In 2003, I was named President of Thomas Nelson. It was an extremely busy time. I made some major changes to my executive team and had two vacant positions. As a result, I essentially had three jobs.
One morning on my way to work, I grabbed my computer case in my right hand, a fresh cup of coffee in my left and headed downstairs to the garage to leave to work.
Four steps from the bottom, I slipped on the carpet. Without a free hand to grab the stair-rail, I tumbled forward. The next thing I knew, I was flat on my fanny on the landing.
I wasn’t immediately aware of any pain. However, my dress shirt and tie were soaked in coffee. I remember thinking, Shoot! I’m going to have to completely change my clothes. This was particularly frustrating, because I was already running late, and I had a very busy day ahead of me.
My wife Gail heard me fall and came running. “Are you okay?” she asked as she raced down the stairs to help me up.
“I’m fine,” I assured her. “However, I’m afraid I’ve made a mess.”
“Don’t worry about it,” she offered as she helped me up. “I can clean this up while you get changed.”
When I put my weight down on my right foot, I let out a yelp. “Oh my gosh! I think my ankle is badly sprained.” As it turned out, it was more than sprained. It was broken.
My day was, of course, scuttled. In fact, the next ten days were scuttled. I had to have surgery, including a plate and six screws to repair the damage. In addition, for three months I had to wear a therapeutic boot (in lieu of a cast). This couldn’t have happened at a worse time.
At this point, I could have asked myself several questions:
- Why am I so clumsy?
- Why did I have both hands full?
- Why does this have to happen now?
- Why did I have to be in such a hurry?
- What did I do to deserve this?
The problem with these questions is that they are completely unproductive and disempowering. They are natural, of course, and probably even necessary. It’s all part of the process of grieving a loss. But ultimately there are better questions.
One of the best questions you can ask when something negative happens is this:
Do you see the subtle shift? Suddenly, your attention moves from the past—which you can’t do a thing about—to the future. It is also an acknowledgment that nothing happens by chance. Everything has a purpose. Even the bad things can have a positive impact, when we open our hearts and accept them as “part of the plan.”
In my particular case, a broken ankle had several positive benefits:
- I couldn’t go to work for a week, so I got some much-needed rest.
- I had time to set up a new blog and start writing on a regular basis.
- I got to board first when flying and usually got to upgrade to first-class—for free.
- I learned first-hand about the challenges you face when you are in a wheel-chair or on crutches.
- I was forced to slow down and “smell the roses.”
- I saw my colleagues take more initiative and gained a new appreciation for them.
- I got to meet several people I would have otherwise never met, including an amazing surgeon who gave me a whole new perspective on what it means to integrate your faith with your profession.
- I had a ready-made conversation starter, when I met people I didn’t know.
The bottom line is this: you can’t always choose what happens to you. Accidents and tragedies happen. But you can choose how you respond to those situations. One of the best ways to begin is to ask yourself the right question.
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"What does this make possible?" changes the "Why did this happen to me?" into a million dollar question which makes all the difference between existing and living.
It also makes the difference between seeing God as benevolent and seeing God as capricious, callous, or malevolent.
So true. The only thing I should have added is that while this is a great question to ask yourself, it can really annoy other people if you ask it too early.
Sometimes people have to go through an anger or grieving process. It takes a little experience and practice to discern WHEN the question is appropriate. Unfortunately, I have learned this the hard way!
You're definitely ahead of me in learning to wait to ask the "what opportunity" question. THAT takes listening and patience, and I still catch myself falling short with both.
That's great Michael- possibility thinking for negative situations, something we don't usually do. Having a "pity party" may make us feel better for the moment but it doesn't move us ahead. Thanks for sharing those lessons.
I appreciate the positive shift in focus the question creates. Thank you for the thought provoking this morning.
Can't believe you managed to salvage the situation so well. Great reflection.
My kids are always asking me "why". I have come to learn that "why" is a childs question. the more mature response is "what". Lord what are you trying to teach me through this experience?
Agreed. I don't know how people cope who don't have an over-arching sense that God is in control and everything happens for a reason. We may not always know the reason, and certainly there are things we can't know in this life, but if God is both good and sovereign, we can rest in the knowledge that "He works all things together for good" (Romans 8:28).
Just the medication I needed this morning, the right pill. Psalm 141:5
Although I take a different view to the one that says that "every thing happens for a purpose," I love your question. I have found it helpful today, personally, in marshalling some…difficult stuff. It says in the New Testament that "in all things God works for the good of those who love Him" and the question you are teaching here opens me up to whatever good the Almighty has in mind for me. Thank you so much, Mike, for posting this. I will make this question a new habit.
