Leadership Starts at Home

This is a guest post by Kelly Combs. She is a full-time housewife and mom. She blogs at ChattyKelly. You can also follow her on Twitter. If you want to guest post on this blog, check out the guidelines here.

I am not your average leader. My leadership decisions don’t affect the boardroom, but they do the future of the world because I am raising two future leaders. I am a domestic engineer, a home economist, a housewife, a mom. I have found that my leadership at home has taught me lessons that any leader, whether in the board room or the laundry room, can use.

Mom Walking Baby in an Infant Jogger - Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/DNY59, Image #583369

Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/DNY59
  1. If it stinks, change it. This philosophy applies to diapers and to decisions. As leaders, sometimes we may “own” an idea so tightly, that even when shown data that the idea is failing, we keep holding on to it. A leader should be able to change. As Gary Shapiro, president and chief executive of Consumer Electronics Association and co-author of a book on innovation puts it, “Mistakes are OK—hiding them is not.”

  1. Time outs are helpful. Sometimes my kids need a time out. A time out helps them refocus and get ready to carry on—with a new attitude. Sometimes I need a break…from my kids! That doesn’t make me a bad mom. In fact, the “time out” makes me a better mom. Good leaders also recognize the value of a time out or as Michael Hyatt refers to it, The Discipline of Rest.
  2. You need to share. A smart mom knows that arguments in the next room can often be stopped just by calling out, “Share!” A 1991 Mercedes commercial conveyed similar advice. When asked why they gave away a basic safety advance for free, by never enforcing their patent on their energy absorbing car body, the engineer replied, “There are some things in life that are too important not to share.” Good leaders understand the importance of sharing.
  3. It’s okay to be “mean.” After I took away my daughter’s dessert in punishment for lying, she said, “I am 100 percent sure you are not my real mom.” The assumption, of course, was that a real mom would never be so mean as to take away a child’s dessert. While my daughter couldn’t see past dessert, I was looking at the bigger picture, her integrity. Likewise, when my husband gave pay cuts to his entire company, including himself, during tough economic times he won no popularity contest. However, his hard, but wise decision enabled his company to stay afloat, while many other companies went under. Good leaders sometimes make “mean” decisions, but they are for the best interest of everyone.
  4. Leaders know how to follow. My kids love to play follow the leader, knowing before the game starts that they take turns being the leader. In my life, I may be Queen of the Kitchen, but my husband is the one bringing home the bacon. I must respect that. Even if you are a CEO, you still have a board, shareholders, or your client to whom you report. Realize that just like in the game, sometimes you lead, and sometimes you follow.
  5. The future is in our hands. My kids will grow up and leave home one day. My job is to prepare them for that. I won’t always be around to rescue them or give advice. I mentor them now, with the goal that they will know what they should do, even when I’m not around to tell them. A good leader trains his people well, because he knows the importance of raising up new leaders.
What leadership skills have you learned at home? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
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  • http://joyfulmothering.net Christin

    Awesome parallel and ideas, Kelly. Thank you for sharing them here. :)

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      Thank you for commenting, Christin.

  • Edie

    Great points Kelly! I think #6 is often overlooked both in
    the home and in business. We often neglect to consider that we will, at some
    point, pass the mantle to someone else. That’s person’s decisions, whether they
    are our children or business associate, are likely to affect our lives long
    after the “training” is over.

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      Exactly. What kind of legacy do we want to leave? It’s won’t be much of one, without adequate training and development of those coming behind us.  Thanks, Edie.

  • http://www.bigb94.wordpress.com Brandon

    Great insight! Thanks for sharing!

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      Thanks!

  • http://twitter.com/asparagusguy Neal Ely

    I like your first point, “If it stinks, change it.”  I have a personal goal in place right now, and it involves making some life changes. It is up to us, and nobody else, to make these changes in our lives. Thanks for the post!

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      Thank you Neal! Good luck and God bless as you make these life changes. It isn’t always easy.

  • Stephanie

    It’s important to find a daily balance between the demands of the home (kids, home upkeep, errands, etc) and the need for personal growth as an idividual. All the points Kelly makes are enhanced when we take the time to grow ourselves as well rather than being consumed wholly by the demands of raising a family at home. Stephanie Haynes, Director of Peace of Mind Ministries.

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      True, Stephanie. This brings me back to the comment I made early about the airplane. You have to put on your own oxygen mask before you can help others with their’s. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we cannot take care of others, whether that be physically, spiritually or emotionally. 
      Thank you Stephanie.

  • http://www.MicheleCushatt.com/ Michele Cushatt

    Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us, Kelly. I especially liked #3, the importance of sharing. Good leaders know how to share their wisdom (mentoring), their workload (delegation), as well as the credit (affirmation). A secure leader — at home or the office — doesn’t hesitate to share the credit for a particular success. A individual’s victory then becomes a celebration for the whole team. Thanks for the fabulous reminder!

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      I love the way you expanded on the idea of sharing, Michele. I was focusing on sharing wisdom, but delegation and affirmation are great examples are sharing as well.  Thanks for “sharing” my idea and expounding upon it.

