10 Things You’d Love to Say at Work … But Can’t

Thank God there is a filter in place between my brain and my mouth. If I said everything I thought, I would be in constant trouble.

women with her hand over her mouth

Yesterday, while cleaning out my closet, I stumbled across an article I had saved. It is called “Things You’d Love to Say at Work But Can’t.” It had thirty-eight items. Here are the first ten:

If you are just getting started with Evernote, I suggest that you buy Brett Kelly’s remarkably practical e-book, Evernote Essentials, 4.0. It will save you HOURS of learning Evernote on your own.

  1. I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
  2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet its hard to pronounce.
  3. I’ll pencil that in for never. Does never work for you?
  4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
  5. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
  6. Ahhh … I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
  7. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
  8. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a rip.
  9. I will always cherish the positive initial misconceptions I had about you.
  10. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you are an artist.
What would you like to say at work, if only you could? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
Want to launch your own blog or upgrade to a self-hosted WordPress blog? It’s easier than you think! Watch my free, twenty-minute screencast. I show you exactly how to do it, step-by-step. You don’t need any technical knowledge. Click here to get started.

Watch my free screencast

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are snarky, offensive, or off-topic. If in doubt, read My Comments Policy.

  • Jeff

    This made my afternoon – thanks for sharing it.

  • http://wingsbirthday.blogspot.com sarah

    1. Just because you didn’t get it from me before you needed it urgently doesn’t mean it’s an emergency for me now.

    2. Unlike you, I have a life outside of my job.

    3. We can have this meeting, talk all about what needs to be done, and I can correct it when you do it your own way anyway, or I could just do it now.

  • http://wingsbirthday.blogspot.com/ sarah

    1. Just because you didn’t get it from me before you needed it urgently doesn’t mean it’s an emergency for me now.

    2. Unlike you, I have a life outside of my job.

    3. We can have this meeting, talk all about what needs to be done, and I can correct it when you do it your own way anyway, or I could just do it now.

  • http://philangelus.wordpress.com/ Jane Lebak

    At my last job, I actually wrote a sign and put it over my desk, saying “This is TOP PRIORITY!” and whenever one of my three managers came by (aaagh) and said, “This is your top priority,” I’d glance at the sign with a wry smile. This happened four or five times a day.

    Had I seen this list back then, I probably would have said most of those things. It was an amazingly toxic workplace.

  • http://philangelus.wordpress.com Jane Lebak

    At my last job, I actually wrote a sign and put it over my desk, saying “This is TOP PRIORITY!” and whenever one of my three managers came by (aaagh) and said, “This is your top priority,” I’d glance at the sign with a wry smile. This happened four or five times a day.

    Had I seen this list back then, I probably would have said most of those things. It was an amazingly toxic workplace.

  • http://plansforhope.wordpress.com/ alyssa

    great list!

    recent thought relating to job descriptions and individuals who micromanage.

    if you really believe you do everything better than everyone else, why do you hire employees?

  • http://plansforhope.wordpress.com alyssa

    great list!

    recent thought relating to job descriptions and individuals who micromanage.

    if you really believe you do everything better than everyone else, why do you hire employees?

  • http://www.rachelhauck.com/ Rachel Hauck

    Those first ten are funny, Mike. Especially 3 and 10.

    As for my corp days, wow, it’s been a few years but I might have wanted to say something like:

    Hey, can we just be honest with the customer? No, we can’t code and deliver a whole new system in six months.

    I tried to say a lot of things – nicely and in order – because I didn’t want to sit in my office and grumble. If my boss rejected my input, then so be it. Many times I spoke up about the gaps between our project goals and lack of processes to accomplish them.

    But, wisdom is always required when speaking up – when, where, why and how.

    Rachel :)

  • http://www.rachelhauck.com Rachel Hauck

    Those first ten are funny, Mike. Especially 3 and 10.

    As for my corp days, wow, it’s been a few years but I might have wanted to say something like:

    Hey, can we just be honest with the customer? No, we can’t code and deliver a whole new system in six months.

    I tried to say a lot of things – nicely and in order – because I didn’t want to sit in my office and grumble. If my boss rejected my input, then so be it. Many times I spoke up about the gaps between our project goals and lack of processes to accomplish them.

    But, wisdom is always required when speaking up – when, where, why and how.

    Rachel :)

  • http://emilysutherland.wordpress.com/ Emily Sutherland

    How ’bout:

    “If we’re all maxed out.. and the staff keeps getting smaller… how is it reasonable to expect all the work to get done at the same level it was done with a much larger staff?”

