20 Things I Learned from My Bosses (Even the Bad Ones)

I’ve had more than 20 bosses in my career. I worked well with nearly all of them. Most of them were surprisingly average—even forgettable.

Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/SchulteProductions, Image #5204770

One was brilliant and became a role model. He took responsibility when things went badly. He gave others credit when things went well. He exuded integrity and is still a dear friend. But he was the exception.

One boss was malignantly incompetent. He couldn’t do anything right. I dreaded every meeting I ever had with him. He was a nice guy but burned up and checked out. I think he retired mentally about two years before the company let his body go. I was honestly embarrassed to tell anyone I worked for him.

Two others were downright sinister if not evil. They could be kind and charming one minute and then, an hour later, mean, paranoid, and vindictive. Though I tried hard to stay out of the line-of-fire, they both skewered me on a few occasions. I still have the scars in my psyche.

Regardless, I learned from them all. Reality is that you usually don’t get to chose your boss. Sure, you can always quit. But most bosses aren’t so bad that you would actually leave the company. They are more like a low-grade headache. You learn to live with them. Besides, if you quit, you’ll miss some really great lessons—lessons that will help you be a better boss to those you lead.

Here are twenty random things I have learned from my bosses. Most of the best lessons came from the worst bosses.

  1. Everyone on the team matters. No one deserves to be treated poorly.
  2. Bosses create an emotional climate with their attitudes and behaviors.
  3. The higher up you are, the more people “read into” everything you say and do. Stuff gets amplified as it moves downstream.
  4. A word of encouragement can literally make someone’s week. Conversely, a harsh word can ruin it.
  5. Hire the right people then trust them to do their job.
  6. Don’t ever intentionally embarrass people in front of their boss, their peers, or their direct reports.
  7. Don’t attack people personally. Instead, focus on their performance.
  8. Get both sides of the story before you take action.
  9. Tell the truth; then you don’t have to remember what you said.
  10. Give people room to fail and don’t rub their noses in it when they do.
  11. Be quick to forgive and give the benefit of the doubt.
  12. Measure twice, cut once.
  13. Don’t ever ask your people to do something you are unwilling to do yourself.
  14. Respect other people’s time, especially those under you.
  15. Don’t believe all the nice things people say about you.
  16. Follow-through on your commitments, even when it is inconvenient or expensive.
  17. Don’t be ambitious to get promoted. Instead, focus on doing a great job.
  18. Be responsive to everyone at every level. You never know who may be your next boss.
  19. Keep confidences. Make no exceptions.
  20. Do not complain about your boss to anyone. If you have to complain, then have the integrity to quit.
Question: What are some things you’ve learned from your bosses?
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  • ColeWake

    Don’t withhold performance concerns until the the annual review. There should be no suprises.

    Don’t assume you know more (or better) than those below you.

  • http://presentationrevolution.typepad.com Scott Schwertly

    Everything you do should be about building your boss’s confidence in you.

    Employees come first. Consultants/vendors come second.

    Listen.

  • Deborah

    I had a terrible boss once. So terrible that no one in the company liked him. He knew it and didn’t care. But I sensed beneath all of that bluster and abuse was a brilliant mind and decided to hang in there because I knew I could learn from him. So I learned that I not only had the fortitude to do that, but just because the boss is a jerk does not always mean they are an idiot too. I’m proud of myself for doing it and more pleased that I can now call him a friend.

  • http://www.jennismith.net/wordpress Jen Smith

    I’ve only had 3 bosses so far in my professional career, plus 2 more when I was an undergrad. Here are a few of the good and bad things I learned from each of them:

    1. Never talk down to your employees. It breeds resentment.

    2. Respect everyone, especially when they are disagreeing with you in the most hostile and rude way.

    3. Reviewing someone’s work should not mean re-doing it yourself.

    4. Kindness is a precious and far too often absent trait in corporate life.

    5. Have fun with what you do.

  • http://www.hackman-adams.com Linda Adams

    I had one really terrible one when I was in the military–so horrible that one day people simply decided to completely ignore everything she said.

