3 People You Need to Ignore Online

I am on sabbatical for the next few weeks. While I am gone, I have asked some of my favorite bloggers to stand in for me. This is a guest post by Jon Acuff, the author of four books including Start. He also founded the Start Conference, a two-day event in Nashville to help you kickstart your dream. He is a blogger and active on Twitter and Facebook.

Haters only get loud when you do things that matter.

3 People You Need to Ignore Online

Photo Courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/hidesy

People who don’t stand up never get rocks thrown at them.

The average and ordinary don’t get bothered by haters.

But if you’re reading Michael Hyatt’s blog then chances are you’re not shooting for ordinary. Chances are you’re not aiming for the status quo.

There will be haters.

When that happens, especially online, how do you know who you should ignore?

Here are 3 people to stay away from:

  1. The Spectator

  2. Do you know who the football coach never invites into the locker room for some advice during halftime? The spectators. The wide receiver never runs into the stand and asks for feedback from someone sitting in the 10th row.

    Why? Because spectators aren’t on the field. They aren’t playing. They’re watching other people do it.

    What does that mean for you? It means you need to ignore the person who hates your blog but doesn’t have their own. They’re just a spectator. Their hands aren’t dirty. Their knowledge has not been paid for with experience. Ignore them. Instead, get feedback from other bloggers, other people who are in the trenches where you are.

  3. The Hater

  4. It’s time to require the “squeaky wheel gets the oil” theory. For years it caused many of us to ignore the people who liked our dream in order to focus our energy on the people who hated it. (I call this theory, “Critic’s Math,” which is “1 insult + 1,000 compliments = 1 insult.” We have the ability to receive 1,000 compliments and ignore them in the face of 1 insult.)

    The truth is, you should never waste time trying to turn someone who hates you into someone who likes you. Instead focus on turning people who like your dream into people who love your dream.

    So how do you know who a hater is? Simple, someone who hates on something without a solution to make it better is a hater. If they don’t have a fix, an idea, a spark of improvement, they’re just there to hate. That’s one of the main differences between hate and feedback.

    Feedback’s goal is to cause improvements. Hate’s goal is to cause wounds. Let them go.

  5. The Complainer

  6. A complainer is someone who won’t respond when you attempt to fix a problem. For example, let’s say you strongly disagree with something I wrote on my blog and I ask you a clarifying question. If you don’t respond, you’re a complainer.

    If you respond, you’re a conversationalist and we can talk. That’s completely different. We can debate. We can go back and forth until we might even reach a resolution. That’s the beauty of the Internet, a simple question can clarify so many of the nuances that can be misinterpreted.

There are going to be a thousand people you can’t ignore as you chase a dream. Friends, family, supporters, helpful critics, you will never run out of people you need to make time for. And a lot of them will have great feedback for you.

But cut yourself some slack and ignore the three we talked about today. Nothing good will come of giving them your time.

Question: Have you encountered these three types of people online? If so, how have you handled it? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

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  • http://JonDHarrison.com/ Jon D Harrison

    The Critic’s Math idea is total nonsense.
    It’s silly. Boo! Hiss!
    (did that work? Pretty weak hater impression, I know.)
    I really like your breakdown here Jon. I really liked the section in Start, where you went into further detail about dealing with the Haters.
    It becomes especially challenging when these types may be part of a fixed team or individuals in an organization that cannot be ignored the way online trolls can. One important distinction is that in face-to-face situations, you have a great opportunity to build relationship and win that individual over to a more constructive attitude.

  • http://www.larrypoolespeaks.com/ Larry Poole

    Great post Jon! Another person you need to ignore is “The Terrier”. You know, that person that wants you to pet them continually. Then, the second you stop they are unsatisfied and need more petting.

    Enjoying “Start”. Keep up the good work. Glad to see your guest blog with Michael.

    • http://jonacuff.com Jon Acuff

      That’s a good point, I wouldn’t have thought of that person!

    • http://www.beckycastlemiller.com/ Becky Castle Miller

      I had a cat like that once. Loved being petted, but the second you stopped to get on with your life…it attacked your retreating hand.