Thanks MIchael! Iread this today exactly when I needed to when I had something really bothering me about a situation. I am letting go of it and looking at the positives and will now have a great day today–THANK YOU!
Great. I'm glad this was timely.
Last night I was discussing this very thing with a mentor. Your question posed, in essence, allows the work of grace to take place. Grace is everything you need in every situation. Be it busted ankles, busted dreams, busted financial statements, or busted faith. Everything.
Amen to that. For me, it is also the acknowledgment that God's intentions toward me are always good.
Great post. I have tried to use this principle with people with whom I serve, but really like the way you phrased the question – it will also give me a good illustration. Thanks! (PS. Your blog is really looks great)
This is a timely question, Michael. With everything that is happening in our worlds these days it is easy to get bogged down in the "why me's" of a seemingly bad situation. How different would the world look if we all asked your question: "What does this make possible?" The good stuff is there, if we just re-phrase our reactions! Thank you!
That's a great question to ask but I think it's even better to incorporate God into the equation. "What is God showing me or teaching me through this experience?" I'm not trying to sound spiritual, it's just that I don't know if being positive for the sake of not being negative is as productive as finding God in the goods and the bads of life.
Having said all of that, in the moment I tend to forget your question or mine and instead focus on the negative. Usually, after an hour or two or a day or two I come to my senses and God begins to show me something that I can only see BECAUSE of my circumstance.
I led a trip to India once and had several college students in my group. One girl had trouble the whole time. To begin with, her unbelieving parents didn't want her to go and wouldn't allow her to ask friends or family for any monetary support. She went anyway. When we got there she got sick with giardia that affects you for months. She was throwing up in every airport all the way home. When we returned, I told her to be on the lookout for what God is going to teach you through this experience.
Later that summer she was to be a camp counselor at a Christian camp but due to her illness she had to hang back at the dorms a lot and could only participate occasionally. However, there was one kid who broke his leg and he had to hang back a lot too. She got to spend a lot of time with this one child and by the end of the week he had been discipled by her and became a child of God. Later she told me she would do the whole India trip again, sickness and all, just for that one kid who became a child of God thanks to both of their tragic circumstance.
Anyway, that's a long story to say, I love your post and I agree but I would tweak it to say, "What is God making possible through this tragedy?"
Great post once again. Inspiring.
Mike, your story reminded me of what happened to me. My church held the funeral for Pilot Jason Dahl (Flight 93) not because he was a member, but because our church was large enough to hold the crowds. I was rushing around ironing tablecloths for this memorial when I slipped on my stop and broke my big toe. The pain had me laid up on narcotics. As I watched the news of "9/11," and compared the minor pain of a broken toe to what I was seeing, I begged God to let me bring a small piece of healing.
Through a series of crazy events, I was in NY C the following week volunteering for the Billy Graham Prayer Center. I was allowed into the secure Ground Zero to minister to firefighters and police officers. This experience, plus the fact that I live in the Columbine High School neighborhood, were pivotal in my decision to get my counseling degree.
AllYou magazine (sold only at Walmart checkout stands) is featuring my story in their Sept. issue. Your story reminded me that painful events can make us bitter or better.
Michael this is a great way of asking a question that we all need to be asking ourselves. I also like the point somebody made about "why" being a child's question. I've also heard the opposite "You are not qualified to ask why!"
Good point!
Michael,
Great post as usual. Attitude is everything. I often think of the quote by Swindoll about that. Thanks for leading with a positive outlook.
Fantastic post, Michael! Love the positive attitude. And it's true (Like Tiffany Stuart said above)–Attitude IS everything.
Thanks for this.
It's so true. Like I have heard, "It's not what happens to you; it's how you respond to what happens to you."
I'm going to add a different perspective. One thing many Christians seem to do is to think the only ones involved in their lives are themselves and God. Hey, we do have a real enemy who is out to destroy the human race. Any circumstance that is destructive originates with Satan (John 10:10). What is so beautiful is that Jesus Christ demolished Satan's ability to keep us from cleaving to God. So, whenever something "bad" happens, we now have the ability to go to God and receive the knowledge, understanding, and wisdom we need to overcome it. There is a whale of a difference between asking "Why?" and asking "Why me?" The first seeks what we don't understand while the second reeks of self-pity.
The world is full of evil and that force is trying to destroy us. But, we have the power of God's absolute love through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, and through the baptism of fire. So, in every circumstance, let's release that power so we may overcome the loss, death, and destruction evil brings and so we may usher in the return of Christ and fully experience the more abundant life.
