Have you ever noticed that people become more of who they are as they get older? Over the years adversity chips away the exterior facade, leaving our true selves exposed.

I witnessed this first-hand with my maternal grandfather. As he got older, he always seemed to be complaining. He shuffled through life with a frown on his face, grumbling about this or that. He appeared irritated at everyone and everything.

My father is just the opposite. In his seventies now he lives in chronic pain from an injury he received in the Korean War. My wife Gail recently asked him to rate his level of pain on a scale from one to ten.

To our surprise, he said, “About 9.9.” She asked him if it was always this intense. He replied, “Pretty much.” Wow. I can’t imagine.

But, honestly, being around him, you would hardly notice. He occasionally winces, but he never complains. He rarely talks about himself. He always seems to be joyful and smiling. My mother is the same way. They are two of the most positive people I know.

I didn’t think about this too much until I watched an interview Tony Robbins did with holocaust surviver, Alice Herz-Sommer. At 108 years old, she lives by herself in a tiny London flat with no assistance. Remarkably, she still practices the piano three hours a day.

In the interview Alice says she learned two important lessons from her mother:

1. Never complain. It doesn’t change anything. It only makes you miserable.
2. Be thankful. Treat everything in life—whether good or bad—as a gift.

Looking back, she was even grateful for her experience in the Nazi prison camp. She says, “I learned from the bad, but I focused on the good.”

As I watched her in the interview I was struck by just how joyful she is. She seemed to be constantly smiling.

You and I have the same choice as we get older: we can complain or we can be thankful. It’s really a matter of perspective. It comes down to what kind of person you want to be. And it ultimately determines our happiness.

The side lights dim in the auditorium and the speaker walks on stage. As they are introduced you notice something different about them. The way they are dressed commands your attention. They start to speak and you are quickly drawn into a powerful story. There is drama, tension, and intrigue.

Soon you are tracking with them. You can relate to their struggles and you marvel at their tenacity. Soon they share how they overcame obstacles and found a way to prosper. And then they do something amazing. They offer to share their secret with you.

You want to know more. You’ve been where they are, you’ve fought the battle, but you haven’t found a solution. As the speaker goes on, they mention they have a book and a step by step course of action you can take to change your own life.

In your mind, you know one thing. You’re not leaving until you have the answer. You pick up the book, follow the instructions, and your life changes.

Have you been there? Have you heard that presentation? Has your life changed?

My name is John Richardson and I’ve been part of a public speaking organization called Toastmasters International for over fifteen years. In that time I’ve heard hundreds of speeches and presentations, from short five-minute monologues to ninety minute keynotes. Yet in that time I’ve only heard about a dozen, truly motivational presentations. Ones that change your life.

As a speaker, I’ve always wanted to be able to give that kind of presentation. To reach deep down inside and share from the heart. To actually be able to motivate people to change their lives for the better. In my journey, I’ve become a student of speaking and motivational styles. I’ve tried many different things and failed many times, yet a few things emerged that I would like to share with you today. If you are a speaker and want to change the world, you’ll definitely need SPARK.

S.P.A.R.K is…

1. Senses: To build rapport with your audience you’ll need to activate their senses. My speaking friend, Sheryl Roush is a master at this. She starts way before the presentation begins. She knows that her audience will have three major learning styles. There are…
   • Visual learners. They intake information by what they see;
   • Audio learners. They intake information by what they hear; and
   • Kinesthetic learners. They intake information by what they feel.

   Sheryl always arrives at least an hour early. She has bright colored visuals in the form of PowerPoint slides or flip charts. She puts on background music for the audio people as they arrive. She has handouts ready for her kinesthetic guests. But Sheryl goes even further by heating up Chocolate Chip cookies and walking them through the room to add a pleasant aroma. She even adds powerful words and numbers to her slides for the analytics.

   Sheryl’s presentations are a sensory joy. She always dresses in bright colors and has a very professional and commanding presence. You know right away who the speaker is. No matter what your learning style is, you’ll come away impressed by her speech.

2. Purpose: People need to know why you are speaking to them. They need to know your purpose. Simon Sinek in his masterful TED speech suggests that we Start with Why. Most speakers start with what or how, but if you can get to the core, and share your why, you’ll have a chance to really impact your audience.

   When you share your why, it affects the part of the brain that deals with emotion. This is a deep set part of the brain can really motivate your audience, yet that part of the brain doesn’t work with words. Your audience may be motivated to action but may not be able to formulate words to describe it.

3. Act it out with stories: The best speakers I know are really actors in disguise. Their presentations are almost like going to a play. They come out from behind a podium and share powerful stories with emotion and action. There is drama and intrigue as they share powerful action words with passion. Their vocal variety is enormous.

   Stories like this are what will truly bring your audience in. They need to include all the senses. Your audience needs to see, hear and feel what is going on.

4. Relate: Stories should relate to your particular audience. Make them conversational and personal. Show us the dark days. Show us your failures. Be real. Almost all of the truly motivational speeches take us into the pain and agony of a situation and contrast it with a solution or new reality. The greater the contrast, the greater the audience impact.

   Nancy Duarte illustrates this concept powerfully in her video post on Presentation Contrast. Contrast is like a sine wave, alternating between what is and what can be. As Nancy shares, if you truly want to change the world, take an idea, add contrast, and share it with others.

5. Knowledge: The best presentations offer something new and unique. There is nothing cliché about them. They offer a take-away, whether that is a handout, book, or video. The audience member has a chance to gain further knowledge. Authors have a definite advantage here. Having a book to sell or a seminar to attend, is a great way to effect change.

Creating a powerful and motivating presentation takes a lot of time, effort, and practice. A great place to start is a local Toastmasters club where you can learn speaking and leadership skills and be able to practice and refine your speech. If you truly want to get up to speed quickly, Ken Davis and Michael Hyatt’s SCORRE conference can teach you powerful presentation skills in just a few days. You’ll be ready for the platform in no time.

I spent the summer before my sophomore year in college as a summer missionary in Galveston, Texas. Each week my team visited a different church in the area and led vacation Bible school. It was fun, rewarding work.

In addition, I was assigned to a local church where I lived with the pastor, his wife, and their two children. They were both in their fifties and made me feel right at home.

After I had been there for about a month, the pastor casually said to me, “Mike, Rhonda and I are going out of town next weekend. I’d like for you to lead the service on Sunday and preach for me.”

I immediately felt the color drain from my face. I was terrified. “But, I’ve never spoken in public,” I stammered.

“Don’t worry. You’ll do fine,” he chuckled. “There’s a first time for everything.” He then got up and walked out of the room. Evidently, not accepting the assignment was not an option!

I remember studying like crazy during that week. I read the Bible and poured over commentaries. I outlined the points I wanted to make. I then revised the outline, then threw it away and started over—several times. I couldn’t sleep. I dreaded facing the congregation on Sunday.

The truth is, I did fine—just as he predicted. My sermon wasn’t great, but I got through it. And with practice I grew better at speaking.

Since that time, I have spoken more than one thousand times. I have also appeared on more than twelve hundred radio and television shows. I have written seven books and over one thousand blog posts. Communication is my life.

If only I could have done something to shorten the learning curve at the beginning. Yes, I read books on speaking and communication. Those helped. But it wasn’t until I attended The SCORRE Conference last spring that I saw the potential of how getting the right training can accelerate your proficiency.

My friend, Ken Davis, invited Gail and me to attend the conference last April. He founded this conference and has been faithfully teaching it for years.

We initially went as participants and were blown away. We learned three essential skills:

1. The SCORRE preparation framework. This is the outlining technique that enables the best communicators to communicate with power. Once you know the secret, you can apply it to any speech and hit a home run every time.
2. The SCORRE illustration method. This is a proven method for collecting compelling illustrations and communicating them in a way that is entertaining, effective, and transformational.
3. The SCORRE delivery technique. This is a collection of best practices for using your voice and body to enhance your message and connect with your audience. I can’t believe I hadn’t learned this stuff before.

But that was only the beginning. If that was all we learned, it would have been worth the price. And then some. But there was more.