  • http://www.davebratcher.com/ Dave Bratcher

    Another great installment from the leading voice in the in STARTing something new. I had the opportunity to interview Jon a few weeks ago http://www.davebratcher.com/2013/07/10/interview-with-jon-acuff/. I can’t wait for the START Conference September 13-14 in Nashville. Thanks for you leadership and teaching Jon! Keep up the great work, and inspiration which meant so much to me and thousands of others!

    • http://jonacuff.com Jon Acuff

      Thanks for the encouragement Dave! Can’t wait to see you in September!

  • Crystal

    Very timely message for me right now thank you!

  • http://www.confessionsofaparent.com/ Mike Berry

    Spot on post Jon. As I build up my parenting blog I have encountered these people (and you know how parents can be at times ;-)). Thanks for this encouragement to keep moving!

    • http://jonacuff.com Jon Acuff

      Parents can be a really tough audience because parenting is such a personal topic.

      • http://shalonpalmer.tv/ Shalon Palmer

        I’ll say! Try umpiring t-ball for a summer! Parents will eat you alive!

  • http://www.JeffDrummer.com/ Jeff Jones

    On my blog I often let the others in the community address the haters. Works great.

    • http://jonacuff.com Jon Acuff

      That’s a good call, often things will self regulate if you have a strong community.

  • http://luke1428.com/ Brian @ Luke1428

    We waste so much time and energy trying to get that one person back and to feel good about us. I’ve been guilty of this on more than one occasion. I’m learning that my time is too valuable and life to short to deal with haters and complainers. Let them go.

    • http://jonacuff.com Jon Acuff

      So true, we spend our best creativity sometimes trying to win back haters. Our projects need that creativity, not our haters.

  • Lexie Coker Lee

    Good point about seeking advice from the spectator. We all need trusted mentors or coaches to help us on our road to Awesome. Any advice on developing strong mentoring relationships with those who have walked your path?

  • http://missionallendale.wordpress.com/ Joey Espinosa

    Love this line: “Feedback’s goal is to cause improvements. Hate’s goal is to cause wounds. Let them go.”

    But of course, I need to be careful when I give feedback, my desire is truly to love the other person, not to cut them down.

  • http://jeffsanders.com/ Jeff Sanders

    The timing of this post couldn’t be more perfect. My podcast got its first 1-star review yesterday and the comments were textbook hater-ade! Thanks for the advice Jon! I will have to stop focusing on the hater and start focusing on creating real value.

    • http://jonacuff.com Jon Acuff

      Welcome to the club Jeff! Everyone gets a 1 star at some point.

  • http://www.toodarnhappy.com/ Kim Hall

    I laughed out loud at your Critic’s Math, Jon. So very true! It’s a great list of folks who, at their core, are unhappy, dissatisfied, and envious. Like Larry added The Terrier, I am inspired to add the Hen. They constantly peck, peck, peck at you and your dreams, and are shocked when you shoo them away and shut the door to keep them out.

  • http://sammyvillarreal.com Sammy Villarreal

    Great post Jon! I definitely agree with everyone’s comments, so far. And like Crystal, I feel the same way. I’m reading this right at a critical time in my life where I’m Finally making that decision to do exactly that. I’m going go Finally ignore the Spectators, Haters & Complainers in my life and do something that matters in my life by pursuing something I’ve wanted to do for years now.

    PS – love the Start book!

  • angusnelson

    Love, love, love the Critics Math. There are days I’m hard enough on myself. Adding the additional weight of a single nay-saying pariah can be far too easy. Thanks for such a clarifying brain tweak to course correct my thinking. Bravo!

  • Ann Vande Zande

    Some of the best information so far. I can apply what I’ve learned here to my writing profession but also in my work as a ministry head at church. The way you broke the issue down to the nuts and bolts of what to attend to and what to ignore is freeing. Thank you for the solid, gracious advice in this post! As a Christian, all too often I spin my wheels trying to make everyone happy, somehow believing that’s the “right” thing to do. In the end, my energy is depleted and not available for those who are interested in growth and change – the journey together. Thanks again.

  • http://jimwoodswrites.com/ Jim Woods

    Jon love this. Fantastic advice. Thanks for all you do!

    • http://jonacuff.com Jon Acuff

      Thanks Jim!

