What separates successful leaders from average ones? What is the secret behind the accomplishments of high achievers? While there are many things that can contribute to success, there is one thing that is sure to prevent it every single time. What is it? The absence of trying.

Sound overly simplistic? It may seem that way, but there is pure genius in this principle that is so obvious, yet often overlooked.

Our words carry enormous weight. More than we sometimes think. They often impact people for decades, providing the courage to press on or one more reason to give up.

When I was fourteen, my family moved from Nebraska to Texas. It was the middle of my ninth-grade year. Junior high is always an awkward time, but the move during this critical year made it even more difficult.

Last week, I spoke at the Re:create 2011 Conference in Franklin, Tennessee. This is an annual conference for Christian “creatives” (e.g., worship leaders, recording artists, book authors, actors, etc.). I talked about the #1 challenge these creatives face: becoming bitter over unwarranted criticism.

A few days after the conference, my friend Ken Davis, who was also a speaker at the conference, gave me some valuable feedback on my speech. In addition to being an enormously gifted speaker himself, Ken is a speech coach. He also hosts the Dynamic Communicators Summit and the Professional Communicators Summit, two conferences designed for professional speakers.

This is a principle so simple and yet so profound, it will completely change your life if you consistently practice it.

I have written about this previously under the title of Creating an Annual Time Block. However, I just stumbled across this video by Stephen Covey. He describes a similar exercise in his book, First Things First. It is well worth taking seven minutes to watch it.

Recently, I wrote about how leaders must learn to handle criticism and overlook offenses. I think this is the number one way that leaders can get derailed and rendered ineffective.

A few days ago, I ran into a story in reading the Desert Fathers, that illustrated the point beautifully:

For more than thirty years, I have worked in the publishing field with Christian leaders, authors, and other creatives. During this time, I have witnessed the corrosive effects of fame. Very few have been able to handle the temptations that come with increased influence.

I have seen leaders get prideful, greedy, and demanding. Sadly, it has increasingly become the norm in a world that values charisma above character. To paraphrase Jim Collins in his epic book, Good to Great, you can build an enduring organization with charisma, but it is more difficult.

Sometimes I think that introverts and extroverts are from different planets. This is fine, until they find themselves married to one another or working in the same office. If they are not conscious of the differences, they can quickly frustrate one another—or worse.

I am speaking from personal experience here. I have been married to my wife, Gail, for thirty-two years. She is an extrovert; I am an introvert. Early in our marriage, this was a constant source of friction. Frankly, it’s a miracle we survived it.

If you are a Christian, God obviously comes first. Jesus said, “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you” (Matthew 6:33). He is the ultimate priority. Until He is first, everything else will seem out of kilter.

But who comes second. You know, after God? This is where it gets tricky.

Many leaders I know struggle with over-commitment. Dozens of great opportunities come our way, but there’s no way to do them all—or at least do them all well.

Most of us long for balance in our life and margin in our days. We don’t like the feeling of being over committed, but we find ourselves there more often than we like. This is because any organization, church, or community group we choose to be involved in most likely has a shortage of good leaders. Once a leader becomes involved in the group, it’s only a matter of time before the requests to take a leadership role start rolling in.

Admittedly, I am a conference junkie. Thankfully, attending conferences, discovering new speakers, and raising the visibility of my company is part of my job as CEO of a book publishing and live events business.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not selective. I pass on nine conferences for every one I attend. I can’t attend all of them, but I want to make sure I attend the best, most stimulating ones. That’s why The Chick-fil-A Leadercast is on my short list of can’t-miss events.