What made this particular conference so powerful was we had to prepare and deliver one short speech each day. That may sound scary, but it wasn’t. It was the difference-maker that guaranteed we actually improved as speakers.

After we delivered each talk to our small group, a certified master coach evaluated what we were doing well and where we could improve.

In addition, he video-taped each of our speeches, along with his comments, so we could review them later. Honestly, the improvement was dramatic. Every student left better than when they came—many, dramatically so.

I was so impressed with The SCORRE Conference I am now a full partner with Ken Davis. Whether you are a professional speaker, a pastor, a corporate executive, an author—or are just passionate about a message—you can take your communication skills to the next level by attending this conference.

The next one is scheduled for April 30–May 3, 2012 at WinShape, the beautiful Chick-fil-A conference center at Berry College near Rome, Georgia.

If you register now, you can take advantage of the Early Bird Discount. This will save you $100 off the regular tuition price of $1,099. In addition, if you use the discount code “HYATT,” you can take another $100 off. The Early Bird discount is good through February 15, 2012.

We also offer a money-back guarantee. Here’s the deal: If you attend the conference, participate in all the learning activities, and are not completely satisfied that you got your money’s worth, we will happily refund your tuition. No questions asked.

Note: the tuition is going up after this next conference. One of the first things I told Ken is the conference is way under-priced. As someone who attends a lot of training conferences, I don’t know of anything that provides this kind of value at this price.

I hope you will join us. I will be there again this year for the entire conference. I plan to make myself available to the students during the meals and informal activities. I hope I get a chance to shake your hand and get acquainted.

Update: Here’s what one of our students, Scot Longyear got out of The SCORRE Conference. This was unsolicited: How I Became a Better Communicator.

In 1986 I started my own publishing company with Robert Wolgemuth. We had worked together at Word, Inc. and then at Thomas Nelson. Like a lot of young entrepreneurs, we had a big dream, a business plan, but few resources.

We raised enough money from investors to launch the company, but we were still strapped for cash. Regardless, we soldiered on, believing that God would bless our creativity, hard work, and commitment to excellence.

Our first big break came in 1988 when the Los Angeles Dodgers won the World Series. After the final game, Robert and I miraculously got an appointment with Orel Hershiser, the Dodgers’ pitcher. We met with him in Washington, D.C. just after he met with President Reagan.

Our meeting went well. He hadn’t considered writing a book, but we were able to talk him into it. He seemed genuinely excited.

After our meeting, we visited the Washington Redskins practice field together, where we met Coach Joe Gibbs and watched the Redskins practice. Orel was a major celebrity and everyone on the team wanted to shake his hand.

We then flew with Orel and his agent to New York by private jet where we had dinner together. It was heady stuff for a couple of young businessmen from Nashville.

We were really excited about the idea of publishing Orel’s book, but we knew we would be in competition with the biggest publishers on the planet. They would surely drive up the royalty advance for the book, but we hoped against hope that we could make a favorable enough impression that he would publish with us in spite of the money.

A few days later, Orel’s agent called us. He said, “I have great news. Orel would like to publish his book with you, provided you are willing to pay a royalty advance of $150,000.”

Without a moments hesitation, we both said, “Absolutely. We’re in!” We then promised to get him a contract the next day. We were pumped!

We hung up the phone and high-fived one another. After a few seconds, I said, “Only one problem … where are we going to come up $150,000?”

Robert laughed, “Oh, yea, that!”

We didn’t know if we should celebrate or puke. It was one of those times in business where the line between success and disaster is razor thin.

Robert finally suggested that we call Jack, one of our investors, who also sat on our board. He said, “I’m sure Jack will lend us the money. This is a no-brainer.”

A few minutes later, we had Jack on the phone. We shared with him our story of meeting Orel, and his agent’s decision to give us the book. Jack was enthusiastic. “Way to go guys. I am proud of you!”

Robert then said, “Yea, only one problem, Jack. We need $150,000 for the royalty advance. We’re confident this book will be a bestseller, so we just need a short-term loan. Can you help us out?”

We held our breath.

To our surprise, Jack said, “You bet, guys. This is going to be huge.”

Robert and I pumped our fists and quietly mouthed the word, “Yes!”

“Just one thing I need you to do,” Jack continued. “As part of the loan agreement, I need you to pledge your homes to me as collateral. If you are willing to do that, we can make this happen quickly.”

Uh-oh. We didn’t see that coming.

What Jack understood, and we eventually learned, is that having skin in the game makes it easier for everyone to win. I’ve seen it again and again—in life and in business.

When you have something significant at stake:

1. Your attention is focused. Winning or losing matters.
2. You work harder, because you have a stake in the outcome. If the book didn’t work, we would lose our homes.
3. You won’t walk away as easily. You have to fight until the bitter end. This is good for everyone involved.

As it turns out, we did agree to Jack’s terms. He loaned us the money, and we published Orel’s book, Out of the Blue. It landed on the New York Times list at #4 where it remained for several weeks. The whole process took less than ninety days from the first phone call to hitting the list.

Thankfully, we were able to repay Jack the money we owed him. Our wives were happy too, since we didn’t need to move out and turn our property over to Jack. This was one of those times when everything just worked.

The moral of the story is this: if you want to accomplish big goals, you need to have skin in the game. You don’t have to pledge your house, but you need to have something significant at stake. The more concrete you can make it, the better.

I have written previously about how to go further, faster. One of the best ways is to hire a personal coach. I have used coaches for more than a decade. I credit much of my success to this strategy.

The problem is coaches can be expensive—especially for those in ministry. That’s why I am especially excited about Ministry Coaching International (MCI). It was started by my good friends at Building Champions, the coaching company I use and recommend. MCI has the same philosophy as Building Champions, but it is specifically focused on—and priced for—ministry professionals.

Recently, I had the opportunity to interview Dick Savidge, the president of MCI. Please note that this is not a sponsored post. I simply believe in this ministry and wanted to make you aware of it. My questions below are in bold.

Q: What is personal coaching?

Coaching is a one-on-one relationship that focuses on life and leadership transformation. While it often includes counseling, mentoring, and spiritual direction, coaching has a great emphasis on whole life integration and growth. MCI coaches apply a systematic approach in helping a ministry leader develop in the key aspects of life. The pursuit of increasing excellence and sharpening is always in concert with the Holy Spirit’s leading.

Q: How did you get involved in coaching, Dick?

I got involved in coaching after a friend recommended that I experience coaching as a way to sharpen my skills when working with leaders. Being a life and leadership coach is a logical conclusion to a career that has included family therapist, pastor, and spiritual director.

Q: What is MCI and what makes it unique?

Ministry Coaching is a team of seasoned ministry veterans who have one goal: to help leaders multiply their impact, live well, and finish with excellence. We seek to empower the leader to embrace his or her calling and focus on four essential areas of life and leadership. Our distinctive is our dual commitment to systematic growth and spirit-led experiences.

Q: What are the “core four” and how do they apply in a ministry context?

The core-four are MCI’s foundational pillars for personal and professional growth. First is a life plan. Here an individual deals with who they are and who God is calling them to be and what He is calling them to do. Second is ministry vision. Here an individual deals with where they are going and where their organization is going. Clear vision is the first step toward focused strategy. Third is ministry plan. This involves developing the strategic steps that need to be taken to realize the vision. And four, priority management involves the execution of the plan. This is all about the stewardship of time, energy and gifts. It is about making it happen.

Q: What is the single most important reason a person should be coached?

The greatest reason a person should be coached is so they can maximize their God-given potential. To live, to lead, and to finish well is the essence of being a good steward.

Q: What is the problem that MCI is striving to solve?

Many ministry leaders are being held back from living out their true, God-given potential. We exist to help the leader maximize their potential as they live a balanced life and therefore, avoid the lonely road to burn out.

Q: Assume I want to be a client, how does coaching with MCI work?

First, you will meet with your prospective coach and share expectations and objectives. You will explore potential game plans, as you start to develop chemistry and trust. As this develops you will commit to twenty-four biweekly coaching sessions. During these sessions you will experience the power of the Holy Spirit’s working through your coach to help you achieve all God has for you.