  • http://www.linktoyourself.com/ Laura G. Jones

    I love this, Jon! It’s so important to not let yourself fall into the trap of wanting to please everyone. The more fans you have, the more haters you usually get as well. It takes a lot of strength and a bit of folly to put yourself out there the way us bloggers do and open yourself up to the reactions of complete strangers hidden by the anonymity of the internet.

    In the end, what matters is to be true to yourself and get clear on your motivation: are you posting to get approval, or to share what you believe in? Whatever your purpose for having the blog, you have to remind yourself of it when you’re tempted to cry at that 1 insult, and instead turn around and read through the 1,000 compliments.

    I think I’m going to make a special folder in which I’m going to save all of the love notes I receive. Then I can go back to it when I’m tempted to give these three types of people more power than they need (or deserve). Thanks for this great post!

  • http://www.NexTwelve.com Jer Monson

    Great post Jon! I love the note you ended on – the reminder that there are many people, including helpful critics, for whom we do need to make time. Chasing dreams can often feel lonely, even though we’re not alone. In those times, harsh words resound much more loudly than they should. Learning to be more intentional about making time for the right people is important in itself, but the idea that this practice can actually filter the voices of haters and complainers is even more encouraging. Thanks for your thoughts!

  • Bethany Gordon

    Nice Jon, I agree with these three, helpful advice to “let them go” don’t marinate on them. Marinating on the words of haters is like marinating your steak in cat pee and eating it thinking you used BBQ sauce. Ya, disgusting….and you’re own fault. It’s work to “let them go” but worth it! Thanks for the post.

  • http://www.myhelpsource.com/ Guy… @MyHelpSource

    Your “Critic’s Math” hits close to home.

    Even after decades of speaking to small and large audiences, I still find myself focusing on and trying to convert the one person in the crowd who appears to be critical of my ideas. After speaking, I will frequently try to engage that person in conversation to allow them to provide feedback. Admittedly, this is an unnecessary process, but I usually get useful–and actionable–ideas.

    Critic’s Math works…sometimes.

    • http://www.mirandaochocki.com/ Miranda Ochocki

      Unless, of course, you’re ignoring the 99% who get it just to convert the 1% who don’t.

      • http://www.myhelpsource.com/ Guy… @MyHelpSource

        You’ve got that right, Miranda!

  • Kim

    Love the article! I think maybe you meant “retire” in the first sentence under point 2. :)

  • http://justincarper.com/ Justin Carper

    I had all three of those people get in my way when I STARTed my blog, and I’m so glad I didn’t listen.

  • Steve Myers

    I take it there is a difference between posting on a blog (or one’s own) in reference of feedback verses say Facebook? Facebook seems to be the worlds great debate club (often debating with friends of friends who post something critical or negative). My greatest time waster CAN be arguing with those we otherwise assume are like our friends but are really haters and non productive (button pushing) people. Especially on hot button topics.

    The second challenge is not to become a Facebook (or twitter) poster addict as if our opinion or contribution actually contributes anything to the discussion as if in our own episode of CROSSFIRE. Great to have influence with friends but when friends of friends get involved I’ve learned to resist the temptation to continue the discussion for it becomes a huge time waster if I don’t guard my heart closer and lean to feel the need to go into battle on issues or clarify my original comments meant to be between my friend and myself.

    On a blog (mine or someone to whom I post) I generally try not to be negative. If there is a leaning criticism a way to make it constructive. And I’m almost never critical in a book review situation. I was once on an ACFW loop (that flamed out quickly). In that case I was commenting on an author who self published and did not use software or an editor to double check their manuscript filled with typos and formatting errors, which made trying to read the content of their book in PDF very difficult. Suggested that temptation to publish without checking all the basics before ‘send’ was one we should all avoid. Most agreed but there were those who I guess live in another dimension.

    I suspect you mean always put our best self forward. Great article Michael. And I appreciated all your keynotes at the 2012 ACFW DFW Conference.

    • http://www.mirandaochocki.com/ Miranda Ochocki

      You bring up a good point, Steve. It might be hard sometimes to distinguish a “hater” from a “debater” – although a debater may not be someone to listen to either. Some people just like to challenge your point of view, not in a bad way, just one to stir thoughts and broaden the viewpoint. If you’re a defensive person, a “debater” question/statement might come across as hurtful hate mail.