  • http://michaeldmiller.wordpress.com mike miller

    Here is one that I would like to have said in some past jobs!
    “Would you just stop talking Boss!”

  • http://www.christaallan.com Christa Allan

    What I’d like to say (I teach high school:
    1. If you’d stop standing between your teen and the consequences of her/his actions, maybe s/he would learn something.

    2. How about I make an appointment for a conference at your place of business and tell you how to do your job?

    3. First time using the new brain?

  • Jeff

    This made my afternoon – thanks for sharing it.

  • http://rcwriter.wordpress.com Rhonda Clark

    Hubby works with computer systems. He is forever having someone approach him with problems that make no sense. Such as, “My monitor is running slow. How do you fix that?” It’s what we like to call an ID-10-T error. If you don’t get it, read it without the dashes.

    My favorite is a sign hanging in the office of my hubsand’s boss.

    Don’t argue with an idiot, they’ll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

    I’m thinking there is an article in there somewhere, just haven’t found it yet.

  • http://tonymorganlive.com tony morgan

    if the other 28 are as good as these, i certainly hope you post them. i’m a sarcasm aficionado. this is good stuff!

    tony

  • http://emilysutherland.wordpress.com/ Emily Sutherland

    How 'bout:

    "If we're all maxed out.. and the staff keeps getting smaller… how is it reasonable to expect all the work to get done at the same level it was done with a much larger staff?"

  • http://michaeldmiller.wordpress.com/ mike miller

    Here is one that I would like to have said in some past jobs!
    "Would you just stop talking Boss!"

  • http://www.christaallan.com/ Christa Allan

    What I'd like to say (I teach high school:
    1. If you'd stop standing between your teen and the consequences of her/his actions, maybe s/he would learn something.

    2. How about I make an appointment for a conference at your place of business and tell you how to do your job?

    3. First time using the new brain?

  • http://rcwriter.wordpress.com/ Rhonda Clark

    Hubby works with computer systems. He is forever having someone approach him with problems that make no sense. Such as, "My monitor is running slow. How do you fix that?" It's what we like to call an ID-10-T error. If you don't get it, read it without the dashes.

    My favorite is a sign hanging in the office of my hubsand's boss.

    Don't argue with an idiot, they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

    I'm thinking there is an article in there somewhere, just haven't found it yet.

  • http://tonymorganlive.com/ tony morgan

    if the other 28 are as good as these, i certainly hope you post them. i'm a sarcasm aficionado. this is good stuff!

    tony

  • http://karlaakins.com Karla Akins

    Oh no. You’ve given me too much material. How will I ever contain it on the tip of my tongue!??!!

  • http://human3rror.com Human3rror

    very true.

  • http://www.colleencoble.com Colleen Coble

    Hilarious, Mike!

    When I was a receptionist I wanted to tell my boss, Hey YOU try having a smile in your voice on the 1000th call like I do if you think it’s so easy.

    However, now if I want to tell the boss something, I’d have to say it to MYSELF. Not nearly as much fun.

  • http://karlaakins.com/ Karla Akins

    Oh no. You've given me too much material. How will I ever contain it on the tip of my tongue!??!!

  • http://human3rror.com/ Human3rror

    very true.

  • http://act2.spaces.live.com Alfred Thompson

    A couple I have barely refrained from saysing.

    How you thought about getting a job at something you are good at?

    Exactly what is it you do around here?

    Before you put that plan into action give me some time to sell my stock.

  • Sr Thekla

    During this advent season I am to listen to my thoughts before I speak. Reading Proverbs I have been told will help me keep foot out of mouth.

  • http://www.colleencoble.com/ Colleen Coble

    Hilarious, Mike!

    When I was a receptionist I wanted to tell my boss, Hey YOU try having a smile in your voice on the 1000th call like I do if you think it's so easy.

    However, now if I want to tell the boss something, I'd have to say it to MYSELF. Not nearly as much fun.

  • http://act2.spaces.live.com/ Alfred Thompson

    A couple I have barely refrained from saysing.

    How you thought about getting a job at something you are good at?

    Exactly what is it you do around here?

    Before you put that plan into action give me some time to sell my stock.

  • Sr Thekla

    During this advent season I am to listen to my thoughts before I speak. Reading Proverbs I have been told will help me keep foot out of mouth.

  • http://www.davidteems.com/wordpress David Teems

    May your mouth be like the gate of heaven where only the righteous may pass.

  • http://randallbscott.com Randy

    My favorite is “That was a real brainstorm, did the weather man forcast it?”

