I spend more hours in meetings than out. Perhaps you do, too. I guess it is just a fact of corporate life. Over the years, I have cataloged a list of annoying meeting behaviors or just “AMBs” for short. None of these by themselves are that bothersome. But when you combine three or four of them in the same meeting, it can test the patience of Job.
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I‘ve written this to the person exhibiting the behavior(s). That’s not you, of course. But if you want to listen in, that’s fine. Here’s the list:
- Arriving late. This ends up wasting everyone’s time. Not only do you miss out, but it often forces the group to start the meeting over just to get you up-to-speed. It also screams, “I’m disorganized. I can’t manage my time.” Is that really the impression you want to create?
- Taking phone calls. This is probably the most obnoxious behavior. You might as well say, “Excuse me, but I have someone else more important trying to reach me.” At the very least, have the courtesy to quietly excuse yourself and step out of the meeting. And, don’t answer the phone on your way out the door. Try to be as discrete as possible.
- Checking e-mail. This is similar to taking a phone call. It communicates that you have something more important to do than pay attention to the meeting. Just say, “no.” Leave the laptop in your office unless you need it for a formal presentation. And, please, PLEASE resist the urge to pull your Blackberry or iPhone out every five minutes and check your messages. (Okay, now I am preaching to myself!)
- Engaging in side conversations. A good meeting only has one conversation going on at a time. A side conversation is, at best, distracting. At worst, it is a challenge to the meeting leader for control of the conversation. Engage in a little self-control. If you need to follow-up with someone, write yourself a note, and do it after the meeting.
- Not taking notes. If it is not worth taking notes, why are you there? This communicates, “Nothing going on in this meeting is worth remembering or following-up on.” If you haven’t done so, you might want to read a previous post I wrote called “Recovering the Lost Art of Note-Taking.” You’ll be surprised how much more interesting the meeting becomes when you are capturing your thoughts or what others are sharing.
- Talking too much. There’s nothing worse than the person who feels the need to comment on everything. Or worse, once they get the floor, they won’t give it up. They just keep talking … and talking … and talking. C’mon, give the rest of us a chance!
- Interrupting others. Okay, you have a great idea. You’re smart. We’ve got it. But can you wait until the person currently talking is done? The worst form of this is the person who randomly changes the subject. When you make a sharp left turn, you can give everyone else in the meeting whiplash.
- Not coming prepared. Maybe you got away with this in school. But this is real life. People notice. When you are invited to attend a meeting, people expect you to make a contribution. If you don’t contribute, people assume you haven’t done your homework. Maybe that’s why you are getting invited to fewer meetings. Hmmm.>
- Chasing rabbits. This is one of those behaviors that makes meetings longer than they need to be. You don’t need to respond to every comment with a quip. You don’t have to tell some long, drawn-out story that everyone has already heard before. Stay focused. You can do it! The sooner we get through the agenda, the sooner we can get back to our offices and get some real work done.
- Not speaking up. Every meeting seems to have them. Deadwood. How can you sit quietly for the whole meeting? Sometimes I want to pull out a mirror, hold it under your nose, and make sure you can fog it! Why do you keep coming to meetings? Worse, why do we keep inviting you? Speak up or bow out.
When you really get down to it, all of these flow from the same basic problem: disrespect. Just think how much more productive we could make our meetings if we all showed one another respect and eliminated these behaviors.
Question: What have I missed? Anything else that bugs you?
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Similar to #2 and #3 – instant messaging during a meeting.
Regarding #10 – I tend to be more of a quiet one during meetings. Doesn’t mean I’m not participating or trying to show disrespect, it just takes me some time to synthesize all that comes from the meeting with my thoughts to bring up my contribution to the discussion.
I'm generally quiet as well. Mainly due to those offenders of #6 & #7. I would add as an addendum to these horrible offenses is continual argument. I simply withdraw in this case, because its not worth the stress.
In relationship to Point #8–”Not Coming Prepared” is not identifying specific “action follow up steps” during the summary portion of the meeting mirrored by the appointed person not sending out a meeting recap in order to communicate next action steps.
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Two things that need to occur are the agenda before the meeting so everyone knows how to prepare. The other is agreed upon action items with a prompt delivery of minutes after the meeting.
#11 is “Failure to establish a culture where meetings are regarded as real work”, by being unclear about what the purpose and outcome of the meeting is, what is expected of the participants, and how success will be measured. People deduce for themselves that AMBs #1 to #10 don’t really damage meetings, because meetings are just something you do in organisations. Too many meetings expire with the sentiment “Well, back to work!”, and hardly anyone questions this. AMBs are a symptom of a cultural issue, not the problem itself. A first step would be to stop calling them “meetings” and refer to the business outcome instead. If a valuable outcome cannot be easily named, then that is the root of AMBs.
Nick,
I think you make a valid point. I stand guilty as charged!