  • Hope Squires

    I’ve had to ignore a “hater” on a recent post of mine. First time dealing with someone that confrontational. Thanks for making me feel better about having stopped responding to his comments on my post, including the last one where he called me naive.

  • http://www.shasherslife.com/ Shash

    Great Post Jon!

  • April Wilson Perry

    Hi Jon! How fun to see your guest post here on Michael Hyatt’s blog. I really appreciate your inspiring advice on this subject.

    I was looking through your Amazon reviews for “Start” (when I was linking to it from our Power of Moms podcast interview) and while the vast majority were fantastic, I read one that was simply mean–though he was trying to write it in a way that made it sound like he was just smarter than anyone who liked your book. My blood started to boil a bit when I first saw it, but then I thought, “Jon doesn’t let stuff like this bother him. Why should it bother me?” (But I do want you to know I’m ready to defend your book, if you need me.)

    Thanks for all you do. We’ve received AMAZING feedback on your “Moms Can” podcast, and I even got an email this morning from a mom who started chasing one of HER dreams as a direct result of listening to that podcast. You’re changing lives. I’m glad you listen to the right sources.

    (And if anyone reading this wants to hear Jon’s inspiring podcast at Power of Moms, here’s the link: http://powerofmoms.com/2013/07/moms-can-with-jon-acuff-episode-58/)

    Have a great day!

  • PeterP

    WHEW! When you said 3 people to ignore, I was worried I would be named as one of the 3! :-)

    Great post, Jon.

  • http://juliesunne.com/ Julie Sunne

    I really enjoyed this post, Jon. It’s full of practical encouragement for moving forward, not looking back or feeling stuck.

  • Suzanne De Cornelia

    Seriously one of the best posts I have ever read. thanks you!

  • Kathi

    Had an article printed recently that caused a ‘back and forth’ argument among readers. Decided no move was the best move and sure enough, the conflict resolved itself. Sometimes its best not to add to the mix.
    Thanks, Jon, for reminding us the Internet is not for the thin skinned.

  • Guest

    Thank you Michael for defining haters and compainers. Love that part. But most of all I loved your very first sentence that I posted in my Facebook status. You might want to check that out too. )))

  • http://www.karlaakins.com/ Karla Akins

    Oh my stars I needed this today! Thanks SO MUCH. The devil is dancing because of what people have said about my success but you know what? I’m not going to play the music for him! :-) God bless you for the encouragement here!

  • Daniel Gardner

    So basically, you ignore any southern baptist deacon over 70 who is technologically retarded. What are you worried about again?

  • http://www.ricardoequips.com/ Ricardo Butler

    Totally agree on this post. I had to totally get intentional about this, because of the type of person that I am. I like a good “debate”. So I had to learn not to address certain nonsense that were to no benefit.

  • http://www.englishclubpro.com/ Akmal Akbarov

    Thank you Michael for defining haters and compainers. Love that part. But most of all I loved your very first sentence that I posted in my Facebook status. You might want to check that out too. )))

    Editing my comment to say this: “Haters only get loud when you do things that matter.” or if people are criticising you, that means you working on something cool.

  • Janie Seltzer

    This is true of life in general :)

  • Annie Hunt

    Someone paid a sponsorship to post a blog on facebook. I hate subterfuge so I asked them a question so they could clarify their background, they never responded…hope people were listening so they don’t get duped…

  • Ernie Wenk

    Great article, in fact posted it on my FB site and recommended it to those who do their blogging on FB if they don’t have their own blog/website. Good information, Thanks.

  • http://yourlifebetter.net/ Darrell

    Hey Jon,

    So let me tell you what’s all wrong about your post…. Just kidding!

    I hate the hijackers who simply jump in on a post so that they can promote some product, or book, or some crazy site of theirs that promises everything under the sun if you just use these magic beans.

    And I agree with you and many others here, “blank” the haters, they can take their hateration somewhere else. Delete!

    Thanks for the great rundown.

    DC

  • http://www.seannisil.com/ Sean Nisil

    Haters gonna hate…shout out to Carole Baker for this picture! (#startexp)

    • http://www.tammyhelfrich.com/ Tammy Helfrich

      Hilarious! She forgot the rainbow! :)

  • http://jorgesilvestrini.com/ Jorge Silvestrini

    Great post John and Michael. Saving this to keep reading it weekly!

