10 More Things You’d Love to Say at Work … But Still Can’t

The list I posted yesterday was so popular, I thought I’d post a few more items from the original one. So by popular demand, here they are:

Man with His Mouth Taped Shut - Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/Spauln, Image #8128745

Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/Spauln

  1. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
  2. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
  3. Do I look like a “people person”?
  4. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
  5. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
  6. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  7. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
  8. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
  9. Nice cologne. Must you marinate in it?
  10. Chaos, panic, and disorder—my work here is done.
So what else would you like to say at work, if only you could? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
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  • http://www.trainingforsomething.com Rick

    “Let me get this straight: Your failure to plan and execute is now my emergency?”

    • Gail

      YES! YES! YES! If only we could…

  • http://www.BrandonMerhout.com Brandon Merhout

    Coincidences Don’t Exist!

  • http://www.realcaring.blogspot.com TeriRN

    I’m loving these and at times would have liked to have said them. Although I did have one boss that did say #1 and the one that Rick listed. I almost fell over my patient when I heard those comments. Both were said in the same day.

  • Doug

    These are great! Thanks for sharing and giving me a good laugh!

  • http://michaelewaddell.com Michael E. Waddell

    What am I, flypaper for morons?

  • http://www.BrandonMerhout.com/ Brandon Merhout

    Coincidences Don't Exist!

  • http://www.trainingforsomething.com/ Rick

    "Let me get this straight: Your failure to plan and execute is now my emergency?"

    • Gail

      YES! YES! YES! If only we could…

    • Susan

      I used to post a sign on my desk that read, “Lack of Planning on Your Part Does Not Constitute an Emergency on My Part.”

    • http://alexspeaks.com Alex

      hahaha! I love it!

  • http://www.realcaring.blogspot.com/ TeriRN

    I'm loving these and at times would have liked to have said them. Although I did have one boss that did say #1 and the one that Rick listed. I almost fell over my patient when I heard those comments. Both were said in the same day.

  • Doug

    These are great! Thanks for sharing and giving me a good laugh!

  • http://www.crittyjoy.wordpress.com Christy

    haha I like these better than the ones you posted yesterday! I needed a laugh today :o)

    I work with teens and their parents and often want to ask the parents “Are you trying to be like your son/daughter today?” Or to say “I see your son/daughter takes after you in the attitude department.”

    Laughing- the best stress relief I know of!

  • http://michaelewaddell.com/ Michael E. Waddell

    What am I, flypaper for morons?

  • http://www.crittyjoy.wordpress.com/ Christy

    haha I like these better than the ones you posted yesterday! I needed a laugh today :o)

    I work with teens and their parents and often want to ask the parents "Are you trying to be like your son/daughter today?" Or to say "I see your son/daughter takes after you in the attitude department."

    Laughing- the best stress relief I know of!

  • http://www.teawithtiffany.blogspot.com Tiffany Stuart

    These two posts have brought smiles to me! Thanks for showing the lighter side of you!

  • Women on Wheels

    Don’t you own a mirror?

  • http://www.jimrubart.com Jim Rubart

    May I take you home with me? I want to show my family what “Stupid is as stupid does” really looks like.

  • http://www.teawithtiffany.blogspot.com/ Tiffany Stuart

    These two posts have brought smiles to me! Thanks for showing the lighter side of you!

  • Women on Wheels

    Don't you own a mirror?

  • http://www.davidteems.com/wordpress David Teems

    Those of you who still work for me, please step forward. Not so fast, Johnson.

  • http://www.jimrubart.com/ Jim Rubart

    May I take you home with me? I want to show my family what "Stupid is as stupid does" really looks like.

  • http://www.davidteems.com/wordpress David Teems

    Those of you who still work for me, please step forward. Not so fast, Johnson.

  • http://themondaynut.wordpress.com Brent Beckley

    I’ve just landed in Dysfunction Junction…and you must be the Station Master.

    and…as a person with a perfume allergy… As a manager, I had to create a policy…

    We’re you just attacked in the Macy’s perfume aisle, or do you swim in it before you come to work?

