How Our Words Impact Others

My wife and I often disagree and we use disagreeable words but not damaging ones. I believe the Bible uses the metaphor of tearing down one’s own house when using destructive words and actions. I can’t imagine doing that to my wife and I grieve those moments when I said something stupid and/or hurtful in the past to others.

We are created in the Image of God. How did He create – He spoke creation into being. As we are in His image, our words also create. Everything we speak creates blessing or curse into anothers life or our own. Our words are loaded with spiritual power thats wielded mostly with out thought. As your blog states we are all aware of its impact on our lives, the wounds we carry from careless words but equally we are most likely unaware of all the blessing we have received from words of encouragement poured out over the years….

I was at a Beth Moore Simulcast last fall and SHE talked about her nose too. Those of us at the table looked at each other and said, “nothing is wrong with her nose.”

The very beginning of my ministry career. I am 21 years old. The Senior Pastor and a very influential man in our fellowship of churches believed in me far beyond what I could ever believe for myself. He told me he believed I could one day pastor this church. That remark and many others like it from him have changed my life forever.

‘Let your conversation always be full of grace, seasoned with salt . . .’ Col. 4:6

W0rds have so much power to wound or heal. Thanks for writing this post, Mike, and more importantly, for living it thru your actions. Only having seen you in person a few times, I’ve often seen you give a genuinely affirming word to someone else. Thanks for being you.

Thanks for sharing the three characteristics of wholesome speech of Ephesians 4:29.

Ephesians 4:30 NKJV says: “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.”

What is “do not grieve the Holy Spirit”? Let the Bible answer.

Reading Mark 3 verse 1:6 NKJV, verse 5 says: And when He(Jesus) had looked around at them(pharisees)
with anger, being grieved by the hardness of their hearts, He said to the man.”Stretch out your hand.” And he stretched it out, and his hand was restored as whole as the other.”

Jesus is angry at the lack of Grace.
Jesus is grieved by the lack of Grace.

Reading Ephesians 4:29 and 30 together we learned that speaking words that lift up, edified the hearers, that it may please the Holy Spirit in us. Its imparting grace to the hearers that it may not grieve the Holy Spirit.
Jesus’ Words of Grace has definately impacted the life of the man who had the withered hand.

Word are an important part of mindfulness, I have attended a person centred counselling course for two years. I am ADHD and Dyslexic, I have had a difficult childhood. With all that I am a happy, joyful, loving person who can see the beauty in the smallest thing. I have a passion and caring for all people and can see the beauty in the most lost person. I am very chatty and excited I love sharing which makes me open and honest.
This weekend the group of 20 people put me in a position of humiliation which could have been very damaging. We where all sitting around a table together will me at the one end one of the girl then asked to share her view on group interactions. Then she turned to me and started to say the most cruel words and then 4 others joined in, I was in shock I started to shake tears ran down my face but no sound came out, my head was saying this is I guess feedback allow this moment, be still. Only one other voice her distaste at the scene all others where silent and never looked at me. The tutor never stopped the on slot.
I left still in shock and have spent the time processing the words use, I would like to share.
 It is amazing what I learned in the Carl Rodgers approach about trust and also how that can be lost. A big thanks you to the group for the learning experience?
 
For the one who stood strong her courage was beautiful and inspirational to me, she spoke up firmly against what was being said about me. I thank her for the learning experience and her practice of unconditional positive regard and mindfulness.
The ones who had no mouth, (and the lack of contact afterwards) the silence was louder than the words.
 (In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”Martin Luther King)
I am so happy, when the words were spoken to me I typed them out, if I had not, I would have not remember the exact words spoken. The inner power we all have is to be honest and express in a positive growth way was not present.
What we feel and also to reflect why we feel that way is true freedom without guilt, anger, shame, blame, accuser or accused.
 
1.     (I resent you) ->the first line mentioned by the first speaker
When I look up the word resentment  (resent) it was how I took the word at the time, this is what it felt like.
 YES I talk too much; YES I am happy, excitable and have a love of life but is that a reason for another person to suffer so much. And for 8-9 Months
This seems strange to me in so many levels?
If I where uncomfortable approaching the offending person, I would approach a leader tutor for assistance. But to give so much of (THE SELF) to this seems to me that although I might be a trigger there is more going on for the person.
This word does not fit with me or my inter actions with others and has never fitted with me.
 2.    (I take up to much time and space.)
TIME I take up, this is in no way a NEED for me but a love of being involved and a love of sharing, NOT A NEED. Am I unaware at times of how much I talk YES. I hold I talk too much and forget to stop.
SPACE when I think about it, how can one take up too much space. They can be large but it still would not be too much it is what their mass needs. So in the literal term I cannot take up too much space.
Thinking abstractly, if one has an emotion or experience, which results in the offending person appearing to take up to much space. This for me is not an issue with the offending person but a question for (THE SELF).
 3.    (You use this as a counseling space.)
I used my personal experience in a positive manner; like everyone did, yes I have a lot experience because I live my personal growth daily. My understanding was training for person Centered therapy was also focused on the person and experiences of the therapist not just the client and the theory. Not to forget we learn not just by doing but also by seeing, hearing, feeling and sharing experiences.
 4.    (You make me shut down and not enjoy this process.)
Have I got the power to steal the learning and processes of this course from others?
Have I got the power to force another to shut down?
 WOW, I think, NO I have no such power.
 What is it inside that ANY person could think another person has that amount of power over them?  If someone thinks that another has that amount of power over there own personal well being, then it is for them to question, What is going on that I feel I give that power to the other person? 
5.    (What you say is not relevant.)
Don’t we all say things that seem to one person irrelevant or out of context, but to another is just what they needed.  Are my words so irrelevant? Maybe however they are mine, “my now enlightened” verbal irrelevance does not dissuade me from being very intrigued and encouraged by the journey and passions of this life.
If others do not have the courage or passion to question or speak out is this my responsibility. NO.
If there word used means I do not get what the course is about or the topics being expressed, then the entire group including the tutor has failed one and other by not being a team.
 
