If there is anything that marks my generation of leaders, it’s the desire to be “radical”—to violently overthrow old paradigms. We want to shake up the status quo in the church, in government, in business, in philanthropy. And this is good.

By and large millennial Christians want offer lives in service to God and others by offering new and creative solutions. This is good.

But if I could speak a word of caution, from one rabble-rouser to another, I would say that sometimes the most radical thing you can do with your life is to simply be faithful.

Yes, you heard that right. By consistently doing the same thing every single day you might be more radical than you think. I know that doesn’t sound very sexy, but it’s the stuff that gives weight to significant social movements.

1 Corinthians 4:2 says that God holds his people accountable, not for the big splashy things they’ve done, but for simple faithfulness:

In this regard, it is expected of managers that each one [of them] be found faithful. (1 Corinthians 4:2, HCSB)

So to my fellow young leader, here are three ways your faithfulness just might impact your world:

1. Your Personal Peace. Activists rarely like to sit down. There’s always one more report to write, one more blog post, one more conversation, one more educational opportunity. And yet a restless soul is an inefficient soul.

   Jesus Christ, the only perfect person who ever lived, took time to daily cultivate his inner life. He rested. He prayed. He relaxed. And you are not better than Jesus.

   Faithfully cultivating your inner life with God is the most important part of your mission. If you neglect this, you will burn out and your impact will be severely lessened.

   The most effective change agents realize their mission is not theirs, but God’s and is fueled by His supernatural power.

2. Your Personal Presence. I once heard Chuck Swindoll say, “Leadership has more moments of the mundane than the magnificent.” The dirty secret of success is the ability to just show up. Day after day. Week after week. Year after year.

   The world is full of people who show spurts of greatness only to yield to laziness or indifference.

   Talented quitters are a dime a dozen, but people with marginal talent who commit to hard work in the day-to-day grind always stand out as radical.

3. Your Pleasant Personality. Determine to be the one guy at the airline ticket counter or the scene of the accident who doesn’t act like a jerk. Sure, we all hears stories of great men and women who fly off the handle and treat their employees like dirt. But those are historical anomalies.

   Over time, a constant, even attitude of servanthood and humility will attract others to your cause. What’s more, if you can let go of yourself and see your life as just one spoke on God’s great wheel of Providence, you’ll realize the people around you are instruments of His grace. Yes, even the annoying and the incompetent and the rude.

   The world is full of diners who snap at waiters, hacked off employees, and belligerent leaders. But a person of winsome, gracious love will, in the end, rise in influence and walk thru doors left shut by those who refuse to control their anger.

So you see how you can change the world? Starting your radical mission by being faithful where you are, to the people in your sphere of influence. It’s a myth that change agents are above the rules. No, if you look closely, they just more consistently apply the simple graces that form a life of deep impact.

I used to think, If I can achieve success, my problems will go away. The reality is that success creates a whole new set of problems.

I have just been reminded of this with the launch of my new book. I don’t know how it will ultimately shake out, but the first three days have been very successful.

The book has been #4 or #5 on Amazon all week and as high as #5 on Barnes & Noble. The only thing tracking higher are the Shades of Grey novels. (Ugh.)

By almost any standard, the launch has been a success. It has certainly exceeded my expectations.

But it has also created some problems:

• The special bonus offer has buried my assistant, Tricia, in e-mail from people who have problems or questions.
• Thomas Nelson, my publisher, is running low on inventory, because they didn’t expect the book to do as well as it has. (Trust me, I sat on their side of the desk for years as a publisher, so I know how difficult it is to forecast demand.) Some retailers are showing it out of stock.
• I have added so many people to my e-mail subscriber list that MailChimp shut me down yesterday. I had to pay several hundred dollars to upgrade my account to accommodate the additional volume.

Why am I sharing this? Because I don’t want you to become discouraged when you start succeeding.

Most of us accept the fact that failure brings problems. But sometimes we are surprised that success does too. As a result, it is easy for us to become ungrateful or cynical.

The truth is that problems are inevitable. They are good for us. They force us to stretch and grow.

Maybe we should welcome them … okay, maybe I’m going a little over-board.

Regardless, I much prefer the problems that come with success than the ones that come with failure—and I’ve had plenty of both! How about you?

I have been reading Chris Guillebeau’s awesome new book, The $100 Startup: Reinvent the Way You Make a Living, Do What You Love, and Create a New Future. It is the most stimulating business book I have read since The 4-Hour Workweek by Timothy Ferriss.

The book is not only practical, it is extremely inspirational. It’s for those who want to escape from corporate life, build something of their own to support their families, or just find a way to make more money.

I especially enjoyed his section on defining your mission statement. This nicely complements Chapter 11 of my new book, Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World, where I talk about how to create an elevator pitch.

Here’s what Chris says:

Simple, straight-forward, and easy to implement. I’m sure this is one of the reasons the book has garnered so many five-star reviews (193) on Amazon. It is a book that is well-worth your time!

Yawn! When I read Michael Hyatt’s post on taking naps, I agreed. I knew from personal experience how beneficial a quick midday nap could be. But as I pondered how I might actually put it into practice, I hit a wall.

How could I keep moving forward with this idea in an educational role that requires me to be always alert and on-call throughout the school day? The tension between what I wanted to do and what I could do quickly threatened to become crippling frustration.

I suspect I’m not alone in feeling overwhelmed at times by excellent advice, helpful strategies, and enlightening insight. To be candid, sometimes I feel like a deer in the personal-growth headlights. I’m often paralyzed by the possibilities. It’s easy to see where I want to go. It’s figuring out how to get over the walls between here and there that creates the tension.

We usually think of tension as always being a bad thing. It can be. But growth always requires movement. And movement creates tension between where we are and where we’re going. It’s when we hit a wall—or what seems to be a wall—that we can get the wind knocked out of our dreams.

Here are a few ways you can keep moving forward when you hit a wall in your personal growth:

1. Screen for Excuses. Be honest with yourself. It’s easy to slip in an excuse disguised as an immovable barrier. To be safe, assume all walls are excuses until proven otherwise. Like Neo of Matrix fame, sometimes your best answer will be that “there is no wall.”
2. Question the Walls. You could try talking to them, I suppose, but that could lead to other problems. Think about the barriers themselves. Are they walls that you’ve created yourself or allowed to be created in your silence? Are you missing the skill sets to get over the walls? Where can you get a reliable third-party perspective on the barriers you face? Don’t rule this out: The walls may be telling you it’s time to grow elsewhere.
3. Get Creative. As Thomas Edison famously said, “There’s always another way.” If you find a real barrier does exist, start by figuring out your goal. Let your imagination work backwards to see if other solutions present themselves. In my case, perhaps a protected mental downtime without phones or visitors will get me close to the same result as a nap for now.
4. Take Baby Steps. If you find you can move forward where you are, don’t hesitate to start small. But do start. As Michael Hyatt has said, “Motion leads to momentum.” Maybe you can’t do it all right away, but you can do something. Sit down. Jot down a plan. Take steps, even small ones, in the right direction. Do it today.
5. Keep Moving Forward. These three words from one of my life leaders Walt Disney sum it up. William H. Murray added this wisdom that I have found true again and again: “The moment one definitely commits oneself … all sorts of things occur to help one that would never have otherwise occurred.” Unlike the rides at Walt’s magical World, we should always refuse to come to a complete stop.

Above all, know that you’ve got a lot of friends here who feel your growth pains when you hit a wall. I can’t be the only one. Let’s cheer each other on. After our naps, of course.

When I first became President of Thomas Nelson, I began hosting an event called “Pizza with the Prez.” Once a month I invited a different workgroup to have lunch with me—without their supervisor being present.

This event provided an opportunity for me to get unfiltered feedback. It was one of my favorite activities. It also proved to be one of the most productive.

It confirmed what I thought was true: The further you move up the chain-of-command, the less likely it is you will get the truth. Information is often filtered, spun, and managed. People either tell you what they want you to know—or think you want to hear.

Some time ago, I read The Last Czar, a biography about the life of Czar Nicholas II, the last emperor of Russia. While his generals were brutally suppressing dissent, they told him civil unrest was the result of foreign influence and assured him his own people loved him.

The Czar didn’t have any other source of information. When the Communists took over, he was caught by surprise and forced to abdicate. Sadly, the Bolsheviks eventually executed him and his entire family. It is one of the saddest stories I have ever read.

Though extreme, his story demonstrates the difficulty of getting good information at the top. If you are a leader in any capacity, you must develop a pipeline for unfiltered feedback. “Pizza with the Prez” was one of the ways I did this.

Typically, I had ten to twelve people join me for lunch in the boardroom. After a few “icebreaker questions,” I always asked them:

• What do you like about Thomas Nelson and want to see us continue?
• What do you not like about Thomas Nelson and want to see us stop doing?

Although I only scheduled an hour of time together, it was always a challenge to finish on schedule. I was always amazed at how open people were and how many good ideas they had.

I have also noticed a recurring theme: most people’s frustration at work is inflicted by their supervisors.

Don’t misunderstand me. These workers loved their colleagues. They loved the company. But they continued to be frustrated by leaders who unwittingly hindered their productivity.

Here are the four most common complaints I heard. See if they ring true in your experience.

1. Supervisors call too many meetings. Many of them are a waste of time. The issues could easily be handled by e-mail. Even those that should be called last twice as long as is necessary. This is because they don’t have a clear idea of what they want to accomplish or a specific agenda to get them there.
2. Supervisors are often late to their own meetings. Since they called the meeting, the other attendees can’t start without them. As a result, they waste a lot of time waiting for the leader to show up. This makes them feel disrespected.
3. Supervisors don’t really understand the work process. They don’t appreciate the amount of time it takes to complete certain tasks. Consequently, they sit on—or slow-walk—approvals and bog down the whole process. By the time the worker gets a response, they are in crisis mode. If a deadline is missed, they get blamed. This creates a lot of unnecessary stress on everyone.
4. Supervisors are not responsive. They don’t answer their e-mails. They don’t return their voice mail messages. Workers often feel like they are sending e-mails into a black hole. By the time the manager does respond, the issue is resolved or it has escalated to a new level of urgency. Why can’t they just respond more quickly?

More than likely, you are not guilty of these behaviors. But, if you are, I hope you’ll take a moment and try to see how frustrating this can be to your teammates. You may not be able to change your boss, but you can change yourself and provide a better environment for the people you are leading.

Listen to most presentations and you will hear a litany of stories half submerged in what might be major points—or maybe just another story.

Regardless, 75 percent of the people leave a presentation with no idea what the point of the message was. Even worse, 50 percent of speakers can’t identify the objective of their own talk.

During my thirty-five years as a professional speaker, I have been constantly asked the secret to being a powerful communicator. My experience with audiences of all sizes and from all walks of life have taught me that, whether speaking to twelve people in a board room or fifty-five thousand in a stadium, effective communicators share four characteristics:

1. Effective communicators know how to prepare a message with a singular and crystal clear focus.
   • If you know where you are going, you can take anyone with you.
   • If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time.
2. Effective communicators know how to read an audience and are able to customize their presentation to make that audience want to listen.
   • Until the audience is engaged, communication has not taken place.
   • An engaging presentation puts people on the edge of their seats.
3. Effective communicators are passionate about their subject.
• They pour every part of their being into the presentation.
• If the subject is not worthy of your passion, it should be distributed in a memo.
4. Effective communicators leave the audience no doubt about how to benefit from the objective of the talk.
   • They call people to action.
   • They make it easy to respond.

No secrets there! Most people want to do all the above but don’t know how.

That’s the secret!

I developed the SCORRE System™ to teach people how to develop all the skills above.

I may be biased, but the response of people who have attended indicates that if you want to be a dynamic communicator, The SCORRE Conference is the best investment you can make.

Thousands of men and women including writers, professional speakers, CEOs, ministry professionals and sales and marketing executives have learned to prepare with focus, deliver with clarity, and speak with power. I hope you will become one of them.

I just returned from the Catalyst Conference in Dallas where I spoke on the topic of my new book, Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World. The theme for this year’s conference series is “Be Present.”

This is a particularly powerful reminder for me. I seem to be always living in the future. I’m either planning my next big project or worried about how it will turn out.

But this reminds me that all I really have is now. The past is gone. The future is not guaranteed. This moment is a gift.

Maybe that’s why it’s called “the present.”

Every now and then we get a reminder about how fragile life is. We just can’t take it for granted. Each moment is precious.

For example, several years ago I was attending the early service at our church. My family was coming later in a separate car and had not yet arrived.

About twenty minutes into the service, one of my friends walked up behind me and whispered in my ear, “Michael, your family has been in a car accident. You need to leave now!”

This is about the worst possible news I could imagine receiving. Unfortunately, he didn’t have any details. The wreck had occurred about two miles from our church.

I raced to the scene of the accident. But the traffic was backed up. I suspected it was because of the wreck. I parked my car on the side of the road and started running.

My heart was pounding. My mind was racing. I imagined the worst.

After running about a hundred yards, I saw a fire truck, police cars, and my family’s Suburban laying upside down against a telephone pole. It was completely crushed. All the windows were blown out and the roof had collapsed into the body.

Initially, I was confused, because I didn’t see my family. Then I heard my youngest daughter, Marissa, scream, “Daddy, Daddy.” I looked to my right, and she was running down the hill toward me—arms outstretched and crying.

Just beyond her, the other five members of my family were seated on the grass. They too were crying.

I scooped up my daughter and kept running toward my family. I couldn’t believe it. There wasn’t a scratch on any of them. They were shook up, to be sure, but no one was hurt.

As I later learned, my oldest daughter, Megan, had been driving. It was a country road. She veered off the pavement for a second, over-corrected, and then flipped the car. It had smashed into a telephone pole.

The sheriff told me that when he arrived on the scene, he called the life flight unit. He was just sure that the people in the car were either critically injured or dead. He kept describing what had happened as “a miracle.”

Indeed it was. I still tear up thinking about it.

That experience made me realize (once again) just how precious my family and friends are. I want to treasure every moment—and be present to them now.

The future will take care of itself. I want to learn to be present now.

As I have grown older, I have become increasingly aware that we live in toxic environment. Our food, water, and air are contaminated with poisons.

Over time these poisons take a toll on our bodies. Years from now, I believe we will discover that many of our worst diseases—especially autoimmune ones—were the direct result of the toxins we were ingesting.

But as important as toxins are at a physical level, they are even more important spiritually.

According to Craig Groeschel, pastor of LifeChurch.tv, we are living in the most spiritually poisonous time in history. In his new book, Soul Detox: Clean Living in a Contaminated World, he outlines the various threats.

And, contrary to the impression you might get by looking at the book’s cover, most of these don’t come from the world. They more often arise from inside our own souls. Specifically, he discusses:

Toxic Behaviors

• Our personal lies
• Our false beliefs
• Our lethal language
• Our hidden sins

Toxic Emotions

• Bitterness and resentment
• Envy and comparison
• Anger and rage
• Fear and worry

Toxic Influences

• Materialism
• Culture
• Unhealthy people
• Religion

Like all of Craig’s books, this one is full of stories. His writing is down to earth and practical. He is humble and transparent, conveying the empathy of a fellow-traveler. If you enjoy how he speaks—and Craig is one of my very favorite communicators—you will like how he writes.

While this is a great book for individuals to read, I couldn’t help but think how valuable it would be to discuss in a group setting. It is a book that begs for further conversation. As a result, I am considering using it with my Mentoring Group.

I’ll leave you with one quote from the Introduction:

Everything that we allow into our minds, hearts, and lives—everything that we spend our time and money on—has an impact on how we grow, or don’t grow, spiritually. As the old computer adage reminds us: garbage in, garbage out. Just as we are what we eat physically, we are also what we consume spiritually. If we don’t monitor and adjust our diet accordingly, our souls are in danger of absorbing more and more lethal poison.

This book is a must-read if you want to stay spiritually healthy. It will force you to ask the tough questions, detoxify your life, and renew your relationship with God and others.

There is a tragedy in our world today. Most people aren’t living their dreams, and the reason is simple: fear. They’re scared to be who they are.

When you endeavor to find your life’s work, there is a lot at risk:

• You could fail.
• You could lose the respect of your friends.
• You could go broke.

You could mess up in a hundred different ways. But—and this is important—you could also succeed. And until you start living into your calling, you’re robbing the world of a gift.

After years of procrastinating, I finally pursued my dream. I decided to become a writer. To my surprise, I saw success far more quickly than expected: I launched a popular blog, got a publishing contract, and found my true fans—all within a year.

How did this happen? Simple. I believed in the dream before it happened. I didn’t wait for fear to go away; I started living into the reality I was longing for.

