As a leader, you have an effect on people. When you leave the room, people ether feel taller or smaller. This is an almost super-hero power, but, unfortunately, leaders are often unconscious of it.
A few months ago, I met with an author I had always admired. It wasn’t our first meeting. In fact, I had met with him a few times previously. I had always enjoyed being with him and left our encounters with a renewed commitment to serve him well.
But this time was different. He marched into the meeting with an entourage and a heavy dose of entitlement. Something had changed.
My people had worked hard to deliver stellar results, particularly in this economy. They had spent the weekend preparing, eager to share what they had accomplished. They had slides, handouts, and (they thought) good news to report.
However, he managed to “snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.” He scowled during the presentation. He was cold and aloof. When we were finished, he asked why we hadn’t accomplished more. He offered a litany of complaints.
His staff—several of them new and eager to look smart—followed his lead. They focused on the hole rather than the donut. In our two hours together, not one of them expressed an ounce of gratitude. It was demoralizing and we left diminished.
On the way to the airport, I did my best to encourage my team. They were clearly deflated. One of my senior people sighed, “He made me feel like an idiot.” Another added, “Honestly, that meeting made me want to quit.” In my own heart, I felt precisely the same way.
My guess is that this author had no idea what he had just done. He may even have thought he was somehow motivating us. Not so much. In fact, he had just shot himself in the foot—maybe even in the head.
He had evidently forgotten that, at the end of the day, everyone is a volunteer. People will only go so far in the performance of a duty. If you want their very best, you have to have their hearts. You can’t demand this or even buy it with a paycheck. You have to earn it.
In my experience, there are five ways to do this:
- Assume others are smart and working hard.
- Listen intently and ask thoughtful questions.
- Acknowledge the sacrifices others have made on your behalf.
- Express gratitude for their effort and their results.
- Remind them why their work is so important and the difference they are making.
Yes, you can talk about issues that need to be addressed, but it has to be done in a way that leaves people motivated about what is possible.
As a leader, you have more power than you think. You will get more of what you focus on. Next time you walk into a meeting, consider, How do I want people to feel when the meeting is over? Begin with the end in mind.
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Excellent advice. It was also terrific that you supported the team the way you did after the meeting. Consider how much worse it may have been if you didn't.
I think this comes from focusing on what your team needs RIGHT NOW. To do this, you have to transcend your own feelings and needs and be other-centered. Although it is never easy—after all, we are people, too—it is what all truly great leaders do.
Thanks for your input!
Great post. As a church staff member, I have seen this happen both ways in various meetings throughout my 12 years in ministry. Leaders really do forget that they need to be extremely careful on how they approach problems with their staff. Great leaders are able to motivate their teams to higher performance.
Sometimes people who rise to the top by virtue of their charisma never get to learn this lesson. They think it is all about them. After a while, followers get tired of giving and giving and getting nothing in return.
Did you consider your teammate's request to resign the author? Many times a baseball manager will risk (even succeed) being thrown out of the game in order to protect their players. Sometimes we focus on the offender and they're just supporting cast. Maybe this type of event isn't about the leader that creates the offense but the leader who defends the offended.
That is a very valid point. I have been in many situations where I realized that they most important thing I could do was support my team.
Stellar post. Thank you. Sad when someone tries to lead or control by fear versus love, especially those who are followers of Christ (assuming this author is). When I say love, I don't mean it in the "let's sit around and sing kum-ba-ya and not address problems if indeed there are problems to address" sense but love as in having mutual respect and appreciation for everyone involved, addressing problems in ways that don't suck the wind out of others sails. Personally, I try to remember there are always two sides to the story and my perspective isn't the only one. Before I speak, I ask. Working together wins. Love wins.
Have you read Love is the Killer App by Tim Sanders. He makes just this point (and many others). It's one of my all-time favorite business books. Thanks.
I also like and appreciate the fact that you did your best to encourage your team. Leadership in essence, is about relationships and how you deal with them effectively.