What timing! God certainly has a sense of humor. My computer (laptop) died this weekend. I had to run tot he office and borrow one to get my devotional on line for this morning.
Made a fast run to the office supply store today to pick up a decent PC on sale – it had just appeared in Sunday's brochure — and I had to take the demo model.
I've been reluctant to upgrade to Windows Vista, but decided today to have the computer place ghost my old hard drive and just retrieve files. I move to the current day kicking and screaming.
But the best thing is that this didn't happen while I was in Philadelphia at Marlene Bagnull's Greater Philadelphia Christian Writers' Conference. God has a great sense of timing.
My computer dying this weekend makes possible that I go with a fresh one to Philly, that I move into the current operating system, that I get a fresh start on my office — that's a whole other story — and that I have a new respect for God's eye for detail.
Perspective is everything, isn't it!
Powerful! I'm an eternal optimist so this post is right up my alley. In the same direction, I wrote a post many months ago about the subtle shift of changing "HAVE TO" to "GET TO." In conversations with people I kept hearing them, and myself, say "I have to ___" over and over but almost with a negative, obligatory tone. Realized, we don't "Have to" do much of anything. We "Get to." We "Get to" go do this or that. We "Get to" have a job that on occasion can be stressful. A subtle shift in the words we use and outlook we have can change everything.
Twelve years ago—a good ten years before he ever flashed me a smile—my husband was in a tragic, classic diving accident leaving him paralyzed below the neck. It was the summer before his senior year of high school and he was headed into championship rodeo competitions. After three months of rehab, he was left in a manual wheelchair with partial upper body mobility. He finished high school and college and became a basketball coach and speaker for local athletic teams. Eight months ago, I sat on a bench at the end of an aisle to meet my best friend eye-to-eye as we exchanged wedding vows.
I once asked Bryce about the exact anniversary of the accident. “They say you never forget,” he told me, “but I choose never to remember.” When friends call and ask how he’s doing, he smiles, “Man, if I were doing any better, they’d have to make two of me!” And he means it.
I used to think that Bryce had “a better attitude than he deserves.” But my newlywed husband is teaching me that a sense of entitlement serves no one. We are each asked to do all that we can with what we’re given. His bad days are few and far between when he looks at his unique opportunities. The responsibility is on us to do something with the circumstances we’ve been given, rather than despite the circumstances.
Thanks for the reminder, Mike. Glad to be on this team.
Broken Foot. Thats is awful. Painful too, I know I have done it myself.
Positive thinking is fabulous. I love everything about your attitude to getting over the situation and making the most of it. Changing perspective on things produces clarity and opens new paths. New ways to use your time. Use, not waste.
Everything happening for a reason. I am not so sure. Finding a positive yes, but there being a reason to why you have to break your foot in order to accomplish those things, I don't think so. My opinion of course.
It seems more like you had become too wrapped up in your job and lost focus on the things you love. If anything, breaking your foot gave you an ''excuse'' to do those things because otherwise you would not have walked into work that day and said ''I am taking the next week off so I can do things that matter to me''.
Maybe you should be encouraging us to take action. To do things we love, not wait for a accident or monumental slap in the face to wake us up. Maybe your broken foot is the accident none of us need to have, but an example we can ALL learn from.
Hi my name is Velma I lost new born child in May I was asking God why? I thank God for the answer from you
I was wearing new sneaks and they stuck to the carpet on the stairs…tumble tumble, bad multi-fractured ankle. They casted when should have done surgery so they had to re-break and add a lot of hardware..I was immobile 5 months and for me, that's just about AN ETERNITY! I smiled when I read your "make possible" list; oooonly way to look at it! I took to heart the saying "What you give your attention to expands and amplifies." Makes almost anything not only bearable but interestinggg; adds surprises to life!:D
Thanks for the repost of this today – it was very timely for me. I've been stuck trying to figure out a negative experience all morning, and this has completely changed my perspective and energized me to move past it with good lessons learned.
I love this post! Sometimes those unexpected mishaps turn into a blessing. We don't plan them but we grow and learn through them. I remember when I tore ligaments in my ankle after a fall, I had to use crutches and hobble along in my nursing job at the time. I had a backpack on my back to carry my charts. I had a much better understanding of people who have disabilities.
Amen my friend…. God has given me the most amazing time to sit — while helping others know how amazing HE IS– know what my calling in life is… as I sit waiting for one last— my 3rd brain surgery!!! And thru these years- He has worked wonders, as I see His light, not any darkness… and I thank Him so much for all the Good He does— all the Great He is…. as we sit and learn– and are amazed more each time!!! AMEN!! :D
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