  • http://www.davidteems.com/wordpress David Teems

    May your mouth be like the gate of heaven where only the righteous may pass.

  • http://randallbscott.com/ Randy

    My favorite is "That was a real brainstorm, did the weather man forcast it?"

  • Cassie Greutman

    “Funny, I thought this was the adult world. You’re all acting like we’re still in high-school.”

  • Cassie Greutman

    "Funny, I thought this was the adult world. You're all acting like we're still in high-school."

  • Ken Summerlin

    When asked to do something that the person should be able to do for themself: “Do I look like your mother?”

  • JCK

    I love the response of a woman who pulled into a parking lot for Disabled Only. A very angry man accused her of deceit, “You don’t look disabled” he said. She replied, “Looks are often deceiving. Until you spoke I thought you looked intelligent”

  • http://lynnrush.wordpress.com/ Lynn Rush

    Oh, this made my morning. I don’t have anything to add, because I’m just not that witty. But, I’m glad to have read this. Laughing is always a good way to start a Monday.

  • Ken Summerlin

    When asked to do something that the person should be able to do for themself: "Do I look like your mother?"

  • JCK

    I love the response of a woman who pulled into a parking lot for Disabled Only. A very angry man accused her of deceit, "You don't look disabled" he said. She replied, "Looks are often deceiving. Until you spoke I thought you looked intelligent"

  • Gregory Thomas

    My favorite Dilbert line: “I’d really like to move up to management, I just wish they didn’t require a lobotomy.

  • http://lynnrush.wordpress.com/ Lynn Rush

    Oh, this made my morning. I don't have anything to add, because I'm just not that witty. But, I'm glad to have read this. Laughing is always a good way to start a Monday.

  • Gregory Thomas

    My favorite Dilbert line: "I'd really like to move up to management, I just wish they didn't require a lobotomy.

  • Gail

    A good sense of humor is the pressure release valve for a stressful job.

    Our large family has a motto that serves the same purpose. “If you’re going to be dumb, you have to be tough.

  • http://davidjhinson.wordpress.com David J. Hinson

    My personal fave from former NYC Mayor, Ed Koch:

    “I can explain it to you, but I cannot understand it for you.”

    • suebrage

      Love this!

  • Gail

    A good sense of humor is the pressure release valve for a stressful job.

    Our large family has a motto that serves the same purpose. "If you're going to be dumb, you have to be tough.

  • http://www.BlahaLife.com jblaha

    At first, there is the initial part of me that laughs hard at this. Then the Spirit comes and reminds me of how Christ has died for those indefinitely dumber and less wiser than He. Maybe parading the sinful, arrogant, sarcastic thoughts of the heart may not be the best use of our time with others…not to mention that they do not help our minds to be conformed to His.

  • http://www.michaelhyatt.com Michael S. Hyatt

    @Jblaha: Oh boy. That makes me want to do a follow-up post: “10 Things You’d Love to Say at Church … But Can’t.”

    • http://www.facebook.com/drwildhare Niki Faircloth

      Oh please! I'm a preacher's wife so I would love to read this!!!!! (and add a few!)

    • http://twitter.com/onepursuit @onepursuit

      I think we'd all love to read that :)

      I'll start: "Just because you feel righteous when you say it, that doesn't make it right."

  • http://michaelewaddell.com Michael E. Waddell

    My personal favorite phrase that I’ve wanted to use but never have (yet):

    There’s no ‘I’ in ‘TEAM’ but there is one in “Kiss my (fill in appropriate body part here)

  • http://www.BrettandSonia.com Sonia Coleman

    This is a great list.

    At my last job, some things I would have liked to say,
    –“Don’t ask my opinion if you don’t want to hear the truth.”
    –“There are people who work and people who dump on people who work. Guess which one I think you are?”
    –“I can’t make you into a good speaker if you’re going to rewrite your speech after every rehearsal.”

    And finally, a comment I did say to my atheist boss after he questioned my integrity: “So you think you are such a high authority? I report to God, a higher authority with higher standards than you’ll ever have!”

    I don’t know who was more shocked at my outburst: me or the boss!

  • http://davidjhinson.wordpress.com/ David J. Hinson

    My personal fave from former NYC Mayor, Ed Koch:

    "I can explain it to you, but I cannot understand it for you."

    • suebrage

      Love this!

  • http://www.BlahaLife.com/ jblaha

    At first, there is the initial part of me that laughs hard at this. Then the Spirit comes and reminds me of how Christ has died for those indefinitely dumber and less wiser than He. Maybe parading the sinful, arrogant, sarcastic thoughts of the heart may not be the best use of our time with others…not to mention that they do not help our minds to be conformed to His.

