Last Friday, I watched the Tiger Woods press conference in amazement. I was stunned at his candor. He didn’t sugar-coat his sin. Instead, he repeatedly acknowledged the magnitude of his wrongdoing and the scope of its impact.
It is worth reading or watching the statement in its entirety. It contains several important lessons. However, these three paragraphs summed up his thoughts:
The issue involved here was my repeated irresponsible behavior. I was unfaithful. I had affairs. I cheated. What I did is not acceptable. And I am the only person to blame. I stopped living by the core values that I was taught to believe in.
“I knew my actions were wrong. But I convinced myself that normal rules didn’t apply. I never thought about who I was hurting. Instead, I thought only about myself. I ran straight through the boundaries that a married couple should live by. I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to. I felt that I had worked hard my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me. I felt I was entitled. Thanks to money and fame, I didn’t have to go far to find them.
“I was wrong. I was foolish. I don’t get to play by different rules. The same boundaries that apply to everyone apply to me. I brought this shame on myself. I hurt my wife, my kids, my mother, my wife’s family, my friends, my foundation, and kids all around the world who admired me.”
I’ll be honest: I was moved by Tiger’s confession. It is rare for celebrities to accept responsibility for their sins, understand the full scope of the damage they have caused, and express such remorse for their actions. At the end of the press conference, I tweeted:
Almost immediately, I received several direct messages from people who thought I was naive. One person wrote, “It was totally scripted. I don’t believe a word of it.” Another said, “It was a PR stunt. He’s just trying to salvage his sponsorships. He will be right back at it once he’s away from public scrutiny.” Still another wrote, “If I were his wife, I would have dumped him long ago. I could never forgive someone who had cheated on me that many times.”
Maybe they are right.
However, during this season of Lent, my church prays an ancient and beautiful prayer by St. Ephraim the Syrian (ca. 306–373). It says,
O Lord and Master of my life, take from me the spirit of sloth, faintheartedness, lust of power, and idle talk.
“But give rather the spirit of chastity, humility, patience and love to your servant.
“Yea, O Lord and King, grant me to see my own sin and not to judge my brother, for You are blessed from all ages to all ages. Amen.”
I have been especially struck by the last sentence. Consequently, I am trying to avoid the sin of unforgiveness, especially during this season. Jesus stated plainly: “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14, 15).
Based on this, whenever someone confesses their sin as Tiger did, I have at least five responsibilities:
- Resist the temptation to judge. It is not my place to judge Tiger or anyone else. I don’t have to account for his sin. That’s his responsibility to bear alone. I have plenty to account for myself, thank you very much. Instead, I should feel compassion. As the old saying goes, “But for the grace of God go I.”
- Accept the apology at face value. It is not my job to determine if Tiger is sincere. (How would I do that, anyway?) As Tiger himself said, “My real apology to her [i.e., Elin, his wife] will not come in the form of words. It will come from my behavior over time.” Is he done repenting? No. He is just getting started. But he has begun well. And for that, I should be grateful and affirming.
- Believe in the possibility of change. Cynicism is easy. It costs me nothing. Belief, on the other hand, requires risk. He may be lying. He may fall again. He might betray us all. But if people really cannot change, then what hope is there for any of us? One of my core beliefs is that “with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26). No one is beyond the reach of God’s redemption.
- Extend mercy and grace. Justice demands that we pronounce him guilty, dismiss him from further consideration, and move on. But Mercy requires that we refuse to condemn him. Even more astonishing, Grace insists that we extend to him what he does not deserve: hope, patience, and love. Though he doesn’t deserve this, he needs all of it. Without mercy and grace we are all lost.
- Pray for transformation. Tiger seems to understand—as all self-acknowledged sinners must—that he cannot overcome his sin alone. He needs help. His journey has just begun. The road ahead is long and difficult. He will need human assistance, to be sure. But more importantly, he will need God’s help. This is where I can play a role by refusing to cave to cynicism and judgment. Instead, every time I am tempted to go there, I can pray that God would transform him into the man he could be.