Q: Can you give me an example or two of real results?

Sure. Mike was a pastor, who lived a lonely corner office existence. He discovered that his “high trust” team was anything but. He was devastated when he found out. However, through coaching he made the personal and organizational changes that he needed to make. Today, he has a genuine high-trust team. Jim is another one. He had no real understanding of health and balance. His life was out of control as he tried to be all things to all people. With our coaching, he started to understand that the need is not the call. He learned how to say “no,” so he could unequivocally say yes to the things that matter most.

Q: What kind of person makes the best client?

The best client is a full-time ministry leader who is hungry to grow, learn, and become the person God has called them to be. He realizes that living out his own unique call, with balance and intensity, is the ultimate adventure. By the way, we accept both men and women as clients.

Q: If someone is interested in exploring coaching, what do they need to do next?

The best thing is to call us at (541) 312-5852. They can also explore our website.

The first twenty five people to call our offices will receive a free 30-minute coaching consultation.

You may also want to follow us on Twitter or Facebook.

I love my complicated situation. I lead an Internet company based in Poland (Central Europe). Most of our team is located there, with one person in Germany, collaborators in the USA and Japan—and me in Spain. And our customers are all over the world. Leading a company like this is complex but rewarding.

We all work from home. It’s our lifestyle choice. Everyone works the way they want, at the time they want. It gives us all lots of freedom, but it also requires a tremendous amount of focus—and great leadership skills from me. I’m learning as I go, reading this blog every day as well as every leadership book I can find. I’m also a GTD (Getting Things Done) aficionado and this helps, too.

Here are five best practices I’ve learned so far about leading a team remotely:

1. Schedule weekly reviews. In his best seller, Getting Things Done book, David Allen highlights the importance of the “Weekly Review,” a meeting we should schedule with ourselves to review our past week and prepare for the next one. This is indispensable for ensuring that I am focused and on-task.

   Although we’re a small team, my first two team members, my Chief Technology Officer and Customer Service manager, are responsible for day-to-day management of their teams. That’s why every Monday I do an hourly Weekly Review with each of them. This helps us stay focused, summarize last week, and set priorities for the next one.

2. Host a weekly “All-Hands” meeting with the entire team. Every Thursday afternoon we call in for an hour-long conference call where everyone shares how their week has gone so far. This bonds the team and lets everyone know what’s going on. We can also ask questions and just chat. We actually look forward to these meetings every week.
3. Schedule my time strategically. This is really important. Without this you can find yourself being in response-mode all day long, so I decided to divide my day into two parts:
   • Before noon is my creative time. My e-mail application is closed. I don’t schedule any phone calls. I work on our strategy, vision, and product. I also write articles, even code a prototype of an app if needed. No distractions, only my work. And sometimes a run or exercise.
   • After noon is my responsive time. Now I open my e-mail and get it to “inbox zero”. I prepare feedback for my team, schedule phone calls, interviews, brainstorming sessions, I’m all “at my team’s disposal” now.

   Michael has highlighted on this blog several times how he values responsiveness and I try to follow his advice and in this part of my day make sure I respond to everything that needs attention. My team comes always first.

4. Communicate through online collaboration apps. We use apps like Dropbox, Google Docs, Socialcast, and our own project-management application to communicate through these tools instead of e-mail. This way everyone is on the same page as to what is going on in the company and on what we all should be working on. E-mail is great, but it wasn’t built for online collaboration. There are better tools.
5. Embrace the fact that control is good, but trust is better. The Germans are fond of saying, “Trust is good, but control is better” I’d say it’s the other way round. Trust is key. I’m trusting my team to do a great job, and I’m doing my best to help them. If someone doesn’t deliver, sooner or later you’ll notice. It’s hard not to. People also work better when they know you trust them.

As a bonus, once a year we meet for a retreat. We all fly to some nice place to spend a week together. We dedicate around three to four hours a day talking about work and bonding and the rest of the time relaxing. These retreats help us get to know one another on a different level and recharge batteries.

I’m also traveling a lot, so whenever I’m close to someone from my team, I try to make sure we meet, eat lunch, or grab a cup of coffee. We need this in-person contact with one another.

Leading a team remotely is challenging, but it is also rewarding. With the technology currently available—and a little intention—it is very doable.

A few weeks ago, I had to speak five times in one day. I knew it would require a lot of me mentally and emotionally. My goal is always to give 110 percent. I want nothing left on the table when I finish.

But, for some reason, I woke up that morning in a funk. I don’t know why. It was one of those things I couldn’t explain. But I didn’t like it and knew I needed to get myself in a better place if I was going to deliver on my goal.

There was a time when I thought I couldn’t change my attitude. I viewed myself as the victim of mysterious forces that shaped my emotional state. It never occurred to me that I could shift it—almost instantly.

But as I have learned since, we have more control than we think. Moreover, Tony Robbins taught me how to apply this principle to my emotional state. Without question, it is the single most important life skill I have acquired.

Let me elaborate.

You can instantly shift your attitude by taking the following three actions:

1. Shift your mental focus. This is where it starts. I can choose what I think about. For example, I can think, Argh, I have to speak five times today. Or, I can think, Wow, I get to speak five times today. This is so important, that I have literally written down a script that I recite before I speak. This is how I prime the pump:
   • I am not here by accident. God sent me. To these people. At exactly this time.
   • That’s because He has a purpose; therefore, I have a purpose in being here.
   • Through Christ, I can do all things. He has given me every resource I need to succeed.
   • I have the energy, the passion, and the message to make a huge impact—now and for eternity.
   • What I have to share today is vitally important. It matters. To them and to their loved ones.
   • Those that hear it will be changed forever. Years from now, they will look back on today and say, “It started here.”
   • By God’s grace, I am prepared. I am strong. I am energetic. I am outstanding. My heart is wide open. I will connect and make a difference!
2. Change your posture. Do you know that every emotion has physical attributes? For example, if I say to you, “act like you are depressed,” you would likely slump your shoulders, tilt your head down, and rub your face. You would frown and your breathing might slow down.

   If I say to you, “act like you won the lottery,” you would likely jump up and down, thrust your arms up into the air, and scream with joy. You would smile and your breathing might speed up.

   Does the emotion cause the action or does the action cause the emotion? The truth is, it doesn’t matter. If you smile, for example, and hold it for several seconds, it will change your biochemistry.

   In an article published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, a team of psychologists at Clark University in Worcester, Massachusetts, showed that simply having people put their facial muscles in a configuration typical of a given emotion produced the feeling that the expressions represent. (See this article in the New York Times and this one in Scientific American.)

3. Watch your language. Our words are more important than we think. They reflect our thinking. But they sometimes influence our thinking as well.

   Words have tremendous power. King Solomon reminds us, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit (Proverbs 18:21).

   But rarely do we apply these words to the language we use in talking to ourselves. For example, you ask someone, “How are you doing?” They respond, “Well, I’m surviving.” Strangely, those words shape their reality—or at least their perception of it. They end up barely getting by.

   Conversely, I have another friend who always replies, “Outstanding!” This too shapes his reality. He always seems to be doing well. I know he has challenges, but his words empower him and give him the resources he needs to overcome them.

Honestly, this formula works for me every time—almost like a recipe. If I am deliberate about taking these three actions, my emotional state shifts.

The good news is that this puts me—and you—in control. And often this spells the difference between success and failure.

Have your doubts? Take the seven day challenge. Try this for seven days and see if it doesn’t make a difference. Report back with your results. I’d love to hear.

This past weekend, I took the eight young men in my mentoring group on a retreat. It was the kickoff to our 2012 season.

We went to Deer Run, a beautiful retreat center in the hills of middle Tennessee. The weather was absolutely gorgeous—mid-40s and plenty of sunshine.

We focused on the topic of life planning. Most of the guys had written a life plan, but we used the time to review the basics and update our work. (A life plan is never done. It must be updated on a regular basis.)

The most memorable part of the retreat for me was the low ropes course. Bob Elder, a local businessman, facilitated the experience and did an outstanding job.

He presented to us a series of five challenges that we had to solve together as a team. They became progressively more difficult as the afternoon wore on.