    So the biggest things I learned from this:

    1. Respect your people and treat them like human beings

    2. Care about what’s going on around you.

    3. Don’t rule ane regulate everyone to death.

    4. Set the example.

  • Dan

    I’ve had good ones and not so good (7 in the last 10 years in my current position)…one or two stand out, but I agree, I learned something from each. In many cases it was how not to treat people… One thing that hit me very early on which was negatively reinforced to me was something I also heard Paul Harvey comment about as he closed his broadcast one day…”there is no limit to how far someone can go if they don’t care who gets the credit.” I’ve worked for bosses that took credit for everything. This did little for them in the long run. The worst of these, I ended up working for twice. Ironically this person had learned from earlier mistakes and was an excellent boss the second time around. Extremely supportive and a pleasure to work for. I respected him even more for realizing where he had been and making the change. I’d work for/with him again in a second.

  • Jeff Dobbins

    Don’t assume you’re a leader just because you have a title or position.

    Never show favoritism.

    Fear is not the best motivator.

    Admitting you’re wrong or saying you’re sorry is not a show of weakness, but will garner respect.

  • http://www.motiveight.com Kyle Chowning

    1. I’ve learned that words only have power if you believe them; that goes for both positive and negative report. Always filter the said or unsaid negative and positive through a filter of what you know, understand and believe to be true about yourself. With this personal security, you’ll be able to learn from a harsh rebuke rather than wallow in it.

    2. Make your boss look his/her best through your conversations and work. It doesn’t mean that you lie, but it forces you to believe and verbalize the best. Using such filter will challenge and change both yours and your coworkers perspectives!

    3. If you’re a Christian, work isn’t about a job, a title or your boss. It’s about doing everything you do with the intention of reflecting the honor, grace, mercy, love and compassion and excellence that Jesus requires of us every day. Your job is your assignment. You’re not done until your assignment is complete…regardless of your situation, challenges, personality conflicts or enjoyment.

    My 2¢

  • http://blogs.zdnet.com/Orchant Marc Orchant

    If you profess that the customer is always right, you’re telling your employees that they’re always wrong. Instead, promote the idea that delighting the customer is what’s important – more important than who’s right or wrong – and give your employees the authority to create that delight in their interactions with customers.

    • http://www.mattbeeman.com/ Matt Beeman

      The now-former GM of our company said it this way – "We are not striving to give the customer what they want, we have to give them what they need" – a customer was insistent on what they wanted, and our team knew that in the long run, it was not what they needed, and had the boldness to move them in a different direction on what we sold them, and in the end, it was exactly what they needed.

  • Anonymous

    I’ve learned that sometimes you do need to quit in order to keep your integrity. I also wonder though, when several people quit shouldn’t that be a sign that you might have actually had a bad boss?

  • http://eubanks.douglassandassociates.com Ed

    Take every suggestion from your boss as if it could be a mandate– they very well may be. Apply them at all costs, unless they undermine a significant principle or fundamental belief.

    This was a hard-won lesson for me. Things went south at my last job because my boss wasn’t forthright with me when he wanted something done. Instead, he would make “suggestions” that were actually orders and directives in disguise. In the end, he held it against me that I had not followed all of these directives (though I had followed some), even though he admitted that he didn’t represent them as directives.

    By the way, this one would make my list of “top lessons I’d like to teach my boss(es), past, present, and future” as well. If you want me to do something, tell me; don’t beat around the bush or pretend you have an idea I can take or leave at my discretion.

    • Mike

      I can relate. I’ve come to understand that anytime by current boss says, “We need to….” what he’s really saying is, “I want you to…”

  • Samir Ahmad

    Michael,

    I have been dedicatedly reading your blog for the last 3 months since i stumbled upon it by chance.

    Its a very interesting subject you have opened up (yet again!), however i must admit i dont understand your point of view in lesson no. 20.

    I agree we should not complain about our boss to others as it does not reflect well on our own selves, but WHY should we quit because of that?

    I would only quit the day i lose faith in my company or the organisation i work for and not for the boss i work for. Because in the company i work in, all of us are employees right upto the CEO himself.

    /Samir

  • http://www.michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

    Samir,

    You may be right. My thought is that similar to the proverb “don’t bite the hand that feeds you.” If you are going to take money from your boss, then speak well of him in public. To do otherwise, is hypocritical.