If you’re going to live and lead intentionally, you’ll have to do the same. There are three steps you need to take if you’re going to pursue your passion.

Step 1: Declare it. Although I’ve written for most of my life, I never considered myself a writer—not until recently.

When a friend asked what my dream was and I told him I didn’t have one, he said, “That’s funny… because I would’ve thought it was to be a writer.” I said that was probably true.

Then he said something I’ll never forget:

You don’t have to want to be a writer; you are a writer. You just need to write.”

The words resonated in my soul. I realized that before I could expect others to believe something about me, first I would have to believe it myself.

Step 2: Believe it. Friends and family often notice our gifts before we do. They acknowledge the talents and resources we’ve been doubting and dismissing.

The only way to find your dream is to trust the gifts you’ve been given. I’m not talking about a misguided “name it and claim it” philosophy. You need to accept the value you offer, not invent it. But at some point, you need to stop doubting yourself.

There is a word for this: it’s called faith.

Before the ancient Hebrews saw the Promised Land, they believed in it. They trusted in a place they hadn’t yet seen, which brought them through the desert and into their destiny.

You need to grasp the possibility of achieving your dream before it happens. You’ll have to believe it before you see it.

Step 3: Do it. A few years ago, my wife and I attended a concert, and halfway through the show, a man clumsily spilled beer on her coat. I complained to one of the ushers, and he warned the man, but no further action was taken.

Later, I went to the bathroom and returned to a crying wife. She wanted to leave. On our way out of the auditorium, she told me the man had harassed her while I was gone. I was outraged.

Turning around, I marched back into the auditorium, and confronted the man. It was, honestly, one of the scariest things I’ve done as an adult.

I hadn’t stood up to a bully since the second grade, and there I was—in front of a towering, muscle-bound beefcake, calling him an idiot.

With my heart racing and my palms sweating, I demanded respect and an apology. And then something incredible happened.

He said he was sorry.

In that moment, I learned an important lesson: until we act, our values are just dreams. I believed in my wife’s honor—in theory—but until I stood up for her, it was just a good idea.

This is an essential takeaway for all of us called to meaningful work. Although we are not merely what we do, we become what we practice. And if you’re practicing insecurity and fear, what does that make you?

If you have a dream or calling you’re not yet living into, it’s time to get to work:

1. Declare you are what you’re waiting to be.
2. Believe in your dream before you see it.
3. And then do it.

Remember: Until you start living it, you’re only dreaming.

Question: When was the last time you pursued a passion in spite of fear? Leave a comment by clicking here.

I signed up to run the Country Music Half Marathon in January. The big race was on Saturday, April 28th. But I didn’t run.

With the launch of my new book, Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World, and several other projects in the works, I just didn’t have the time to do the distance training I needed to do in order to participate. (I have kept up with my normal running routine; I just haven’t done the extended distance work.)

On Saturday, several friends asked me how the half marathon had gone, including Andy Traub. Here was my exchange with him on Twitter.

This situation made me realize again the importance of owning my choices.

We can’t always choose what happens to us, but we can always choose how we respond. Viktor Frankl, an Austrian psychiatrist who survived two-and-a-half years in Nazi concentration camps, made this case in his bestselling book, Man’s Search for Meaning.

It’s easy to subscribe to this in theory, but what about your specific situation? Are you willing to own it?

For example:

• Are you in a job you hate, living for the weekends?
• Are you unemployed or can’t find a job?
• Are you stuck in a bad marriage or going through a divorce?
• Are you overweight, out of shape, or sick?
• Are you lacking deep, meaningful friendships?

I am not asking these questions to shame you. I have gone through my share of setbacks and failures.

• I have been fired (more than once).
• I have gone through a business failure.
• I have felt stuck in a job I hated.
• I have gone through a protracted and expensive IRS audit.
• I had to have emergency surgery when my gall bladder ruptured.
• I have had a child in rebellion and on drugs.
• I have had two daughters with chronic illnesses.
• I have lost money on three out of four houses I’ve owned.

No, my life has not been a bed of roses. I’ll bet yours hasn’t either.

But blaming our circumstances or other people—even when they are partly or almost totally responsible—only makes us victims. It robs us of our freedom and keeps us stuck.

There is a better way. Change is possible. It can begin today.

You don’t have to stay stuck in the state you are in.

But first, you must own your specific situation and take responsibility for the choices that led to it. Only then can you begin to create a different future.

A few years ago, I had breakfast with an old college roommate. We hadn’t seen each other in twenty-two years. To my surprise—and delight—he looked almost exactly as he did the last time I saw him. The only difference was that his blond hair was mostly gray.

We spent an hour or so eating and reminiscing. We talked. We laughed. And we listened.

I shared with him pictures of my family, both of us laughing at the fact that I was now a grandfather. I was amazed at how much we still had in common, even though both our lives had taken so many unexpected turns.

I was especially proud that my friend was still married, still in the ministry, and still growing as a person. He was no worse for the wear, but much wiser and, somehow, deeper and more thoughtful. I know that if we lived closer together, we would be good friends once again.

As he dropped me off at the airport and drove away, I teared up. I knew I would probably not see him again any time soon.

After all, he’s a busy pastor. I was, at the time, a busy CEO. We have our own lives, not to mention the fact that we live at opposite ends of the country. But, still, it made me sad and pensive.

But I think something resonated at an even deeper level.

As I was catching him up on the events of my life, I got another high-altitude panoramic look at my own life. I saw the beauty of my journey and how very much I have to be thankful for. I have had a rich and meaningful life. I am so grateful for every experience.

Not that it’s always been easy. Hardly. Frankly, there’s been a lot of pain. Bad decisions. Expensive mistakes. Words and actions that I regret. But, by the grace of God, I have made it this far. I have no complaints. And by the grace of God I will continue on.

It made me also think again how much life is like a tapestry. Corrie ten Boom originally introduced me to this metaphor.

As it unfolds in real time, it’s like viewing the backside of a tapestry. It appears to be nothing more than a jumble of thread—tangled, frayed, occasionally knotted, and seemingly random. Nothing really makes sense. It’s no wonder people lose heart, give up, and abandon their commitments.

But things are not always what they seem.

It’s only when you turn a tapestry over that you see the art: the rich colors, the texture, and the patterns that can make a tapestry a thing of astonishing beauty.

Likewise, occasionally God gives us a glimpse at what He is weaving into the fabric of our lives. That momentary peek at glory gives us the courage to soldier on, knowing that nothing happens by accident.

No thread of experience—good or bad—is wasted. When it appears to be that way, we just have to remind ourselves that we are simply looking at the backside of a tapestry. And the One weaving it together, knows precisely what He is doing.

As a keen reader of Michael’s blog, you’ll likely remember this interview he did with marketing blogger and provocateur Seth Godin about a year ago. About 3:40 in Seth hints at a project connected with his Domino Project publishing company, and then says he can’t say any more because “… he’ll get in trouble.”

But I can tell you about it. And as tomorrow is World Malaria Day, a time to remember and refocus on the battle against malaria, it’s the perfect time. Let me explain why.

I’m the creator of that idea, a charitable project disguised as a book. End Malaria isn’t directly about malaria at all but a collection of more than 60 thought-leaders sharing their best insights, strategies, and tips on a life of purpose and Great Work.

In September it hit #2 on Amazon.com. But the real magic is that it generates $20 per copy sold and has already raised more than $300,000 for Malaria No More.

Five ways to find, start and sustain your own Great Work Project

But where do big dreams come from? How do you find your Great Work? And how do you start it? Here’s how it worked for me.

1. Declare a project. You might have heard of Google, a fairly successful tech company. One of the secrets of their success it that they’re a project-led company. Job titles and organization charts play a secondary role to the projects people are working on. Once the project is done, you roll off and on to what’s next.

   Deciding to do a Great Work Project sets a start date, an end date, and a target for success. You know when you’re doing it, you know when you’re not. And you create space to focus on the project rather than letting the everyday work take over.

2. Check what’s in your kit bag. One immediate impact of saying, “I want to make a difference” is that you quickly feel inadequate. A thousand reasons percolate up that seem perfect arguments about why in fact you can’t really make a difference at all.

   One way to quieten the voices of doubt is to take a good look at the assets you have to make a difference.

   • The experience you have and the scars you bear
   • The courage you’ve displayed and the resilience you’ve shown
   • The person you are and the values you stand for
   • The people you know (and the people they know)

   When I looked at what I had, I knew I had some ability to create a successful book and I knew I had some “weak ties” to influential people through the Great Work Interviews podcast series I’d being doing for years.

3. Find your horizon. It’s one of the contradictions of creativity that the clearer you are on your boundaries, the easiest it is to focus and have good ideas. So where should you set your limits? A project for your organization? For your tribe? For your neighborhood? Or your city? Your country? Globally?

   Inspired by the work of Mark and Craig Keilberger with Free the Children and their focus on the UN’s Millennium Goals I decided my stretch was to reach globally. Some research determined that the cheapest unit for global change was a $10 mosquito net. That could save lives and help eradicate malaria, a disease killing a child in Africa every minute of every day.

4. Steal inspiration. At this stage I had some basic assets—book creating skills and some loose connections to influential people—and an idea about raising money in units of $10 to make a difference. But I needed a spark.

   The catalyst was an ebook that Seth Godin had recently published, a collection of smart people writing around that topic of What Matters.

   When you combine assets, limitations and inspiration into a blender, you’ll find ideas taking shape, and I knew there was something magical in the idea of “buy a book, buy a net” with a book co-created by a wide range of smart people.

5. Don’t give up, file away. Moving from idea to action is never easy. We lurched from hope to despair. Some big names contributors like David Allen and Brene Brown came on board early. But others didn’t. I identified the perfect charitable partner. And they turned me down.

   My publisher offered to underwrite the costs of publishing the books. But I couldn’t figure out how to get the money to the charity fast enough.

   So I gave up. I filed the idea away under It’s Not Working Right Now.

   But then Seth started The Domino Project, a publishing company with a radical new financial model. Suddenly, I could see how the project might work. Nudged on by some of the people I’d already got involved, the project found its new life.

There’s More of Course

Lessons learned about giving up control, inviting others in to play, the art of gentle nagging and the gift of being able to detach yourself from the outcome, knowing that all you can do is focus on the journey to get you there.

But that only happens after you’ve taken the first steps on your own Great Work Project.

What Will Be Your Great Work Project?

Michael’s a great champion for being thoughtful about creating a Good Life. To paraphrase Churchill, we shape our life and afterwards it shapes us. Finding and starting your Great Work Project is a keystone block in building your powerful Life Plan. Now’s a great time to start.

On January 9th, 2003, my life was going according to the plan that I had envisioned. I was thankful for many things. At the top of the list was my healthy three-year-old, Eli. I had no idea that everything could change so quickly.

On that day, our precious toddler pulled a little red Playskool chair across his playroom under an open window. He then climbed upon the chair, hoisted himself over the window sill, and pushed out the protective screen.

Just moments later my wife went searching for him, noticed the empty room and the missing screen, looked out the window and witnessed our only child laying lifeless on the asphalt driveway thirteen-feet below.

Eli had suffered a severe head trauma and was med-flighted to the nearest university hospital. For the next three weeks, no matter how hard I pressed, doctors could not tell me if he would survive.

He did survive, but our lives would never be the same. Here are three leadership lessons that I’ve learned through this life-altering event:

1. Determine your values before a crisis hits. In crisis, you act on instinct. You default to what you truly believe. John Maxwell makes a case in his book, Today Matters, that we really only make a handful of true decisions in life.

   For example, we might make a decision at some point in our lives to manage our money well, serve our family, live healthy, or live out our faith. In our daily choices, thereafter, we simply manage those decisions that we have already made.

   Crisis creates defining moments because it reveals the decisions we have already made. Upon arriving in the emergency room on the day of the accident, I found my wife huddled in the corner of a small room crying uncontrollably. She explained what happened and it was clear that our son might die.

   I looked her in the eyes and I said, “No matter what happens, we will NOT let this come between us.” She agreed. We didn’t make a decision that day. We were simply affirming a decision that had already been made.

   Eighty percent of marriages fail after the serious injury or death of a child. Today our marriage is stronger than ever, despite our tragedy. I’m convinced that’s because our decision to make our marriage succeed had already been made before the crisis hit.

2. Work like it depends on you and pray like it depends on God. Mark Batterson introduced me to this phrase in his recent New York Times best seller, The Circle Maker.

   When our son was hurt, we worked and we prayed. We did everything humanly possible to make our son well. We invested tens of thousands of dollars into uninsured therapy equipment.

   We received training to administer an intensive home-based therapy program. For three years, eighty percent of our waking hours were spent doing therapeutic treatment. We worked like it depended on us.

   We also prayed consistently, like it depended on God, because we needed supernatural help.

3. Be willing to burn your old vision and embrace a new one. Despite years of prayers and the best treatment possible, Eli’s brain injury has left him with significant symptoms. Now twelve-years-old, he walks with a cane, the entire left side of his body is weak, he has a severe stutter, and his sight and memory are seriously impaired.

   One of the hardest things that we had to do was to acknowledge, several years after the accident, that it was time to live life with disability. It had become a reality that we could not change.

   Instead of continuing to try to fix what we could not fix, or denying that this new reality existed, we had to develop and embrace a new vision for our child: A vision to make a positive impact on the world, despite his challenges.

   Eli has pushed through his challenges and he has lived into our new vision. He plays Miracle League baseball and participates in one-mile running races. He may not finish first, but he always finishes!

   He now sings, speaks, and races to raise money for organizations that help kids with special needs, such as the Miracle League and Children’s Hospital. He has become a voice that advocates for other kids, some of whom cannot speak for themselves.

This was not my original plan. Some days I still dream about my old vision. But that’s gone. It’s time to embrace our new realities and experience the blessings that come with a new vision.

You’ve heard it at conferences. You’ve read it in books. Everyone is a leader. Do you believe this? I don’t.

While everyone has the potential to be a leader, most never take up the mantle. They are content to let others take the risk and do the work.

Several years ago, I read a post by Tony Morgan called “10 Easy Ways to Know You’re Not a Leader.” I took that list, and then inverted and expanded it.

Here are twelve ways to know if you are a leader:

1. You long to make a difference.
2. You’re discontent and dissatisfied with the status quo.
3. You’re not waiting on a bigger staff or more resources to accomplish your vision.
4. Your dreams are so big they seem impossible.
5. You acknowledge what is but inevitably ask, “What could be?”
6. You realize that you don’t have to be in charge to have significant influence.
7. You refuse to blame others for your circumstances and take responsibility for finding solutions.
8. You foster unity by bringing people together and encouraging dialogue.
9. You are quick to say, “I messed up. Here’s what I am going to do to fix the problem I created.”
10. You value relationships more than tasks.
11. You walk your talk—not perfectly but sincerely and intentionally.
12. You are a learner. You read, listen to podcasts, attend conferences, and ask other leaders lots of questions.

If this sounds like you, congratulations. You are a leader—or well on your way to becoming one. Leadership is not about experience, education, or talent. It’s about the choosing to lead. That’s where it begins.

Trust is to an organization what oil is to a car engine. It keeps the moving parts from seizing up and stopping forward motion.

But trust is not something you can take for granted. It takes months—sometimes years—to build. Unfortunately, you can lose it overnight.

Some people seem to have a knack for building trust. When they speak, others take them at their word. When they are absent, people speak well of them. Even when they make a mistake, people give them the benefit of the doubt.

Others are just the opposite. People distrust what they say. They are suspicious of their motives. They interpret every comment, every e-mail, and every action as one more reason the person cannot be trusted.

Years ago, I had such a person reporting to me. Justin started out well. He had come to our company with an impressive resume. People assumed he was competent. But over time, he single-handedly destroyed his own reputation.

He didn’t keep his word. He was always late to meetings. He didn’t follow-through on his commitments. Worse, he never owned up to any of it. He always tried to “spin” the facts in his favor. From his perspective, the other party simply misunderstood what he had said or circumstances beyond his control kept him from keeping his commitments.

Unfortunately, I put up with Justin’s behavior longer than I should have. No one trusted him. First, his peers began to complain. Then his direct reports (risking his wrath) started coming to me and complaining. Even my own boss didn’t trust Justin. I was the last man standing.

I finally woke up and realized that others were beginning to doubt my ability as a manager. I was hoping to turn him around. I had even coached him on specific behaviors. But he just didn’t seem to “get it.” So, I took a deep breath and fired him. The only one surprised was Justin. Everyone else patted me on the back and, I’m sure, wondered what took me so long.

