By all accounts, Steve McNair, the Titans famed quarterback, was a gifted leader. He led the Titans to the playoffs four times and eventually to Super Bowl XXXIV. He was loved by teammates, fans, and the media. In Nashville, he was a local hero.
But off the field, his life gradually unraveled. He was arrested for DUI and illegal gun possession in 2003. Four years later, in 2007, he was again arrested for DUI, along with his brother-in-law. He was traded to the Baltimore Ravens in 2005 and then retired in April 2008 at the age of 35.
Sadly, just one year later, he was found dead in a rented condominium in Nashville, along with his 20-year-old mistress. Eventually, the police determined that McNair’s girlfriend had shot him in his sleep and then killed herself. Their deaths were ruled a murder-suicide.
I don’t recount this tragic story to judge Steve McNair. We are all sinners. In the words of John Bradford, “But for the grace of God go I.”
But McNair’s story is a cautionary tale. It is a reminder that all of us are only one stupid decision away from destroying our lives and our legacy. It is sobering, isn’t it?
I doubt that McNair woke up one morning and thought, You know, I think I’ll have an affair with a woman nearly half my age. It will be fun for a few months. But then she’ll kill me, then herself. My wife and my four sons will spend the rest of their lives trying to forgive me.
No, we never have that kind of clarity at the beginning. Instead, we make some small decision. Perhaps for McNair, it was simply a choice to flirt with an attractive waitress at a restaurant he frequented. Then it snowballed from there.
One bad decision became two. Two became three. And eventually it cascaded into a violent, unexpected end. Twenty years from now, his family and friends will still be trying to get over his untimely—and unseemly—death.
But Steve is gone. What are the lessons for us? We still have choices ahead. I think there are at least five:
- We never make decisions in a vacuum. Everything matters. Our words and actions will echo into eternity.
- One moment of indiscretion will be remembered forever. It can wipe away a lifetime of good deeds, all of which will be forgotten.
- We are all vulnerable to lapses in judgment. If we think we are not, we are setting ourselves up for failure.
- We need to build a support system of family and friends who will care enough to challenge us when we veer off course.
- We need to live our lives on-purpose. In my experience, the best way to do this is to create a life plan and review it frequently. If you don’t have a road map, you could end up anywhere.
As humans, we have the privilege of determining our legacy. We can decide how we want to be remembered. But this is not a single choice; it is a series of choices. It’s never too late to change course and make your life count.
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This is an awesome post. Life is fragile handle with prayer. Whenever we seek our own pleasure instead of God's will, we detour off the right road. Not everybody finds their way back.
It's funny… a guy I knew died in a somewhat similar fashion. He had four kids and a wife but was having an affair. He then found out his mistress was HIV positive. He was so overwhelmed with guilt that he killed her and himself. Now he's left his four kids, wife, brother, mother, and sister in a state of shock! He was 30 years old.
I keep thinking: "Did he ever consider his legacy? How he'd be remembered? Where he'd be going?" Not to judge him because if it weren't for the grace of God who knows where I'd be?? But it does make you realize the power of decisions.
Great post!
Thanks, Michael. That was exactly the point I was trying to make. Every decision matters and "leaves a wake."
This is a great and thoughtful post. Very timely given many recent deaths. I just spent the weekend using your template to put together a Life Plan. Thank you for sharing your great tools!
This is such a challenging post. A great reminder that everything we do counts for eternity.
We make some small decision … Everything matters. Our words and actions will echo into eternity. Without a viewpoint of eternity, we can cause devastating damage. With it, we can impart life and hope.
Not to take away from the impact of the negative consequences made startlingly clear here, but we can also do a lot of good with one small decision. Some months back I made time to visit an old mentor with cancer. I prayed the Lord would give me words of encouragement for my friend.
His funeral is today. The obituary said of him, "He [recently] wrote that the first thing he looked forward to [in heaven] was the full realization of the truth of Romans 8:1."
Those were the words I spoke to him that day. He wept when I spoke them, but I had no idea they would sustain him through his battle with cancer.