Tiger’s story is not that different than mine. Yes, it is perhaps more severe and more public. But in the end, sin is sin. It is only a matter of degree. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). If there is hope for me—or for you—then there is hope for Tiger.
May God help him to find his way home and reconnect to the One who gave His life as a ransom for many (Matthew 20:28).
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Michael,
I found you on Twitter and have been following your Tweets and blog posts. I appreciate your wise and mature response to this issues in particular and on other topics as well.
As scripture says in Micah, "No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good,
and this is what he requires of you:
to do what is right, to love mercy,
and to walk humbly with your God."
You understand grace. You understand looking at the inner person. You understand how to quite the noise and listen to your inner voice.
I write and teach about Transformational Leadership. Among all the important leadership skills, authenticity stands tall in my mind. Being authentic as a sinner redeemed by grace and doing the best we can is so important. Self reflection and evaluation are great tools for any leader in any place in any organization – especially those who profess to be Christian.
Wouldn't it me wonderful if we all were able to give each other the benefit of grace today?
I look forward to your other posts.
Hugh Ballou
http://www.hughballou.com
My recent post The Definitive Leader Builds a Solid Foundation
I agree. Authenticity is so important. It is what I find so compelling in the very best leaders.
So many are so quick to judgment! Where is our compassion? I do not have the right to judge. I may not like what he did, but I still have to love him. Unconditionally. That’s it. Pretty simple. He has several battles he must wage before he can forgive himself! And learn to love himself. Take time to relearn himself. As an addict in recovery, I know about 2nd chances and self-hate that can be turned around.
Yes, people are quick to pick up stones and start chunking them. This seems especially true in the media where “stoning” has become a national sport. Sad.
Count on me to be different, I guess, but I cannot see how any of this is any of my business. I neither want nor need to know of something that is the personal business of Tiger Woods, his wife and family, and God. Cautionary tale? Yes. But none of my business. The Scriptures tell me that I am not to commit adultery and that's enough for me. So what is to be gained by knowing these details? I think, in the end, they appeal to people's more base and prurient interests.
As many I was intrigued to see/hear what Tiger had to say…but I think you hit it when you said "Tiger's story is not that different than mine." It's also not that different than my own…I wrote a post in my blog that would love for you to read, forgive if i'm plugging it here. But if you have a quick minute check it out, it's entitled "We're all like Tiger…"
http://www.bathosdeeper.blogspot.com
enjoy your blog Michael….also glad to be part of the Thomas Nelson blogger book review (sneeze) I am reading "The Hole In Our Gospel" review to come soon, challenging book so far!
blessings…
You are right.
I believe in the bible and in Jesus Christ as the anointed Son of God.
And what you wrote in your article is the truth. If all of us would take these 5 Points and use them in our own lives, the world would be a better society.
Blessings.
Kobus Vorster
I totally agree. We need to give grace and pray for Tiger to know the One who does Atone for sin. Tiger cannot atone for his own sin. None of us can. Only Jesus paid for it and thus can remove it from us forever. He separates our sin from us as far as the East is from the West. Praise be to God!!! I'm ecstatic that He took mine far, far away! May Tiger know the One who really can wipe the slate clean!
Some very good points and Biblical principles I agree with such as responsibility #5. In your last sentence above, "May God help him to find his way home and reconnect to the One who gave His life as a ransom for many (Matthew 20:28)." does Tiger need to "connect" or "reconnect" ?? Is Christianity an integral part of his faith or did he mention Buddhism? Only through Christ we have grace and hope! Tiger can have this too!
It doesn’t appear that Christ is an integral part of his faith. However, if he is seeking for Truth, he will eventually discover the One who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. This is where we have to be patient and let God direct Tiger’s steps.
