http://michaelhyatt.com/ Michael Hyatt

      Good point.
      Settings

      A new comment was posted on Michael Hyatt

      ThatGuyKC

      While applicable especially to entrepreneurs I feel like these “gifts” could be titled “How to be married to anyone.” Keep up the good work. 7:29 a.m., Wednesday Oct. 30

      Reply to ThatGuyKC

      Moderate this comment by email

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    • http://michaelhyatt.com/ Michael Hyatt

      Good point.
      Settings

      A new comment was posted on Michael Hyatt

      ThatGuyKC

      While applicable especially to entrepreneurs I feel like these “gifts” could be titled “How to be married to anyone.” Keep up the good work. 7:29 a.m., Wednesday Oct. 30

      Reply to ThatGuyKC

      Moderate this comment by email

      Email address: thatguykcis@gmail.com | IP address: 24.18.51.31
      Reply to this email with “Delete”, “Approve”, or “Spam”, or moderate from the Disqus moderation panel.

      You’re receiving this message because you’re signed up to receive notifications about activity on threads authored by mhyatt.
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    • http://www.gailbhyatt.com/ Gail Hyatt

      Thanks so much. I was hoping that would be the case. If we package this in some way we may need to retitle it. Any suggestions?

  • http://JonDHarrison.com/ Jon D Harrison

    I love this post series – I really enjoyed listening to the first podcast together with my wife in the car : ) Thanks to you and Gail for teaming up on this, you both have given a gift to all of us.

    • http://michaelhyatt.com/ Michael Hyatt

      Thanks, Jon. We had fun doing it!

    • http://www.gailbhyatt.com/ Gail Hyatt

      Hi Jon. Thanks so much for your kind words. I love that you’re listening with your wife. I hope you had time to share your reactions with each other. I’d like to have been a fly-on-the-wall. All the best, Gail

      • http://JonDHarrison.com/ Jon D Harrison

        It was a lot of fun! We paused to discuss several times – it was a great experience for us both. Next time you & Michael are in Boca Raton, FL, you’re welcome to join us for dinner.

        • http://michaelhyatt.com/ Michael Hyatt

          Thanks, Jon. I appreciate the invitation.

  • http://www.annepeterson.com/ Anne Peterson

    I thought this was SO helpful. Appreciated all the practical ideas. And I especially liked when Gail would come up with just one more thing. Those things she included were so very valuable. This gave me a better look at how easy it is to be preoccupied with the task at hand and give little thought to those who are around. Thank you so much.

    • http://www.gailbhyatt.com/ Gail Hyatt

      Wow. Thanks, Anne. So glad you found it helpful.

  • http://portofpeacecounseling.com/ Marie Mertilus

    Thank you so much Gail and Michael. I love the fact that you specify intentionality. Also, great job for talking about the value of the non-entrepreneur in the marriage.

  • LadyJevonnahEllison

    Extremely helpful and practical. Thanks for “keeping it real.” Admire you both.

    • http://michaelhyatt.com/ Michael Hyatt

      Thanks, Jevonnah!

  • http://www.twitter.com/erikjfisher/ Erik Fisher

    I love the idea of date night without devices. ‘Deviceless Date Night’. I like the sound of that!

    • http://michaelhyatt.com/ Michael Hyatt

      Quick: grab the trademark!

    • http://JonDHarrison.com/ Jon D Harrison

      thats a good one, Erik!

  • Moronmubo Olayide

    The best thing you can do whether you are married to any type of person irrespective of whether they are type A, B or Z is to love selflessly. Read 1 corinthian 13 in the amplified version of the bible. Let them live their life to the fullest then you will be able to leave your as such too.

    • http://www.gailbhyatt.com/ Gail Hyatt

      Very true.

  • Daffney

    Listened a snippet. Parts I heard I think were pre-entrepreneur days when you went out to the office as my husband does, at least that’s how I took it. Thought when I logged on it would be about how to get along when both are working from home or something.

    Anyhow, Gail is a fortunate woman to have such an emotionally intelligent spouse. Not all spouses have that compassion or see the importance of verbalizing thanks, which to a woman is so important.

    I’m glad she brought up the feeling of the inequity. I’ve often felt the need to validate myself since my husband was the breadwinner. He never asked me to–as a former working woman I just always had that feeling–maybe because one job I worked for you had to keep timesheets of how you spent your time and bill it to a project.