But things shouldn’t have deteriorated to this point. Justin could have been salvaged if only he had owned what was happening. He could have taken specific steps—steps I had encouraged him to take—to rebuild trust with his direct reports and colleagues.

If you are in a situation where you need to build trust—or even rebuild it—here are four specific steps you can take. These will work with your employees, your colleagues, your customers, your vendors—or even your spouse.

1. Keep your word. This is where it starts. People have to learn that they can count on you to deliver on your promises. If you commit to following up on something, do it. No excuses. If you can’t do it, proactively let the other person know.

   For example, “Terri, last week I told you that I would get back to you with a proposal. However, I am waiting for a bid to come through from an outside vendor. It looks like that might add a week to my schedule.” People are usually very forgiving if you take the initiative to communicate. However, if they have to chase you down, you lose points. Your reputation will take a hit.

   Also, be prompt to meetings. Tardiness also erodes trust. Sometimes, circumstances beyond your control prevent this, but you can’t allow it to become a habit. And, if you are late, apologize. Show some empathy and explain briefly why you were late.

2. Tell the truth. This is harder than it sounds. Most of us like to think of ourselves as truth-tellers. But it’s easy to round the numbers up, spin the facts, or conveniently leave out the evidence that doesn’t support our position.

   But if we are going to build trust, then we have to commit ourselves to telling the truth—even when it is difficult or embarrassing. People are more forgiving than you think. (Witness all the celebrities who have publicly blown it, apologized, and received a pass.) They don’t expect you to be perfect. However, they do expect you to acknowledge your mistakes and to come clean when you screw up.

   Sam Moore, my predecessor as the CEO of Thomas Nelson used to say, “Tell me the good, the bad, and the ugly.” Whenever I needed a decision from him, I would give him both sides of the argument. I refused to withhold relevant information. I didn’t exaggerate. I always rounded down.

   Then I would make my recommendation and tell him why. Over time, this built trust. He didn’t have to ask someone else to get the other side of the story. As a result, I usually received his approval on the spot.

3. Be transparent. People will not trust you unless you learn to share yourself, warts and all. You have to take a risk and be vulnerable. This creates rapport and rapport builds trust.

   However—and be warned!—you can’t use this as a gimic or a technique. If you do, people will see it as manipulation. Instead, you have to be authentic.

   The reason this builds trust is because you are demonstrating trust. You are taking the initiative to go first. In essence, you are saying, “Look, I trust you. I am taking off my mask and showing you my true self. Some of it isn’t very pretty. But I am willing to take that risk, believing you will still accept me.”

   In my experience, this kind of self-revelation almost always gives the other person the courage to take off their mask, too. And that builds trust. The relationship is deepened. It goes to a new level.

4. Give without any strings attached. Nothing builds trust like love. What does love have to do with the workplace? As Tim Sanders points out in Love Is the Killer App, everything.

   You have to be willing to share your knowledge, your contacts, and your compassion—without expecting anything in return. The more you take the initiative to give, the more it builds trust.

   Giving lets others know that you know it’s not “all about you.” From this, people learn that they can trust you, because you have their best interests at heart. You aren’t merely looking out for yourself. You’re taking care of them, too.

   But, like being transparent, you have to be careful how you give. Otherwise, it will be perceived as manipulation. You have to make sure your motives are pure. You can’t expect something in return.

Trust can always be rebuilt. Granted, in some situations, it can take years. It takes doing the right things over a long period of time. But in most cases, it won’t take that long. Relationships can be turned around quickly if you own the problem and take the steps I’ve outlined above.

I’m a pretty good coach, but I would make a terrible counselor. Whenever I am put in that situation, I get agitated. Why? Because the solution to the person’s problem seems obvious. It’s all I can do to retrain myself from blurting it out.

Recently, my friend and former coach Ilene Muething shared with me this really funny Mad TV skit with Bob Newhart. In it, he plays the role of Dr. Switzer, a psychologist with a simple theory of human behavior. The clip is only six minutes long but worth every second. It’s hilarious.

When it comes to my own problems, things seem a little more complex. The solution isn’t so obvious—at least to me.

Could it be that we are simply addicted to our problems? Think about it: problems often persist because they are meeting some deep need for certainty, variety, connection, or significance. For example:

• Bill smokes a pack of cigarettes a day. He has tried to quit several times. However, when he begins to feel stressed out, he has to light up to calm down. Could he meet his need for certainty in a more healthy way?
• Karen is a compulsive gambler. She started out small, but now her addiction threatens to ruin her family financially. She tries to stop and does fine for a while. But then she gets bored and heads to the casino. Could she meet her need for variety in a more healthy way?
• Ed has tried to lose weight for years. He has tried numerous diets but can’t shed the pounds. Could it be that he is addicted to the connection he feels with others around food? Could he meet his need in a more healthy way?
• Susan is in a bad marriage. She and her husband are always fighting about something. Though she says she is miserable, she likes the attention she gets when she complains to her friends. Could she meet the need for significance in a more healthy way?

I often wish that Dr. Switzer’s stop-it formula was sufficient.

But real change—real transformation—usually take a little more work. This doesn’t mean that you have to spend years in counseling, but it does mean that you must take action. Here are four steps to get you moving in the right direction:

1. Select a habit you want to change.
2. Identify the cue that triggers the behavior (stress, boredom, loneliness, insignificance, etc.).
3. Understand the need the habit meets (the reward).
4. Now, without changing the cue or the reward, replace the routine with a new, healthier behavior.

This process is laid out in detail in The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg. I highly recommend it. If you want the “Cliff notes version,” read John Rochardson’s post, “How to Change a Bad Habit into a Good One.”

If you have followed my blog for more than a few months, you know that I am a huge fan of Don Miller and, especially, his most recent book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: How I Learned to Live a Better Story. In fact, last year I had the men in my Mentoring Group read through the book and discuss it. It was life-changing.

That’s why I am so excited to share with you about Don’s Storyline Conference. Gail and I attended last year in Portland and loved it. It is a two-day event, held in three locations: Portland (April 30–May 1), Nashville (May 6–7), and Santa Barbara (June 8–9).

Don designed this conference to help you examine your life—who you are and who God created you to be—and then guide you through the process of creating a more meaningful story. It is fully congruent with my e-book, Creating Your Personal Life Plan, if you are familiar with that.

The Storyline Conference is specifically designed for:

• Those interested in personal development;
• Those in the midst of a transition; and
• Those who want to live a bigger, more compelling story.

Over the course of two days, you will discover:

1. How you are uniquely wired
2. How to create a filter for your major decisions
3. How to be motivated by a single life-purpose
4. How to take up every day knowing what you are supposed to do
5. How to inspire the world with the story you are telling
6. How to partner with God in the work He is already doing
7. How to create a a storyline you can reference for the rest of your life

If you want to register for the conference, you can do so here.

Here’s the cool thing: Don has offered my readers a special $50.00 discount. It works whether you register as an individual or a group. And, that’s in addition to the Early Bird Discount, which ends on April 20th for Portland, April 24th for Santa Barbara, and April 26th for Nashville. Please use the code: STORY2012.

Note: this special discount is only good for NEW registrations.

Problems always come in pairs. There’s the immediate problem that must be fixed. Then there’s the problem behind the problem—the breakdown in the process, the policy, or the people that led to the problem.

If you don’t take time to fix both, you’ll end up with the same problem happening again and again.

Some time ago, when I was a publisher at Thomas Nelson, we had a major gaffe with one of our most important authors. In order to protect the guilty, I won’t go into the details. Suffice it to say, we dropped the ball in a major way, and it caused a significant author relations problem. So much so, that it took almost two days of my time to fix the problem. I was embarrassed and frustrated.

Obviously, we had to fix the immediate problem. We created a mess, and we had to clean it up. We all understand the necessity—and urgency—of this part of the equation.

But the bigger issue is the breakdown in the process that led to this problem. If we don’t fix this, then we will experience another breakdown in the future. It’s virtually guaranteed. As the philosopher George Santayana said, “Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”

Great leaders address both issues. They are quick to right wrongs, fix problems, and clean up messes. But, as soon as they get past the initial crisis, they ask the bigger question, “How did this happen and how can we keep it from happening again?”

If you will take time to debrief on the business problems you encounter, you will find that your organization steadily improves. In this sense, there is no failure, only feedback and the opportunity to improve.

What do penguins have to do with leadership and changing your toxic team culture? More than you realize.

The power of a few can influence the behavior of many. Leadership, as John Maxwell suggests, is really nothing more than influence.

Margaret Mead wrote that we should “never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world. Indeed, that’s all who ever have.”

But when handed the reins of leadership and asked to turn around an organization that has been suffering from toxic team culture, it becomes difficult to keep Mead’s words in mind.

Whether you are a coach taking over a perennial loser, a new principal at a troubled school, or a manager promoted to a new position over a group with low sales numbers, there really is hope!

While I could point to another dry study or survey as evidence, the best illustration of how to change your team culture can be found at the San Francisco Zoo. A few years ago, something remarkable happened there that carries a leadership lesson for all of us.

It involved the behavior of forty-six birds that had been long-time residents of the zoo and the impact that a few transplanted birds had on the original group after they arrived. It happened in 2003, and the birds were penguins.

Penguins are supposed to swim. In fact, those original forty-six penguins had been taking regular leisurely dips in the pool to cool off occasionally and make sure their feathers remained sleek. Life was easy and un-challenging.

Imagine the forty-six of them lying around, eating, swimming, resting, and then repeating the process at a comfortable pace every day of their existence. Perhaps, it sounds much like some of the people in the organization you are intent on turning around. But things changed dramatically when six new penguins moved in from Ohio.

The newcomers, upon their arrival, jumped into the pool and swam. And they swam. And swam some more. In fact, the six penguins from Ohio kept swimming laps all day long. Day after day.

The zookeeper didn’t notice them squawking at or fighting with or nagging the original residents to join them or change their attitudes—they just went about their business of swimming around the pool.

The newcomers started early each morning and kept swimming in circles until they would stagger out of the pool, exhausted, at dusk. What was most amazing, though, is that those six penguins soon convinced the original forty-six to change their leisurely lifestyle and join them.

Before the Ohio penguins arrived, the San Francisco penguins had been lazy and comfortable. Soon, they were busy swimming the whole day long. What was the secret to the impact the Ohio penguins had?

Sometimes, the shock of a new idea or way of doing things inspires people to live up to others’ expectations and levels of performance. Given the chance, all penguins want to show their abilities, leadership skills, and penguin-hood.

Those six penguins from Ohio changed the lifestyle habits of the other forty-six entirely. The zookeeper was even quoted as telling reporters, “We’ve completely lost control.”

The impressive point was not that the forty-six penguins learned to swim, which they had always done as a pastime, but that they so quickly would change and go into aquatic terminator mode. The Ohio penguins motivated them to change their toxic team culture—and left us a few lessons:

1. Be willing to try new ideas. This can shake up how people have done things in the past and lead to change.
2. Changing others’ behavior is more about showing than telling. Penguins (and people) are less open to advice and suggestions than you would like to think. They need to see it and be given a challenge to live up to in order to change.
3. Don’t give up.If six little penguins can turn a group of 46 lazy home-bodies into workout monsters, just imagine how you might influence the group that you have been assigned.Leadership truly is influence, and sometimes the most influential thing we can do is roll up our sleeves and work as hard as we want others to. Spend time sharing your vision, building relationships, and “swimming your laps in the pool” at your zoo. Pretty soon others will rise to the challenge and join you.

One of the best ways to forge better relationships, clarify your team vision, and build leadership or communication skills is with a team-building event where your people have the time and opportunity to grow together and experience challenges that prepare them to collaborate and learn from each other.

If you are looking to change the toxic team culture in your organization, or if you just need to give your people a chance to turn address a teamwork issue, the answer is often found in taking responsibility for what you can control: your own effort end example.

Team motivation is often the result of one person being bold enough to shake up the status quo with an extraordinary work ethic or enthusiasm that spreads to the entire group.

Andrew Jackson, our seventh president, is credited with saying, “One man, with courage, is a majority.” He became a national hero for his courage in the War of 1812, winning the battle of New Orleans despite being outnumbered and earning the nickname “Old Hickory” for his toughness.

Sometimes a country, team, or even a group of penguins find themselves in need of leadership that is willing to show the way instead of making demands.

By taking action and setting an example for others to emulate, you improve your culture, and give others permission to join the crusade, as well.

Question: What’s an example in which you’ve shown instead of told as a leader? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

Gail and I have attended a Women of Faith Conference every year for the last ten years. That may sound strange since I am a man but stay with me!

Women of Faith is owned by Thomas Nelson. Most of the speakers at the conference are Thomas Nelson authors. So as the former CEO of Thomas Nelson, I had a business reason to attend. (That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.)

The truth is we love this conference. With world-class speakers, amazing singers, this conference is always an unparalleled, inspirational experience.

In the video above, I interview Lisa Harper, a Women of Faith speaker and now the new Director of Ministry. In this short, seven-minute conversation, I ask her six questions:

1. What are you the most excited about with regard to Women of Faith this year?
2. I know you have gone through a lot of changes at Women of Faith this past year, what are some that are the most compelling to you personally?
3. Tell me about your new role at Women of Faith?
4. Can you tell me about the new speakers at Women of Faith for this season?
5. Tell us some insider information … what can we look forward to with Women of Faith?
6. 2012 is the biggest season for Women of Faith ever. I understand you have added several new events. How is it different?

This years speakers include Andy Andrews, Christine Caine, Ken Davis, Sheila Walsh, Amy Grant, Mandisa, Marilyn Meberg, Patsy Clairmont, Sandi Patty, and many others.

Let me encourage you to visit the Women of Faith schedule and find the tour city closest to you. Here are a few ways you can participate:

• If you are a pastor, why not make Women of Faith your women’s event for this year. You don’t need to reinvent the wheel. You can take advantage of the best speakers in the best environment. I promise, the women in your church will come back encouraged and inspired.
• If you are a husband, why not send your wife (and daughters for that matter) to Women of Faith. Forget the roses. This is the best gift you can give her, one she will be talking about for months. It would make a great Mother’s Day present.
• If you are a small group leader, take your whole group. Everyone can pay for their own tickets and you can share hotel rooms. It’s like a giant slumber party. It’s a great way to share a powerful experience together and bond in a deeper way.

When I started out in my career, the key to success was having the right answers. If the boss had a question, he expected me to have the answer—or know where to get it. Those who advanced in their careers the quickest were seemingly the ones who had the most answers.

But as I began to ascend the corporate ladder, I discovered that the key to success began to shift. It became less and less about having the right answers and more and more about having the right questions.

In the age of Google, answers are the easy part. You can look up virtually anything and have the answer almost instantaneously. But this only happens if you know how to ask the right questions.

If you are going to be a successful leader, you are going to have to learn how to ask good questions. Here are seven tips for taking this skill to the next level.

1. Ask open-ended questions.Questions that can be answered “yes” or “no” are closed-ended questions. They don’t generate discussion and they rarely yield any insight. By asking open-ended questions, you get far more interesting insights.For example, instead of asking, “Are you happy with your results?” you might ask, “Why do you think you got the results you did?” The first question can only be answered “yes” or “no.” The second question invites reflection and starts a discussion.
2. Get behind the assumptions.Every business decision is based on assumptions. If you don’t understand these assumptions, you may, in fact, make a bad decision. It’s often helpful to ask yourself first—and then your colleagues—“What are we assuming in this scenario?”Then you need to keep peeling the layers off the onion until you get comfortable with the assumptions. This is where people often make mistakes. The logic may be impeccable, but if it’s built on faulty assumptions, you’ll end up with a faulty conclusion.
3. Get both sides of the story. It is so easy to hear one side of the story, act on the information, and then be embarrassed when you find out that you only had halfthe facts.I have done this hundreds of times, I’m sure. I think I am getting better at getting both sides of the story, but I still consider myself “in recovery.” I have to constantly remind myself, There are at least two sides to every story.
4. Ask follow-up questions.Avoid the temptation to comment on every question. Sometimes I like to see how many questions I can ask in a row without commenting. It’s amazing what you can learn when you do this.And it makes your comments or decisions much more informed. Often you don’t get to the real meat of an issue until you’ve gone several questions deep.
5. Get comfortable with “dead air.”Most people get uncomfortable when things get quiet. They feel the obligation to fill the space with chatter. You can let this work to your advantage by just keeping your lips locked and your ears open.When you do, you will often find that people volunteer amazing amounts of information that you would have never obtained any other way.
6. Help people discover their own insights. One of the best ways to mentor others is to ask rather than tell. Yes, you can pontificate to your subordinates, but your insights will not be as meaningful to them as they are to you. You can accomplish far more by leading them with good questions.One of my favorite, especially in the wake of a mistake or disappointment, is this: “What can we learn from this experience that might be useful to us in the future?”
7. Understand the difference between facts and speculation. One of my former bosses once told me, “Make sure you tell me what you know and what you thinkyou know, and make sure I know the difference.”People make all kinds of statements that they think are based on the facts. These should immediately cause your radar to go off. Often you will have to ask, “Do you know that to be a fact?” If so, “How do you know?” or “Can you provide me with the source for that statistic or claim?”