We had a meeting at work just last week and my boss complimented me for a job well done during the first half of the year. He went on to reward me and some of my colleagues by taking us out to a fancy restaurant for breakfast. This really made me feel good and gave me a keen sense of pride in my work. It also gave me the drive to work even harder knowing that I'm making a positive impact.
Thanks for the post, I'm gonna share it with some of my colleagues at work!
I can go a long way on a simple compliment. I think most people can. I don't know why it is so hard for some people to do this. They somehow think their power and leverage is diminished when they do. Nothing could be further from the truth!
Follow up to something else you said "If you want their very best, you have to have their hearts." I firmly agree.
If we get people behind the WHY (vision) then they will care about the WHAT (process).
The WHY engages the heart. The WHAT engages the mind.
EXACTLY. I have found that talking about WHY something is important is critical to getting people fully engaged. Heck, it's important to getting ME engaged. Sometimes when I am struggling with something, I have to go back to WHY I am doing. Once I do this, I start getting clarity and can start moving forward again.
Great post. I think a lot of it come down to whether you believe your team is there to serve you or you are there to server your team.
Yes, indeed. This is why Jesus' leadership model was so radically different. He didn't come to be served BUT to serve.
Mike, this is an excellent reminder of how to lead people. I do have a question about the flipside (perhaps another blog post, or maybe you have already blogged about it), but how do you handle a person who isn't cutting it. Countless attempts to help lead them along, and encourage them, but really questioning if they have what it takes for their position. If you have blogged about this, can you point to the blog link, that would be greatly appreciated! I do want to try and encourage/save this person, but it may not be possible. Thanks!
I'm not sure if I have blogged about that or not. I will need to dig into my archives. Regardless, it is a terrific idea. If I haven't done so, I will add it to my list.
I'm putting the top 5 list on my bulletin board as a daily reminder. Thanks!
Part 1 comment: Good post. It is too bad that this author and his team took this approach. Obviously there was an expectation within him that had not been met even though it looked as though the publishing results had far achieved set expectations. Or frankly, something else was wrong and he chose to use this meeting to take it out on–i.e. received a negative email response about his book.
It does make you wonder, doesn't it? Sometimes people's behavior is baffling until you get the final piece of the puzzle that make it all make sense. Unfortunately, we don't always get the puzzle piece right away. All we can do is support our team and act honorably.
Part 2 comment:
This situaiton reminds me how often times Satan uses certain circumstances–people, events, etc (not to imply this author is a non-Believer) to try and "re-wire us"–I Thes. 5:2. We have three voices we listen to:
1. The voice from above–aligned with word of God and the will of God
2. The voice from below–kill, steals, and destroys
3. The voice from within–the counter balance which helps you discern, provides wisdom to best sort it out.
Obviously in this situation (like a lot that I experience), Satan uses all kinds of circumstances to try to distract and "re-wire" us in thinking and following the voice below.
Even as Believers, it's not at all easy to get into the "passing lane" in order to get over and take the high road (the voice above) but that is exactly what you did Mike as a leader with your team after the meeting.
As an educator, my first job is to capture the hearts of my students. I make sure they know I care about them and am willing to work hard to meet their needs. Then I work with them to encourage them to reach for the stars–for the most part, they end up succeeding in ways they didn't think they could.
As far as your author is concerned, I hope you discussed his new "approach" with him. It sounds like he might have been getting some faulty advice somewhere. Sometimes we have to tackle the tough stuff with our colleagues and communicate to clear the air.
I hope I can have that conversation some time. One important thing leaders need to do is to create an environment that is safe for dissent. Too often, leaders become like this, because no one will challenge them. The scary thing is that because it isn't safe, they become even more self-absorbed and egotistical. It's an ugly cycle.