    • http://www.tnealtarver.wordpress.com TNeal

      I agree with Kelly. Good expansion on her initial thoughts. You bring additional clarity and specificity to her original point.

      • http://www.MicheleCushatt.com/ Michele Cushatt

        Thanks, TNeal!

  • http://www.setongod.com/ Joshua OneNine

    Great post Kelly! My parents would agree with you on the idea of changing your attitude and moving on. They would make us go to our rooms and come out with a new shirt because changing your attitude is as easy as changing your shirt. 

    “You can’t always change your situation, but you can always change your attitude.”
        -Larry Hargraves

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      I love that idea Joshua! Sounds like your parents had the right idea. And I just might use the shirt idea.  Although as a mom, I can’t help but wonder if that wouldn’t increase the length of my “meetings” in the laundry room!

      • http://www.setongod.com/ Joshua OneNine

        Haha, that may be true!

    • http://www.tnealtarver.wordpress.com TNeal

      That’s an interesting analogy. Did it work?

      • http://www.setongod.com/ Joshua OneNine

        It most definitely did work.

  • http://www.struggletovictory.com/ Kari Scare

    Delegation is one of the biggest leadership skills I’ve learned at home. My boys (13 and 11) do their own laundry, clean their rooms regularly, are resposible for getting their homework done, must take out the trash and empty the dishwasher, and they have to clean their bathroom too. I know, they are normal chores, but I am surprised at home many kids don’t have to do them. The one I get the most surprised looks from is the laundry. Anyway, delegating allows me more time for what I need to get done, and it takes the pressure off of me as a leader to accomplish all I want… it allows me to focus on fewer things and to be better at those things.

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      I know what you mean, Kari. It seems that many parents delegate the leadership, instead of responsibility, to their children. In other words, they let the kids decide what they will or won’t do in the home. 

      My husband says it’s easier to be a bad parent than a good one. It’s true! Enforcing rules and delegating chores are hard work, but the outcome is raising responsible, mature leaders.  The future, is indeed, in our hands.

      • http://www.struggletovictory.com/ Kari Scare

        Your husband is right, it is easier to be a bad parent than a good one. It takes a dilberate and intentional determination every day to be a good parent, and even then I fail at it all to often. But, my kids know that whether or not they do what I ask isn’t really an option. Well, I guess it is if they don’t want any spending money, don’t want to go anywhere with their friends, and like spending most of their time in their rooms alone.

      • Jim Martin

        Kelly, good point regarding good/bad parenting.  It really is easier to just close your eyes (as a parent) and pretend you don’t see what is going on in your children’s lives.  In fact, sometimes it is tempting to do what is easier for you as a parent than what is best for our children.  

        A friend of mine said it like this, “You can pay now or pay later.”  As a parent, you can do the hard work now or you can close your eyes and ignore it.  However, you may find that what you are dealing with a few years later is even more difficult and complicated.

    • http://www.tnealtarver.wordpress.com TNeal

      I live in the dairy state and have seen the general maturity of farm kids. They are used to doing “chores.” Challenges and chores bolster kids’ confidence. Kari, you’re definitely giving your sons a gift they’ll appreciate later, if not now.

  • http://twitter.com/DieraShaw Diera Shaw-Mendez

    I’ve learned never to write a check with my mouth that my life can’t cash.  (courtesy of my Pastor).  You spoke of teaching your daughter about integrity, and that can be seen in so many thing we do.  Do we keep our word?  Do we communicate directly and are willing to stand by what we say?  Or are we willing to apologize when we are wrong.  Leadership is not about knowing everything or always having the right answer; leadership is about being resourceful, inspirational, and being willing to make the call.

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      Well said, Diera. Actions speak louder than words.

    • Jim Martin

      Diera, I like your first sentence.  So true.  We say so much by our actions in the ordinary moments of life at home and work.  

  • Tabreena17

    The establishment of a good work ethic begins in the home. Teaching my kids to be responsible and considerate doesn’t just happen; I have to live it. Teaching them the “why” is critical for my son especially because there has to be meaning behind the method. I am preparing my children not only for their future employers but also for their mate! That really puts things into perspective for me!

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      In short, you are preparing them for THEIR FUTURE!  Their entire life, not just employer or mate. It can be a scary realization, at least for me. That is why (in addition to partnering with my spouse,) I partner with God, because HE fills in my gaps.  

      • http://www.tnealtarver.wordpress.com TNeal

        And this is why I read the comments. The pearls of wisdom shared. I love the statement, “I partner with God, because HE fills in my gaps.”

  • Anonymous

    Awesome post,

    I am trying to use my leadership skills to launch a new tech blog.  This will definatly help me with my blog.http://tech4thewin.wordpress.com/

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      Good luck on new blog!

  • http://www.nginaotiende.blogspot.com Ngina Otiende

    Wow, love your insights Kelly. 

    I especially like # 1 –  ”Mistakes are okay, hiding them is not.” 

    Personally I have learnt the power of “clarity” - Knowing, understanding and accepting my role  in the home. It has helped me know what comes first. 

    Good leaders have clarity of vision and thus prioritize well. When i know what is expected of me (and take responsibility for it), I become more fruitful.