The last one—and the most difficult of the five—was climbing a twelve-foot wall. We had to get each man over the wall alive. All the men were permitted to help the others until they successfully scaled the wall. Then they could only watch.

This exercise took some serious teamwork and a deliberate strategy. But I’m pleased to report that every man made it.

Here are seven of my leadership take-aways from this experience:

1. Someone must step up and lead. I made it clear on the front end that though I was normally the leader of the group, I wouldn’t be leading during these challenges. I expected them to figure it out. No one really led during the first exercise and it showed. Then the men started appointing a different leader for each challenge, and it made a huge difference.
2. The best leaders solicit ideas from their followers. As we quickly learned, being the leader didn’t mean you had to have the best ideas. Each of the leaders started by asking the team for ideas. (We had a very creative group.) They gave each man a chance to express himself and then made a decision on the goal and the strategy.
3. Alignment is more important than strategy. The leader didn’t always pick the best strategy. As team members, we were not always in agreement with the strategy. Regardless, we voluntarily aligned ourselves around the leader and did our best to execute on the selected strategy. Sometimes, we had to try multiple strategies. Still, we stayed together..
4. Trust makes everything easier. Most of the men in my my group have been meeting together for two years. Many of the men have gone through incredibly difficult life experiences. We have shared in one another’s joy and pain. Through this, we have built trust—something we needed and used in each of the challenges.
5. Debriefing is essential to progress. After each challenge, Bob had us debrief on what he had learned. This was huge and dramatically improved our results with each successive challenge. So often, we fail to do this in life and in our work—and it shows. Perhaps we think we don’t have time. But this actually saves time in the long run.
6. Almost any problem can be solved by teamwork. There were several times that I personally didn’t see how we would solve the problem. This was especially true on the last one. But thankfully, I was not left to my own resources. Someone on the team always had an idea that worked. It made me relax and trust that we could figure it out together.
7. Working together is more satisfying than working alone. Going through these challenges was such a powerful, bonding experience. We were on the course for a little over three hours. It seemed like it was less than an hour. We had a blast, accomplished more than we could have done on our own, and grew closer together. It was a great reminder of the joy of teamwork.

I love reading books on leadership and attending seminars. But as helpful as these are, they are not the same as doing something together with a team. There are some things in life that are best learned by doing.

If you live in the Nashville area, I highly recommend taking advantage of Deer Run. If you don’t live nearby, see if you can find a retreat center with a low (or even high) ropes course. It is well-worth the investment.

The value of a mentor cannot be overestimated. A mentor is someone who is a few laps ahead of you in an area of life where you wish to find success. More than formal training, more than a book or a seminar, a good mentor brings his or her personal experience to bear on your life in a way that may shape it forever.

But how to find one? It’s actually easier than you think. Here are five ways to find a mentor:

1. Don’t Start with Seth Godin or Max Lucado. Yes, we’d all love to have someone at the top of our profession mentor us. But not only is this unrealistic, it’s also unhelpful. Chances are that the advice of someone at the very top would be intimidating or unhelpful to you at your current pace of life. Instead, look for someone a few levels ahead of you in your chosen field. Someone accessible to you. There is a pastor in my community whose church is medium-sized, but not mega. Since I pastor a small church, he’s perfect for me and has the time.
2. Attend trade functions or gatherings in your community. As a pastor, I regularly attend pastor’s gatherings in our area. I’ve also done this in the Christian publishing field. Simply attending and meeting new people has led to many rich mentoring relationships. If you stay inside your office your entire life, you’ll never experience the opportunity to be enriched by the wisdom of others.
3. Make friendships through simple conversation. You don’t find a mentor by asking someone, “Can you be my mentor?” That’s a bit awkward and may seem to put a heavy burden on someone who doesn’t know you very well. Instead, meet people, develop relationships through conversation and let natural human interaction be your guide.
4. Follow up with a request to meet again, one-on-one. If you’ve gotten to know someone you think you can learn from, get his contact information and ask him something like, “Hey, I’d love to sit for coffee and pick your brain on _______.” This is the intentional part of finding a mentor. I’ve done this a number of times both with pastors and with writers and have found them eager to share what they know about their chosen field.
5. Ask questions. When you do meet for coffee, pepper the mentor with questions and then sit back and listen. Ask him questions like, “How did you get into this field?” “What have you learned over the years?” “What do you think of this idea?” Don’t try to wow him with all you’ve done. You’re there to learn from his success.

Mentoring relationships are valuable . . . and they aren’t complicated. They are simply friendships which have the potential to help shape your future.

Oh, and a bonus tip: pick up the tab. The wisdom you gain is well worth the price of a latte.

If you want to improve the quality of your life or business, planning is essential. You have to be honest about your current reality, envision a better future, and then create a roadmap for getting from one to the other.

But having a solid plan is no guarantee against encountering problems along the way. As a mentor of mine used to say, “Doo-doo occurs.”

In the video above, a classical violist faces the unexpected. Near the end of a concert, a cell phone goes off in the audience. Note what he does:

• He embraces the interruption as an opportunity.
• He uses the unexpected to demonstrate his artistry.
• He wins over the crowd and a creates an unforgettable experience.

The Apostle James encouraged this kind of attitude when he wrote:

When all kinds of trials and temptations crowd into your lives my brothers, don’t resent them as intruders, but welcome them as friends! Realize that they come to test your faith and to produce in you the quality of endurance (1:2–4, J.B. Phillips New Testament)

The bottom line is that it all comes down to your perspective. Do you see obstacles as problems or opportunities?

I am not your average leader. My leadership decisions don’t affect the boardroom, but they do the future of the world because I am raising two future leaders. I am a domestic engineer, a home economist, a housewife, a mom. I have found that my leadership at home has taught me lessons that any leader, whether in the board room or the laundry room, can use.

1. If it stinks, change it. This philosophy applies to diapers and to decisions. As leaders, sometimes we may “own” an idea so tightly, that even when shown data that the idea is failing, we keep holding on to it. A leader should be able to change. As Gary Shapiro, president and chief executive of Consumer Electronics Association and co-author of a book on innovation puts it, “Mistakes are OK—hiding them is not.”

2. Time outs are helpful. Sometimes my kids need a time out. A time out helps them refocus and get ready to carry on—with a new attitude. Sometimes I need a break…from my kids! That doesn’t make me a bad mom. In fact, the “time out” makes me a better mom. Good leaders also recognize the value of a time out or as Michael Hyatt refers to it, The Discipline of Rest.
3. You need to share. A smart mom knows that arguments in the next room can often be stopped just by calling out, “Share!” A 1991 Mercedes commercial conveyed similar advice. When asked why they gave away a basic safety advance for free, by never enforcing their patent on their energy absorbing car body, the engineer replied, “There are some things in life that are too important not to share.” Good leaders understand the importance of sharing.
4. It’s okay to be “mean.” After I took away my daughter’s dessert in punishment for lying, she said, “I am 100 percent sure you are not my real mom.” The assumption, of course, was that a real mom would never be so mean as to take away a child’s dessert. While my daughter couldn’t see past dessert, I was looking at the bigger picture, her integrity. Likewise, when my husband gave pay cuts to his entire company, including himself, during tough economic times he won no popularity contest. However, his hard, but wise decision enabled his company to stay afloat, while many other companies went under. Good leaders sometimes make “mean” decisions, but they are for the best interest of everyone.
5. Leaders know how to follow. My kids love to play follow the leader, knowing before the game starts that they take turns being the leader. In my life, I may be Queen of the Kitchen, but my husband is the one bringing home the bacon. I must respect that. Even if you are a CEO, you still have a board, shareholders, or your client to whom you report. Realize that just like in the game, sometimes you lead, and sometimes you follow.
6. The future is in our hands. My kids will grow up and leave home one day. My job is to prepare them for that. I won’t always be around to rescue them or give advice. I mentor them now, with the goal that they will know what they should do, even when I’m not around to tell them. A good leader trains his people well, because he knows the importance of raising up new leaders.

Sometimes, success is simply a matter of making one small adjustment. For example, at 211 degrees, water is hot. But at 212 degrees it boils. This makes all the difference.