His children will probably watch this one day. I am sure he thought of that and chose not specific words very carefully. I know the kids will be able to read other's commentary, but I think they will have reason to be proud of a dad who failed miserably but was working to make it at least somewhat better.
Great post, Mr. Hyatt. I agree with each point and wish others would resist, accept, believe, extend and pray.
(P.S. Mr. Hyatt, the spell check function beside "Post a new comment" does not seem to work. It returns "no writing errors were found" even with errors.
I just tested the spell-check function, and it is working for me. I wonder if this is a browser-specific issue. What browser and version are you using?
You are correct. Mozilla Firefox worked fine. The browser and versioin that is not working for me is IE v. 8.0.6001.18882. I believe everything is current and settings are fairly normal. If I discover more, I'll let you know.
Hi Mike,
We do not need to go that far to look into other people's lives – we just need to look in the mirror ans ask ourselves:
1) Have I done what I said to God and Myseld and My family what I was going to do?
2) Have I done everything possible to support my family (home, food, school, love, time)?
3) Have I done to ALL that is in my power to support and help others (church, etc)?
I am pretty sure most will fall short.
Very well put Michael;
Personally, I strongly feel, regardless if Tiger Wood's apology was sincere or not, it most definitely took faith and courage. I also feel, it is not my place to put him on a thrown only God has that position.
I feel nothing but compassion for the whole Woods family and wish his indiscretions' could have been kept more private. What I specifically mean by that is, I feel that the hurt that was already upon the family was made worse by the media making it a news worthy story. The whole situation needed to remain private within the confines of their home.
This story however is a great reminder that, the grass that is green on the other side of the fence took a lot of work, love, and faith.
I like your view. I do have to point out however that this took place on Friday.
You are right! Thanks for pointing this out. I have changed the text.
Thank you for your thoughtful opinion on Tiger's situation. Before reading your post, I wasn't sure what to do with Tiger's apology. I knew I needed to give him a second chance, I knew I needed to separate myself from the Tiger-bashing that followed his statement, but I wasn't sure what my response should look like. Your post has given me the framework I needed to make sense of his apology.
My recent post The perfect excuse
Thank you for your thoughtful opinion on Tiger's situation. Before reading your post, I wasn't sure what to do with Tiger's apology. I knew I needed to give him a second chance, I knew I needed to separate myself from the Tiger-bashing that followed his statement, but I wasn't sure what my response should look like. Your post has given me the framework I needed to make sense of his apology.
My recent post The perfect excuse
Thank you for your thoughtful opinion on Tiger's situation. Before reading your post, I wasn't sure what to do with Tiger's apology. I knew I needed to give him a second chance, I knew I needed to separate myself from the Tiger-bashing that followed his statement, but I wasn't sure what my response should look like. Your post has given me the framework I needed to make sense of his apology.
My recent post The perfect excuse
To me, Tiger's apology seems heartfelt. What is God is continuing to teach me is that I have a tendency to judge other people when they stumble/sin. I have to be continually reminded that I am no different than Tiger or anyone else for that matter. The only difference is that my sin(s) are not published all over the world.
I wrote a post along this same theme recently. Check it out here: Olympics, Snowboarding and Second Chances http://bit.ly/94FxMl
Very well said, Mike. I could see your response as a great op-ed piece for any major newspaper.
I so appreciate this. If God's grace doesn't work for one, why would it work for anyone? IReality is that if Tiger can't change, we're all sunk. Perhaps the negative reaction came because our human nature wants to elevate self by looking down on others. And that's sin. God help us.
Thank you!
My husband did the same to me, and if he had done what Tiger did, we will be together today.
I said to him: Let’s start again? He didn’t and when away with the women.
I forgive him by the same grace and love that God did with me! It was not easy but by God power and love I made it!