Finally, when you are asking questions, take notes. It communicates tremendous respect for the the person you are interviewing. It is also very helpful when things get quiet. You can go back over your notes and discover new questions you haven’t yet thought about or asked.

If I asked you your “magic number,” chances are you would look at me and wonder what I really meant. Magic number? Is that like a lucky number?

If, however, I asked for your hoped-for retirement age, I bet a number would quickly pop into your mind. Was it fifty-five, sixty, or sixty-five?

The truth is after a few short months at our first job, we enroll in a retirement plan. And then we start dreaming about that magic age when we can stop working and really start to enjoy life.

Unfortunately, all too often this magic future number looms so large in our minds we forget the importance of today. We pour our lives into our careers funding our retirement plans to the max, forgetting we really only have twenty years to raise our kids.

In raising our three sons, my wife Julie and I lived by principles that allowed us to order our lives so we could give our family the precious gift of our time—when they were young and needed it.

Here are two strategies that worked for us:

1. Limit your work hours. Put balance into your life by limiting the time spent at your vocation. During seasons where working more hours could have potentially increased my income, I set work time limits.

   I did what I could do within that time and trusted God for the results (see Psalm 127:2). I went home for dinner most nights and rarely did I work on weekends.

2. Extend your magic number. I stopped thinking retiring at age sixty-five was normal. The fixed retirement age concept came into being in the 1930s when life expectancy was around sixty-three.

   The truth is man was created to be productive and at age sixty-five, we just might be healthier and more fulfilled if we keep right on working.

   Extending your retirement time horizon will slow down the pace of life. You won’t be in a hurry to quit. You might find you can also free up funds earmarked for retirement for use on family vacations or to pay down current debt.

How good would your retirement years be if you never take the time to build a relationship with your kids?

Everyone wants to be a leader. However, few are prepared to accept the accountability that goes with it. But you can’t have one without the other. They are two sides of the same coin.

But what does accountability look like?

First and foremost, it means that you accept responsibility for the outcomes expected of you—both good and bad. You don’t blame others. And you don’t blame the external environment. There are always things you could have done—or still can do—to change the outcome.

Until you take responsibility, you are a victim. And being a victim is the exact opposite of being a leader.

Victims are passive. They are acted upon. Leaders are active. They take initiative to influence the outcome.

When I was the CEO of Thomas Nelson, we held a meeting once a month with our divisional leaders. We required each of them to write a report, detailing what happened the previous month.

They submitted their reports to my Executive Leadership Team. Then we meet with each leader face-to-face to discuss his or her operating results.

These reports provided a summary of what happened and a review of the key metrics that drove the business. We also asked each division head to describe how their leadership succeeded or failed.

We asked, “What was it about your leadership that produced these results?” The underlying assumption was that it is all about their leadership. We did not allow them to blame anyone internally or externally.

I remember one month when Allen Arnold did a particularly good job of this in his report. I have asked his permission to include it here, because I believe it serves as a great model for others.

By way of background, Allen leads the Thomas Nelson Fiction division. He started this division several years ago and has done a great job leading it to it’s current level of success.

But even great leaders, like Allen, have bad months. But when they do, they take full responsibility for it. (I have bracketed out sensitive, proprietary information.)

Notice several items in Allen’s comments:

1. They all make heavy use of the pronoun “I.” Allen didn’t hide behind his team (e.g., “we didn’t do such and such”) or blame others (e.g., “they didn’t do such and such.”).
2. He is specific about the decisions he made and the results he achieved. He understands that the two are linked. Smart leaders get this. It is fundamental to driving change.
3. He didn’t wallow in remorse or self-pity. He simply accepts responsibility for his mistakes, learns what he can, and pledges to do better.
4. He took actions to correct the problem. This is the great thing about responsibility. Once you own it, you can begin fixing it. This eliminates a lot of wasted effort in playing the victim and blaming others.

It is also important for leaders to take responsibility for the good results they produce. When a leader exceeds his target, there is much he can learn, too. And in this meetings, we also took the time to reinforce these actions, so they would continue.

The bottom line is that no organization can grow and prosper until the leaders are willing to step up and take responsibility. As that begins to happen, it opens up a whole world of possibility.

Several months ago, my wife, Gail, and I attended an industry mixer at a conference we were attending. Almost immediately, I was cornered by an author who proceeded to complain about all the incompetent people in his life.

He grumbled about his literary agent, his booking agent, and his publisher. No one, it seems, measured up to his standards. I tried to change the subject, but he persisted.

The conversation made me feel very uncomfortable. I finally had enough and excused myself. I felt a little rude, but I didn’t want to steep in his brew of negativity.

As I thought about this, I realized how destructive complaining about others is. My author friend didn’t make me think less of the people he grumbled about; it made me think less of him.

Complaining about others has the potential to hurt you in four specific ways.

1. It trains your brain. I remember when I bought my first Lexus. I never really noticed Lexus cars before. But suddenly, they seemed to be everywhere. This demonstrates the principle that you see more of what you notice. If you focus on people’s faults, you will find even more of them.
2. It makes you miserable. My author friend was not happy. His humor was biting and sarcastic. He seemed entitled and discontent. His attitude was highly toxic—which was why I felt the need to get away from him. He was contagious!
3. People pull away. One of the consequences of complaining is that healthy people don’t want to hang around you. They avoid you. As a result, you miss scores of great opportunities, both social and business ones.
4. People don’t trust you. This is perhaps the saddest consequence of all. As my friend was complaining about others, I began to wonder, What does he say about me when I am not around. I then instinctively thought, I don’t trust him.

After I left the presence of my negative friend, I bumped into an agent friend, who is one of the most positive, encouraging people I know. He told me about all the great things happening in his life and business.

Whenever he mentioned someone’s name, he raved about them. He exuded gratitude. I didn’t want to leave his presence. It was like balm to my soul.

My second friend was such a contrast to the first, it made me realize these are two entirely different mindsets and approaches to life. The good news is that if you are a negative person, you don’t have to stay that way.

Here are seven steps to reversing this pattern and becoming a happy person others trust and want to be around.

1. Become self-aware. Are you a negative person? Do you tend to see the glass half empty or half full? If you are in doubt, ask your spouse or a close friend for candid feedback. Negativity is costing you more than you know. Frankly, it’s like having bad breath or b.o.
2. Assess your needs. What need are you attempting to meet by complaining? Perhaps the need for connection? Maybe a need for significance? Are there better, more healthy ways to meet these needs?
3. Decide to change. Complaining is a habit. And like all bad habits, change begins when you own your behavior and make a decision to change. It doesn’t have to be a long, drawn out process. It will take conscious effort at first, but it will become automatic over time. You can start today.
4. Shift your identity. The most powerful change happens when we modify our identity. When I declared myself an athlete, daily exercise suddenly became easier. What if you said to yourself, I am a positive, encouraging person? How would your behavior change?
5. Greet others with a smile. According to health expert Ron Gutman, “smiling can help reduce the level of stress-enhancing hormones like cortisol, adrenaline, and dopamine, and increase the level of mood-enhancing hormones like endorphins.” While smiling has this impact on you, it also has a similar impact on others. This is one reason they unconsciously want to be around you.
6. Catch them doing something right. The corollary to the principle “you see more of what you notice” is "you get more of what you notice. If you catch people doing what is right and complement them for it, guess what happens? They start doing more of it. This is not manipulation; it is influence. It too is contagious.
7. Speak well of others. I’m not saying you shouldn’t deal with bad behavior by confronting it. I’m saying you should deal directly with the people involved rather than complaining about it to those who are neither part of the problem nor part of the solution. Your mama’s advice was right: “If you don’t have something positive to say, don’t say anything at all.”

While complaining about others may hurt them, ultimately it hurts you the worst. By becoming more aware and more intentional, you can become a person others seek out and want to be around.

Have you ever heard—or asked—questions like these at work? “Who dropped the ball?” “Why can’t that department do its job right?” “When will we find good people?”

These questions lead us into the dangerous traps of blame, victim thinking, and procrastination—ones that leaders work hard to avoid while on the job.

But what if the person asking these questions was also a parent and later returned to their family, asking: “Who made the mess in here?” “Why won’t he ever listen to me?” “When will my spouse help out more?”

Once again, they’ve slipped into a same dangerous trap—but now at home. And in doing so, this mom or dad has taught their child to ask lousy questions such as: “Why aren’t my friends nicer to me?” “When will my teacher give me a break?” “Who’s going to pay for my college?”

Then, the child becomes an adult and finds employment. Soon this person can be found at the water cooler huddle, whispering: “Who’s going to solve the problem?” “Why do we have to go through all this change?” “When is someone going to train me?”

And the problems of blame, victim thinking, and procrastination remain deeply embedded in our society, while a lack of personal accountability persists in our world.

Is it possible that when people at work blame and whine, it’s because they were taught to do so at home? And that these dangerous ways of acting and thinking were modeled for them—by mom and dad?!

Leadership begins at home. Until Mom and Dad choose to practice personal accountability in their lives, not much will change—anywhere.

The working parent who laments the degeneration of society while complaining that younger employees “lack work ethic” fails to understand this: Societal problems, which include all the problems found within our organizations, are rooted in the family.

The unaccountable parent who goes to work and criticizes others for acting entitled, fails to ask, “Am I creating entitled children at home?”

The mom or dad who fails to lead exclaims, “The finger-pointing in our world is a terrible thing!” but does not look inward with the question, “Am I raising children who blame their teachers when they get a poor grade?”

And then there is the parent who asks, “When will my daughter start getting her homework done on time?” but models procrastination at home with the words, “I’ll do it later.”

Parents who are leaders know this: Modeling is the most powerful of all teachers. Dads and moms who accept the mantle of home leadership accept that they—not sports stars, pop culture icons, or Hollywood celebrities—are the role models for their kids.

These are “no excuses” parents. They don’t blame the famous for the “poor example that they set” and would never employ the grand parental excuse: “My child didn’t turn out as I’d hoped, because he got in with the wrong crowd.”

Leadership at home is captured in this statement: My child is a product of my parenting. Any other view of parenting is irresponsible folly. Excuse-making is never part of a leader’s world.

Moms and dads who really grasp that victim thinking is a disease spread from parents to kids—that blame is taught and caught, and that procrastination is learned—know what will happen should they fail to fulfill their job at home.

It is no surprise that we’ll reap a weak workplace where salespeople whine, “I missed my sales goal because our pricing is too high!”, employees lament, “Why doesn’t management do more for us?”, and colleagues point fingers, saying, “Nobody cared about the project as much as I did.”

My wife, Karen, and I have seven children ages thirteen to twenty-nine—six girls and one boy. The youngest three (all girls) are adopted.

Here’s what we believe: Parenting is a learned skill. It’s a developed capability that responsible parents purposely strive to acquire.

Understanding the critical nature of parenting, moms and dads who are leaders ask what we call “The Question Behind the Question,” or “QBQ.” Here are some QBQs that parents who lead ask:

• “How can I be a more effective at home?”
• “What can I do today to set a better example for my child?”
• “How can I learn new parenting skills?”

This is leadership. This is personal accountability. And it all begins at home.

Question: What’s an example from your own life of how leadership at home translates to leadership at work? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

When you’re in charge, it’s easy to get accustomed to having the people follow your wisdom simply because you’re the leader.

But when was the last time you took a real risk, putting yourself out there with the possibility of failure? Have we become so used to leading that we’ve forgotten what it took to get us there?

True leaders know what it’s like to be in the trenches, and those they lead thrive on their energy and drive. They are eager to “follow the leader,” because they know the leader is in it with them. Then, the years pass, and many leaders can’t help but grow distant from those they lead.

Putting yourself out there suddenly becomes replaced with safe activities such as “strategic decision making” and “risk aversion.”  While these can be considered smart leadership practices, they also come with a price.

By not putting yourself out there in a real way, you not only run the risk of losing touch, but lose your personal edge, as well—both of which earned you respect as a leader in the first place.

In my life, many people look to me for advice, strategy, and leadership. I have led organizations of over 1,600 people and influenced thousands more. I realize the impact I have on others, and I take that responsibility seriously.

Recently, I was preparing for a speech to a group of entrepreneurs. As I was thinking about my presentation and the stories I planned on sharing, it hit me that it had been a while since I had “earned my stripes.”

I was starting to feel disconnected. Not disconnected with those I lead, but disconnected with risk and the trenches. I needed a real challenge.

I had to look outside the business world, because I had reached a level where it would be difficult to find a challenge that would be a real risk. So I set my sights on something way out of my comfort zone.

I would go to Tanzania, Africa and attempt to summit Mount Kilimanjaro, the highest freestanding mountain in the world.

There are several routes to take, with varying levels of difficulty, some taking up to twelve days to summit and return. Being a typical extremist, and wanting to really challenge myself, I took the shortest and most difficult route—up and down in five days!

While the climb is physical, the real challenge is mental. It’s managing high altitude with exhaustion and feeling physically drained, but pushing through to the end.

It’s living outside in tents—in the rain—but driving toward a goal. It’s putting yourself out there with a real chance at failure, a risk I desperately needed. It’s being vulnerable.

Each day brought new beauty coupled with challenges to overcome and opportunities to both succeed and fail.

As we lined up at our final camp at midnight, preparing to begin our summit push, it struck me—while freezing, oxygen deprived and feeling horrible—that I would have to use the same characteristics I used in becoming a leader: drive, perseverance, and mental toughness. I would also have to rally others to work together, so we could all make it.

The final push was as tough as I imagined, but reaching the summit was extraordinary. Standing above the horizon, looking down at the clouds, was breathtaking to say the least.

But as I stood on the peak of the highest freestanding mountain in the world, I had one thought: “It’s great to be back in the trenches!”

Now, you certainly don’t need to climb a mountain to regain your sense of the trenches. Just choose any effort outside your comfort zone. This can range from running a marathon to starting a charity.

As long as you jump in and risk a real chance at failure, you’re good to go. Others will see your courage and be inspired by your willingness to put yourself out there. And you will love to get back in the trenches.

Question: When was the last time you were “in the trenches” as a leader? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

The YMCA has a mission: to improve lives by strengthening spirit, mind and body. Coca Cola has a mission: to refresh the world. Star Trek even had a mission: to boldly go where no man has gone before!

What about you and me? Could we do with mission statement for our marriages? Yes, and here’s why: Many of us enter into marriage somewhat blindly.

Perhaps we are full of passionate ideals and we feel that love alone will carry the day. But sooner or later, we realize that marriage is a much bigger deal than that.

To actualize love (I realize this doesn’t sound romantic at all) requires intentionality, discipline, and focus. It is a lifetime’s worth of work.

God has called us to this marriage commitment: minister to another by actively loving them, constantly look out for them, and make their best interests your best interests. We can get there with the help of a mission statement.

A marriage mission statement helps us to focus on how we want our marriage to bear fruit. Even when day-to-day living is mundane or difficult, a mission statement keeps our eyes focused on a greater prize. And it strengthens the teamwork between you and your spouse.

Here are three steps to making a marriage mission statement:

1. Identify your “big picture” mission. Ask, “What kind of spouse does God uniquely call me to be within my marriage?”

   Example: “I feel God uniquely calls me to support my husband’s gifts and career drive by being flexible about my own work for a season. This allows us to keep our marriage in balance while the kids are still at home.”

2. Break this big picture mission into do-able chunks. Ask, “What can I do within the next two months to get closer to the big goal? What steps can I take within the next six months?

   Example: “In the next two months, I will meet with three key colleagues and research viable ways to work in my current field from home. In the next six months, I will identify three enjoyable options. I’ll also approach my current boss about working part-time or telecommuting from home.”

3. Find another person to share your marriage mission with. Share your two-month and six-month goals with them. Offer to be an accountability partner for them as well. You’d be amazed at how much more on-task you are when you know someone expects you to show up!

   Example: “I have two accountability partners. The first is my husband. The second is my closest friend and prayer partner. We meet over coffee monthly to discuss progress with my goals, and re-adjust if needed.”

