Be the Friend You Wish You Had
Recently, I read that 70% of pastors don’t have any close personal friends. I have quoted this figure publicly and several pastors have confided to me that it is true for them. They admitted that they don’t have any close personal friends. This made me very sad. I think it is also true of CEOs and other leaders as well.
Why is this true?
I know that for years, I didn’t think I needed any close friends. I assumed that my colleagues at work and the people I went to church with were enough. I finally woke up the fact that I didn’t really have any close personal friends. All of them were either dependent on me in some way or simply acquaintances.
Since that time, I have been much, much more intentional about friendships. In fact, this is one of the “accounts” in my Life Plan. I have several great friends, most of whom live in my neighborhood. We get together on a regular basis and support and encourage one another.
When I mentioned this in a talk I gave recently at Catalyst West, one brave soul asked, “But what if you don’t have any friends? Where do you start?”
My answer? Be to others the friend you wish you had. It’s that simple.
For example, here are the characteristics I look for in a close friend. I want someone who …
- Shows up for me when I am in a crisis.
- Listens empathetically without judging.
- Is willing to pitch in when I am too embarrassed to ask.
- Affirms me when I doubt myself.
- Reminds me of who I am, when I forget.
- Celebrates my wins and mourns my losses.
- Remembers the things that are important to me.
- Trusts me with their secrets.
Do you wish you had that kind of friend? Well, God says that you reap what you sow (e.g., see Galatians 6:7).
If you want this kind of friend in your life, then go BE this kind of friend to others. You might be surprised to see what happens.
Posted on April 4, 2011
In: Leadership
MICHELE CUSHATT is a communicator and storyteller whose speaking experience includes Women of Faith, Focus on the Family, and Compassion International. As emcee and communication coach, Michele is in her sixth year on staff at 
BARRY HILL, JR. is a storyteller, blogger, speaker, barista, and is in his fifteenth year of full-time ministry to teens and their families. He lives in Northern Virginia with his wife, Rachel, and their six children—“the circus.” You can usually find Barry where fresh coffee and good ideas are brewing. To join in the conversation, drop by his blog, 
JOE LALONDE is a husband, explorer, challenger, and an adrenaline junkie. He has served as a youth leader for E3 Ministries for over 10 years. He is usually found wandering the woods, enjoying the company of his wife, or running the trails. Joe enjoys helping others expand their influence and leadership skills. You can connect with Joe at his 
RACHEL LANCE is originally from Alaska but now lives in a Chicago suburb with her husband and daughter. She works in technology and communications for the 
JIM MARTIN is the minister of Crestview Church of Christ in Waco, Texas, where he has served since 1994. He also leads a mentoring group, primarily composed of younger Christian leaders, and serves as a Mentoring Partner for 
TIM PETERS is the Co-Founder of 
JASON STAMBAUGH is a husband, father, former fat kid, accidental techie, and founder of 
JEREMY STATTON is an orthopedic surgeon in Louisville, KY. Although he enjoys writing, reading, and running, his first love is his wife and four kids. His family is currently in the process of adopting a son from China. He is also the author of 
JOHN TILLER is an inspirational speaker and writer. He travels with his family to churches, conferences, and other events sharing 
JUSTIN WISE is the social strategist for 
Pingback: Pastors and Friends « Apprentice2Jesus
Pingback: It’s Lonely at the Top (or is it?) « faith parley