    • Bucky Elliott

      #jesusjuke

  • http://luke.gedeon.name/ Luke Gedeon

    I think I have been at the receiving end of just about all of those. Not always so eloquently put, but certainly deserved in each case.

  • http://www.angelfire.com/ok2/weakandfoolish Rob Sargeant

    What I’d like to say: I just won the lottery. I’m outta here.

    If you find this note on my desk, along with all my clothes neatly folded on the cahir, I’ve been raptured.

  • http://www.angelfire.com/ok2/weakandfoolish Rob Sargeant

    What I’d like to say: I just won the lottery. I’m outta here.

    If you find this note on my desk, along with all my clothes neatly folded on the chair, I’ve been raptured.

  • http://www.michaelhyatt.com/ Michael S. Hyatt

    @Jblaha: Oh boy. That makes me want to do a follow-up post: “10 Things You’d Love to Say at Church … But Can’t.”

    • http://www.facebook.com/drwildhare Niki Faircloth

      Oh please! I'm a preacher's wife so I would love to read this!!!!! (and add a few!)

    • http://twitter.com/onepursuit @onepursuit

      I think we'd all love to read that :)

      I'll start: "Just because you feel righteous when you say it, that doesn't make it right."

    • Dsnedecor1

      Ha, ha, ha.  I agree.  Or “10 Things You’d Love to Say Working at a Church…But Can’t”  Or shouldn’t…

      • http://theordainedbarista.com/ Barry Hill

        Oh— I have more than 10 for this one! I might have to steal this idea for a post of my own!

    • Acsharrison

      Bahha! Preach it!

  • http://michaelewaddell.com/ Michael E. Waddell

    My personal favorite phrase that I've wanted to use but never have (yet):

    There's no 'I' in 'TEAM' but there is one in "Kiss my (fill in appropriate body part here)

    • jn

      Or  – There are  2 in Kiss my Grits!

  • http://www.BrettandSonia.com/ Sonia Coleman

    This is a great list.

    At my last job, some things I would have liked to say,
    –"Don't ask my opinion if you don't want to hear the truth."
    –"There are people who work and people who dump on people who work. Guess which one I think you are?"
    –"I can't make you into a good speaker if you're going to rewrite your speech after every rehearsal."

    And finally, a comment I did say to my atheist boss after he questioned my integrity: "So you think you are such a high authority? I report to God, a higher authority with higher standards than you'll ever have!"

    I don't know who was more shocked at my outburst: me or the boss!

  • Tony Jacobs

    AWW COME ON!!!

    Do The Church list!!

  • http://luke.gedeon.name/ Luke Gedeon

    I think I have been at the receiving end of just about all of those. Not always so eloquently put, but certainly deserved in each case.

  • http://levellies.blogspot.com Jeanette Levellie

    Am I the only one reading this posting that thinks these are mean-spirited, rude and immature? Like, we all have never done or said dumb things, so that makes it okay to put others down?

  • http://www.angelfire.com/ok2/weakandfoolish Rob Sargeant

    What I'd like to say: I just won the lottery. I'm outta here.

    If you find this note on my desk, along with all my clothes neatly folded on the cahir, I've been raptured.

  • http://www.angelfire.com/ok2/weakandfoolish Rob Sargeant

    What I'd like to say: I just won the lottery. I'm outta here.

    If you find this note on my desk, along with all my clothes neatly folded on the chair, I've been raptured.

  • Tony Jacobs

    AWW COME ON!!!

    Do The Church list!!

  • http://levellies.blogspot.com/ Jeanette Levellie

    Am I the only one reading this posting that thinks these are mean-spirited, rude and immature? Like, we all have never done or said dumb things, so that makes it okay to put others down?

  • JA

    I think these are meant to be taken with a light heart, not to be picked apart by those holier than thou.

    Perhaps that’s something I shouldn’t, but did, say in a Christian blog.

  • http://www.reachingtheonlinegeneration.com Paul D. Watson

    Don’t forget the 10 Percent Rule: “You have to be 10% smarter than the object you’re trying to manipulate.”

  • http://michellependergrass.com Michelle Pendergrass

    I’d say it’s time for the church one. I’ll go first.

    1. God made us in his image, that includes a sense of humor. Maybe the KJV Bible left that part out?

  • JA

    I think these are meant to be taken with a light heart, not to be picked apart by those holier than thou.

    Perhaps that's something I shouldn't, but did, say in a Christian blog.