Do I talk too much, what is too much? So at times I do, does this deserve my public humiliation? NO.
Do I own the feelings of others? NO.
Can I read minds? NO.
They could have been more self-aware of their thoughts and feelings, instead of allowing them to take over in a destructive way. They could have said, get of the train for 5 minutes. I don’t think you get what is being said. you’re rambling. I would have been fine with that because it was done with care and respect.
 
Instead of here is all the shit within me, the stuff I could or would not express, the emotions that built up because of lack of expression and self awareness which has now stewed and got so out of control, I know have this need to blame and publically humiliate you, for what I could not look at, so here this feels better to give it to you. All of it. Ahh all better now.
 The tutor e-mailed me (it is certain you can learn to handle this better,
”If you want“?)
How many people can handle a group’s attack on their person, the humiliation of hearing the words spoken as if they are responsible of another persons being. When in fact the simplicity of it was really you talk too much and waffle. The group setting to me was meant to be a place to practice Rodgers theory, a place existing of respect and trust, to explore all of us with genuineness and honesty. Which included, being truthful and honest in a safe and respectful way.
My learning from the setting is NEVER TO CAUSE HARM to another person by inducing them into a state of shock by forcing them into a stressful humiliating situation. Especially when it happens unexpectedly, when they are unprepared, when they are left powerless to prevent it, and finally when the situation is cruel, harsh and publicly humiliating. And to try to remember to talk less. Thank you for the learning.
 (Tutors words. Please relax and have a nice day with the family) …mmmm I am a human being not a machine. I feel I must let you know, I do not take 5 minute to process that I can have such an impact on another persons soul.
 
I am still not angry with the group.
I am humiliated at the setting.
I am deeply saddened to my core that no one gave a shit about me or my feelings, this was done with their silence and lack of contact to date.
I do feel deeply sad for the inability of the speakers, to say 8 simple words (you talk to much give me a chance), and for their inability to express emotion, and allow it to build up to such a place, that they feel shut down and unable to enjoy a counseling course. And they need team support to get it out.
I am sad that I spent so much time with the group and what I contributed was irrelevant and that the same people resent me so much that I felt the lashes of their anger.
I wear I talk too much truly, deeply and honestly, but I am in no shape or form deliberately talking to make other so lost in their souls.
 It is a sad and cruel way to end this relationship and what was and is a wonderful journey. The difference between my accusers and me is simply courage and the belief in the self and personal process.
 It is long but it is a process of reflection and learning, thanks all

Watch out for that trap.http://www.moncler-cheap.org/

This is SO true. I’ve always had really broad shoulders for a woman. I’m tall with an athletic build. I remember, in high school, some of the guys joking that they wouldn’t mess with me because I could beat them up. And then one joking that I’d fit in on the football team. I was self-conscious about my “un-feminine” body for YEARS! If I don’t check myself, I still can be.  

When I was 15 , I wanted to let my hair grow longer like my older sister. I was wearing it straight  for the first time. I started to walke out of the front door when my mother called me back inside. She said ” get back inside and fix your hair and put some makeup on, because you are nothing without makeup and your hair fixed up” . I am now 58 years old ,and every time I look in the mirror I still hear my Mother saying those awful words. I still pile on the makeup and I will not go anywhere without fixing my hair first.

My mother remarried after my dad was killed in Vietnam. When she had a new baby with her new husband he said, “At last I have a daughter. I always wanted a daughter.”
I was crushed. I WAS a daughter. After that, I could never forget his words.

so true    i had a boyfriend that belittled me, called me names and made me hate my body to the point i can’t look at myself sometimes.    its been almost two years and i still hear his comments.  

I remember being a D grade student in French. The class was boring, the teacher not motivated. 

Then it all changed. 

A new teacher arrived with a new attitude. She was so positive. So encouraging. Her enthusiasm and personal encouragement towards me changed my grades from D to C+. Not a massive change on paper, but there was a massive change in my attitude and heart towards learning the language.Her words of encouragement were “500lb words” to this teenager.

You’ve don’t it again!  I am always so encouraged and challenged by reading your blog posts.  In JH and HS my voice was often the object of teasing.  Nasally as it was, I was encouraged by my godly parents to let God have my voice, regardless of how meager it was.  Soon after yielding my voice to God, I was called to preach and today I am the choir director and a soloist for my church.