In a nutshell, love and marriage requires work. A friend of mine and fellow psychiatrist summed it up well when he told me: “I work to create my marriage every day.”

It is an on-going journey. A marriage mission statement provides a valuable road map.

Question: Have you ever thought of making a marriage mission statement? What ideas come to mind? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

As believers, we recognize the value of imitating Jesus and His leadership style. But if we really think about it, it’s strange that we try to emulate a leader who never developed an organization, regularly encouraged people to stop following Him, and ultimately saw His death as the pinnacle of His accomplishments.

What kind of perspective must a leader have to place high value on these kinds of strategies? Jesus was not a manager. His primary role was to function as a spiritual leader.

Not all leaders in religious organizations are spiritual leaders. This is not a criticism as much as a distinction. Distinguishing spiritual leadership from other forms of leadership can free people from unrealistic expectations of some leaders.

At the same time, making this distinction can help identify who the spiritual leaders in your organization are. Here are six characteristics that identify most spiritual leaders:

1. They lead others into their own encounters with God. One of the most effective things about Jesus’ lifestyle was that He didn’t switch into another mode to introduce His disciples to the reality of God.

   Whether standing in the synagogue or picking wheat along the path, interacting with the Father was so natural that others around Him could not help but do the same. Whether a spiritual leader is training a new employee or working through a difficult conflict resolution, his followers will discover their own connection to God more deeply in the process.

2. They lead others to discover their own purpose and identity. Spiritual leadership is characterized by great generosity. A spiritual leader genuinely wants others to fully discover who they were made to be.

   Workplace issues and strategic development become tools to help followers discover their own identity and overcome obstacles standing in their way. People functioning in an area of their created identity and strength will always be more productive than those who are simply trying to fill a position or role.

3. They lead others into transformation—not just production. When the goal is spiritual growth and health, production will always be a natural outcome. People function at their peak when they function out of identity.

   Helping your followers discover that their own transformation can happen on the job will engender loyalty and a high level of morale. Spiritual leadership fosters passion in those who follow. Passion is the ingredient that moves people and organizations from production to transformational impact.

4. They impact their atmosphere. While we may not stop a tempest with our words, spiritual leaders recognize that they can change the “temperature” of a room, interaction, or relationship.

   Changing the atmosphere is like casting vision, only it is immediate. When there is tension, fear, or apathy, a spiritual leader can transform the immediate power of these storms and restore vision, vitality and hope. A spiritual leader can fill a room with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and gentleness, even while speaking hard things.

5. They help people see old things in new ways. Many people are stuck not in their circumstances, but in their perspectives and paradigms. The word “repent” means “to think differently, or to think in a different way.” Jesus called people to look again at old realities through new eyes. Changing ways of thinking always precedes meaningful change.
6. They gain a following because of who they are—not because of a position they hold. Spiritual leaders can be found in secular organizations, in the same way managers and organizational leaders can be found in religious ones.

   Spiritual leaders influence more than they direct, and they inspire more than they instruct. They intuitively recognize that they are serving something—and Someone—larger than themselves and their own objectives.

Question: Who is someone who has been a spiritual leader in your life? What sets this person apart from other leaders? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

Last year was crazy. In six months, I received a publishing contract, started speaking for live audiences, and launched a writing career—all without having to quit my day job. How did it happen? I built a platform. But what does that mean?

If you want to find and lead your “tribe,” you are going to have to be intentional about the process. The first place to start is with building relationships. I’ve cultivated three important habits that have helped me do this.

Habit #1: Make Connections

A platform is not a website. It’s not your Twitter feed or speaking schedule. It’s people. Plain and simple. You may use a tool like a blog to connect with your audience, but this is simply the medium for your message. It’s a means to an end. And the end is relationship.

Realizing this changed everything for me. Instead of cold calling or emailing strangers, I looked for ways to build real relationships. Instead of demanding to be heard, I took my time getting to know people.

This isn’t like typical “networking,” where your goal is short-term, selfish gain. It’s about showing people they matter. It means taking someone out to coffee or going out of your way to say thank you. It’s about dignifying relationships, not commodifying them.

The best “networkers” are good at what they do because they care. Making connections means building relationships that lead to friendships. It also means helping friends connect with other friends. It’s not always easy, but it’s a whole lot more fun than trying to sell yourself.

Habit #2: Find Patrons

Every struggling artist, author, and entrepreneur understands the challenges of trying to survive in a competitive market. If you rely on your creativity to make a living, you will struggle with this, too.

The problem is we hear stories of overnight success, of people “making it happen” all by themselves, without any help. But the reality is there’s no such thing as a self-made man or woman. We all need help — someone to show us the ropes.

Every success story is really a story of community. Without the Medicis, Michelangelo never would have painted the Sistine Chapel. Without his friends at Atari, Steve Jobs wouldn’t have started Apple.

You need patrons — people who will believe in you and help you succeed. How do you get them to notice you? Do something that matters. And then, ask. This is how I got Seth Godin to endorse my eBook.

Habit #3: Create Great Stuff

In this noisy world, we are all overwhelmed with too many messages. Our inboxes are cluttered, and our eyes are trained to skim. So how do you — someone with something to say — break through these barriers? You have to do something truly interesting.

What’s the best way to do this? Start by asking questions:

• What do people want?
• What do they need?
• What’s causing them pain?

Find out their problems and solve them. This will earn you the right to speak.

The best way to do this is to make a remarkable product. Start a blog or a podcast, launch an online course or coaching program. It doesn’t have to be complicated; it just has to help.

If all you do is connect with people, but don’t connect them with something, you will limit your impact. You need to create something. And it needs to be amazing.

If you are going to build a platform, you will have to give before you get. The best way to begin is by earning attention through being generous. As your influence grows, build stuff that solves problems, and good things will come.

So what does this look like, specifically? Here are four ways to get started:

1. Email five people you want to meet. Ask them to coffee — your treat. No agenda, no big ask. Just reach out and see who responds. Do this with individuals and groups.
2. Do something generous. Donate your services or time. Give away a free product, like an eBook. Make yourself available to others — be interruptible.
3. Publish a manifesto. Create something with a message worth spreading. It should be good enough to charge money for, but don’t. Solve a problem, and do it for free. Watch as your idea spreads and your influence grows.
4. Repeat these steps for the rest of your life. Keep connecting, keep serving, and keep doing remarkable things.

Question: Which of these habits do you practice? Have you seen others work? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

It doesn’t matter whether your office is a boardroom, classroom, or laundry room. There are people who do things for you every day. Employees, colleagues, and family are expected to do their part. Do they know that you appreciate them?

It was a typical Monday, and I was about to churn out a business-like email to my husband. Have you heard back from the tax guy? Don’t forget the teacher-parent conference on Thursday. Oh, and the neighbors are irritated because you put the recycle bin out on the wrong day.

In the middle of composing this gem of gentle reminders, a terrible realization came over me: I send a similar email to my husband every Monday. Imagine his excitement when my name appears in his inbox! I began to wonder. Does he know how much I appreciate him?

I deleted my nagging email and wrote this instead:

No big deal, right? Wrong! The lasting effect this message had on my husband’s day was exponentially longer than the amount of time it took me to write it. He didn’t arrive home depleted and exhausted from the stress of the day. He had a spring in his step. He felt appreciated.

Appreciation is powerful. Apply it to your relationships in these practical ways:

• Boost morale by celebrating success. In the mentoring I do, I often hear executives express frustration with their team’s performance and morale. My first question: “What is your team doing well?” Surely they’re good at something. It’s quite possible they don’t feel appreciated for the things they’re expected to do, so why should they go the extra mile? Acknowledge the work they put into the daily grind. Celebrate small victories.
• Use appreciation as a motivational tool. When I taught middle school, I learned that acknowledging my students’ efforts, no matter how small, was a great motivator. This is especially effective with low performers. Johnny was a mess of a math student. He used pen. He rarely completed his homework. The correct answers eluded him. So when he started to meet two basic expectations, I jumped at the chance to write, “Thank you for using pencil! I also noticed that you attempted each problem. What a great way to learn!”
• Publicly acknowledge individual contributors. At the beginning of class each day, we had a routine. My students were expected to work quietly on a warm-up problem. Sounds simple enough. But getting a room full of 13-year-olds to do this some days felt more like herding cats. “I see that Katie and Davis have their homework out and they’ve already completed the warm-up. We’re going to have a great class today!” Acknowledging people in front of their peers does two things. It gives recognition to those doing what’s expected and it nudges those needing to change their behavior.

Want to see ordinary people accomplish extraordinary things? Show appreciation for what they already do, and report back on the results. Imagine the impact you can have on someone simply by recognizing their value.

Question: Who will you take the time to appreciate today? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

I love it when I get to spend time with my friend Randy Ingermanson who runs AdvancedFictionWriting.com. I always come away from our conversations challenged and changed.

Our recent conversation happened in a hotel lobby in Dallas where he shared about something he learned about goal setting.

“When we make decisions based on fear,” Randy said, “we eventually won’t progress.” He likened it to making a decision to follow Jesus based on fear of hell. The farther away we move from the fear, the less sway the threat holds in our decisions to grow.

The result? We stagnate because we’re farther away from what initially motivated us.

However, if we live in light of what we will gain in heaven by leading a faithful life, that looming goal woos us onward. It compels us to change in light of the future—a far more proactive way to live.

It made me think of my own life, how I’ve made so many business decisions based on fear. Because I was being reactionary, I didn’t grow.

Oswald Chambers wrote, “We mistake panic for inspiration.” But if I make goals based on who I want to become, those goals will entice me forward.

How can we apply this to our own entrepreneurial endeavors? Here are two ways:

1. Evaluate those times is your life when you reacted out of fear. What happened? What was your response? How did you fare in the aftermath? Do you regret what you did? What did you learn from your response in the long run? In what ways did you stagnate?
2. Envision what you want your professional (and personal) life to look like. Then work your way toward that goal.

   For instance, a looking-back goal based on fear would be something like, “I need to do anything I can to make money so I won’t be poor like I was as a child.” The farther away you move from that goal, the less you will grow, because you have nothing pulling you forward.

   But if your goal is, “I want to come to the place where I can donate as much money as I can to charity,” you will be moving in forward momentum toward that goal.

So what about you?

Picture your life five years in the future. See yourself as less harried, more intentional, and fully purposeful. You are living in the midst of your dream. What is that dream? Write it down.

Paint the picture of you joyfully pursuing what brings you deep satisfaction. Then place that dream in God’s hands, asking Him to woo you forward.

The past is gone. It cannot hold you. Present worries are poor motivators and eventually will fizzle in their ability to shape you for the long term.

But living your life in light of the future will change your perspective. It will move you from fear-based decision making to a joyfully proactive life where you anticipate the next step with joy.

Question: What decisions do you regret based on fear? What future goal would be powerful enough to move you forward? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

At a recent conference I attended, I heard someone say that the higher leaders advance in an organization, the less truth they receive.

In the conversation that ensued, it was discussed how executives receive less feedback from their teams and organizations. This was attributed to positional authority, employee job security fears, and other organizational factors.

Leaders may receive less direct feedback, but they do receive feedback. In fact, workers will often tell them more because they think (and hope) their leader can impact the issues that they bring. The good leader may need to listen harder.

For example, not many front line workers are going to tell the CEO that the new marketing initiative is a flop. But they will bring up concerns in conversation. Employees won’t say the new VP is bullying his team. However, they will relate issues and stories of borderline behavior.

When that VP is later fired, the CEO will ask why he wasn’t aware of the situation. Why hadn’t people let him know what was going on? They had. The CEO just wasn’t listening.

In today’s work environment, employees are cautious not to make “career limiting moves.” The details brought forth may be presented in a manner to protect themselves and others. The facts may be related in a politically correct manner.

The good leader must be a good listener and able to interpret what he or she is hearing. The message is often there, it just may need some skilled listening. Here are five ways for leaders to listen harder:

1. Walk the Workplace. Senior leaders often wall themselves off, sometimes literally, in their own world. They are so busy that they don’t stray off the path from the door to their executive offices.

   A great question for all senior leaders is, “When was the last time you walked around the office? Who did you meet and what did you learn?” The best times to do this are at the beginning and end of the day. These are magical times to walk the workplace if you want to know who is getting things done.

2. Listen, Don’t Solve. Many leaders got where they are because they “got things done.” They were problem-solvers. However, good leaders resist the urge to immediately solve every problem and instead simply listen to what they are hearing.

   If someone is relating an issue and the leader cuts off that person to give an answer, the facts can be lost. The leader may not get to the heart of the matter and will miss further information the employee was going to contribute.

3. Corroborate Multiple Sources. Leaders have to be particularly alert to hearing things from multiple sources. If an off comment is made about a person’s performance, it could be just that: an off comment. (It could even be a destructive comment by a jealous co-worker).

   However, if that same comment is heard from three or four different sources, the hard-listening leader is able to corroborate these multiple data points. It is probably a sign of a bigger issue that needs to be addressed.

4. Don’t Assume You Are Right. Leaders often go with their gut. It may have gotten them where they are. However, assuming they have the right answer when talking to a subordinate is short-sighted.

   The department worker who is actually doing the job probably has more insight than the executive. When the finance analyst who actually processes the reports is telling you about an issue, it’s time to listen. And listen good.

5. Ask Questions (Lots of Them). The listening leader asks lots of questions, especially ones that start with why.

   During a lunch with a junior employee, the leader is surprised that the employee wants to discuss the new expense system. Seems like an odd topic. By asking questions, he or she might uncover the new system that is saving the company money is actually taking three times as long to pay employees and twice as long for sales reps to enter their reports.

Leaders not listening can have devastating results. This can put companies out of business.

When leaders are blindsided, often their team is left wondering how they were unaware. As a leader, make sure you listen, and listen hard. To your business. To your customers. And especially to your employees.

Question: Are the leaders in your organization good listeners? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

Rainy days. Flat tires. The worst case scenario. As the saying goes, it happens. And so does poor leadership.

Leadership failures are often the result of:

• Poor planning
• Inexperience
• Stubbornness
• Lack of vision
• Pride

It happens more often than we would like to admit, especially when it is our fault.

When we are the victims, though, we notice it all the time. We see ourselves as being stuck in our circumstances. We complain. We gossip. We throw our hands up in the air and ask, “What if?”

“What if” is not necessarily a bad question. But instead of asking “what if those leading me were better,” we should ask, “what if I had responded to poor leadership better?”

Just because we suffer under someone’s mistakes does not mean we have to suffer. Even in tough circumstances, we choose how we respond.

I recently experienced a leadership “fail.” The person in charge did a horrible job. The leader lost focus on the mission of our team. They made decisions that were contrary to our values.

My leader was more interested in what he had to gain personally from our work than the actual work. He cared more about promoting his name than he did about serving people.

But even when our leaders fall short, there can be benefit to us if we choose to respond well. Here are five suggestions on how to get the most out of leadership failures.

1. Patience. We live in a culture that demands a scapegoat. When something goes wrong, we immediately ask whose fault it is.

   Give your leader a break. We all make mistakes. Try to understand your leader’s failure. Is this a one time occurrence or a pattern? What was their motivation? Be patient and quick to forgive. You would hope for the same if it was your mistake.

2. Diligence. A common response to poor leadership is to give up. Resist this urge. Keep working hard on your part even if it is under appreciated.

   Understand your leader’s weaknesses and try to help him through your strengths. You should always do your job well. Poor leadership is never an excuse to be lazy. In fact, your hard work will be needed more than ever.

3. Experience. Don’t let a mistake pass you by without learning from it. These are incredibly valuable moments. It is bad enough that a leadership fail has occurred. It is worse to let it pass without learning from it.

   The best lessons often come from mistakes. If you learn from your leader’s mistakes, then you gain valuable knowledge without having to make the same mistake yourself.

4. Honesty. Telling the truth is always good. Always. If you make a mistake, admit it. If your leader makes a mistake, you may have to be honest with them.

   Depending on your circumstances, the best thing you can do is simply discuss the failure in open dialogue. Do not be aggressive and blame. But be willing to ask tough questions and engage the tension. It may turn out that your leader had no realization of the mistake they made.

5. Moving on. Sometimes the only option you have is to move on. Don’t start here, but don’t be afraid to do it eventually either.

   Moving on is an issue of discernment. Use your best judgment to decide when a situation is hopeless, and if it is, pull the trigger. Don’t waste time trying to right a sunken ship.

How we respond to the leadership failures of others gives us the opportunity to be true leaders by the example we set in our response.

Question: Have you ever suffered under a leadership failure? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

One of the most memorable moments of my life was crossing the finish line of the Comrades Ultra-Marathon.