    My husband pitched in with the children, but he definitely has laid on the sofa or played computer games all our married life justifying his need to wind down after his hectic day. Men do use that as a weapon. Because I realized how much my husband won’t do, I decided I would not do it all and work outside the home too. Now, if he did more dishes, vacuuming, lawn mowing, garage cleaning, gardening, grocery shopping, dog walking, I might have been freer and had more energy to go out to a job and bring in money too.

    • http://www.gailbhyatt.com/ Gail Hyatt

      Thank you so much for your comments. I think Part 3 will continue to address some of the issues you brought up. It’ll air on Wednesday, November 6th.

  • http://brucercross.com/ Bruce R. Cross

    I am a cyclist. When I pop a spoke, the wheel becomes unbalanced with the result being WOBBLE…WOBBLE…WOBBLE. The ride no longer becomes fun. The same is true in the role of an entrepreneur….balance in all areas of life is the key to keeping all things in their place.

    BTW, Gail’s contributions (and my need to hear the female perspective!) are immeasureable. Really appreciate the opporunity to “get to know her” and her thoughts on the topics.
    Since she mentioned hiking….here is one to consider. Certainly feel free to contact me for personal perspective as we live about 45 miles from them and have hiked this trail many times.

    http://www.pahikes.com/trails/ricketts-glen-state-park/146-hiking-the-falls-trail-at-ricketts-glen-state-park

    • http://www.gailbhyatt.com/ Gail Hyatt

      Wow. Looks amazing. Thanks.

      • http://brucercross.com/ Bruce R. Cross

        Michael and Gail – in all respect for your privacy, if you ever consider doing that hike, escaping to central PA…we would be honored to host you if you are so inclined. It truly is a breathtaking hike. Trying to be sensitive to your more visible status and encouraging all in the same breath

        • http://michaelhyatt.com/ Michael Hyatt

          Thanks for your kind offer, Bruce!

  • lmarmstrong66 .

    Thank you for these podcasts. I just had a huge fight with my husband and have been crying all day. These podcasts helped me through the pain but I need to have my husband listen to them too which will be a tougher job.
    Our situation is a bit different because he works overseas 4 months on 2 off. The pressure for quality time together is immense and we are struggling, or at least I am to find the right balance in our marriage. I totally feel taken for granted and neglected and obviously I am doing something wrong because when I mention this it falls on deaf ears :( i will hold onto the faith and love and keep trying.
    Gail, what’s your secret? How can I get my husband to really listen to me?

    • http://www.gailbhyatt.com/ Gail Hyatt

      Being separated for such a long time can be so challenging on a relationship. My heart goes out to you. I would say that it is doable, however. Couples have figured out ways to make it work for generations. Let that be a hope to you.

      We just finished recording Part 3 of this little series and maybe some of what we cover in that episode will be of help to you. I sure hope so. (It will go up next Wed, November 6th.)

      Don’t give up. If something you try doesn’t work then try something else, and then something else. The possible solutions are endless. Don’t get discouraged and do your very best not to blame. It’s not so much about what’s “wrong” as it is about what’s “missing.” (Ponder that for a while.)

      Seek to understand and be empathetic. My suspicion is that it’s not easy for him either. Sadly, he may get in reaction modes and tend to show his frustrations in hurtful ways.

      Sometimes it helps to go back to the beginning and become his friend first. A friend is someone you want to be with, who’s genuinely interested in what what you do and what interests you. A friend enters in and SHARES life with you. Ask good questions and enter his world—without expecting him to reciprocate at this stage. Reconnect with what you love about him.

      Questions to ponder:

      1. “What do I love about him? What fascinates me about him?” Start by coming up with 5 answers. If your life depended on you coming up with 5 answers what would they be? Then keep adding! Each day come up with one more. (“I can’t think of anymore,” you say. Well, If you HAD to come up with one more what would it be?) Focus on what you want to see more of. And verbally and concretely acknowledge those things to him. Be verbal and specific with what you’re grateful for.

      2. Next, a hard but very powerful question to ask of yourself: “What’s it like to be married to me?” Try not to be defensive. Explore that in an honest way.

      Don’t give up. Love with a true love. I hope this is helpful. The best is yet to come.

      • lmarmstrong66 .

        Hi Gail, thank you for putting so much thought into your reply to me. You have given me a lot to think about. I knew going into this marriage that it would not be easy with our long stretches apart. I look forward to listening to the next podcast on Wednesday.
        Best regards, Leah

  • bradblackman

    How do you do date night when you have little ones at home and can’t afford a babysitter?