  • http://www.reachingtheonlinegeneration.com/ Paul D. Watson

    Don't forget the 10 Percent Rule: "You have to be 10% smarter than the object you're trying to manipulate."

  • http://michellependergrass.com/ Michelle Pendergrass

    I'd say it's time for the church one. I'll go first.

    1. God made us in his image, that includes a sense of humor. Maybe the KJV Bible left that part out?

  • June

    To me the key to reading these comments is that they were only imagined. The scene would have been much different without the Christian discipline which prevented them from being said (“but know I can’t”)
    For that we can all say, “Thank God”.

  • June

    To me the key to reading these comments is that they were only imagined. The scene would have been much different without the Christian discipline which prevented them from being said ("but know I can't")
    For that we can all say, "Thank God".

  • http://www.marcysmith.typepad.com m.w. smith

    The thing that I am constantly surprised to hear myself saying in my head while listening to others is…” Man, are you selfish”.

    I don’t think it’d be a winner at the meeting table to blurt that out.

  • Mat

    Once in my church someone told me: “I know that God wants you to do THIS”. I replied with a grin: “Until now I contacted with Him directly. Would you be so kind and not fix things that are not broke?”

  • http://www.marcysmith.typepad.com/ m.w. smith

    The thing that I am constantly surprised to hear myself saying in my head while listening to others is…" Man, are you selfish".

    I don't think it'd be a winner at the meeting table to blurt that out.

  • Mat

    Once in my church someone told me: "I know that God wants you to do THIS". I replied with a grin: "Until now I contacted with Him directly. Would you be so kind and not fix things that are not broke?"

  • Julie Smith

    I found the list to be very funny.
    I have one to go on the church list…..

    “Hey you, the holier than thou one looking down your nose at everyone, weren’t you doing shots with my mother last night?”

  • Julie Smith

    I found the list to be very funny.
    I have one to go on the church list…..

    "Hey you, the holier than thou one looking down your nose at everyone, weren't you doing shots with my mother last night?"

  • http://peaceforthejourney.blogspot.com elaine @ peace for the journey

    Well, since I’m a stay at home mom, you can imagine the list I’ve crafted over the years. And the plus is(perhaps the minus if you were to ask my family) my safety net for saying them. I’ve voiced most of my frustrations. I’m confident many should have been left unsaid, but they can’t fire me. They have to love me, but I’m pretty sure some therapy sessions will be involved later down the road.

    peace~elaine

  • http://peaceforthejourney.blogspot.com/ elaine @ peace for t

    Well, since I'm a stay at home mom, you can imagine the list I've crafted over the years. And the plus is(perhaps the minus if you were to ask my family) my safety net for saying them. I've voiced most of my frustrations. I'm confident many should have been left unsaid, but they can't fire me. They have to love me, but I'm pretty sure some therapy sessions will be involved later down the road.

    peace~elaine

  • Cindy

    Hey Jeanette,

    This is for FUN. Humor and laughter are both healing. People who don’t understand this are often preachy and usually condescending. So step out of the pulpit. It takes smarts and wit to understand, appreciate, and create sarcasm. In a battle of wits, I guess you are unarmed.

  • Cindy

    Perhaps I should not have posted that last comment. I do get irritated when people misconstrue humor. Remember, the list was things you would LIKE to say at work but CAN’T. Not things you have said or would say. We all think things we would never say out loud. That’s just human nature. My apologies if you were offended.

  • Cindy

    Hey Jeanette,

    This is for FUN. Humor and laughter are both healing. People who don't understand this are often preachy and usually condescending. So step out of the pulpit. It takes smarts and wit to understand, appreciate, and create sarcasm. In a battle of wits, I guess you are unarmed.

  • Cindy

    Perhaps I should not have posted that last comment. I do get irritated when people misconstrue humor. Remember, the list was things you would LIKE to say at work but CAN'T. Not things you have said or would say. We all think things we would never say out loud. That's just human nature. My apologies if you were offended.

  • Dr. Bob

    Somewhere you are depriving a village of its idiot.

  • Dr. Bob

    Somewhere you are depriving a village of its idiot.

  • http://www.doughstreet.com Gerald Kostanski

    Wow. Great read.

  • http://www.doughstreet.com/ Gerald Kostanski

    Wow. Great read.

  • http://bloodtippedears.blogspot.com Ike

    Interesting.

  • http://bloodtippedears.blogspot.com/ Ike

    Interesting.