  • http://kimanziconstable.com/ kimanzi constable

    Excellent post Jon, wow you brought the heat. Just last week I had someone call me a “self-accredited” life expert. I have one hater that even comments on my guest posts. I ignore them and keep pushing forward because I’m not doing this for them!

    • http://JonDHarrison.com/ Jon D Harrison

      Kimanzi – wow, that is a dedicated hater! Congratulations!!

  • Autumn Tussing

    Amazing post Jon! I love the ideas and views you have!

  • http://www.kendavis.com/ Ken Davis

    Great post Jon! Unfortunately I too often use a different math equation. 1 insult = 999 compliments. So if you get one insult and 999 compliments you are still left with one insult. Which is what you obsess about for several days. I may be the only one that is tempted to use this math. I like your math better.

  • http://www.tammyhelfrich.com/ Tammy Helfrich

    Great advice as always, Jon. Love this line: “focus on turning people who like your dream into people who love your
    dream.”

  • Marnie Hughes

    Although I agree, a lot of times people will create these personas within THEMSELVES. I know someone who if something bad happens to her she will talk about it, stew about it, lament and complain even after taking action to fix it. My response to her is ‘why are you giving this one bad thing so much power over you?’ Each time we knock ourselves down for either screwing up or getting it ‘wrong’, we give that negativity power that it doesn’t deserve.
    Here’s to zooming in on the 1000 cheerleaders and letting the 1 naysayer evaporate behind them.
    Thanks for a thoughtful post!

  • http://www.iwokeupyesterday.com/ Jenny Bolt Price

    this is why I like my online life better than my real life = as I don’t make much of comments online – but the ones from the haters whom I love – those hurt – stick – make messes all over my face, heart and soul – and I know I get to choose – let go or be eaten up with poo.
    so thank you for the reminder – they don’t throw stones at peeps standing still. I would rather be a mover and a shaker and be hated and criticized than be on the sidelines watching.
    my twin sister LOVES HER START group – she says it’s an incredible community that you have inspired. thank you for being a Starter and a finisher

  • Daniel Gardner

    I think Carl Trueman’s advise is wise. If it’s a serious critique don’t ignore it just because you don’t like the person or his/her tone.

  • http://www.sunganani.com/ Sunganani L. Manjolo

    I have met all three of them online and offline. I keep moving on because I have learned that I do not owe anybody an explanation for me. But that does not mean I do not take time to respond where need be. It’s just that people talk all the time and most of that talk has not helped much.

  • http://asmithblog.com/ asmithblog

    Great post Jon. Critics math is so true. Thanks for the reminder to not give hater our time.

  • Peter G

    For the record, blocking and deleting is very different from ignoring. Taking action, if if designed to keep someone at bay, is the polar opposite of ignoring. The fact that one can’t do both can be frustrating at times.

  • Radiant Sunset

    I once posted a video of my teenage daughter and myself talking to the camera (may have been for a contest to win a skillet), and someone posted that my daughter was “butt ugly.” I confess I didn’t ignore; I deleted the comment and blocked the hater. (Btw, I won the skillet (-: )

  • The Marriage Bed

    I agree with all of this, and I’ve paid for not understanding it. That said, it is sometimes useful to use what critics say as a spring-board for communicating to others. Some of my best posts have come about this way. But it can easily become a trap!

  • joeandmichelle

    Uh-oh, told you I’m a beginner. Just realized this post came from Jon. Thanks, Jon!
    Michelle

  • http://michaelhyatt.com/ Michael Hyatt

    Your welcome. I am glad you found both mu book and Jon’s post helpful.

  • Phyllis K Twombly

    Another person to avoid is the non-supporter…that individual who is in the perfect position to help you along but refuses to take you seriously. Fortunately he or she is less of a presence online, possibly because that would take effort. (Don’t worry, it’s not likely they’ll ‘friend’ you on Facebook no matter how many people you have in common.)

  • kschang

    The problem is it is VERY EASY to fall into the “I’m right and they just hate my guts” confirmation bias when faced with criticism, EVEN WHEN CRITICISM IS VALID (or partially valid), esp. when it was delivered in a harsh or mocking or critical tone. When emotions are engaged, dispassionate analysis is impossible.