I think you hit the proverbial "nail on the head." Us as Christians need to come back to the understanding that we represent Christ and his mercy on this earth. As the Bible says "All have sinned…" Far too often people that have been justified in faith have found themselves on a higher moral ground that no longer has an attainable road to those that have sinned and live in sin. Yes sin is the road to destruction and Yes we need to preach and teach Jesus Christ and his gospel to this world but we need not to forget the Love and grace that was extended to our lives (which was the road to that higher moral ground). The moment WE fall into a attitude of pride in our salvation and our moral high ground we begin to take credit for our salvation. We must realize that we never "earned" the right to this salvation but it was paid for by a loving savior. Jesus Christ. That's my two cents
Sam S.
The only difference between Tiger and me is that he is in the public spotlight. We have all sinned and fallen short of the grace of God.
I pray for my life that i will always be humble enough to forgive others and to not judge. Who knows when i will need the same shown to me.
Thx for your post Michael, it was a great read!
My recent post FarmVille Surpasses 80 Million Users
Thank you for the post. You are 100% right. Who am I to judge if his apology was sincere or not? A sinner cannot judge another sinner. God is the only true judge.
Actually it is between Tiger Woods, his wife and God. I do sometimes wish that His wife would receive an apology from those who knowingly went with Tiger Woods when they could have no illusions that he was married. there is much wrong, and what really matters is his heart and God – and sadly He is more concerned about Buddha.
My recent post Isaiah 14 by Pastor Don Moore
Heather, I think he is a man in process. I personally started out as an atheist. Over I time I became an Agnostic. Then a spiritualist. And ultimately a Christian. I am grateful that my Christian friends did not write me off when I was vocally expressing my atheism. They were patient and prayed for me. Eventually, I cam around.
With God, all things are possible.
Wow! Preach it, Michael.
I feel like I just heard a sermon ;) Thanks for kick in the pants!
My recent post the buried life…
In TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD, Atticus Finch told Scout that before she judged anybody, she should try to climb inside his skin and walk around in it. I wonder how many of us, if put into the exact circumstances that Tiger experienced, would have done the same things. We all have weaknesses that can lead to real problems, so what are we doing judging each other?
Although I see why Tiger had his news conference–he does have a public persona that some people have a stake in–his problems are really none of my business. He's hurting and his family is hurting just like everyone else in the world is hurting in some form or fashion. My prayer is that we who know Christ will lead the way in finding a clear understanding of God's absolute love and of the more abundant life that Christ came to give us.
My recent post #31 BECOMING A SON OF GOD: THE BAPTISM OF FIRE
Michael,
Some very good points and Biblical principles that I agree with such as described in Responsibility #5.
In your last sentence above "May God help him to find his way home and reconnect to the One who gave His 'life as a ransom for many (Matthew 20:28)," I wonder if it should be for Tiger to "connect" rather than "reconnect" with the Christian faith.
He mentioned how he needs to get back on track with his faith in Buddhism. Consistent with the Truth, would it be accurate to say that hope and grace are found only through Christ? His faith seems to point at his own great efforts, alone, will enable him to succeed…
in life and on the golf course…which feeds his own supreme ability, self-sufficiency, and tendency to be self-oriented.
He also talked about people believing in him, which is understood, but is worthy only through grace and forgiveness from God. Reflecting his faith, Tiger seems to be more focused on "self" rather than
"self-denial," humility, and forgiveness. This is understandable because it's how he was raised.
I think that Tiger needs to "connect" with our supreme Lord to be truly successful.
Like you, I believe that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the father but through Him (John 14:6). However, having said that, I think Tiger is a man in process. He knows that life must have a spiritual dimension. All he knows is the Buddhism in which he was raised. However, if he is an honest seeker, he will eventually find his way to Christianity. That’s what I am praying for.
Thank you, Michael. I hope I can develop that heart (that I should have) to pray for him to find and know our Lord.
God can use Tiger as a magnificent instrument to make His name known. God is sovereign and His will be done.
As a role model, I wouldn't mind seeing Tiger put family before work, even if it means not playing for a long, long time.