  • http://www.BarnabasWorks.com/ JoAnne

    Men of integrity are so easy to spot. Don't ever think that those around you don't know what is in your heart. You have been blessed with so much, ($15Million dollar company & an international best selling author) and you can't afford to pay your employees to have a holiday, sick day or vacation day?

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/michaelhyatt Michael Hyatt

      To whom are you speaking?

  • http://www.BarnabasWorks.com/ JoAnne

    Men of integrity are so easy to spot. Don't ever think that those around you don't know what is in your heart. You have been blessed with so much, ($15Million dollar company & an international best selling author) and you can't afford to pay your employees to have a holiday, sick day or vacation day?

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/michaelhyatt Michael Hyatt

      To whom are you speaking?

  • Sarah

    One of my favorite sayings is sort of the reverse of this.

    After a friend's husband complained about her bad mood, she told him, "I'm paid to be nice to people at work; I'm not paid to be nice to you."

  • Sarah

    One of my favorite sayings is sort of the reverse of this.

    After a friend's husband complained about her bad mood, she told him, "I'm paid to be nice to people at work; I'm not paid to be nice to you."

  • http://www.retirementlifematters.com/ Cathy

    Working from home looks a whole lot better.

  • http://www.retirementlifematters.com/ Cathy

    Working from home looks a whole lot better.

  • Gail Ward

    Michael Hyatt, you just won a space in my "entertainment" bookmark folder with this one. Thanks.

  • Gail Ward

    Michael Hyatt, you just won a space in my "entertainment" bookmark folder with this one. Thanks.

  • Lisa

    It's so sweet how you think you're always right.

    Please stop speaking until you understand what you're explaining to me.

    I would love to walk out on you right now, but you wouldn't have a clue how to do my job. And I could never leave my customers in the hands of someone like you.

    Next time you decide to talk about me behind my back make sure the person you're talking to isn't going to rat you out.

    Please excuse yourself from thinking. It's not working for you too well.

    aww. now i feel better……….

  • Lisa

    It's so sweet how you think you're always right.

    Please stop speaking until you understand what you're explaining to me.

    I would love to walk out on you right now, but you wouldn't have a clue how to do my job. And I could never leave my customers in the hands of someone like you.

    Next time you decide to talk about me behind my back make sure the person you're talking to isn't going to rat you out.

    Please excuse yourself from thinking. It's not working for you too well.

    aww. now i feel better……….

  • Neil Muscott

    Who wrote the article? Where was it published? credit due to whom?

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/michaelhyatt Michael Hyatt

      Unfortunately, there was no credit. It was just printed out on a single page. I don't have a clue where I originally got it.

  • Neil Muscott

    Who wrote the article? Where was it published? credit due to whom?

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/michaelhyatt Michael Hyatt

      Unfortunately, there was no credit. It was just printed out on a single page. I don't have a clue where I originally got it.

  • http://twitter.com/worshipshop @worshipshop

    nice. I too would love to see the other 28. It's a great thing that the filter IS in place between the brain and the mouth – otherwise we would all be in BIG trouble. Here's my contribution [which itself silences my own mouth, of course]:

    "Never pass up a good opportunity to shut up."

  • http://twitter.com/worshipshop @worshipshop

    nice. I too would love to see the other 28. It's a great thing that the filter IS in place between the brain and the mouth – otherwise we would all be in BIG trouble. Here's my contribution [which itself silences my own mouth, of course]:

    "Never pass up a good opportunity to shut up."

  • Pingback: MattPickwell.com » Blog Archive » 10 Things You’d Love to Say at Work … But Can’t – Google Search()

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/JasonWert JasonWert

    Thanks for the much needed laugh today. :)

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/JasonWert JasonWert

    Thanks for the much needed laugh today. :)

  • http://twitter.com/natebargo @natebargo

    Great post. Needed a little humor. Thanks for brightening up my day.

  • http://twitter.com/natebargo @natebargo

    Great post. Needed a little humor. Thanks for brightening up my day.

  • Chet DeGrawin

    Any chance we can outsource you to India?

  • Chet DeGrawin

    Any chance we can outsource you to India?

  • http://rebeccannb.wordpress.com/ Becky

    That was great to read! It gave me a great laugh today!

  • http://rebeccannb.wordpress.com/ Becky

    That was great to read! It gave me a great laugh today!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/adam_herod adam_herod

    HA! Absolutely hilarious. I'd pick a favorite, but it'd be like picking a favorite child.

  • http://twitter.com/ThatGuyKC K.C. Procter

    #10 is my favorite!
    Living in Seattle I sometimes feel like I’m surrounded by “artist” types who make no sense at all.

    Thank you for sharing. Needed the mid-afternoon chuckle.