Michael, if you were the lead member of your team I'd encourage you to pursue this conversation with the author. Every leader must recognize their employees/followers take a risk with any critique; therefore, few are always honest and open. As a pastor and leader I repeatedly ask for honest feedback, but realize most people don't want to offend me by questioning my lead. The ugly cycle you mention is a trap for anyone in leadership who begins to believe all the compliments they receive. I'd hope this individual would sincerely desire to know he'd crossed a behavioral line. Especially since you note he was pleasant to meet with on previous occasions. __ (continued)
This is a stellar way you lead by example, Mike! When I'm around you, I think I can climb mountains even though I can't walk and chew bubble gum at the same time. :-) We're blessed to have you at the helm at Thomas Nelson!
Thanks, Colleen. You are a FANTASTIC model of how to motivate a team. Whenever I come away from a meeting with you, I am always so energized. I know my team does, too. They are constantly wishing they could CLONE YOU!
Great post! It's amazing that such things happen even among Christians, but I have seen it in the church and Christian organizations over the years. How you and your team handled it was commendable. Your list of five is a great response, each one so important.
I always believed authors could never get too big for their boots as the effort required by writing tempers that characteristic. Guess I was wrong.
In my experience, very few people can handle fame. I don't think human beings were made to carry that weight. It is not surprising that they stumble when they try.
This point is so true. The higher someone gets (fame, authority, power, etc), the more susceptible they are to buying into the lie. The lie that EGO begins to tell. A reliance on self instead of others. Weird paradigm but it’s unfortunately the cycle far too often of people forgetting what got them to the top in the first place. They say the top of the ladder is lonely place, I guess so if someone is just looking down instead of extending a hand to pull others up.
Thank you for the thoughtful insights. There are so many parts of this that I want to hang on to and meditate on. All leaders (and those who want to lead) should have this template for people building. THANK YOU!
Great post, Michael. I am happy to say I saw just this kind of approach in the Air Force, particularly in more recent years. The military, as you may know, is one of the country’s largest enterprises. One of our mantras is “duty well performed.” What I discovered while progressing through the ranks is much of the direct control I became accustomed to in the junior years was best exchanged for indirect control as I achieved more senior rank. Said differently, top-down command-and-control management lost much of its appeal as span of control widened. Experience, it is said, is the best teacher. My early years taught me the mechanics of management (planning, organizing, and directing). Along the way, I was introduced to the intricacies of leadership: at first transactional, then transformational. In due time, I became acquainted with the notion—and extreme relevance—of servant leadership. It did not take long to develop an appreciation for collaboration, consensus, collegiality, strategic thinking, change force for good, and the like. People prefer collegiality; they want to feel as though they matter and share responsibility for strategy-making and implementation. My role required me to be present, and I welcomed every opportunity to personally and energetically mentor, model, and develop upcoming leaders. Their expectation of me was no different than what each of us looks to in our leaders today: motivation, encouragement, and moral fortitude, among others. The only way to meet their expectation is to meet them in their heart. Thank you for a very nice post …
This is a GREAT comment. You should turn it into a blog post of your own. I think you are making some important distinctions here. Thanks!
(Part 2)
One of the saddest elements in Michael Jackson's recent death is the number of people close to MJ who've said they wish they'd taken steps to intervene in his poor choices. One family member explained as the behaviors got more bizzare they felt there was less and less they could do about it. What if this was a first step toward selfishness on the part of this author and you had the opportunity to witness it and help correct this brother before it completely becomes who he is? I'd want you to call me.
I really like how this applies equally to a paid staff team or a volunteer team.
I would love to know how you handled the author. In a client-based environment, how does one confront a client (or author) who is clearly tearing down the process? I know authors and clients aren't identical twins, but the relationship side seems similar.
This is a great post! I think there is one additional suggestion that I might suggest – Set people up for success. While 50% of my "empowerment" came from the trust and faith I had in the leader, the other 50% came from the knowledge that the objectives were clearly outlined and we knew what success would look like.
Thanks for sharing your knowledge!!!