Hoping that he finds that spiritual dimension in Jesus.
As Tiger accepted, actions over time will demonstrate his heart and character, more than his well thought-out words. But it was a good step forward!
I was also struck by his admission that he felt entitled, because I would imagine that many in his place would have felt the same way. He did seem truly remorseful. But he doesn’t owe me an apology. I think he is right to focus on repairing the damage he has done to his family and supporters. Sadly, my son is a golfer and Tiger Woods was his hero. I selfishly hope that for my son’s sake, Tiger’s will be a story of redemption.
I think this whole issue of entitlement is huge. It is the rationale for many celebrity sins. As a culture, we somehow have to address this. I hope—and pray—that Tiger can be a powerful voice against this.
Several thoughts came to my mind regarding this. It was the topic du jour at lunch with my teacher friends – and the “debate” was a lively one.
I was mute and couldn’t really figure out why. Now, I think I’m beginning to process it somewhat.
1. Cyncism was by far the “majority opinion.”
I think this really pleases Satan because these type situations can keep us so busy making pronoucements about what we think and what others should think – that we can become distracted about how to use these opportunities to heighten awareness of God, his love and redemptiveness. (All topics about which I wish I were more well spoken.)
Let’s face it, in our human existence we sometimes “enjoy” it more when people “fail.”
2. Scripted or not, well-timed or not, it took place. I think one question is: will I pray for Tiger and his family or am I content to weigh in on the issue and move to the next “people’s court” decision?
I pray that God would enable us to grab hold of “current events” and use them as bridges to bring Him into our daily conversations. I think there will be enough “fall out” from Tiger’s decisions and my personal ones to still have a need for spiritual healing (through Jesus).
Think what a great life story it could be for Tiger to come to Christ, have healing and use his name recognition for eternal purposes.
Call me a dreamer – but I think it’s called faith and hope.
Thank you for this blog. When I saw the link (on your Twitter) I hesitated to come and read it. I am really tired of so many judgmental attitudes concerning Tiger's current issues. Yes he sinned. And as a parent I wish the situation was different and I am disappointed. But the attacks on him just make a bad situation worse. The criticism, judgments and people's unwillingness to hear his apology just make me feel "icky." How are we any better if we sit in judgment of him. You are right. Sin is sin. And the scripture you referenced is perfect. Thank you.
As soon as Tiger was finished I posted a tweet that something like…”ANYONE is capable of doing anything.” I doubt he set out to be in this place, but he is here and if we are to remotely look like Jesus in this situation, then we follow what you said above. It’s easier for me because it could have easily been me.
I completely agree with you. Its not our job to determine whether or not he is sincere but to accept that he is and allow him time to prove it. He can't take back his actions but has taken responsibility and shows to be taking steps to recovery. I don't think there is anything more that can be expected than that.
As I watched Tiger share his apology, I had mixed emotions. I'm sure it was extremely tough for him to come out publicly like that and I'm glad he did. I think owning up to our mistakes is lesson that needs to be reinforced. Too many simply try to hide and wait it out. You can't move forward if you don't deal with the past.
His entire story is like an echo of what is in Tim Irwin's book DERAILED. I felt like I was watching a chapter from the book unfold on TV as Tiger talked. His admissions really did match up with Tim's characteristics of going off track.
I'm praying for Tiger and his family. Praying for God to use this situation in some redeeming way that only God can. Tiger is in the valley and even though I do not condone his actions, I think God can pull Him out. I just hope he looks up for help.
My recent post DanielDecker: Great concert last night at Christ's Church w/ @itsbrittnicole @conradjohnson81 @chriskuti @building429 & @mikeschair. Amazing talent.
I haven't seen the whole apology, but I am definitely praying for Tiger & his family. I have seen him in person on the golf course & his confidence was not the same, he looked very humbled. I am praying his life will never be the same & somehow he will come to know the real Savior.