You are exactly right. Our good actions also create waves.
You've reinforced something I have noticed over my lifetime. Many times we make decisions without thinking of consequences. (It's the delusion of our age that you can play without paying.) We don't always decide but our decisions decide our lives for us. Thanks for the continued insight.
As someone noted on Facebook in response to this post, "we can choose our sins, but we can't chose the consequences."
An acquaintance posted on Facebook, "Is flirting innocent or a guilty pleasure?" It is exactly the kind of question we all ask – hoping we can get some slack – but the answer can be shockingly obvious. Guilty. And the pleasure will likely be very short-lived. Good perspective.
In the words of Nathaniel Hawthorne, every action carries within itself the seeds of its own reward or punishment. We do well to try to foresee the consequences of our actions.
You might find this book interesting http://www.amazon.com/Principle-Path-How-Where-Wa...
I reviewed it for Thomas Nelson a few weeks ago. Much needed advice for our young people.
Yes, this book by Andy Stanley is his newest one and is a winner. I hope to review it on my blog soon.
The sad truth is that we have heard this particular story because it involves someone very much in the public eye, but the same basic story is repeated over and over again every day by people far less famous but still with family and friends who bear the consequences of bad choices. Not every one of these stories involves murder or suicide, but every one of them involves shattered lives and ruptured relationships. Not many make decisions based on the long-term results- but they ought to.
Great Post Michael. Really makes you think about life, how important it is and how short it is. Valuing our decisions is Valuing our lives which ultimately will impact our legacy. Thanks for the eye opener.
It seems we always look at consequences as a personal risk, rather than a single domino capable of destroying thousands of tiles not our own. The scars he crafted are no longer his, but ones that will fester within his family, possibly for generations.
Another thoughtful, insightful post. Thank you! May we all embrace enthusiastically the challenge of living deliberately!
Great post, Michael. You're right, we can't judge him; however, we can learn from him and his mistakes. I pray someone is impacted for the positive during this tragic time.
How do I want to be remembered? As a Christ-loving wife who loved her family and friends unconditionally. I have my accountability group pray for me frequently to keep me on track as I do for them. It's so important to have godly people prayin' for ya constantly.
Great post. Thanks for it. Such a tragedy.
My ethics professor in seminary, Dr. Dick Spencer, used to occasionally lower his normally booming voice to a sinister whisper and remind us, "Sin opens up a doorway shimmering with chaos."
I regularly remember that line 15 years later as one of the most emotionally powerful warnings I have ever been given. It's not just the words, but the tone of voice. He delivered it like a master storyteller, a sort of Christian Stephen King, except this was REAL!
Has it stopped me from sinning? Oh, how I wish. But at least I can share the warning with others in the hopes of eliminating a little bit of chaos.
On a brighter note, in recent years I've come to recognize that the opposite is true as well. We have NO IDEA how long-lasting the effects of our good actions are.
I think God likes doing that to keep us humble.
I'm sorry for McNair and his family. Honestly. And your post has taught me that the lesson here is not "Don't have an affair, Jeff," but, "Don't flirt with the waitress, Jeff."
Thanks.
Jeffrey, I'm still shivering from your professor's quote "sin opens up a doorway shimmering with chaos." That is incredibly powerful imagery. I attended a memorial service yesterday for a 16 yr old young man who died of an accidental drug overdose on Monday night. His family is devastated. The church was filled with teens who most likely have done their share of flirting with the dark side. I don't believe the boy had ever been to church before and mostly likely had never professed any kind of personal faith in Christ. It's a double tragedy, really, a wasted life and then quite possibly an eternity apart from God.
Sin is shimmering and enticing and deceitfully delightful…chaos appears bright, exhilarating and attractive, but it is a trap, a death sentence, whether physical or spiritual or both.
Very timely post. Thank you.
I think one of our biggest problems is that we allow our hearts to rule our heads. When our focus in on "feeling" good or happy, we open ourselves up to falling prey to temptations and making destructive decisions. We are seeing this more and more in marital relationships, but it is also true in our relationships with God. If we look at the different fads in Christianity, many of them are based on feelings. Those feelings get us nowhere when temptation and trouble strike.