After eighty-nine kilometers (fifty-six miles), and a grueling eleven hours and thirty-four minutes on the road, hand-in-hand with my mom, I crossed the finish line. We gave each other a hug and each shed a tear. It was a powerful moment I will never forget.

And it got me thinking about finishing lines—about how we don’t need them just at the end of a long hard race, but at the end of long hard day, too.

Something you never see an athlete doing is going back over the line to run some more. Of course not; the race is over!

Yet, so often in my own life, even though the “race” of a workday is over, I continue to “run”—to check email, answer calls, stress about problems at the office—when really I should be resting, relaxing, and giving my presence to my family.

That’s why this year I have started to intentionally create “finishing lines” at the end of everyday.

This is a space where I draw an imaginary line in the sand and choose to put the day behind me, shifting my attitude, heart, and thoughts towards the next part of my day—whether that’s exercise, recreation, or family time. Here’s how I do it:

As the final activity before leaving work in the evening, I set aside twenty minutes to take stock of what’s happened today and decide the most important tasks to accomplish tomorrow.

I do this by asking myself a series of questions:

• How did the day go? What success did I experience? What challenges?
• What did I learn today? About myself? About others? What do I plan to do differently, or the same, tomorrow?
• Who did I interact with? Anyone I need to update? Thank? Apologize? Ask a question? Share feedback?

Taking this time to reflect allows me to clarify my thoughts, collect myself, refuel and renew my mind, and make conscious “course corrections” that ultimately save time and energy. And it’s made all the difference.

Since I have started this practice, I am far less grumpy when I arrive home. I feel more in control, and am more clear about what I still have to accomplish.

Most importantly, it enables me to “switch off” from work when I’m at home and engage fully with the people I love most.

Crossing your finish line, whether at the end of a race or at the end of the day, is something that not only leaves you feeling satisfied and fulfilled, but motivates you to finish well.

Question: What do you do to cross your finish line everyday? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

We typically wait until the end of a person’s life to give a eulogy, to say nice things about someone. But why wait? Why not start now—when the words can have the most impact?

Earlier this year, my family celebrated my father’s eightieth birthday. It was a fun celebration with friends and family.

By no means was this a small gathering. Over a hundred people attended the party. I teased him that I was glad my mom didn’t send a Facebook invitation to all his friends, because he now has close to fifteen hundred.

As part of the program, some of my dad’s friends and family members were asked to stand and say a few words. Some spoke of his competitive spirit on the golf course, others of his passion for helping students succeed.

Even others talked about my father’s heart for God and teaching the Bible. His grandchildren shared some of the memories he helped them make. And my sister and I spoke of his love and witness, his willingness to follow God no matter where he was called.

A few hours after the party, we were all sitting in my parent’s home, remembering the events of the day. My dad began to thank us for the party. He said he felt honored that all those people came and said so many good things about him. He said, “I feel like I got to witness my own funeral.”

It is usually at a person’s funeral where all the nice things are said. The only problem, my dad noted, is that the person doesn’t get to hear it.

A few days later, an article appeared in our local paper, saying that “it is only when people retire or move on to another job” that we throw a party for them in the work place. Only then do we say all the nice things and celebrate who they are and what they’ve accomplished.

But why do we wait until our bosses, co-workers, and team members move on to say nice things about them? Shame on us. We should start eulogizing those who mean the most to us before they leave us.

I don’t want to one day hear myself saying about my team, “I wish I had told them how great they were.” I want them to know how much they matter to me now:

• I want to celebrate my team. They deserve it.
• I want to tell my boss what a great job he is doing. He needs the encouragement.
• I want to recognize success across my organization. It builds morale.

Speak up. Celebrate the people around you. It is the right thing for a leader to do. It is the right thing for anyone to do. Dad, I love you and am so thankful for the Christ-like example you displayed for me.

Question: Who is someone you need to eulogize today? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

A few weeks ago, I was called by a consultant who was prospecting for business. He was a friend of a friend, so I felt duty-bound to give him thirty minutes to tell me about his company and the services he provides. Sadly, it was a complete waste of time.

For starters, the guy talked non-stop. I probably didn’t say more than three sentences in the entire call. Worse, he made all kinds of assumptions about me and my business. Most of them were wrong.

I gently tried to correct him, but he didn’t seem too interested in my point-of-view. Evidently, he had his script. He was determined to plow through it.

It made me wonder how many times I do the same thing with others.

The people I value the most are those who know how to listen. I actively seek them out. Interestingly, these are also the people who have the most influence with me. Why? Because I feel like they understand me.

Early in my business career, one of my mentors told me that conversations should be like a game of ping pong. You wait for the ball to come over the net, then you hit it back to the person on the other side. Then you do it all over again—and on it goes.

In a good conversation, there is both give and take. This is something we have intentionally tried to pass on to our own children.

I certainly have much to learn, but over the years, I have found the following strategies helpful in becoming a better conversationalist:

1. Listen with your heart. Words are a small part of any communication. The intellectual exchange is only part of the exercise. You can pick up a lot by paying attention to the non-verbal cues, including the other person’s eyes, their tone of voice, and their body language.
2. Be aware of how much you are talking. I try to talk in sound bites. Frankly, I learned this from doing hundreds of radio and TV interviews through the years. If I didn’t periodically stop talking and give the interviewers a chance to speak, they weren’t bashful about interrupting me or bringing the interview to a close. People are more polite, but you can still lose them, as the would-be consultant did with me.
3. Hit the ball back over the net. Nothing communicates value and respect to a person more than asking them what they think. Unless you’re giving a formal speech, every encounter should be a dialogue. That means you have to consciously hit the ball back over the net and give the other person a chance to respond. The best way to do this is with thoughtful questions.
4. Ask follow-up questions. The best listeners I know never stop with just one question. Like peeling an onion, they ask follow-up questions, going deeper each time. This is where you learn the most and where you tap into the possibility to add real value to the other person’s life. One question I like to ask is this, “How did it make you feel when that happened?”
5. Provide positive feedback. A “poker-face” may help when you are playing cards, but it does not help build trust or develop relationships. People need to know that you are listening and understand them. Nodding your head and providing verbal affirmation are critical skills that anyone can learn, but they must be cultivated.

Your ability to lead is directly tied to your ability to lead powerful conversations. If you want to increase your influence, you have to perfect the gentle art of conversational ping pong.

We’ve all had bosses we were proud to follow. People we’d do anything for. Even run through brick walls.

On the other hand, most of us have also had bosses we follow only because, well, they’re the boss. So what separates the leaders we want to follow from the leaders we have to follow?

The answer lies in the four Cs of effective leadership. These are all verbs, indicating actions you can take today to become a leader people want to follow:

1. Care: People follow people who genuinely care about others. It sounds simple, yet this is an area where so many leaders fall short.
   • Take a true interest in the people who work for you.
   • Learn about their hobbies, goals, and dreams.
   • Take time to get to know names of team members’ spouses, kids, and pets.
   • Remember birthdays, anniversaries, and other important dates.

   These things make a difference.

   Here’s a personal example. I once worked at a place where birthdays were recognized with large gatherings. The entire staff would huddle around the birthday person and pray for their upcoming year. Typically, that person’s boss led the prayer.

   As my boss prayed for me on my birthday, he did not say the names of my wife and kids. He did not say them because in two years he never took the time to learn them. I never felt less cared for.

   There’s no better way to lose employees than by being indifferent to the things that matter most to them. Great leadership begins with caring about the people you lead. As Margaret Mead once said: “Never believe that a few caring people cannot change the world. For, indeed, that is all who ever have.”

2. Celebrate: Appreciation is motivation and inspiration. Don’t leave employees in the dark. Show them you appreciate their achievements. Celebrate their successes. This not only lets the individual know you appreciate their work, it encourages all your employees. When a team member exceeds and reaches a goal, go out of your way to celebrate them both publicly and privately.

   Here are some easy ways to celebrate employees:

   • Send a weekly email to the entire organization recognizing a team member’s success.
   • Take an employee who achieves a goal out to lunch.
   • Thank employees for great work on your company Facebook page.
   • Give an employee a gift card to their favorite cafe.
   • Post blurbs about employee achievements on Twitter.
3. Correct: Corrective criticism is necessary to be a leader people want to follow. Employees appreciate direction that helps them grow and improve.
   • Don’t just scold employees for doing something wrong.
   • Show them the right way.
   • Put them on the path to success.
   • Take the time to regularly and thoroughly evaluate all your team members.
   • Provide goals and resources for team members to develop their skills.

   Remember, the development and success of your employees is a direct result of your leadership. Make this quote from Orlando Battista your mantra or screensaver: “An error doesn’t become a mistake until you refuse to correct it.”

4. Compensate: This one is kind of a no-brainer. Still, many leaders underestimate the importance of compensation to employees. Don’t make that mistake. It’s important. Very important.

   If you have an excellent team member, see they are compensated fairly. Fight for them if you have to. Employees have more respect for and loyalty to leaders who recognize the value of their hard work and dedication.

Effective leaders are not born. They are built. Ultimately, you control what kind of leader you want to be. Take action to become a leader people want to follow. The results you’ll see from your team will be well worth the effort.

A few weeks ago, a business acquaintance called to discuss a challenge he was facing at work. As usual, I began with a few questions, trying to understand the context and the issues involved.

It quickly became apparent that he didn’t want to change. In fact, the entire conversation was about why he couldn’t change, why he didn’t need to change, and why he wasn’t responsible for the results he was getting.

Ten minutes into the discussion, I realized I was dealing with a fool. There was no point in continuing the conversation. More talk would not change anything.

In Chapter 7 of his book, Necessary Endings, Dr. Henry Cloud deals with the difference between wise people and fools. It has given me clarity about something I have struggled with for years.

The difference between a wise person and a fool is not about:

• Position. Plenty of business leaders, pastors, and politicians are fools. Conversely, I have met wise executive assistants, gardeners, and even one shoe shine man.
• Intelligence. I know fools with masters degrees and Ph.Ds. Some of them teach in universities and have written books. Conversely, I know wise people who never graduated from high school and a few who can’t read.
• Talent. I know fools who are successful entrepreneurs, worship leaders, and television pundits. I know wise people with average talent and modest income.

According to King Solomon, there is one major thing that differentiates a wise person from a fool: how he or she receives instruction and correction. (See, for example, Proverbs 1:5; 9:8–9; 10:8; 12:15; 15:12; 17:10; and 19:20.)

A wise person:

1. Listens without being defensive.
2. Accepts responsibility without blame.
3. Changes without delay.

If you are dealing with a wise person, talking is helpful. They soak up feedback and use it to adjust their lives for the better. Your input can truly make a difference.

If you are dealing with a fool, however, talking is a waste of your time. They resist change. The problem is never “in the room.” It’s always out there somewhere—something you can neither access nor address.

I have always wondered why some conversations never seem to go any where. Instead, I am left confused and frustrated. Now I know. This inevitably happens when you are talking with a fool.

By the way, this doesn’t mean that you have to write fools off. Instead, you have to change strategies. More talk won’t help a fool. Instead, you must:

1. Stop talking.
2. Provide limits.
3. Give consequences.

If this topic interests you, I recommend you read Necessary Endings. Honestly, it is one of the best books I have read in the last year. Thanks to my friend, Robert Smith, for recommending it.

On Sunday night at the NRB Convention, I was on a panel discussion led by Phil Cooke. Our topic was “How to Change Organizational Culture.” This is something every leader eventually faces.

Phil began the session by stating, “culture triumphs vision.” I agree completely.

Leaders often wonder why they can’t get traction in making the changes they know are necessary. They articulate a new vision. They change a few policies. They might even replace a few key people.

But nothing substantive changes.

The problem is that culture is largely invisible to those inside of it. It’s like water to a fish or air to a bird. It’s simply the environment we live in.

I faced this when I came to Thomas Nelson in the late 1990s. As an outsider, I was immediately aware of the culture. There were many aspects of it I loved, but others I knew I had to change in order to improve the operating results.

The changes in my area of responsibility happened quickly—within the first eighteen months. The operating results also improved dramatically. Changes to the broader company took longer, but, as my responsibilities grew, they eventually took root as well.

Based on my experience, here are six steps you can take to change the culture of your own business, church, or ministry:

1. Become aware of the culture. Begin to notice it’s characteristics. Pay attention to shared values, the way people express themselves (particularly their language), and the stories they tell about their success and failures.
2. Assess your current culture. Start by creating three lists:
   • What should stay? Write down the aspects of your culture that you like and want to preserve.

     At Thomas Nelson we had a performance culture that focused on profitability. I wanted to keep that. We had to succeed financially in order to resource our mission.

   • What should go? Write down the aspects of your culture that must die if you are going to go forward.

     At Thomas Nelson, we had a “closed book” operating philosophy. The only people who knew how the company was performing were those in top management.

     I believed that if we practiced an “open book” philosophy and everyone knew how the company was doing, we could all work together to improve results.

   • What is missing? Write down aspects of the culture that seem to be missing or weak.

     At Thomas Nelson, individual accountability was weak. People were afraid to take personal responsibility and this created a lot of blame-shifting.

3. Envision a new culture. This is the fun part. Rather than simply complain about what is, begin to image what could be.

   Imagine you are working with a blank sheet of paper and anything is possible. What would the ideal culture look like? Write it down in as much detail as possible.

   I wrote down five pages of notes and then distilled it down to ten attributes. I then met with my leadership team, and we fine-tuned it. This became a blueprint for what we wanted to create.

4. Share the vision with everyone. Culture will not change unless you cast a vision for something new. You have to articulate in a way that is compelling and specific.

   And you can’t just do this once. One of my mentors said to me, “Mike, you must keep casting the vision. When you start getting sick of hearing yourself talk about it, you’re only half done. Keep speaking it!”

   Why? Because, as Andy Stanley has noted, vision leaks (see his book, Making Vision Stick). Initially, the only existence vision has is in your words. You have to keep speaking it until it takes root and begins to grow.

5. Get alignment from your leadership team. I’m talking about more than agreement. You need alignment. This is something altogether different.

   You want a team that buys the vision, understands what is at stake, and is willing to take a stand to make it happen.

   Think of it as a conspiracy. Not in the negative sense, but in the positive. You and your team are conspiring together to make a positive change that will transform your organization.

6. Model the culture you want to create. The culture of a company is the behavior of its leaders. If you change their attitudes, their values, their beliefs, their behaviors, you will change your culture. If you don’t, you will fail.

   This is why you must have alignment with your leadership team. If they are not willing to change their behavior and model what you are trying to create, you must replace them. That may sound harsh, but it’s true. If you don’t, nothing will change in the organization.

   As Gandhi famously said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

   And by the way, even if the people above you won’t change, you can change the culture of your department, division, or operating unit. In fact, that’s usually how it works.

   That is exactly how I did it at Thomas Nelson. I started implementing what I am sharing here five years before I became the president of the company. Frankly, I think it had a great deal to do with why I kept getting promoted.

Is it possible to change the culture of your organization? Absolutely. But like everything else in leadership, you must be intentional.

It’s easy to lose perspective if you immerse yourself in the river of daily news. Things appear to be bad—and they are getting worse! The end of the world as we know it is right around the corner.

But things are not always what they seem.

I have been intrigued by a new book called Abundance: Why the Future is Better Than You Think by Peter Diamandis and Steven Kotler. Acknowledging that we will experience bumps along the way to the future, the authors point out that progress is made even in the worst of times:

The twentieth century, for example, witnessed both incredible advancement and unspeakable tragedy. The 1918 influenza epidemic killed fifty million people, World War II killed another sixty million. There were tsunamis, hurricanes, earthquakes, fires, floods, even plagues of locust. Despite such unrest, this period also saw infant mortality decrease by 90 percent, maternal mortality decrease by 99 percent, and, overall, human lifespan increase by more than 100 percent. In the past two decades, the United States has experienced tremendous economic upheaval. Yet today, even the poorest Americans have access to a telephone, television, and a flush toilet—three luxuries that even the wealthiest couldn’t imagine at the turn of the last [19th] century. In fact, as will soon be clear, using almost any metric currently available, quality of life has improved more in the past century than ever before. So while there are likely to be plenty of rude, heartbreaking interruptions along the way, as this book will demonstrate, global living standards will continue to improve regardless of the horrors that dominate the headlines.

This is something important for us to remember as leaders. Even in the midst of setbacks and failures, we make progress—if we maintain perspective.

Certainly, we don’t want to stick our heads in the sand and act like bad things never happen. They do. But good things also happen.