  • Anonymous

    Hahaha! That’s awesome! I’d probably be a bit more sarcastic (and probably a bit more Rated R) LOL! Thanks for sharing. :-)

  • Downtowngal72

    Did you eat an ENTIRE bowl of stupid for breakfast this morning?

  • Lynne

    There are SO many things I could have said to my boss, but since I wasn’t able to stomach being forced to participate in his unethical business practices, I fired him instead. That was enough said, but I did have opportunity to give my 2 cents to one upper management type on my departure. After saying our goodbyes he said, “Take me with you, please.”

  • http://twitter.com/iwandijkstra Iwan Dijkstra

    Good stuff :). Reblogged it.
    My addition if you’re having a stupid or incompetent manager:

    “I hate it when you try to impose your wrongs to me.”

  • http://twitter.com/kimkuz Kim Kuzmkowski

    These are great. I just hope that none of my coworkers think these things about me!

  • Atlantis7_bdv

    Loved these comments. As for my own, I have occasionally replied to someone who says “I don’t mean to be offensive but…” with “I’m sorry but I could only be offended by someone whose opinion I respected.”

  • JUNOBEACHDEB

    Just used #9 on a guy that dumped me tonight!! LMAO!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Pingback: Tweets that mention 10 Things You’d Love to Say at Work ... But Can’t -- Topsy.com()

  • Hans Kazoo

    Let me say this: in 2031 (or so) U Americans will see that this type of “humor” was part of the mindset that took your economy down.

  • Lanikee

    Awesome input and it’s always good to see alertness among the things we need to know and remind ourselves. I enjoyed your post and thanks for sharing! Lanikee.com :) Happy New Year!

  • Baron Karza

    These are really funny. I know so many rude and inept middle managers who will just love these.

  • Pugamahon

    what imbecile allowed you into medical school???

  • Jtlmecca

    Seriously – the doctors at that hospital don’t like you? is it because you dress like a slut to go to work?

  • http://twitter.com/310_Designer Michelle

    howabout this one: “I don’t give a shit, but if I did, you’d be the first person I’d give it to.”

  • FL Lady1977

    Your inability to plan & prepare does not constitute an emergency on my part

  • Tazza

    Boss your ideas are heaven sent I can only pray that divine intervention happens to me also, so I too can free from using common sense.

    • Tazza

      Boss your ideas are heaven sent I can only pray that divine intervention happens to me also, so I too can be free from using common sense.

  • Docmartn

    I’ve always liked the question… “When did y’all starting sucking?”

  • ChristinaMS84

    If you knew how to do your job, then I wouldnt have to tell you what you’ve done wrong – again.

  • Anonymous

    Great Blog! Have A Great time in Orlando – Check out http://www.Idriveorlando.com when your in Orlando and if you fall in the love with the area – http://www.TopKeyRealty.com

  • bonniesuec

    My former office manager – young enough to be my daughter – was a totally anal micro-manager. She “trained” me, but in the way of those who set up the original system and have been doing it for so long, there were lots of details she left out. Then she never missed an opportunity to jump on my case in front of others and tell me what I had done wrong. After several months of it, I had had enough, so…
    These are things I actually DID say, and probably 99% of the reason they “let me go”:
    “And I knew this how? Osmosis?”
    “It’s my fault I wasn’t trained correctly? Who trained me?”
    “If you say you don’t want to babysit us on every nit-pickin’ detail, would you please stop babysitting us?”
    “Would you please do me a favor? If by some miracle I ever do the tiniest thing RIGHT, would you let me know that, too?”

  • RJB

    Wow, this must be Lake Wobegon: everybody is above average!
    Yes, there are bad bosses, but the responsibility of an experienced employee is to wisely manage his/her boss. Think about what is the ‘pain’ that your boss is feeling and try to provide the solution. Newsflash: that’s what you are being paid for, as opposed to your sarcasm and wit.
    I have worked in technology for over ten years, and have had nearly as many bosses – and got along fine with all of them, including one that drove a peer to leave the group because she couldn’t manage his micromanaging. Time to grow up children.

  • Pingback: Top Post and Commenters for December 2010()

  • http://jeffgoins.myadventures.org Jeff Goins

    Wow, I really like #2. Like you, Michael, I also thank God for the (occasional) filter. Here’s my addition:

    “Do you really call what you’re doing ‘work’?”