Sam Parker and Mac Anderson expanded on this simple metaphor in their short book, 212°: the Extra Degree. They wrote,

Raising the temperature of water by one extra degree means the difference between something that is simply very hot and something that generates enough force to power a machine—a beautiful, uncomplicated metaphor that ideally should feed every endeavor—consistently pushing us to make the extra effort in every task we undertake…. It reminds us that seemingly small things can make tremendous differences.

Think about it:

• The margin of victory in the Men’s 800-meter Race in the 1984 Summer Olympic Games was only 0.71 seconds—less than one second!
• The average margin of victory in the Daytona 500 and the Indianapolis 500 (combined) over the last ten years has been 1.54 seconds. And the prize money for second place was less than half that of first place.
• The average margin of victory for the last 25 years in all major PGA golf tournaments combined was less than three strokes.

The point is that it doesn’t take that much extra effort to win first place. What could you do if you were willing to push just a little bit more and break ahead of the pack?

Here’s how you can harness the 212° principle in your goal-setting:

1. Choose one goal. Select the one that matters the most to you this year.
2. Identify what’s at stake. Why is accomplishing this goal so important—to you?
3. Write down 2-3 key actions. These are the ones that could propel you into the winner’s circle.
4. Now execute! Stop planning. Stop stalling. Just get out there and do it.

I am reminded of a quote by Thomas Edison (also cited in Parker and Anderson’s book):

Many of life’s failures are men who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

How close are you right now?

You might want to show the video above to your team and then go through the exercise I’ve outlined together. It could make all the difference in accomplishing your most important goal for this year.

A few weeks ago, I sat down with an old friend to catch up. He lost his job about nine months ago in a recession-induced layoff and has been unable to find another job. He’s had plenty of interviews just no offers.

“What’s wrong with me?” he asked. “Why won’t someone offer me a job?” He was clearly discouraged.

I am sure he wasn’t even conscious of the question he was asking. It just bubbled up from his subconscious. But it was a good example of a bad question.

Questions are powerful tools. They can ignite hope and lead to new insights. They can also destroy hope and keep us stuck in bad assumptions.

The key is to be intentional and choose our questions well.

For example, when something bad happens, you could ask:

• Why does this always happen to me?
• What did I do to deserve this?
• What’s wrong with me?

As soon as we ask these questions, our brains go to work, serving up answers. It is almost automatic. The answers have a way of reinforcing the assumptions behind the question.

For example, if you ask “What’s wrong with me?” you are assuming there IS something wrong with you. Your mind immediately begins proposing possible answers.

Maybe it’s because:

• You’re too old.
• You’re too young.
• You’re inexperienced.
• You’re overqualified.
• You’re too assertive.
• You’re too passive.

Whatever the question, the answers reinforce the assumption and provide an excuse for why you are not getting the results you want.

But what if you ask a different question? For example, my friend could ask:

• What could I do to make my interviews more memorable?
• What are the two or three attributes that make me the best possible candidate for the job?
• How can I follow up in a way that makes it easier for the prospective employer to say “yes”?
• How could my apparent liabilities really be an asset in this situation?

These are constructive questions. They empower and create new possibilities. They lead to action. And they will produce results.

The last question is particularly interesting. How could your apparent liabilities really be an asset in this situation?

For example, if you think you are too old, that could, in fact, be a tremendous asset. You have no doubt made a lot of mistakes and have learned from them. As a result, you have better judgment.

If you think you don’t have enough experience, that too could be a great asset. You aren’t locked into the same assumptions as more experienced candidates. It is easier for you to think “outside the box” and approach problems with a fresh perspective.

Here are four ways to ask better, more empowering questions:

1. Become conscious of the questions you are asking yourself.
2. Evaluate these questions: Is this a good question? If not, what’s a better one?
3. Choose the better question. Be intentional.
4. Write down the answers that your brain serves up. Act on these insghts.

This whole process goes back to a premise I have written about many times:

If you want to change the results you are getting, you must change your thinking.

Everything—everything!—starts there.

Presentation software can be a wonderful tool if used correctly. It can also be a dangerous distraction that interferes with communication rather than facilitating it. The line between the two is thin.

Over the course of my career, I have sat through hundreds of presentations. Most of them were done with PowerPoint. Most of them are done poorly.

I often think the presenter would be more compelling if he would ditch the presentation software and just speak. Because of this, I even thought of outlawing presentation software when I was the CEO of Thomas Nelson.

But alas, It has become a staple of corporate life. It is the ubiquitous prop that attends every presentation.

So if we can’t outlaw presentation software, at least we can improve how we use it. Here are my five rules for making more effective presentations.

1. Don’t give your presentation software center stage. This is the biggest mistake I see speakers make. They forget that PowerPoint or Keynote are tools designed to augment their presentation not be their presentation.

   Never forget: You are the presenter. Your message should be the focus. Not your slides. Not your props. And not your handouts. You are in the lead role, and you need to retain that role.

   No amount of “razzle dazzle” or slide effects can overcome a weak presentation. If you don’t do your job, slides won’t save you. It only makes a bad presentation worse.

2. Create a logical flow to your presentation. Better yet, tell a story. (See Cliff Atkinson’s Beyond Bullet Points. The absolute last thing you want to do is turn your presentation into a random assortment of bulleted lists, which is what often happens, especially when PowerPoint is involved. There must be a flow.

   Start with a good outlining or mind mapping program. I personally use OmniOutliner. Decide if your talk is going to be a persuasive speech or an enabling one. (It should be one or the other.) We teach you how to do this at The SCORRE Conference. This is something I use every day.

3. Make your presentation readable. Memorize this sentence: “If people can’t read my slides from the back of the room, my type is too small.” Now repeat it over and over again while you create your slides. If people are squinting during your presentation, trying to make out what’s on the slide, you’ve lost your audience.

   In my experience you must use at least 30-point type. Obviously, it depends on the size of the room, the size of the screen, etc. This is precisely why you can’t afford to leave this to chance. You must test your slides and make certain they are readable.

   In Really Bad PowerPoint (PDF file), Seth Godin also sets forth five PowerPoint rules. In the first one he says, “No more than six words on a slide. EVER.” This may be too extreme, but you get the idea. The more words you use, the less readable they become.

   I have made some really effective presentations with no more than a word or two per slide. It can be done. Steve Jobs was a master at this. So is Tom Peters.

   Here are some other things to remember regarding text:

   • Avoid paragraphs or long blocks of text. If you really, really must use a paragraph, then whittle it down to the bare essentials. Use an excerpt—a couple of sentences. Emphasize the important words. Put the text block by itself on a single slide.
   • Use appropriate fonts. I recommend a sans serif font for titles (e.g., Arial, Verdana, Helvetica, or—my personal favorite—Myriad Pro, etc.) and a serif font for bullets or body text (e.g., Times New Roman, Garamond, Goudy, Palatino, etc.). Most books are typeset this way because it make them more readable. The serifs help you recognize the characters (and thus the words) faster. It makes the text more readable. It’s also customary to use san serif fonts for chart labels.
   • Avoid detailed reports. If you need to include a report in your presentation, hand it out. Don’t force people to try to read a ledger printout on a slide. (Financial people take note!) If you must show a report, use it as a picture and then use a “call out” to emphasize the part of the report you want people to focus on. Better yet, just fill up a whole slide with the one number you want people to take away from the presentation.
   • Avoid “title capitalization” unless (duh!) it’s a title. Sentence capitalization is much easier to read. For example, “Sales are up 100% in the southeast region” is easier than “Sales Are Up 100% In The Southeast Region.” This is especially true when you have numerous bullet points.
4. Remember, less is more. Fancy slide transitions and fly-ins get old quickly. I strongly recommend that you keep things simple. A basic dissolve from one slide to another is usually sufficient.

   Also, have all your bullets appear at once rather than one at a time. Avoid sound effects—they serve no other purpose than annoying the audience and distracting them from your presentation.

   Finally, cut down the number of slides. You don’t need a transcript of your speech with every point and sub-point. Yawn! People are only going to remember the major points any way.