Mike
George, you are right about this, of course. In fact, I plan to write a blog post about what the leader can do to make meetings better.
Thanks.
#1 & #4 are hot button items for me when I'm chairing meetings.
If the lateness is occasional and unavoidable I'll provide a quick summary of what has been covered once the person arrives. If the person just wanders in late and there is no particular reason other than poor time management, no summary is given nor do I allow disruption of the meeting to bring the person up to speed.
The odd brief exchange between attendees during the meeting I can easily ignore but when they become frequent, turn into a mini-meeting or are loud enough to reach my ears I usually name the behaviour. When I fall silent in a meeting those in attendance usually catch on that someone is in my sights and I'm waiting for them to catch on. Once they notice they have my undivided attention I invite them to share that important conversation with the rest of the meeting. The other line I use is, "I'm sorry did we double book meeting times?".
Isn't often the same offender does it twice.
I don't know that #10 is a form of disrespect though. Some people are just quiet by nature and only speak up when they feel they have something to contribute. As chair, when a person is very quiet in a meeting I usually try to get a sense if they are just quiet or are sulking. IF the latter, I want to know the problem. If the former, I can live with that. Sometimes, the quiet ones are the jewel at the table when they do finally speak up.
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Loved this post, as always thanks for sharing. #5 refers to your post about the art of note taking. After reading that post I promptly went out and purchased a Moleskine notebook. I love it. It now travels with me everywhere. Thanks for the recommendation.
I am curious, as a CEO, what percentage of the meetings are you the chair/facilitator and what percentage are you a participant (not leading the meeting)?
About 50/50.
Two things came to mind while I read this, and both are related to my teaching. First, one of the things that bothers me at staff meetings is when teachers are grading, etc. while we are meeting–so I guess I would include doing paperwork at meetings as an annoying behavior. The other thing concerns my students. Since most of my students do not go to 4-year colleges, they will be entering the work world fairly soon after graduation. I will consider running meetings in my classroom to teach them business etiquette. Do you mind if I use some of your posts with my students to teach them what is required in the real world of work?
Patricia, I think you might agree with me that teachers make the worst students. Staff developments in my school are typically rife with the sort of disrespectful behavior that Mr. Hyatt lists above. It. Drives. Me. Insane.
It's pathetic–on Wednesday, I was at a seminar where teachers got up in the middle of instruction and walked out. How in the world can we expect our students to behave when we can't!
Just left a meeting. Guy appeared to be stoned on allergy medicine, said & did the unpredictable…before wandering off.
All of these could be summarized under one "do": Be present!
Can we add 'tweeting' to the list?
It drives me nut when people start talking about there personal life and tell stories about nothing related to the meeting. Example ( what me the wife and kids did this weekend) My other pet peeve is when the crack jokes about everything the meeting is related too and the leader does not try to get them back on track,
As Hitch said "If you going to be in the room – BE IN THE ROOM!"
I'm a big believer in getting involved and engaged in the meeting or get out. You're the best person to decide if it's a relevant investment of your time so if it's not, don't waste others by showing up to meetings that you shouldn't be at.
I agree on setting a purpose and agenda to meetings. If you don't set a direction for the meeting how can you know if you get there?
Great post! You're right – these behaviors are truly distracting and disrespectful. My question is if you're the leader of the meeting, how do you stop or prevent some of these behaviors? I led a meeting recently where there was one person in particular who displayed SEVERAL of these (#4, 6, 7, 8). How do you reign the meeting back in, especially when the offender is a senior leader?
Great thoughts Michael. They remind me of meeting rules that I learned from a friend. If you are invited to a meeting:
1. Show Up
2. Be present (there is a big difference between showing up and being present in the room)
3. Communicate Openly (be a part of the meeting and voice your thoughts that are relevant to the discussion)
4. Let go of the outcome (once you have contributed, your idea becomes the team's idea, so if it is shot down or accepted it is nothing personal it is about the team)
5. Have Fun
Well said, Mike.
I am guilty of breaking all of the rules at one point or another.
Sometimes I guess it is more of a "chicken and egg" situation. The members have the preconceived idea that the meeting is a sheer waste of time and start doing other annoying things, and the chairperson compounds the situation by not staying focused.
BTW, Mike, how often would you impose people to switch off their handphones or at least to put to silent mode during meetings?
i have combined #3 and #4 by using im to a person across the room in the same meeting…
One idea I have used: not only send out the agenda before the meeting but try giving out specific assignments pre-meeting that are expected to be reported on in the meeting so that everyone will have something to contribute that will fulfill the agenda and make everyone feel that the meeting really contributed to going forward with company objectives and added to the feeling that we are all in this together. Then show enthusiasm and appreciation for all contributions and efforts made to fulfill the assignments. We all like to be acknowledged before our peers. The next steps will follow naturally from the assignments shared in the meeting.