    Just my perspective,

    Thanks,

    Mike

  • http://angelagilesklocke.com/ Angela Giles Klocke

    I think one of the biggest things I’ve learned is that a calm boss can diffuse any situation. When taking a complaint to a boss, if the boss refuses to listen or blows up, it just makes it so much worse. I’ve had times where I was fuming, took it to a boss and they listened calmly, and I was able to articulate my issues without being angry. And vice-versa — bosses who wouldn’t listen, and it led to my quitting!

  • Kim

    I’ve learned that attitude and commitment to integrity is established at the top. If the CEO is honest, ethical, motivated and personable, management and support staff will take his lead.

    When training, be patient, positive, kind and thorough. Be a mentor.

    Err on the side of kindness.

    Remember what it was like to be in an entry level position.

    Genuine praise is a great motivator.

    Stay humble.

  • http://www.police-stress.com Dr. Dorothy Mccoy

    I found the following quote for a PowerPoint I created on mentoring for my Police Executives. “If anything goes bad, I did it.  If anything goes semi-good, we did it. If anything goes real good, then you did it. That’s all it takes to get people to win football games for you.Paul Bear Bryant”
    Isn’t it the truth…

  • http://www.spudlets.com Marc V

    The toughest lesson I learned: perception is more important than reality.
    You may think you’re right and you’ve done the right thing, but if the perception that you’ve done something wrong is out there then it doesn’t matter how “right” you think you are.

    My wife and I recently took in a 3 and a 4 y.o. (foster kids), and reading through the list of 20 brings to mind some good applications for parents. The most difficult aspect of dealing with them is their reluctance to tell the truth (#9). It has been difficult to come up with incentives for them to tell the truth. It’s not like we can fire them since we’ll probably end up adopting them.

    Then again, many kids would want to change their CEO’s (parents) given the opportunity, not knowing what they would be getting themselves into but just wanting a change.

  • http://www.customersarealways.com/2007/10/showin_love_for_an_uncaring_bo.html CustomersAreAlways

    Showin’ Love For an Uncaring Boss on Boss Day

    Today is the one day that we recognize our bosses for all the hard work (or not) that they do. But what if the boss is a jerk? I had breakfast with my stepmother and her best friend this morning…

  • WageSlave

    I learned that every big company has one MONSTER employee in it, one incredibly nasty person whom everyone really hates. And if you are the temp, you usually end up working for them.

    They are usually ironically in PR, for some reason! I wish I had learned No.20 a lot sooner.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mvivas mvivas

    I worked for a few bosses (5). From all of them, I have kept in touch with 3 of them because they never saw me as an "employee" but saw me as a person. My current boss is awesome at that. Regardless of her high level of exposure, she always treats me with respect and dignity. With that said, I have learned to deal with difficult people through those average or awful bosses. A bad boss is good for your character!

  • WageSlave

    Good for your character, but bad for your health! You are fortunate to have had so many good bosses. I must say I do remember my good bosses with great affection.

  • Jenifer Olson

    Ha! It's oddly amusing that I see myself on both sides of this equation, having been subjected to — and guilty of subjecting others to — a number of poor management behaviors over the years. I'm definitely a better manager than I was 20 years ago, but wager I still have room to grow. :-)

    In my view, it's important to realize bosses are human, too. Just like those they manage, they make mistakes and have bad days. In the end, respect, kindness and forgiveness have forged the best working relationships for me, whether I'm the employee or the boss.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/Slrman Slrman

    20 bosses? You're a piker. In 13 years with IBM, I had 33 managers. Like yours, most were more or less average. The best and worst ones I had were both women. What does that prove? Women are like men when it comes to managerial ability, some have it, some don't.

    Then there were all the people I worked for for many other companies. I learned the most important thing was that none of them like surprises. I also learned that, when it doubt, assume you have the authority. If it works out, you're a hero. If it doesn't, you'd have probably been blamed anyway.

  • Tom

    Not understanding what an employee does reflects poorly on the manager not the employee.

  • http://joeandancy.com Joe Abraham

    Very practical points! I especially like No.9! Thanks for the post.

  • Ahmad M. A.

    I have learned that you should not act like you are “irreplaceable” because this means you will never get promoted!

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