As leaders, we must practice what Jim Collins in Good to Great calls “The Stockdale Paradox”: Great leaders acknowledge the current realities and don’t pull any punches. But at the same time, they have an unwavering belief that they will ultimately prevail.

When you experience a setback, perspective is often the first casualty. You can regain it by following these five steps:

1. Acknowledge what happened. You can’t move past the setback if you don’t. This is the first step.
2. Empathize with those who suffered. Failure hurts. No one enjoys it. It should be mourned.
3. Put the setback in context. There is always more to the story. We can’t allow one setback—or even a series of setbacks—to define us. Failure is not the end unless you quit.
4. Point out the positive. It sounds trite, but it’s true: every cloud has a silver lining. There is something to learn, something that even failure makes possible. Your job as a leader is to find it.
5. Keep moving forward. The difference between winning and losing is not the number of setbacks you experience. Even winners experience failure. The difference is in whether or not you get up when you fall down and keep moving forward.

Setbacks are inevitable. They make us stronger and develop our character. But only if we maintain our perspective and use them to grow.

If we could predict the twists and turns in life, we’d never be confronted with the unknown. But things like cancer, death, or a sudden job loss are often beyond our control—they thrust us into an unknown world with little or no warning.

Whether we land on our feet, however, is something we can control.

As a new agent at the FBI Academy, I spent four months immersed in uncomfortable challenges. Whether it was training in firearms, defensive tactics, or physical fitness, I was confronted with the unknown all day long.

In the process, I learned many things about how to confront conflicts and unexpected challenges. The most important was this: If you want to increase safety, you must move toward the challenge.

This may sound counterintuitive since we often have a physiological reaction to sudden challenges as our forehead starts to sweat and our stomach gets knotted. No one wants to step into a situation where the outcome is unknown.

Often we forfeit control by succumbing to the fight-or-flight syndrome. It’s an automatic reaction many of us lean into when confronted with the unknown.

Here are three ways you can prepare for the unknown and safely move toward your uncomfortable challenge:

1. Be Curious. Most successful FBI agents are curious by nature. This curiosity motivates them to look beyond the obvious and notice their surroundings.

   One of the best examples in literature of the importance of noticing what’s going on around us can be found in the Bible. Perhaps you’ve heard of the story of Moses and the burning bush? Then Moses said, “I must turn aside and look at this great sight, and see why the bush is not burned up” (see Exodus 3:3)

   This verse is relevant because each of us tend to take great efforts to avoid the unknown, and this burning bush was certainly an unknown to Moses! Instead, Moses shows us the way: Turn. Aside. And Look.

   • Turn: a change of focus, direction, and attitude.
   • Aside: pulling away from other things that have previously held our attention.
   • Look: embracing the new and different with the spirit of curiosity, not fear.

   Moses kept a safe distance from the burning bush but he was curious about it, and this curiosity prodded him to take a step forward.

2. Take Small Steps. Every journey begins with baby steps. A coach shows you how to hold a golf club. You feel awkward and inept. You have to think about every movement of your body as you swing the club. You grow impatient.

   At about this time, you’re wondering why you chose to learn golf and whether it’s the right game for you. But a good coach will take you through the pace slowly so you gain confidence and build on your achievements.

   • Make each small step concrete. Mountains are climbed by one step at a time, not by giant leaps.
   • Locate the smaller problems within the larger situation. We are less likely to feel out of control if we can tackle individual issues.
   • Acknowledge the small accomplishments and savor them before moving on to the next.

   Big steps can produce fear and your brain begins a self-protective lockdown. Taking small steps, on the other hand, is a stealth solution to approaching the unknown.

3. Learn Mastery. Genghis Khan conquered the largest empire in history with bows and arrows. Accurately hitting a target from the back of a galloping horse is not easy. Genghis mastered his art by doing three things:

   First, he developed the power to pull back the thick bow so he could aim his arrow.

   Secondly, he understood the movements of the horse he was riding. When a horse is galloping, there is a moment when the horse is air-borne and all four hooves are off the ground. In that split-second, as he sat in his saddle and sailed through the air in smooth flight, he could shoot his arrow with enough accuracy to hit the target.

   And third, he understood not only his own strengths and weaknesses, but the strengths and movements of his horse as well.

   Genghis Khan can teach us several things about mastery:

   • Cultivate the strengths within you—and your team.
   • Uncover your weaknesses—they are as important to know as your strengths.
   • Train for the day in combat. It takes an estimated 10,000 hours to become a master. With enough training, you will know yourself well enough to predict how you’ll react when confronted with a crisis.

   Leaders who embrace the unknown have a great capacity for facing challenges. They have the resources, mental skills, and physical capabilities to be curious enough to take the small steps needed to master their skills.

You can’t always control what happens to you. But you can control how you react. More importantly, you can prepare for the unknown and lean into it.

Have you ever noticed that people become more of who they are as they get older? Over the years adversity chips away the exterior facade, leaving our true selves exposed.

I witnessed this first-hand with my maternal grandfather. As he got older, he always seemed to be complaining. He shuffled through life with a frown on his face, grumbling about this or that. He appeared irritated at everyone and everything.

My father is just the opposite. In his seventies now he lives in chronic pain from an injury he received in the Korean War. My wife Gail recently asked him to rate his level of pain on a scale from one to ten.

To our surprise, he said, “About 9.9.” She asked him if it was always this intense. He replied, “Pretty much.” Wow. I can’t imagine.

But, honestly, being around him, you would hardly notice. He occasionally winces, but he never complains. He rarely talks about himself. He always seems to be joyful and smiling. My mother is the same way. They are two of the most positive people I know.

I didn’t think about this too much until I watched an interview Tony Robbins did with holocaust surviver, Alice Herz-Sommer. At 108 years old, she lives by herself in a tiny London flat with no assistance. Remarkably, she still practices the piano three hours a day.

In the interview Alice says she learned two important lessons from her mother:

1. Never complain. It doesn’t change anything. It only makes you miserable.
2. Be thankful. Treat everything in life—whether good or bad—as a gift.

Looking back, she was even grateful for her experience in the Nazi prison camp. She says, “I learned from the bad, but I focused on the good.”

As I watched her in the interview I was struck by just how joyful she is. She seemed to be constantly smiling.

You and I have the same choice as we get older: we can complain or we can be thankful. It’s really a matter of perspective. It comes down to what kind of person you want to be. And it ultimately determines our happiness.

The side lights dim in the auditorium and the speaker walks on stage. As they are introduced you notice something different about them. The way they are dressed commands your attention. They start to speak and you are quickly drawn into a powerful story. There is drama, tension, and intrigue.

Soon you are tracking with them. You can relate to their struggles and you marvel at their tenacity. Soon they share how they overcame obstacles and found a way to prosper. And then they do something amazing. They offer to share their secret with you.

You want to know more. You’ve been where they are, you’ve fought the battle, but you haven’t found a solution. As the speaker goes on, they mention they have a book and a step by step course of action you can take to change your own life.

In your mind, you know one thing. You’re not leaving until you have the answer. You pick up the book, follow the instructions, and your life changes.

Have you been there? Have you heard that presentation? Has your life changed?

My name is John Richardson and I’ve been part of a public speaking organization called Toastmasters International for over fifteen years. In that time I’ve heard hundreds of speeches and presentations, from short five-minute monologues to ninety minute keynotes. Yet in that time I’ve only heard about a dozen, truly motivational presentations. Ones that change your life.

As a speaker, I’ve always wanted to be able to give that kind of presentation. To reach deep down inside and share from the heart. To actually be able to motivate people to change their lives for the better. In my journey, I’ve become a student of speaking and motivational styles. I’ve tried many different things and failed many times, yet a few things emerged that I would like to share with you today. If you are a speaker and want to change the world, you’ll definitely need SPARK.

S.P.A.R.K is…

1. Senses: To build rapport with your audience you’ll need to activate their senses. My speaking friend, Sheryl Roush is a master at this. She starts way before the presentation begins. She knows that her audience will have three major learning styles. There are…
   • Visual learners. They intake information by what they see;
   • Audio learners. They intake information by what they hear; and
   • Kinesthetic learners. They intake information by what they feel.

   Sheryl always arrives at least an hour early. She has bright colored visuals in the form of PowerPoint slides or flip charts. She puts on background music for the audio people as they arrive. She has handouts ready for her kinesthetic guests. But Sheryl goes even further by heating up Chocolate Chip cookies and walking them through the room to add a pleasant aroma. She even adds powerful words and numbers to her slides for the analytics.

   Sheryl’s presentations are a sensory joy. She always dresses in bright colors and has a very professional and commanding presence. You know right away who the speaker is. No matter what your learning style is, you’ll come away impressed by her speech.

2. Purpose: People need to know why you are speaking to them. They need to know your purpose. Simon Sinek in his masterful TED speech suggests that we Start with Why. Most speakers start with what or how, but if you can get to the core, and share your why, you’ll have a chance to really impact your audience.

   When you share your why, it affects the part of the brain that deals with emotion. This is a deep set part of the brain can really motivate your audience, yet that part of the brain doesn’t work with words. Your audience may be motivated to action but may not be able to formulate words to describe it.

3. Act it out with stories: The best speakers I know are really actors in disguise. Their presentations are almost like going to a play. They come out from behind a podium and share powerful stories with emotion and action. There is drama and intrigue as they share powerful action words with passion. Their vocal variety is enormous.

   Stories like this are what will truly bring your audience in. They need to include all the senses. Your audience needs to see, hear and feel what is going on.

4. Relate: Stories should relate to your particular audience. Make them conversational and personal. Show us the dark days. Show us your failures. Be real. Almost all of the truly motivational speeches take us into the pain and agony of a situation and contrast it with a solution or new reality. The greater the contrast, the greater the audience impact.

   Nancy Duarte illustrates this concept powerfully in her video post on Presentation Contrast. Contrast is like a sine wave, alternating between what is and what can be. As Nancy shares, if you truly want to change the world, take an idea, add contrast, and share it with others.

5. Knowledge: The best presentations offer something new and unique. There is nothing cliché about them. They offer a take-away, whether that is a handout, book, or video. The audience member has a chance to gain further knowledge. Authors have a definite advantage here. Having a book to sell or a seminar to attend, is a great way to effect change.

Creating a powerful and motivating presentation takes a lot of time, effort, and practice. A great place to start is a local Toastmasters club where you can learn speaking and leadership skills and be able to practice and refine your speech. If you truly want to get up to speed quickly, Ken Davis and Michael Hyatt’s SCORRE conference can teach you powerful presentation skills in just a few days. You’ll be ready for the platform in no time.

I spent the summer before my sophomore year in college as a summer missionary in Galveston, Texas. Each week my team visited a different church in the area and led vacation Bible school. It was fun, rewarding work.

In addition, I was assigned to a local church where I lived with the pastor, his wife, and their two children. They were both in their fifties and made me feel right at home.

After I had been there for about a month, the pastor casually said to me, “Mike, Rhonda and I are going out of town next weekend. I’d like for you to lead the service on Sunday and preach for me.”

I immediately felt the color drain from my face. I was terrified. “But, I’ve never spoken in public,” I stammered.

“Don’t worry. You’ll do fine,” he chuckled. “There’s a first time for everything.” He then got up and walked out of the room. Evidently, not accepting the assignment was not an option!

I remember studying like crazy during that week. I read the Bible and poured over commentaries. I outlined the points I wanted to make. I then revised the outline, then threw it away and started over—several times. I couldn’t sleep. I dreaded facing the congregation on Sunday.

The truth is, I did fine—just as he predicted. My sermon wasn’t great, but I got through it. And with practice I grew better at speaking.

Since that time, I have spoken more than one thousand times. I have also appeared on more than twelve hundred radio and television shows. I have written seven books and over one thousand blog posts. Communication is my life.

If only I could have done something to shorten the learning curve at the beginning. Yes, I read books on speaking and communication. Those helped. But it wasn’t until I attended The SCORRE Conference last spring that I saw the potential of how getting the right training can accelerate your proficiency.

My friend, Ken Davis, invited Gail and me to attend the conference last April. He founded this conference and has been faithfully teaching it for years.

We initially went as participants and were blown away. We learned three essential skills:

1. The SCORRE preparation framework. This is the outlining technique that enables the best communicators to communicate with power. Once you know the secret, you can apply it to any speech and hit a home run every time.
2. The SCORRE illustration method. This is a proven method for collecting compelling illustrations and communicating them in a way that is entertaining, effective, and transformational.
3. The SCORRE delivery technique. This is a collection of best practices for using your voice and body to enhance your message and connect with your audience. I can’t believe I hadn’t learned this stuff before.

But that was only the beginning. If that was all we learned, it would have been worth the price. And then some. But there was more.

What made this particular conference so powerful was we had to prepare and deliver one short speech each day. That may sound scary, but it wasn’t. It was the difference-maker that guaranteed we actually improved as speakers.

After we delivered each talk to our small group, a certified master coach evaluated what we were doing well and where we could improve.

In addition, he video-taped each of our speeches, along with his comments, so we could review them later. Honestly, the improvement was dramatic. Every student left better than when they came—many, dramatically so.

I was so impressed with The SCORRE Conference I am now a full partner with Ken Davis. Whether you are a professional speaker, a pastor, a corporate executive, an author—or are just passionate about a message—you can take your communication skills to the next level by attending this conference.

The next one is scheduled for April 30–May 3, 2012 at WinShape, the beautiful Chick-fil-A conference center at Berry College near Rome, Georgia.

If you register now, you can take advantage of the Early Bird Discount. This will save you $100 off the regular tuition price of $1,099. In addition, if you use the discount code “HYATT,” you can take another $100 off. The Early Bird discount is good through February 15, 2012.

We also offer a money-back guarantee. Here’s the deal: If you attend the conference, participate in all the learning activities, and are not completely satisfied that you got your money’s worth, we will happily refund your tuition. No questions asked.

Note: the tuition is going up after this next conference. One of the first things I told Ken is the conference is way under-priced. As someone who attends a lot of training conferences, I don’t know of anything that provides this kind of value at this price.

I hope you will join us. I will be there again this year for the entire conference. I plan to make myself available to the students during the meals and informal activities. I hope I get a chance to shake your hand and get acquainted.

Update: Here’s what one of our students, Scot Longyear got out of The SCORRE Conference. This was unsolicited: How I Became a Better Communicator.

In 1986 I started my own publishing company with Robert Wolgemuth. We had worked together at Word, Inc. and then at Thomas Nelson. Like a lot of young entrepreneurs, we had a big dream, a business plan, but few resources.

We raised enough money from investors to launch the company, but we were still strapped for cash. Regardless, we soldiered on, believing that God would bless our creativity, hard work, and commitment to excellence.

Our first big break came in 1988 when the Los Angeles Dodgers won the World Series. After the final game, Robert and I miraculously got an appointment with Orel Hershiser, the Dodgers’ pitcher. We met with him in Washington, D.C. just after he met with President Reagan.

Our meeting went well. He hadn’t considered writing a book, but we were able to talk him into it. He seemed genuinely excited.

After our meeting, we visited the Washington Redskins practice field together, where we met Coach Joe Gibbs and watched the Redskins practice. Orel was a major celebrity and everyone on the team wanted to shake his hand.

We then flew with Orel and his agent to New York by private jet where we had dinner together. It was heady stuff for a couple of young businessmen from Nashville.

We were really excited about the idea of publishing Orel’s book, but we knew we would be in competition with the biggest publishers on the planet. They would surely drive up the royalty advance for the book, but we hoped against hope that we could make a favorable enough impression that he would publish with us in spite of the money.

A few days later, Orel’s agent called us. He said, “I have great news. Orel would like to publish his book with you, provided you are willing to pay a royalty advance of $150,000.”

Without a moments hesitation, we both said, “Absolutely. We’re in!” We then promised to get him a contract the next day. We were pumped!

We hung up the phone and high-fived one another. After a few seconds, I said, “Only one problem … where are we going to come up $150,000?”

Robert laughed, “Oh, yea, that!”

We didn’t know if we should celebrate or puke. It was one of those times in business where the line between success and disaster is razor thin.

Robert finally suggested that we call Jack, one of our investors, who also sat on our board. He said, “I’m sure Jack will lend us the money. This is a no-brainer.”

A few minutes later, we had Jack on the phone. We shared with him our story of meeting Orel, and his agent’s decision to give us the book. Jack was enthusiastic. “Way to go guys. I am proud of you!”

Robert then said, “Yea, only one problem, Jack. We need $150,000 for the royalty advance. We’re confident this book will be a bestseller, so we just need a short-term loan. Can you help us out?”

We held our breath.