Your post is speaking primarily to those attending a meeting, and not leading it. My pet peeve is with leaders who a) cancel the meeting 5 minutes before it is to convene or b) show up at the meeting having not prepared at all, causing everyone to waste time. I will chose option A or B anyday however.
I enjoyed reading your list, Michael. Let me add a few more items, some of which I believe are more than merely annoying:
11. Unsafe meetings
Meetings where participants can’t speak up because they are afraid of repercussions.
12. Inviting the wrong people
Only invite the people who need to participate. Invite the wrong people and you will elongate the duration of the meeting or guarantee its failure.
13. Failure to specify the type of meeting.
There are different types of meeting, such as status, problem definition, problem solving and so on. Each supports a different number of participants.
14. Failure to specify the desired outcome(s)
What are we here to do? Without intention, we don’t know where we want to go.
15. Failure to have an intentional plan for producing the desired outcomes
Too many meeting have participants wondering around in the dark. A meeting is the simplest of all projects. If the agenda doesn’t clearly show the sequence of events and estimated duration for each that will lead to the desired outcome(s), the project (meeting) is likely to fail.
16. Failure to gather feedback for improving the next meeting
Meetings are the lifeblood of an organization. If time and ENERGY isn’t constantly invested in improving them, they will become diseases that infect the organization slowing it down, raising its cost, and reducing the quality of its products. Take the time to periodically gather feedback for improving the meeting process.
Best regards,
-Steve
I like your input, Steven. Great points. Failure to specify the desired outcome seems to be a particularly ubiquitous problem I’ve seen. Getting together & talking, but not doing anything as a result is a HUGE waste of time (for the most part).
And “unsafe meetings” seems to be way too common as well.
I would like to suggest that a well run mtg would help, but honestly, I still need to own my rudeness. Good post, Michael. That being said, 'Death by Meeting' is worth reading!
A bad meeting does more harm than 10 good meeting can fix.
Two things that annoy me are meetings that don't start on time and people who are distracted and when you call on them they say, "Sorry, I was multi-tasking." No you weren't. Multitasking is doing a couple of things well, not being distracted and unable to focus.
I don't know how you all missed it, but passing gas, eating accompanied by loud eating noises, opening something with a strong aroma in front of others, tapping pencils and jerking and tapping toes and feet and scratching scalps and . . . I have just seen and heard (and smelled) so much I don't know where to begin.
Great post. I'm guilty of many of these things, but your points are now duly noted. Thanks! Will share.
Mark Simpson–
The passing of gas and eating loudly are usually things I encounter while sitting at my cubicle. Haven't yet had to endure that in a meeting.
I get the distinct impression from reading this article and the comments that the meetings that show up on your Outlook calendars are somehow not mandatory (whether formally stated or informally implied). I wish that were my experience. Unfortunately, the repercussions of declining a meeting invite would be worse than the torture of sitting through yet another bad meeting.
Here's my simple rule for making meetings productive: If you need to collaborate with me, let's meet. Otherwise, put the information in writing and deliver to me in whatever manner you deem fit. Adopt that mentality and you solve 3, 4, 5, 8, 9, and 10 almost without trying. The rest are just etiquette issues.
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I sometimes think that most meetings are a complete waste of time :) Great post!
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I sometimes think that most meetings are a complete waste of time :) Great post!
My recent post Testing the usability of your website
Continuing to try to slurp on a drink that was obviously empty the last ten times it was tried.
I admit it! I am guilty of bringing my laptop into almost every meeting – but I do have to say it's for good. By bringing my laptop, it's enables me to take notes more effectively – without having to retype or rummaging in a notebook to find what notes were from what meeting – I have a digital archive of what happened when.
Bringing a laptop also has come in handy numerous times when something needs to be referenced, whether it be a past project or a question in regards to our conversation.
But I do agree with your above points. If everyone followed the above more meetings would provide so much more productive and feel less like a waste of time.
Great post Mike!
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This is a great reminder. I know I am guilty of several of these. Instead of being a victim in a long boring meeting and acting out disrespectfully, I need to speak into the planning of the meeting. Stand for a different outcome.
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You hit the nail on the head for most of these!
I would offer this one. The fidgety person that’s always shuffling papers or moving things around and constantly clicking their pens. Every couple seconds you hear “click click” … “click click”. They just can’t seem to sit still for five minutes.
OOOPS.
When I first read this post, I totally agreed with what you were saying… but then time and my forgetfulness got in the way and somehow my subconscious incorporated these as what we SHOULD do in meetings.
I've been trying to practice every one in meetings ever since.
….Maybe I should call some people and apologize.
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OOOPS.
When I first read this post, I totally agreed with what you were saying… but then time and my forgetfulness got in the way and somehow my subconscious incorporated these as what we SHOULD do in meetings.
I've been trying to practice every one in meetings ever since.
….Maybe I should call some people and apologize.
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