  • http://twitter.com/2020VisionBook Joshua Hood

    So true! Thanks for brightening up my night. I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks those things ;)

    Josh Hood
    2020visiononline.org

  • Pingback: Three Beliefs Leaders Hold About Employees That Cause Silence | Bret L. Simmons - Positive Organizational Behavior()

  • Brittany Hudson

    Yes, the mandatory meeting does include the ego-centric people who think they are too special to attend.  

  • Sade J Jackson

    “If I didn’t exist, whose help would you solicit for this task? Find them!”

  • seanFYOCK

    Great post mike.  I love sarcasm.

    I’m a construction guy and when I go to get the building permits I can’t help but laugh at the sign in the Zoning officers office, it reads:

    “Arguing with the inspector is like wrestling with a pig in mud, sooner or later you realize that the pig is enjoying itself.”

  • Klnassie

    I worked for the State so I was not suppose to, but I said it anyway:

    “I love you and God Bless YOU!!”

    and

    “Did you say, ‘Thank you Jesus?'”

    and

    “Lord help us.”

  • Jannie831

    LOL! S true. What I’d like to say, but can’
    t: “God loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole!!”

  • Lisa c.

    What world are you living in where that is something I’d consider?… I say this to my 8 year old now.

    And I have a sign in my office that says “i’m not a controlling person, I just have better ideas.”

  • Stephanie

    I have a typographic sign up at my desk (hidden where most can’t see it) that says “Somebody ⌘S me from these fools.” That about sums it up.

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      I love that sign—especially as a Mac user!

  • Anonymous

    Oh goody! These were pretty hilarious!
    And even through I’m an atheist, I’d love to see a church one!
    I used to go to one when I was younger, but everyone was really just rude and cold, very un-Jesus-like IMO.*part of what pushed me away*

    But yeah, keep up the great writing, you write amazing stuff! <3

  • Carnaman

    I think you severely overestimated my interest

  • Patrick

    Oh, I’m sorry.  You mistook me for someone who actually cares about your opinion.

  • Heather Ingrum

    Just because I work and live in the same place doesn’t mean that I don’t deserve at vacation-right stay at home mom’s everywhere?!

  • http://www.charleshutchinson.com/ Charles Hutchinson

    Man, all this time I thought I was an artist. Who knew?

  • Jamie

    “Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”

  • http://traceysolomon.wordpress.com/ Tracey solomon

    It’s ministry- not magic. 

  • http://traceysolomon.wordpress.com/ Tracey solomon

    And: Just because I’m a volunteer doesn’t mean I don’t work. 

    But that’s mostly what I want to say ABOUT work- not at work;) at work they get that;)- outside ? Not so much.

  • http://www.sundijo.com Sundi Jo Graham

    Love this: I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet its hard to pronounce.

  • http://www.saracanaday.com Sara Canaday

    Some of my favorites:

    “Is this a beauty contest or you ok with just the numbers”

    “Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this room” – Dr. Taylor

  • http://www.ericdingler.com/ Eric Dingler

    Stop abusing my ears with your words.  

  • Zawelenje

    Ur not busy ur just lazy and scattered brained. Thanks

  • http://profiles.google.com/dennis.l.preston Dennis Preston

    I once had someone ask me how I could hold a particular view, opposite of their own which was sort of an “assumed” position among many. I wanted to say, “well, when I started learning how to think…” Thankfully, filter kicked in.

    • http://theordainedbarista.com/ Barry Hill

      Dennis,
      Ha—Thank goodness for the filter. I have noticed as people get older the filter becomes less important.

  • gary black

    “Uhmm, your crisis is not my crisis.”

  • http://twitter.com/AngieSambu Angie

    1. Just because you don’t know how to do something, doesn’t make it impossible.

    2. My job will never compete with family emergencies!

  • http://runonitblog.com/ John Fritsche

    Hahaha! I love this. I used to hear and use these at work when I was in the Marine Corps. It was a very unique atmosphere.

  • Jenna B

    Your slurping is echoing off every gray cubicle in a 10 mile radius. You sound like Gollum sipping the last drops of a slurpy. It has to stop.

  • Anne-Marie Gosser

    I’ve always loved this joke because the man says it all without saying a word:

    Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several residents were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic, after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon. She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

    George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and then just walked away. He didn’t explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.

    Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred’s house…….and left it there all night.

  • Michael Kight

    There are a couple in there I can use… or not. Here’s one you might appreciate: “If ignorance were bliss, you’d be the happiest person here.”

  • Anita Agers-Brooks

    I doubt I’d ever say it myself, but a former employee and right hand person, used to say, “You just can’t fix stupid.” Always made me laugh.

  • Geoff West

    Here’s one of my favorites: “Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.”