5. Distribute a handout. I have changed my mind on this over the years. I do not think that you should distribute a handout before you begin speaking.

   If you do so, people will start reading ahead instead of listening to you. It’s just one more distraction to keep them from focusing on your message. It also eliminates any surprises or drama you have built into your presentation.

   Instead, I tell people that I will distribute a handout of the slides when I am finished with my presentation. (Or now, I often create a special page on my blog, with the slides embedded into it using SlideShare.net.) That way, they can take notes during my session, knowing that they don’t have to write everything down. This allows them to stay engaged without becoming distracted.

Finally, I would encourage you to hone your PowerPoint or Keynote skills like you would any other essential business skill. The more you work at it, the better you will get. And the better you get the more compelling your presentations will become.

No one is perfect. No one can be right 100 percent of the time (even if you are Jack Welch or Steve Jobs), including an organization’s leaders. But there are mistakes, and then there are MISTAKES.

I have found 10 basic essentials that all leaders should have on their list entitled “things to avoid at all costs,” lest they end up on the wrong end of a no-confidence Board vote, a Shareholder lawsuit, or worst of all, an SEC subpoena.

As a former (and very green) CEO, I was guilty of all of these leadership mistakes, and they cost me, my executive team, employees, shareholders, and my family, dearly. The sad part of this is that I could have avoided all of these mistakes. So, please learn from my failures.

Some of these mistakes may be obvious; some may be a bit more obscure. They are all critical.

1. Pride and Arrogance.The downfall of many leaders is that their early successes begin to inflate their egos. Never forget your roots, don’t think you are invincible or infallible, and don’t put yourself above anything or anyone.  An ancient script says, “Pride goes before destruction,” and it behooves leaders to tattoo that on their forearms.The trappings and power of the office lulled me into a false sense of security. I began to believe that I was superior to other people and institutions, and that I could do no wrong.
2. Negative Influences.There is no lack of advice in this world. Some voices offer valuable counsel that can help keep you on track. Other voices will nudge you ever so slightly until one day you wake up and find yourself way off course. Tune in to the voices of value and tune the others out.I had plenty of people surrounding me, all eager to give advice. My challenge was, sifting through the ones worth listening to, and ignoring the others. How can you tell the difference? Listen to different perspectives from divergent sets of people, and then pay attention to the still small voice inside of you. The longer you listen, the better listener and discerner you will become.
3. Lacking Integrity.There are many things you can lack and still steer clear of danger. Integrity isn’t one of them. Establish a set of sound ethics policies, integrate them into all business processes, communicate them broadly to all employees, and make clear that you will not tolerate any deviation from any of them. Then live by them.You have to carve out time to set the “integrity agenda,” for your own edification, and then to make it clear to the organization. I took for granted people would be able to figure out right from wrong. The problem is, in the middle of a hectic and pressure filled quarter, I myself failed to figure it out.
4. Majoring in Minor Things.This is one of Jim Rohn’s basic principles for success. You cannot be successful in the long run, being 10 miles wide and an inch deep. There are a handful of things that are important enough to account for the greatest impact. Take a cue from Steve Jobs and get rid of the distractions. Tie your vision and strategy to the truly impactful things and execute those to the best of your ability.I failed by trying to do it all. You can’t. You will hit the wall, and so will the company. I became mediocre at a large number of things.
5. Avoiding.If there are things that you can do, and should do, then do them. Don’t neglect them. The basic business fundamentals cannot be ignored. Strengthen your skills in weak areas or put people in place in whose skill and integrity you trust.I was not able to recognize the areas I was weak in quickly enough to either learn how to do them (sometimes not practical to do) or find people with those skills that I could trust to do them well.
6. Lacking Values. Core values are principles without which life (or business) wouldn’t be worth living. As stated in the book Tribal Leadership, values are what the organization stands in. Establish a set of Core Values that can unite the organization, and then create resonance around them.I am now convinced that Core Values become the foundation of a well-oiled, world-class, customer friendly, ethical organization. I was clueless about this in the past.
7. Blindly Trusting People.Reagan said trust but verify. While leaders can’t do it alone, the wrong people with the wrong skills in the wrong place are a formula for disaster. Allow people to run on “short leashes” until they prove themselves.I did not take the time to properly vet, and then observe key people in their role before I let them fly solo. Any competent, well-grounded person should have no problem with this approach.
8. Spin Doctoring.Many Corporate PR departments teach executives to provide carefully crafted answers to questions to conceal the true facts. Present the facts, tell the truth, communicate the complete story and let the chips fall where they may. This does not mean you should divulge key strategies and give away competitive advantage, but the truth is ALWAYS the truth, while lies will come back to haunt you.My team would spend a too much time crafting the right story, which in hindsight, a waste of time and energy. A better use of that time is to meet challenges and problems head on, and to communicate openly and honestly, not “spin” a story.
9. Short-Cutting.Some companies spend an inordinate amount of time flirting with the gray areas, and engaging in accounting tricks. The ethical, values-based and successful leader understands the law of the farm. As another ancient script says, “do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.”At its most basic level, there is no substitute for the natural laws of business. Develop prospects, cultivate relationships, determine needs, propose solutions, close sales, ship product and book revenue. It’s a tried and true process that takes time and skill. There is no substitute for methodical execution. I was impatient and succumbed to the temptation of circumventing the natural process through faulty techniques and flawed actions.
10. Short-Term Focus.Wall Street and shareholders are maniacally focused on short term gains. “What will you do for me next quarter?” is the mantra of the short termer. Don’t cannibalize future results to satisfy the present quarter. If your strategy is solid, stick to your guns, let it work, and remind everyone that you are in it for the long run.We became so obsessed with making the immediate quarter, that we severely impacted future business. As a result, we started the following quarter already behind. This continued to compound until we dug such a hole for ourselves, it was impossible to climb out.

These are the ten things that I discovered can make or break the most charismatic, energetic, brightest and hardworking leader, and also the company.

I am a high-energy person. But I haven’t always been that way. There have been times in my life when I was utterly exhausted. Times when getting through the day was a big chore. Times when I had nothing left to give by the end of the day. Times when I just wanted to collapse into bed and pull the covers over my head.

But in recent years, I am been very deliberate about managing my energy level. I did a lot of reading on this and took the time to educate myself. I experimented. I tried some new things. I broke some old habits. Now, my energy level remains pretty constant through the day.

Here’s how I keep my energy level high:

1. Connect with God. This is where I start each day. You were not created to function without a connection to God. He is the ultimate energy source. Trying to navigate life without Him is like trying to ride a motorcycle without starting the engine. You can do it, but it only works downhill. Unfortunately, a lot of life is uphill.

   The way I connect is by reading several passages from the Bible and then praying. I am also mindful of His presence throughout the day.

2. Keep a positive attitude. This is crucial. “For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7). Negative thoughts deplete your energy. Positive thoughts replenish your energize.

   Attitude is not something that just happens; you choose it. Even in difficult circumstances, you can choose to have a good attitude. And, it whether good or bad, it will have a direct impact on your energy.

3. Watch your mouth. Obviously, your thoughts influence your words and actions. But sometimes, it feels like my mouth has a mind of its own. It just runs out of habit.

   Someone says, “Hey, how ya doin’?” Without thinking, we say, “Well, I’m surviving.” Or we might say, “Hangin’ in there.”

   Guess what? That becomes our exact experience. We say it, and it shapes the way we perceive reality. That’s why, by faith, I always say, “I’m doing great.” (If you don’t believe this, then you need to practice this gratitude exercise!)

4. Feed your brain. You’ve heard the old saying, “Garbage in, garbage out.” This applies to the world of computers, but it also applies to your brain. I stimulate my brain by constantly feeding it new and stimulating content.

   Some people complain that they don’t have time to read. Hogwash. You have 24 hours in your day—just like I do. What you really mean is that it’s not a priority.

   I have a friend who recently gave me this excuse. When I probed, I discovered he was spending two hours each evening watching TV. Nothing wrong with that, but don’t tell me you don’t have time to read. You can’t afford not to read, not if you want to grow and be energized.