    Perhaps you need a follow-up thought, on 3 types of people you need to pay attention to (instead of ignoring). Frankly, affirmations / confirmations are not always good for you either. Sycophants and mee-too lemmings are to be avoided as well.

  • http://www.52weekturnaround.com/ Jeanne Goldie

    Very true. While I often wish my blog writing was more perfectly honed, I remind myself that many critics are waiting until they produce something on the scale of “The Great Gatsby” and go to the grave never picking up a pen.

    I absolutely do fall prey to critic’s math though. Reminds me of those old cartoons showing a dog listening to it’s human hearing “blah blah Blah Spot, blah blah blah food”

  • RJ Hoff

    Jon, where would you put the troll? The person who’s just baiting and waiting? For a stage performer the equivalent, I think, would be the heckler, though I don’t think a Don Rickles approach would work on line! I’d like to ignore them, but that just seems to bolster them even more.

  • http://vansontan.wordpress.com/ Vanson

    I’ve read Quitters and Start by Jon. Love him. He’s frank and nice. Follow him on Instagram and you can follow him closely. Waiting for his next book.

  • Rebecca Jo Cannon

    Very helpful! I just started my blog a few days ago. Received a few followers & positive comments or likes. Some others who don’t blog already tried the negative approach with me. I just talked to them as gracefully as possible & then move on. I had been reading Michael Hyatt’s blog for awhile & praying about my blog & why & what I was trying to work toward. Thanks for the reminder of focusing on those that like you & being thankful for them.

  • Dusty Johnson

    Also ignore the people who try to give you new ideas and change your mind. Stick with what you know and believe and ignore the brainwashers.

  • Anita Strychalski

    Good word & timely, beautiful confirmation. I always knew “unfriending” a Hater, Complainer, or Spectator was not a viable solution to their interaction with me. I love the idea of Critic’s Math. Great job!

  • Cherry Odelberg

    Grrrrrrreeeeeeat thoughts as usual. Thank you. I love the critics math.

  • http://www.claibornehouse.net/ InnkeeperVA

    I have shared your article with our nearly 2000 innkeepers online at
    “Bed and Breakfast BLOGGERS” on linked in. And another innkeeping forum, where they will tear it apart… :) GREAT STUFF, thanks so much!

  • Heidi St. John

    AMEN. This was freeing for me! Thanks! (heidistjohn.com/blog) or on Facebook at “The Busy Mom” Toni Anderson sent me your way.

  • Vic

    Great post and so true. I’ve been lucky on my blog in that my readers slap the haters around off my site. I love my members and those that stop by because they found a post that interests them.

  • http://heksebua.com/ Linda Ursin

    That goes or offline as well

  • Colleen

    Just recently I ran into all three types! Thanks for this article:)

  • Melinda Todd

    Great advice. There is always someone who won’t stand behind you. It sucks when it’s family or a friend. Just because the naysayer isn’t willing to do something, doesn’t mean everyone should take that same stance. We’re stepping out in HUGE faith to move our family to very likely, move our family to Haiti as missionaries. Often times, the ones who really resist what we’re doing, are the ones who are super miserable in their own lives. At least that has been our experience.

  • Anne B. Butterfield

    Michael,
    I want to thank you for posting this. As a columnist for a small city paper, I have gotten haters for taking a clear stand in favor of my city’s making national news for taking back its electric system from its investor owned utility to start a lean, clean energy public utility. Some are convinced that a city government can do nothing right while a fossil fuel burning monopoly with inadequate regulation is “the pro’s”.

    The comments section at my paper is slightly renowned for its nastiness. I sure don’t like being smeared in false and personal ways and I get it every time I write. Hence I follow the common wisdom of some and just not read the comments section. After all the election results for the new utility are what matter.

    I could be flattered that one hater named me among some “cabal” behind this effort – but it’s creepy cause it’s false.

    The great thing, though, came when the VP of the utility said to me from a microphone, “Did I say that? I apologize Anne!” when I caught him in a big misstatement about his company’s coal burn.

    I guess it’s better to take heart about one’s powerful enemy who apologizes to you in public rather than the smear-mongers who couldn’t care less about facts and will never retract their ugliness. Either way, it can be hard.

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