When I saw Tiger's response….I saw a broken man. Broken in many ways, not only did he sin and in a big way, he got caught. I think all of the reproach he has brought on himself has opened his eyes to his own human faults. This has just brought him to his knees. I just wish he prayed to GOD instead of Buddha. Buddha can't do anything for him. But, God redeems. God can take this trash and make it into treasure. God can use this for HIS benefit. I pray that Tiger can open his heart to God, so he can be redeemed. BY the Grace of GOD!!!! I am praying for Tiger, Elin & their precious children.
I think that it was a hard thing for him or anyone to do. It was probably a very humbling and preventative experience as well. I’d feel better about it if I knew he felt moved to make the announcement on his own without the influence of media pressure but whether he was influenced or by how much, I agree is not, in the end, my concern. It doesn’t detract from the discomfort he would have felt making that announcement.
I think that his announcement might have been more effective and would have more impact if it had not come on the heels of such media pressure. I think his time may have been better spent first trying to repair the damage he inflicted upon his marriage with his announcement following at a later time which may have made it seem more meaningful to everyone.
At this point in time, I feel more concern for his wife. I think all of the reportage had to have been horrible for her and repeatedly damaging.
Amen and Amen! Who are we to judge. God does not grade sins… everyone is equal and who of us is proud enough to believe that he is without sin… woe to him who believes he is "better" or "above" another's failures. How many times have we seen it played out… when fame and wealth deludes someone into thinking the rules do not apply. I believe that Tiger was raised with a good sense of morals and that, with the lessons learned, he will return to his upbringing. My heart is saddened that he, from all indications, does not know a forgiving and loving God… but follows his mother's faith of Buddhism. If I'm not mistaken, it is a faith of works and up to the individual to do the right thing.. and there lies a probable cause for why he went down this path. None of us, no not one, can be good on our own. My prayer is that his heart will be open and someone will teach him about Jesus.
Didn't Jesus tell the woman after no one condemed, that he didn't either and to go and sin no more…. Thanks for good instruction on your comments about sin. I think Tiger got it right. Hope someone along the way is able to talk to him about the Gospel.
Michael, I enjoyed reading your perspective. I think you're right on! It is refreshing to hear deeply-considered apologies. Here is another one that knocked me off my feet:
http://drjenthomas.wordpress.com/2009/05/11/annou...
Michael, you continue to impress me. I'm glad I stumbled across your blog. Your call for mercy and forgiveness for Tiger was so refreshing. It's a shame that the church has been associated for so long with the opposite attitude i.e. a judgemental one. Thanks for being a part of the turnaround!
Very interesting. Thank you.
My recent post Pulpy non-fiction.A bad review for a book I haven't read yet.
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My recent post Pulpy non-fiction.A bad review for a book I haven't read yet.
I think it was mostly scripted. As much as I want to think he was sincere, his actions have shown all too well how much he really doesn't care about anyone but himself.
Well said, Michael. It's not easy to forgive someone who has more than we do. To take them at face value and stiff-arm cynicism. We want them to burn. For our lack of success. It's sad.
When I look at Tiger and his apology the temptation for me is to think that forgiving him is some great sacrifice of mine. That extending mercy to him is going to cost me. Jesus said to the Pharisees, "You missed it. Mercy over sacrifice."
The truth is that it cost Jesus and he only asks that I forgive as I was forgiven. I'm willing to do that.
I felt the same way about Kanye. Lots of people who are public personalities make mistakes, and we say we want them to take responsibility. If that's the case, we have to respond in kind when they do. I have trouble apologizing to just one person, even if I know they love me. I would add an additional step, and that is to stop dragging him back to that place. We should refuse to be the people who define others by their worst moments or greatest failures.
Right on, Annie!
Michael….Your argument can be made within the context of humanism as well (without biblical references). But either way, the argument needs to be made, given the judgmental news media.
Were we really that shocked now that time has passed? Seriously. He is a guy, a famous guy.