To our surprise, Jack said, “You bet, guys. This is going to be huge.”

Robert and I pumped our fists and quietly mouthed the word, “Yes!”

“Just one thing I need you to do,” Jack continued. “As part of the loan agreement, I need you to pledge your homes to me as collateral. If you are willing to do that, we can make this happen quickly.”

Uh-oh. We didn’t see that coming.

What Jack understood, and we eventually learned, is that having skin in the game makes it easier for everyone to win. I’ve seen it again and again—in life and in business.

When you have something significant at stake:

1. Your attention is focused. Winning or losing matters.
2. You work harder, because you have a stake in the outcome. If the book didn’t work, we would lose our homes.
3. You won’t walk away as easily. You have to fight until the bitter end. This is good for everyone involved.

As it turns out, we did agree to Jack’s terms. He loaned us the money, and we published Orel’s book, Out of the Blue. It landed on the New York Times list at #4 where it remained for several weeks. The whole process took less than ninety days from the first phone call to hitting the list.

Thankfully, we were able to repay Jack the money we owed him. Our wives were happy too, since we didn’t need to move out and turn our property over to Jack. This was one of those times when everything just worked.

The moral of the story is this: if you want to accomplish big goals, you need to have skin in the game. You don’t have to pledge your house, but you need to have something significant at stake. The more concrete you can make it, the better.

I have written previously about how to go further, faster. One of the best ways is to hire a personal coach. I have used coaches for more than a decade. I credit much of my success to this strategy.

The problem is coaches can be expensive—especially for those in ministry. That’s why I am especially excited about Ministry Coaching International (MCI). It was started by my good friends at Building Champions, the coaching company I use and recommend. MCI has the same philosophy as Building Champions, but it is specifically focused on—and priced for—ministry professionals.

Recently, I had the opportunity to interview Dick Savidge, the president of MCI. Please note that this is not a sponsored post. I simply believe in this ministry and wanted to make you aware of it. My questions below are in bold.

Q: What is personal coaching?

Coaching is a one-on-one relationship that focuses on life and leadership transformation. While it often includes counseling, mentoring, and spiritual direction, coaching has a great emphasis on whole life integration and growth. MCI coaches apply a systematic approach in helping a ministry leader develop in the key aspects of life. The pursuit of increasing excellence and sharpening is always in concert with the Holy Spirit’s leading.

Q: How did you get involved in coaching, Dick?

I got involved in coaching after a friend recommended that I experience coaching as a way to sharpen my skills when working with leaders. Being a life and leadership coach is a logical conclusion to a career that has included family therapist, pastor, and spiritual director.

Q: What is MCI and what makes it unique?

Ministry Coaching is a team of seasoned ministry veterans who have one goal: to help leaders multiply their impact, live well, and finish with excellence. We seek to empower the leader to embrace his or her calling and focus on four essential areas of life and leadership. Our distinctive is our dual commitment to systematic growth and spirit-led experiences.

Q: What are the “core four” and how do they apply in a ministry context?

The core-four are MCI’s foundational pillars for personal and professional growth. First is a life plan. Here an individual deals with who they are and who God is calling them to be and what He is calling them to do. Second is ministry vision. Here an individual deals with where they are going and where their organization is going. Clear vision is the first step toward focused strategy. Third is ministry plan. This involves developing the strategic steps that need to be taken to realize the vision. And four, priority management involves the execution of the plan. This is all about the stewardship of time, energy and gifts. It is about making it happen.

Q: What is the single most important reason a person should be coached?

The greatest reason a person should be coached is so they can maximize their God-given potential. To live, to lead, and to finish well is the essence of being a good steward.

Q: What is the problem that MCI is striving to solve?

Many ministry leaders are being held back from living out their true, God-given potential. We exist to help the leader maximize their potential as they live a balanced life and therefore, avoid the lonely road to burn out.

Q: Assume I want to be a client, how does coaching with MCI work?

First, you will meet with your prospective coach and share expectations and objectives. You will explore potential game plans, as you start to develop chemistry and trust. As this develops you will commit to twenty-four biweekly coaching sessions. During these sessions you will experience the power of the Holy Spirit’s working through your coach to help you achieve all God has for you.

Q: Can you give me an example or two of real results?

Sure. Mike was a pastor, who lived a lonely corner office existence. He discovered that his “high trust” team was anything but. He was devastated when he found out. However, through coaching he made the personal and organizational changes that he needed to make. Today, he has a genuine high-trust team. Jim is another one. He had no real understanding of health and balance. His life was out of control as he tried to be all things to all people. With our coaching, he started to understand that the need is not the call. He learned how to say “no,” so he could unequivocally say yes to the things that matter most.

Q: What kind of person makes the best client?

The best client is a full-time ministry leader who is hungry to grow, learn, and become the person God has called them to be. He realizes that living out his own unique call, with balance and intensity, is the ultimate adventure. By the way, we accept both men and women as clients.

Q: If someone is interested in exploring coaching, what do they need to do next?

The best thing is to call us at (541) 312-5852. They can also explore our website.

The first twenty five people to call our offices will receive a free 30-minute coaching consultation.

You may also want to follow us on Twitter or Facebook.

I love my complicated situation. I lead an Internet company based in Poland (Central Europe). Most of our team is located there, with one person in Germany, collaborators in the USA and Japan—and me in Spain. And our customers are all over the world. Leading a company like this is complex but rewarding.

We all work from home. It’s our lifestyle choice. Everyone works the way they want, at the time they want. It gives us all lots of freedom, but it also requires a tremendous amount of focus—and great leadership skills from me. I’m learning as I go, reading this blog every day as well as every leadership book I can find. I’m also a GTD (Getting Things Done) aficionado and this helps, too.

Here are five best practices I’ve learned so far about leading a team remotely:

1. Schedule weekly reviews. In his best seller, Getting Things Done book, David Allen highlights the importance of the “Weekly Review,” a meeting we should schedule with ourselves to review our past week and prepare for the next one. This is indispensable for ensuring that I am focused and on-task.

   Although we’re a small team, my first two team members, my Chief Technology Officer and Customer Service manager, are responsible for day-to-day management of their teams. That’s why every Monday I do an hourly Weekly Review with each of them. This helps us stay focused, summarize last week, and set priorities for the next one.

2. Host a weekly “All-Hands” meeting with the entire team. Every Thursday afternoon we call in for an hour-long conference call where everyone shares how their week has gone so far. This bonds the team and lets everyone know what’s going on. We can also ask questions and just chat. We actually look forward to these meetings every week.
3. Schedule my time strategically. This is really important. Without this you can find yourself being in response-mode all day long, so I decided to divide my day into two parts:
   • Before noon is my creative time. My e-mail application is closed. I don’t schedule any phone calls. I work on our strategy, vision, and product. I also write articles, even code a prototype of an app if needed. No distractions, only my work. And sometimes a run or exercise.
   • After noon is my responsive time. Now I open my e-mail and get it to “inbox zero”. I prepare feedback for my team, schedule phone calls, interviews, brainstorming sessions, I’m all “at my team’s disposal” now.

   Michael has highlighted on this blog several times how he values responsiveness and I try to follow his advice and in this part of my day make sure I respond to everything that needs attention. My team comes always first.

4. Communicate through online collaboration apps. We use apps like Dropbox, Google Docs, Socialcast, and our own project-management application to communicate through these tools instead of e-mail. This way everyone is on the same page as to what is going on in the company and on what we all should be working on. E-mail is great, but it wasn’t built for online collaboration. There are better tools.
5. Embrace the fact that control is good, but trust is better. The Germans are fond of saying, “Trust is good, but control is better” I’d say it’s the other way round. Trust is key. I’m trusting my team to do a great job, and I’m doing my best to help them. If someone doesn’t deliver, sooner or later you’ll notice. It’s hard not to. People also work better when they know you trust them.

As a bonus, once a year we meet for a retreat. We all fly to some nice place to spend a week together. We dedicate around three to four hours a day talking about work and bonding and the rest of the time relaxing. These retreats help us get to know one another on a different level and recharge batteries.

I’m also traveling a lot, so whenever I’m close to someone from my team, I try to make sure we meet, eat lunch, or grab a cup of coffee. We need this in-person contact with one another.

Leading a team remotely is challenging, but it is also rewarding. With the technology currently available—and a little intention—it is very doable.

A few weeks ago, I had to speak five times in one day. I knew it would require a lot of me mentally and emotionally. My goal is always to give 110 percent. I want nothing left on the table when I finish.

But, for some reason, I woke up that morning in a funk. I don’t know why. It was one of those things I couldn’t explain. But I didn’t like it and knew I needed to get myself in a better place if I was going to deliver on my goal.

There was a time when I thought I couldn’t change my attitude. I viewed myself as the victim of mysterious forces that shaped my emotional state. It never occurred to me that I could shift it—almost instantly.

But as I have learned since, we have more control than we think. Moreover, Tony Robbins taught me how to apply this principle to my emotional state. Without question, it is the single most important life skill I have acquired.

Let me elaborate.

You can instantly shift your attitude by taking the following three actions:

1. Shift your mental focus. This is where it starts. I can choose what I think about. For example, I can think, Argh, I have to speak five times today. Or, I can think, Wow, I get to speak five times today. This is so important, that I have literally written down a script that I recite before I speak. This is how I prime the pump:
   • I am not here by accident. God sent me. To these people. At exactly this time.
   • That’s because He has a purpose; therefore, I have a purpose in being here.
   • Through Christ, I can do all things. He has given me every resource I need to succeed.
   • I have the energy, the passion, and the message to make a huge impact—now and for eternity.
   • What I have to share today is vitally important. It matters. To them and to their loved ones.
   • Those that hear it will be changed forever. Years from now, they will look back on today and say, “It started here.”
   • By God’s grace, I am prepared. I am strong. I am energetic. I am outstanding. My heart is wide open. I will connect and make a difference!
2. Change your posture. Do you know that every emotion has physical attributes? For example, if I say to you, “act like you are depressed,” you would likely slump your shoulders, tilt your head down, and rub your face. You would frown and your breathing might slow down.

   If I say to you, “act like you won the lottery,” you would likely jump up and down, thrust your arms up into the air, and scream with joy. You would smile and your breathing might speed up.

   Does the emotion cause the action or does the action cause the emotion? The truth is, it doesn’t matter. If you smile, for example, and hold it for several seconds, it will change your biochemistry.

   In an article published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, a team of psychologists at Clark University in Worcester, Massachusetts, showed that simply having people put their facial muscles in a configuration typical of a given emotion produced the feeling that the expressions represent. (See this article in the New York Times and this one in Scientific American.)

3. Watch your language. Our words are more important than we think. They reflect our thinking. But they sometimes influence our thinking as well.

   Words have tremendous power. King Solomon reminds us, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit (Proverbs 18:21).

   But rarely do we apply these words to the language we use in talking to ourselves. For example, you ask someone, “How are you doing?” They respond, “Well, I’m surviving.” Strangely, those words shape their reality—or at least their perception of it. They end up barely getting by.

   Conversely, I have another friend who always replies, “Outstanding!” This too shapes his reality. He always seems to be doing well. I know he has challenges, but his words empower him and give him the resources he needs to overcome them.

Honestly, this formula works for me every time—almost like a recipe. If I am deliberate about taking these three actions, my emotional state shifts.

The good news is that this puts me—and you—in control. And often this spells the difference between success and failure.

Have your doubts? Take the seven day challenge. Try this for seven days and see if it doesn’t make a difference. Report back with your results. I’d love to hear.

This past weekend, I took the eight young men in my mentoring group on a retreat. It was the kickoff to our 2012 season.

We went to Deer Run, a beautiful retreat center in the hills of middle Tennessee. The weather was absolutely gorgeous—mid-40s and plenty of sunshine.

We focused on the topic of life planning. Most of the guys had written a life plan, but we used the time to review the basics and update our work. (A life plan is never done. It must be updated on a regular basis.)

The most memorable part of the retreat for me was the low ropes course. Bob Elder, a local businessman, facilitated the experience and did an outstanding job.

He presented to us a series of five challenges that we had to solve together as a team. They became progressively more difficult as the afternoon wore on.

The last one—and the most difficult of the five—was climbing a twelve-foot wall. We had to get each man over the wall alive. All the men were permitted to help the others until they successfully scaled the wall. Then they could only watch.

This exercise took some serious teamwork and a deliberate strategy. But I’m pleased to report that every man made it.

Here are seven of my leadership take-aways from this experience:

1. Someone must step up and lead. I made it clear on the front end that though I was normally the leader of the group, I wouldn’t be leading during these challenges. I expected them to figure it out. No one really led during the first exercise and it showed. Then the men started appointing a different leader for each challenge, and it made a huge difference.
2. The best leaders solicit ideas from their followers. As we quickly learned, being the leader didn’t mean you had to have the best ideas. Each of the leaders started by asking the team for ideas. (We had a very creative group.) They gave each man a chance to express himself and then made a decision on the goal and the strategy.
3. Alignment is more important than strategy. The leader didn’t always pick the best strategy. As team members, we were not always in agreement with the strategy. Regardless, we voluntarily aligned ourselves around the leader and did our best to execute on the selected strategy. Sometimes, we had to try multiple strategies. Still, we stayed together..
4. Trust makes everything easier. Most of the men in my my group have been meeting together for two years. Many of the men have gone through incredibly difficult life experiences. We have shared in one another’s joy and pain. Through this, we have built trust—something we needed and used in each of the challenges.
5. Debriefing is essential to progress. After each challenge, Bob had us debrief on what he had learned. This was huge and dramatically improved our results with each successive challenge. So often, we fail to do this in life and in our work—and it shows. Perhaps we think we don’t have time. But this actually saves time in the long run.
6. Almost any problem can be solved by teamwork. There were several times that I personally didn’t see how we would solve the problem. This was especially true on the last one. But thankfully, I was not left to my own resources. Someone on the team always had an idea that worked. It made me relax and trust that we could figure it out together.
7. Working together is more satisfying than working alone. Going through these challenges was such a powerful, bonding experience. We were on the course for a little over three hours. It seemed like it was less than an hour. We had a blast, accomplished more than we could have done on our own, and grew closer together. It was a great reminder of the joy of teamwork.

I love reading books on leadership and attending seminars. But as helpful as these are, they are not the same as doing something together with a team. There are some things in life that are best learned by doing.

If you live in the Nashville area, I highly recommend taking advantage of Deer Run. If you don’t live nearby, see if you can find a retreat center with a low (or even high) ropes course. It is well-worth the investment.

The value of a mentor cannot be overestimated. A mentor is someone who is a few laps ahead of you in an area of life where you wish to find success. More than formal training, more than a book or a seminar, a good mentor brings his or her personal experience to bear on your life in a way that may shape it forever.

But how to find one? It’s actually easier than you think. Here are five ways to find a mentor:

1. Don’t Start with Seth Godin or Max Lucado. Yes, we’d all love to have someone at the top of our profession mentor us. But not only is this unrealistic, it’s also unhelpful. Chances are that the advice of someone at the very top would be intimidating or unhelpful to you at your current pace of life. Instead, look for someone a few levels ahead of you in your chosen field. Someone accessible to you. There is a pastor in my community whose church is medium-sized, but not mega. Since I pastor a small church, he’s perfect for me and has the time.
2. Attend trade functions or gatherings in your community. As a pastor, I regularly attend pastor’s gatherings in our area. I’ve also done this in the Christian publishing field. Simply attending and meeting new people has led to many rich mentoring relationships. If you stay inside your office your entire life, you’ll never experience the opportunity to be enriched by the wisdom of others.
3. Make friendships through simple conversation. You don’t find a mentor by asking someone, “Can you be my mentor?” That’s a bit awkward and may seem to put a heavy burden on someone who doesn’t know you very well. Instead, meet people, develop relationships through conversation and let natural human interaction be your guide.
4. Follow up with a request to meet again, one-on-one. If you’ve gotten to know someone you think you can learn from, get his contact information and ask him something like, “Hey, I’d love to sit for coffee and pick your brain on _______.” This is the intentional part of finding a mentor. I’ve done this a number of times both with pastors and with writers and have found them eager to share what they know about their chosen field.
5. Ask questions. When you do meet for coffee, pepper the mentor with questions and then sit back and listen. Ask him questions like, “How did you get into this field?” “What have you learned over the years?” “What do you think of this idea?” Don’t try to wow him with all you’ve done. You’re there to learn from his success.

Mentoring relationships are valuable . . . and they aren’t complicated. They are simply friendships which have the potential to help shape your future.

Oh, and a bonus tip: pick up the tab. The wisdom you gain is well worth the price of a latte.