  • http://themondaynut.wordpress.com/ Brent Beckley

    I've just landed in Dysfunction Junction…and you must be the Station Master.

    and…as a person with a perfume allergy… As a manager, I had to create a policy…

    We're you just attacked in the Macy's perfume aisle, or do you swim in it before you come to work?

  • http://www.writingfromhome.net Elizabeth M Thompson

    Thanks for making me laugh!

  • http://www.writingfromhome.net/ Elizabeth M Thompson

    Thanks for making me laugh!

  • http://www.ad1024.wordpress.com Andy Depuy

    Do I look like I have stupid written on my fore head

  • http://www.ad1024.wordpress.com/ Andy Depuy

    Do I look like I have stupid written on my fore head

  • http://deneenwhite.com Deneen

    Hilarious.

    I like the one, “This isn’t an office. It’s hell with fluorescent lights.”

  • http://twitter.com/imabeliever Imabeliever

    How about adding these:

    “Hey ET, your planet called, they want you to phone home!”

    “I’m trying to follow what you’re saying, but the circles are making me dizzy!”

    “Yes, I heard your suggestion, but I’ve decided to do the smart thing!”

    And this one I actually used on a good natured and good-humored friend…

    “Of course I hear you talking, I’m just thinking about something else to drown out the noise.”

  • http://www.tinyurl.com/gsasscer1 Glenn Sasscer

    My favorite to use at work, especially since I telecommute, is one Lily Tomlin delivered on Laugh-In: “Have I reached the person to whom I’m speaking?”

  • http://deneenwhite.com/ Deneen

    Hilarious.

    I like the one, "This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lights."

  • http://twitter.com/imabeliever Imabeliever

    How about adding these:

    “Hey ET, your planet called, they want you to phone home!”

    “I’m trying to follow what you're saying, but the circles are making me dizzy!”

    “Yes, I heard your suggestion, but I’ve decided to do the smart thing!”

    And this one I actually used on a good natured and good-humored friend…

    “Of course I hear you talking, I’m just thinking about something else to drown out the noise.”

  • http://www.tinyurl.com/gsasscer1 Glenn Sasscer

    My favorite to use at work, especially since I telecommute, is one Lily Tomlin delivered on Laugh-In: "Have I reached the person to whom I'm speaking?"

  • Jen

    I’m not crazy!

    I can’t post my thoughts about work. Most of my co-workers and bosses read this blog!

  • Jen

    I'm not crazy!

    I can't post my thoughts about work. Most of my co-workers and bosses read this blog!

  • http://www.trudatmusic.com brenten gilbert

    “just because you don’t listen to me when i talk and you ignore my emails, it doesn’t mean that i don’t communicate well.”

    My problem is that i actually do say things like this out loud…

    peace… love… bdg…

  • http://www.trudatmusic.com/ brenten gilbert

    "just because you don't listen to me when i talk and you ignore my emails, it doesn't mean that i don't communicate well."

    My problem is that i actually do say things like this out loud…

    peace… love… bdg…

  • Zoe

    Here here, brenten.

  • Zoe

    Here here, brenten.

  • dmac

    I don’t work with idiots…I work for idiots!

  • dmac

    I don't work with idiots…I work for idiots!

  • http://lisalickel.com Lisa Lickel

    Oh, my. Does it still count when hubby comes home and catches me mid-think? He actually thought I would make him supper or clean the house when my people are in crisis.

  • http://lisalickel.com/ Lisa Lickel

    Oh, my. Does it still count when hubby comes home and catches me mid-think? He actually thought I would make him supper or clean the house when my people are in crisis.

  • http://thecollegekid.wordpress.com Daniel Clark

    A) Is it me, or did you just fire yourself.
    B) No, it’s not YOUR fault – it’s your job.
    C) Oh yeah, I forgot too. Forgot to put you on the schedule again.
    D) No boss…
    E) You know you’re right. That is until you opened your mouth.
    F) Say cheese? You’ve been whining all day.

  • http://thecollegekid.wordpress.com/ Daniel Clark

    A) Is it me, or did you just fire yourself.
    B) No, it's not YOUR fault – it's your job.
    C) Oh yeah, I forgot too. Forgot to put you on the schedule again.
    D) No boss…
    E) You know you're right. That is until you opened your mouth.
    F) Say cheese? You've been whining all day.