Christ provided us the escape route from making destructive decisions–he made the way for us to go to God and ask for knowledge, understanding, and wisdom. If we take advantage of what Christ has done, we will become equipped to overcome the impulsivity that can lead to big-time trouble. Reason, not feelings, will win the war against the kingdom of evil–the war that took Steven McNair's life–and usher in the return of Christ.
Mike, a tragic story such as Steve McNair's always brings to mind a great book that Thomas Nelson published years ago: THE SAMSON SYNDROME by Mark Atteberry. It's basically a book about why strong men fail and what we all can do to avoid situations that can (and usually do) destroy us and everyone/everything in our paths. I don't mean to turn your blog into a promotion spot for Thomas Nelson products, but I couldn't recommend more highly this book. (Plus, since I’m not a Nelson employee it should be OK.) It’s great to read on your own, but even better to go through with a group of guys.
Michael, I can't remember when I've read something so stirring. The five take-away lessons you list are so spot on. I pray everyone who reads this, including myself, will take these lesson to heart and never forget the tragic end of Steve McNair.
I felt very touched when i read the news about Steve McNair and the agony his wife will be going through. Exactly 10 years ago i was in a similar kind of scenario when i was pregnant with my second son, one saturday afternoon my husband said to me he was going to visit his Aunt in a neighouring town and that was the last time i saw him alive. On his way back he had a car crash and died on the spot. I later got to know he went to visit his girlfriend and he was coming back to ask for a separation. Others said he was waiting for me to have the baby and leave etc. Mine it was PAINFUL! and still battling the pain.Alot of unanswered questions! The decisions we take go a long way.
Like rock stars, pro athletes usually have groupies readily available wherever they go. I can't imagine the pressure of constant temptation on righteous Christian athletes. I taught last week about the answer in 1 Corinthians 6. It sounds easy: flee sexual immorality. Run from it! It can be difficult to do when its all around you and the world tries to sell you stuff through the "lust" gene.
Thanks, Mike, for handling this in such a straightforward and truth-filled way. This is a message every person needs to hear each and every day.
It's so sad to see things like this happen. The rise and fall. So many once great men and women who reach a level of success only to have that success be their demise. The success alone wasn't the problem, it's that the success afforded the ability to amplify the temptations and character failures within and around them. Money, power, and influence… all three are kind of like FIRE. If used right they can keep the food warm. If used wrong, they can burn the house down.
This article should be required reading for every high-dollar entertainer before he or she signs his/her name on any contract. Well said, Michael.
This is a great post and one we all need to remember. I'm reminded of a verse that has always been a sobering reminder for me:
Ecclesiastes 10:1:
As dead flies give perfume a bad smell, so a little folly outweighs wisdom and honor.
Hi Mike, I did not follow this news story that much but now that I read your post I see how tragic a story it really was. Casting Crowns has a great song called "Slow Fade" that reminds me of these types of decisions that we can all make in our lives that can lead to disaster. Thanks for the reminder.
Great thoughts. You're right that decisions affect the rest of our lives.
We're dealing with the consequences of my husband's decisions and it hasnt' been fun or pretty. Thank God that He is good!
Lizzie
I write about choices every day, and I would definitely like to quote from this post. We simply don't understand how even our simple, daily choices shape our lives and legacy. Thanks for your wisdom, Michael. I'm buying that book you mentioned on Twitter today (How the Mighty Fall). I'm sure it must be full of "choices" to examine.
After reading this posting, I sunk into a thought provoked depression. You see, I've made several stupid decisions and my life has suffered greatly. A divorce, after an affair…a child in prison and I was a deeply committed Christain until my world was rocked by other's stupid choices. I felt your article stated a lot of facts, but left out one major area of what Christ taught us when He came to live among us. That being "Grace". Even if you make stupid choices, Christ offers grace….and without that, I wouldn't have had any reason to go on….I'm thankful for that amazing grace….it's what has saved me…