5. Exercise daily. I think this is one of the most important things you can do to “turn the tide” and start feeling more energetic. I know it’s counter-intuitive. You think, I don’t have enough energy to exercise or I’m tired now. If I exercise, I will be even more tired.

   Wrong. Regular exercise will boost your energy more than almost anything else you can do. It stimulates your heart and oxygenates your blood. This directly increases your energy level. Besides, if you exercise, you will lose weight. Those excess pounds also consume energy!

6. Take a good multi-vitamin. Personally, I don’t think you need a handful of vitamins and supplements every day. But a good multi-vitamin is essential. If you eat a lot of processed food, this is especially important. Most of us just don’t get the nutrition we need from the food we eat.

   I take Vitamin Code Men’s Multivitamin. It covers the basics. It is a multi-vitamin and multi-mineral. I take two capsules twice a day.

7. Drink a gallon of water a day. This is another great energy replenisher. You will especially notice the difference if you switch from soda drinks to water. It may take you a few days to notice the difference, but getting sugar out of your system and water into your system will definitely even-out your energy.

   I find that this also has a way of reducing my appetite. Sometime we think we’re hungry when we are really just thirsty. Drink 8 ounces of water an hour before a meal and notice how it curbs your hunger. More water will also increase your metabolism and keep flushing your body’s waste.

8. Get plenty of rest. Most people I know don’t get enough rest. Everyone is different, but most adults need seven to eight hours a night. Most people I know are trying to get by on five or six hours.

   When you don’t get enough rest, all kinds of bad things happen. You get grumpy. You reduce your ability to handle stress. And, according to some research, you may gain weight.

   Perhaps most significantly, you negatively impact your body’s auto-immune system. When you get run-down, you increase the likelihood of getting sick—and that’s definitely a drain on your energy.

9. Eat high-energy foods. The main thing to avoid here is the bad or fast-burning (high glycemic) carbohydrates. These are the ones that your body quickly turns to sugar. You get an initial boost from them as the sugar hits your blood, but you then hit a “trough” that is lower that your energy was before you ate them.

   Carbs in this category include white potatoes, white rice, and white flour (or white bread). Worst of all, the energy that isn’t burned gets stored as fat.

   Instead, eat slow-burning carbs like sweet potatoes, brown rice, wheat bread, etc. I also to eat more frequent, smaller meals. (I eat five or six small meals a day.) This keeps your metabolism up and your energy on an even keel.

10. Avoid energy-depleting people. Let’s be honest. Some relationships are toxic. You know the type. Some people are so negative they are a giant energy drain. Others are so positive, you get energized just being around them.

    Obviously, you want to surround yourself with enough positive people so you can keep your energy level up. And, you want to have this same kind of effect on others. Sometimes, you just have to tell people the truth. Not only for your sake, but for theirs.

Your energy level doesn’t have to remain low. You have more control than you think. But you have to be deliberate in managing it.

I hear it all the time. “My husband [or wife] doesn’t understand me. We are so different. We don’t really have anything in common.”

When I first met Gail, I was attracted to her precisely because she was different. Sadly, after a few years, these same differences started to annoy me. In fact, I began to think that my approach to live was right and hers wrong.

I then did what any loving husband would do. I tried to fix her—to make her more like me. And she did the same. Not surprisingly, this led to several years of conflict.

What we forgot was that there’s a reason opposites attract–because it’s good for us.

Think about it. If you married someone just like you, then

• You wouldn’t have to grow.
• You wouldn’t have to get out of your comfort zone.
• You wouldn’t have to enter into someone else’s world.

Instead, differences are precisely what you need to become the person God created you to be. As Solomon noted, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend” (Proverbs 27:17, NLT).

Differences can add richness, depth, and texture to your marriage. If you embrace them.

Your differences can be your biggest asset as a couple—if you learn how to use them. Here are three steps for doing so.

1. Identify your differences. You know you are different than your spouse, but that is not enough. I am talking about more specificity. In what ways are you different?

   For example, Gail and I are the exact opposite on each of the Myers-Briggs types. I am an INFJ. She is an ESTP. This means:

   • We approach the world differently. I prefer introversion; she prefers extraversion (note: this is the way the word is spelled in the Myers-Briggs literature).
   • We gather information differently. I prefer intuition; she prefers sensing.
   • We make decisions differently. I prefer feeling; she prefers thinking.
   • We approach structure differently. I prefer judging; she prefers perceiving.

   According to StrengthsFinder test, we have completely different strengths. Mine are:

   • Achiever
   • Intellection
   • Strategic
   • Futuristic
   • Relator

   Gail’s are:

   • Positivity
   • Woo
   • Developer
   • Connectedness
   • Adaptability

   From these tests—and 33 years of observing her—I know the specific ways that we are different.

2. Acknowledge your differences. It’s not enough to identify your differences and then file away what you’ve observed. No, you must acknowledge these—and celebrate them—in real time.

   Let me give you a practical example. As an extravert (again, the Myers-Briggs spelling), Gail draws her energy from being with people. As an introvert, people wear me out. I prefer being alone.

   But because we love one another, we make sure that help the other person get what they need. Tonight we are going to a dinner party. I would prefer to stay home and read, but I know Gail needs to connect with others to remain emotionally healthy. (I need it too; I just don’t always recognize the need.)

   On the other hand, she knows I can’t be with people every night or I will burnout. So, because she loves me, she sometimes chooses to stay home so I can re-charge. (She also needs this; she just doesn’t always recognize it.)

3. Leverage your differences. Differences are not something to be resented. They are something to celebrate and use.

   Think of it this way: If Gail and I were exactly the same on the Myers-Briggs results, we would only have four tools at our disposal. But since we are completely opposite, we have eight. It’s as if we have more colors on our palette with which to paint the canvas of our lives!

   The real test of this is in making decisions. As a “J,” I like an orderly, structured world. I want to make decisions quickly and get them behind me.

   Gail is just the opposite. She doesn’t have the same need for structure. She wants to explore all the options. She prefers to have her decisions in front of her.

   Let to myself, I can be impulsive, making decisions I later regret. Let to herself, Gail can procrastinate, missing opportunities she later regrets. Together, we ensure that we explore all our options but then make a decision.

King Solomon once observed,

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. (Ecclesiastes 4:9–10, NKJV).

We usually think of this in terms of friendship, but it applies equally to marriage.

You weren’t attracted to your spouse by accident. What if God led you to him or her because He knew precisely what you needed to realize your full potential.

I awoke this morning to the dragon’s hot breath on my face. I was disoriented, not quite knowing where I was. I struggled to open one eye. Then another.

And there he was. A dragon. A very big dragon. With three heads. Sitting in my bedroom, like so many mornings before, he was waiting. His heads swerved back and forth, dancing in the dim light. Each head alternately belching fire and hissing smoke.

I groaned. Here we go again, I thought. If only I could shut my eyes and will him away. No such luck. His presence only grew more menacing.

I knew that I had to act. I leapt from the bed and ran straight at him. I have learned by experience that my only chance at victory is to slay the dragon while it is still dark. Before the first rays of sunshine strengthen his already substantial advantage.

Fortunately, once again I prevailed. But my victory is short-lived. I will face him again tomorrow. And the day after that.

Although this sounds like a fairy tale, it’s not. It’s my reality, day after day.

I face a dragon named Lethargy every morning. It has three heads: Pneuma (spiritual), Soma (physical), and Nous (intellectual).

If I don’t slay this dragon before breakfast, he usually gets the best of me. After breakfast—when the day’s activities are crowding into my life—my chances of doing battle and winning drop dramatically. Sometimes I can emerge victorious. But rarely.

My chances are better if I get in my basic disciplines before I get assaulted with the demands of the workday.

