If you are a leader, you are going to attract critics. It is inevitable. In fact, if you aren’t attracting critics, you should be wondering why. Criticism is normal.
Why? Because real leaders upset the status quo and make people uncomfortable. As Finley Peter Dunne once said about journalists, “Our job is to afflict the comfortable and comfort the afflicted.” The same is true of leaders. Unfortunately, this almost always meets with resistance.
But let’s be honest: criticism hurts. At least it does for me. I’ve been in the public spotlight since my first book, The Millennium Bug, hit the New York Times bestseller list over ten years ago. Writing three more books, becoming a CEO of a large publishing company, and launching a very public blog hasn’t helped.
Theoretically, I know this is just the price you pay. But emotionally, it kills me. It always knocks me off-kilter. You might think I would be past that. But I am not. I obsess about it, spending way more time thinking about it than I should. I wish this wasn’t true, but it is. (Just ask my wife!)
One of the things that has helped me in the past few years is to distinguish between three kinds of critics:
- True friends. Not all criticism is bad. God forbid that we should turn a deaf ear to everyone who disagrees with us. “Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:6). Some people are in our lives to save us from ourselves. As a leader, the trick is to create an environment that is safe for dissension, so these people can speak up.
- Honest critics. Some people decide that they disagree with you and go public. They aren’t malicious. They aren’t out to destroy you. They simply disagree with you. That’s okay. We need to allow for a diversity of opinion. Besides, we might learn something from it. It enriches the conversation. We need to engage these people and refrain from making it personal. Not everyone has to agree with us.
- Unhealthy trolls. These people have an agenda. They are out to hurt you—or at least use you for their own ends. They want to lure you into a fight. I have had three this week. They taunt and mock you. They are unreasonable. If you engage them, they will only distract you and deplete your resources. The best thing you can do is ignore them. As someone once said, “resistance only makes them stronger.” You will never satisfy them. Just keep doing what you know you are called to do.
As a leader, you must learn to distinguish between these three. I personally assume that everyone is a friend or an honest critic until they prove other otherwise. I may be naive, but I would rather give people the benefit of the doubt than live a life of paranoia. What about you?
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Fantastic Leadership post. I have many of times found myself speaking out as a leader or have also see those around me uncomfortable with things that I have said or have wanted to do. It's part of leadership. I think the hidden part of all of this is integrity and character, when a leader has those things in order, just keep on walking and doing your thing, know that we all can learn something but it's part of the process.
I am one of the trolls… to myself.
I am my own worst critic.
Of course, that is a terribly self-destructive way to live but one of the big problems with it though is that, whenever I receive criticism from anyone, the critic is simply agreeing with my own self-criticism.
This makes it very hard for me not to take the criticism to heart and let it eat me up inside.
Thank God I haven't had too much real criticism to date!
Great post Michael, Thank you!
I'm not at your level in society. So I don't know if this helps. But I would only respond to those not trying to pick a fight. At your level it may benefit them to fight in public. Controversy attracts the publicity they want. People are so rude and hateful in criticism today. I would ignore those types. Its not worth it.
I have spent a lifetime around negative criticism about everything under the sun. Here is what I do to not let it bother me. It may be too simple and not helpful. I don't know. It works for me.
I don't take myself too serious. Somehow this seems to help a great deal.
I don't take it personal even if it is the intention. If I do they win.
Life is too short and will pass you bye. Let them sweat it.
To let criticism bother you. It only hurts you and your health.
Jesus said don't worry be happy. Not that singer dude Bobby.
Find a private place by yourself or with someone you trust and just get silly. Clean silly of course.
Psalm 37:4 Delight in the Lord. Focus on that verse. That's all I got, man.
Excellent word, Michael. I'm going to send this one around.
What is the appropriate response for each type of critic?
Thanks for this. Very timely. Learning to let things go, when to be humble ~ and if they are right, acknowledge it.
Hopefully my blood pressure will go back to normal.
I can really identify with this! I had to go through a period of not responding to any comments for a while because it was tilting my writing. I don’t get a ton of negativity, but when I do, it’s frustrating because I’ve done my homework. The positive comments affect me, too. I like to hear them, but don’t want to be in a position of writing to get them… I’m learning to balance interaction with a healthy element of detatchment.
Thanks for RTing this post. :)
Serena
Everyone has an agenda. Everyone has goals, hopes, dreams, desires. No one goes through life without wanting to gain something. Or even give something.
To say that someone who wants to prove their point because they are passionate about their side of the issue is an unhealthy troll I find to be insulting. I am not your friend. I am not a troll. I am not out to hurt you. I am not acting in a malicious way. I do however disagree with you on many things. Mostly I disagree that you have my, or any writer's best interest at heart. I have the right to say so.
Excellent post…and one I needed to hear. Like you, I've faced critics and lately was falling into the trap of fighting with them. You are right: it is just best to ignor. Thanks for your words of wisdom.
I had to come back and re-read this as my life has been awash with critics of late – and most seem to be those closest to me. It seems there are so many willing to criticize at the drop of a hat, yet there are so few who are willing to encourage. So many willing to tear down, so few eager to build. Why is that?
Sometimes one can't help but think, "What if they're right? What if I really am no good?". Then you just have to pick up and move on regardless.
You should have her read The War of Art. It's a great book that will help her put this in context.
Thanks Michael. Will check it out.
Who said it was a "her"? :-) (Though that is one of several).
As a writer, especially in Christian thrillers, I have many critics who disagree with every aspect of my writing, from the way I write to the genre (How can I be a Christian and write horror or thriller novels? How dare I?). I have constructive critics who are quite helpful, clueless critics who think they are helpful, and critics who fit your category of trolls. For the first two groups, I send a thankful reply and evaluate their criticism with an honest approach – even the clueless critics hit on something useful every now and then. As for the trolls, I adopt a position where they are welcome to their opinion and it is none on my business from that point forward. Why waste time defending yourself against someone who will never listen to you?