    • http://michaelhyatt.com/ Michael Hyatt

      Trade out with friends. “We’ll keep your friends tonight and you can keep ours on Friday.” Thanks.

    • http://www.gailbhyatt.com/ Gail Hyatt

      You might express to your wife that you want to have a date night(s) with her and you’re not sure how to make it work. Ask her if she could find childcare while you focus on what you could do together. Chances are she can get very creative if she knows you’re taking the initiative.

    • http://elisafreschi.com/ elisa freschi

      Save on your next Iphone (e.g.) and consider that a baby sitter is an important expense!

      • bradblackman

        Yeah, I think we’re about to cut out some things we’ve been paying too much for (data plan, cable, etc.) to make room for groceries — AND babysitting.

  • http://www.lawrencewilson.com/p/about-me.html Lawrence W. Wilson

    I really like #5, the gift of trust. When I’m able to trust that “it’ll all work out” (one of my wife’s favorite sayings!), I’m able to be more present at home–and avoid importing stress.

  • Gretchen

    My husband and I are both entrepreneurs, married 30 years and here are 3 things that have worked for us.
    1. Sit down to dinner together every evening. Some times we both read but at least we’re together and it shows our commitment.
    2. Go for a walk together each evening and talk about our days.
    3. Never talk business after 8 PM. Try not to think business after 8 PM too.

    • http://www.gailbhyatt.com/ Gail Hyatt

      Love these! Especially the debriefing walk. Way to go.

  • Raylee

    Michael and Gail,

    Thank you for sharing your wealth of marriage knowledge. I am the business owner and my husband works the job. We have been married for seven years and have two kids. Owning a business is like a roller coaster. I have been in business for two years so it is constant learning experience. I am so incredibly grateful for the love and support he gives me. Thanks for the tips!

    Raylee

  • Juan

    Estupento post gracias

    • http://www.gailbhyatt.com/ Gail Hyatt

      Muchas gracias.

  • erljordan

    These last two podcasts have been great. What are your thoughts on talking about parenting?

    • http://michaelhyatt.com/ Michael Hyatt

      We’d love to, but probably not any time soon. Thanks for the suggestion, though.

  • Ed Swain

    Michael,
    I enjoy your podcasts and more importantly, enjoy your overall message of goodwill. In that spirit, it’s clear that the entrepreneurial road presents a number of challenges for married couples. My take is that the word “love” is the word that sums it all up! The words you have shared are all appropriate and all complement what I’m sharing here. While maybe sounding so simple, living a life together in love is not necessarily so simple. Yet, the tests we encounter can serve us to nurture something deeper, something more lasting, something more strong than the tests that confront us. I just wanted to share this thought with you and thank you for all that you do for our community.

    Looking forward to the road ahead!

    All the best & God Bless!

    Ed

  • Kevin

    Hi Michael,
    I’m an entrepreneur living in Ontario, Canada. I’m not a pure entrepreneur like you are — at least not yet. My wife is the main breadwinner at the moment. She has the full time job with benefits and I’m the startup entrepreneur who is also in the support role doing most of the domestic chores too. Any special advice for us? And by the way love the podcast and keep up the great work. You’re very informative and inspiring.

  • http://www.jackiebledsoe.com/ Jackie Bledsoe, Jr.

    Just finished part 1 & 2 of this podcast. BEST podcast episode for me hands down!!! Thank you Michael & Gail! Looking forward to listening to part 3 and leaving a more detailed comment.

  • The Voice of the Adoptee

    I love the way that you both publicly affirm each other! What a beautiful example you are as a couple! You are impacting the lives of others!

  • N. Alyse Walker

    I just listened to the first two episodes. These podcasts are right on time for me. A wise and mature woman with 30 successful years of marriage is guiding me through “pre courtship” counseling. Your recounting of the Smalley’s mentorship early in in your relationship is very encouraging. What you’ve shared is so valuable; thank you!

  • http://rayedwards.com/about/ Ray Edwards

    So, after hearing part one I wondered if I would really be enthusiastic about looking at this issue from “the other side”. Of course, this episode turns out to be my favorite of the two. Some things you discussed sounded very familiar, territory Lynn and I have explored thoroughly in our 28 years of marriage. And yet, you managed to deliver some insights I had not yet gained. I’m excited about having new ways to honor my spouse, and acknowledge the wonderfulness of who she is. Thanks!

    • http://michaelhyatt.com/ Michael Hyatt

      Thanks, Ray. I appreciate you tuning in!