So, before breakfast, I complete the following:

1. Read the Bible.I use this weapon to cut off the dragon’s middle head. I don’t know why it is so hard to defeat, but it is. A thousand and one distractions vie for my attention. That’s why I grab a cup of fresh tea, head to my favorite den chair, and begin reading at once.The Scriptures prime the pump and strengthen my resolve. If I can cut off the middle head of spiritual lethargy, the other two go down much easier. Currently, I am reading through the Bible in a year, using The NKJV Daily Bible (Kindle Edition).
2. Engage in exercise.I use this weapon to cut off the dragon’s left head: physical lethargy. Sometimes, I think this is even more important than the middle head. Why? Because if I am not exercising regularly, it negatively impacts every other area of my life. It becomes more difficult to manage stress. I find that I just don’t have the energy to fight the other beasts I encounter.Currently, I am doing cardio four mornings a week for one hour and strength training two days a week for one hour. Weather permitting, I run outside. Otherwise, I am in the gym. Gail and I usually go together. It’s helpful to have an accountability partner.
3. Listen to books. I use this weapon to cut off the dragon’s right head: intellectual lethargy. I learned a long time ago that “leaders read and readers lead.” By definition a leader (as opposed to a mere manager) stays out in front of his people. To lead, you have to set the pace. You have to be a thought leader.The problem I have is that it is difficult for me to sit still. I have a hard time finding a long enough stretch in the day to sit down and really read. I keep getting interrupted—or distracted.

   However, by downloading books from Audible.com onto my iPhone, I can listen to books while I’m working out. Honestly, there are days when I hate to stop running or exercising because I am so engrossed in my book. It makes the time fly by.

Though I don’t do it before breakfast, I have one other discipline that I try to practice daily: prayer. I find that the best time for me to pray is in the car. This was easy when I had a commute. It usually took 35–40 minutes, so I had plenty of time. Now, I take advantage of any trip in the car. It’s become my rolling ”prayer closet.”

A clearly written goal is not enough. A carefully thought out action plan isn’t either. You need more than this if you are going to accomplish really big goals. Let me explain.

Last year, I set a goal to write a new book, called Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World. As someone who has spent his career in the book publishing industry, I had witnessed hundreds (if not thousands) of people get turned away by publishers, simply because they didn’t have a platform.

In 2005, I set out to build my own platform, just to see if I could do it. Today, my blog is read by almost 80,000 people a day. That includes direct traffic to my blog plus email and RSS subscriptions. Along the way, I have learned a lot of lessons, mostly by “failing forward,” to quote John Maxwell.

So, I was super-excited about the idea of sharing my journey in book form, along with all the practical tips and resources I had gleaned along the way.

So I wrote a goal:

I then wrote out a very specific, detailed action plan. It included developing the book proposal, securing a publishing contract, writing the first draft, etc. I then rolled up my sleeves and got to work.

I finished the book proposal by the end of April—right on schedule. Thomas Nelson offered me a book contract a few months later and I began working on the manuscript.

Then I hit my first snag.

I had an incredibly busy fall, with more speaking engagements than I had originally anticipated. As a result, I didn’t make as much progress on my book as I had hoped.

The November 1st deadline came—and went. I was a long, long way from turning in a manuscript. Worse, the original outline I had created wasn’t working. No matter what I tried, I couldn’t get the logic to work.

It was at this point that I really began despairing about the project. I seriously thought about pulling the plug and giving Thomas Nelson it’s money back. I was stuck in “the middle of the story.”

You know what I’m talking about, right? It’s that part of every journey when you aren’t sure you have what it takes to finish but you are too far along to quit. That’s exactly where I was.

So, I went back and took another look at my goal. I had a Goal Statement. I had a detailed Action Plan. Only problem was, that wasn’t enough.

That’s when I reviewed my Internal Motivations for this goal. This is a section I write out for every goal. I list why this goal is important and what’s at stake. It is the component that most people never think to include.

But it can save your bacon when things get tough.

Here’s what I wrote under the Internal Motivations heading for this goal:

As I re-read this section, I reconnected emotionally. I saw once again why this goal was so important—to me. When I rediscovered my why, I found my way.

I dove back into the project with fresh energy. That doesn’t mean it was easy. It took a ton of work, including the hard work of fighting through fear and doubt.

Finishing the project took me another nine weeks. But I am pleased to report that I turned it into my editor last Friday. There will be more work to do, no doubt, but we are still on track for a May 2012 publication.

So as you are working through your own goals for this year, make sure you have a S.M.A.R.T. goal statement. Then develop an action plan. But don’t forget to list your Internal Motivations. This is the difference-maker. It may be the one ingredient you need to go the distance.

Leadership begins with knowing who you are and what you believe. Authenticity is the need for leaders to be themselves regardless of the situation. For this reason, it is more than self-awareness. It is the ability to share the deepest and truest part of ourselves with others.

My undergraduate degree was in Business Management. The first thing we did was to identify successful leaders and write papers on how to mimic their behaviors. Textbooks were full of tips on how to do this and tests made certain we ingested the critical points that led to their success.

While it’s instructive to observe and learn from others, this is only the tip of the iceberg. Successful leaders understand that the path of leadership is a journey of discovery … about themselves. We are not textbooks to be read once and then put away to gather dust. Our lives are a living testimony to change, growth, and renewed hope.

Self-awareness makes it easier to us to view our choices through a lens that brings our values into focus. If we are self-aware, we can begin to understand how well our actions align with our beliefs, values, strengths and weaknesses.

Ironically, I found authenticity to be most important component while working as an undercover FBI agent. As you may guess, undercover work was about misrepresenting who I was to the targets of my investigation. I lied about my name, job, and address. I told them I was an expert in something I wasn’t and had a bogus set of credentials to back me up.

The details were no problem to fabricate with ease—and conviction. From organized drug gangs to Russian spies, I learned how to tell a lie with a straight face and get away with it. Even if the targets were suspicious of my weak background experience and limited professional expertise, I found the most convincing way to persuade them was to be honest about who I was as a person and share the deepest and truest part of myself.

My success as an undercover agent came from being myself—it attracted people to me. The only time I really ran into trouble was when I didn’t take the time to be authentic.

Being honest with others is not dependent upon the situation because an authentic person knows who they are in any given moment. They don’t flit from one belief system to another because of a fad, pressure from others, or circumstances.

Authenticity matters. Regardless of the situation, we respond to people who acknowledge the complexity of life and life’s decisions. No matter how hard I tried or how long I practiced, I ran into trouble when I pretended to have a different set of personal values. The game was up.

After I retired from the FBI, I completed a three-year graduate program at San Francisco Theological Seminary. I found that I used many of the same skills in the seminary that I developed as an FBI agent—the desire to get beneath all the layers of denial and uncover the truth about people.

The journey toward authenticity is twofold: first, discovering our personal values and beliefs, and, second, exhibiting behavior that is consistent with those same values and beliefs. We can be authentic leaders if we are committed to be being true to ourselves—regardless of the situation we are in or the people around us—so we can be real and genuine.

Let’s take a look at five ways you can be more authentic:

1. Discover your strengths:
• Look inside of yourself and identify your strongest threads.
• Reinforce them with practice and learning.
• Carve out a role that draws upon your strengths everyday.
• Recognize that your greatest room for growth is in the areas of your greatest strengths.
2. Manage your weaknesses:
• Spend time in identifying your weaknesses.
• Do not ignore them.
• Acknowledge that you cannot be talented in all areas.
• Find ways to manage your weaknesses so you can free up your time to hone your strengths.
3. Identify your personal values:
• Rank the following values in order of importance: integrity, patience, honesty, gratitude, humility, forgiveness, compassion, perseverance, spirituality, joy, and discipline.
• Expand the list by adding other personal values that are important to you.
• Articulate the importance of each value to your life.
4. Develop a strong connection between your values and your behavior:
• Commit yourself to your personal values.
• Stay the course regardless of obstacles.
• Find ways to go over, under, or through the obstacles.
• Do not go around them—instead, overcome them.
• Remember that your behavior reflects your values.
5. Build relationships with a diverse group of friends and associates:
• Create genuine relationships by being authentic.
• Authenticity builds trust and makes us more compelling and attractive leaders.
• Be prepared for the adversaries that will be created because you’ve remained true to your values and beliefs.
• Remember that leadership is not about being popular.

In essence, this is what it takes to be authentic: know what you believe and why you believe it. If you do, your world won’t fall apart when the unexpected shows up.