  • Cindy

    I work in a university library, and each day there are at least 5 students who want to borrow a pen and/or paper. So…I’d like to say,”go back to your dorm, pull your head out of your ***, get some paper and something to write with, then come back. And bring your course syllabus because you probably don’t know the name of the course, the course number, or your professors name. You will need this information at some point. Also, if you are working on a paper or presentation, bring the instructions provided by your professor. (This includes the topic) Now, GET LOST!”

  • Cindy

    I work in a university library, and each day there are at least 5 students who want to borrow a pen and/or paper. So…I'd like to say,"go back to your dorm, pull your head out of your ***, get some paper and something to write with, then come back. And bring your course syllabus because you probably don't know the name of the course, the course number, or your professors name. You will need this information at some point. Also, if you are working on a paper or presentation, bring the instructions provided by your professor. (This includes the topic) Now, GET LOST!"

  • Dr. Bob

    You know, you’re not as dumb as you look.

    What part of NO don’t you understand?

    Sure we can do that… do you have the $200,000 it would cost in your budget?

  • Dr. Bob

    You know, you're not as dumb as you look.

    What part of NO don't you understand?

    Sure we can do that… do you have the $200,000 it would cost in your budget?

  • http://www.goodhonestdollar.com Andrew

    Michael,

    I would have thought that someone in your position could say anything they want.

    Having worked as an English teacher in South Korea for the past four years, there are many things which I would like to say.

    The problem is that due to language barriers – few of my colleagues speak English and I don’t speak fluent Korean – I can hardly say anything at all beyond ‘hello.’

    I will never forget my first day of work, and what I really wanted to say, but couldn’t – “Where’s the toilet?”

  • http://www.goodhonestdollar.com/ Andrew

    Michael,

    I would have thought that someone in your position could say anything they want.

    Having worked as an English teacher in South Korea for the past four years, there are many things which I would like to say.

    The problem is that due to language barriers – few of my colleagues speak English and I don't speak fluent Korean – I can hardly say anything at all beyond 'hello.'

    I will never forget my first day of work, and what I really wanted to say, but couldn't – "Where's the toilet?"

  • http://passionsforthesoul.typepad.com/vicki Vicki Small

    In the 23 years that I spent working in offices–often for (if you’ll excuse the expression) jerks–what I most often wanted to say was, “I quit!”

    Then I taught at our community college for 6 years, in which time I thoroughly burned out. One semester, I had a young woman (mid-20′s, going on two years old). She was the most disruptive student I ever had, and I really had to struggle not to say what I really wanted to say. Then I heard of an instructor at a different campus who actually said the same thing to one of her students: “Just sit down and shut up, you stupid little *****!”

    That turned out to be the instructor’s last day of teaching.

  • http://passionsforthesoul.typepad.com/vicki Vicki Small

    In the 23 years that I spent working in offices–often for (if you'll excuse the expression) jerks–what I most often wanted to say was, "I quit!"

    Then I taught at our community college for 6 years, in which time I thoroughly burned out. One semester, I had a young woman (mid-20's, going on two years old). She was the most disruptive student I ever had, and I really had to struggle not to say what I really wanted to say. Then I heard of an instructor at a different campus who actually said the same thing to one of her students: "Just sit down and shut up, you stupid little *****!"

    That turned out to be the instructor's last day of teaching.

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  • http://blog.cyberquill.com Cyberquill

    I quit. Now shut up.

  • Mimi

    Memo from the IT department: We can fix a lot, but we can’t fix stupid.

  • Mimi

    Memo from the IT department: We can fix a lot, but we can’t fix stupid.

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  • http://twitter.com/belafier Blerina Toska

    is the best side for me.

  • http://twitter.com/belafier Blerina Toska

    you should do the right thing at the right moment

  • http://twitter.com/MattMurphymswym Matthew Murphy

    When someone is being completely rude, or evil. I quote Glinda

    “be gone, before somebody drops a house on you too”

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