    Thank you for sharing

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      Thank you Ngina! Clarity is a great word! Seeing things clearly, having a vision, all important both at home and at work. Thank you for sharing a great leadership principal with us. 

    • http://www.tnealtarver.wordpress.com TNeal

      “If it stinks, change it.” I think Kelly had a memorable start, one that any parent can see the wisdom of. Excellent tie into a leader’s decisions.

      • http://www.nginaotiende.blogspot.com Ngina Otiende

        I agree, awesome insights.

    • Jim Martin

      Ngina, I like #1 as well.  So often, we are only kidding ourselves when we try to hide our mistakes.  I saw this early on as a parent.  My children could see my mistakes.  Far better to own up to them than try to pretend they didn’t happen.

      • http://www.nginaotiende.blogspot.com Ngina Otiende

        Exactly :). 

        It’s always easier to own up first…than try and apologize when “found-out” (even when our apology is genuine). 

        It shows maturity and always builds trust. 

  • Misty

    Excellent post!  Love it so much.

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      Thank you Misty!

  • http://www.tnealtarver.wordpress.com TNeal

    Kelly, I enjoy your wit and wisdom. I’m glad you guest posted here. Well done and God bless.–Tom

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      Thank you Tom! And thanks for visiting my blog.  God bless you.

  • Mahipp

    Learn to pick your battles.  

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      Great leadership lesson. Thanks!

    • Jim Martin

      Great point!  That is certainly true at home and true on many other fronts as well.  

  • http://talesofwork.com kimanzi constable

    More than anything I’ve learned patience. Dealing with three hyper kids teaches you patience. I’m grateful because as a leader you really need patience in many different situations! Great post Kelly, very nice looking blog!

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      Patience is a great leadership skill, yet to be mentioned here I think. And wow, do you ever need patience as a parent! Thanks for sharing this important skill.
      And thanks for visiting my blog!

      • http://talesofwork.com kimanzi constable

        I will be visitng often, this is why guest posting is such a great idea. It opens the world up to amazing people and blogs, everyone wins!

  • http://dianneguthmuller.com/ Dianne Guthmuller

    I’m a local chapter coordinator of a new, national, non-denominational women’s ministry called LeadHer.  Our mission is to train, equip, and encourage women to be the leaders God called us to be.  Motherhood is the greatest leadership role we will ever have.  I’m sharing this post with my LeadHers this morning!

    Thanks for the encouragement.

    If anyone is interested in knowing more about LeadHer, checkout our website at LeadHer.org.

    Blessings!
    Dianne

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      Dianne, thank you so much for sharing this post with the women in your ministry.  I agree with you that motherhood is the greatest of leadership roles.  I look forward to visiting your organization’s website.

  • http://twitter.com/bjornjb Bjorn J

    This is soo good.  Thank you for simplicity, and over all sincerity.  I can’t wait to share this with my wife, mother and others from church.

    Thanks Kelly.

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      Thank you. I appreciate you sharing it. My post is simple, and it is definitely from the heart. Be blessed.

  • http://www.DrAngelaBisignano.com/ Angela Bisignano

    Great post Kelly! I loved your insight and sense of humor. As a mom who just launched her firstborn son, I agree, leadership begins in the home.

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      Thanks Angela! I enjoyed connecting with you on Twitter as well.  Congratulations on your firstborn son!  Enjoy your new “leadership position!”

    • Jim Martin

      Congratulations on your first child, Angela.  It seems like when we have children, we experience a whole new level of learning and leadership.

    • Rachel Lance

      Launched – I love it! I’m right there with you, just a year into motherhood. I read tons leading up to our launch but I never found in any of the books how transformative this new season would be to me personally. A friend worded it something like “growing a whole new layer of myself”. Definitely taking learning, leadership & life to new levels!

  • Anonymous

    Thank you Kelly.

    One matter we had to settle early on in raising our kids was to let our them know that we as parents were not the final authority, but that God’s word was. When our children began to see that our instruction wasn’t “do as I say because I say so” but rather, we all must “do because God’s word says so” then they became more accepting of and responsive to our parental authority.

     The free book “How Do You Know The Bible Is From God” is an excellent tool to help impress upon children that the Bible is God’s inspired and authoratative word. Available for free download here: http://searchandtrace.wordpress.com/2012/01/21/how-do-you-know-the-bible-is-from-god/ 

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      That reminds me of a discussion my sister had with her son when he was young. She was talking to him about obedience, and said “just like you obey your coach at T-ball, you obey me at home. At home, I am your coach.”  He replied, “God is my coach.”  How do you argue with that? 
       She gently said, “Well, I am the assistant coach!”

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    Let’s start a community of aspiring Michael Hyatt’s and encourage one another.

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  • http://www.struggletovictory.com/ Kari Scare

    You know, I need to hear that. I have a friend who is struggling with her 18-year-old son, and my youngest son has some of her son’s same tendancies. I am really looking at how I can prevent the disrespect she is experiencing and that is causing her to not even want to be around him. I feel like giving my kids responsibilities and letting them experience life is part of preventing that somehow. Just heavy on my heart and mind today.

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      I pray that God will give you, and all of mothers, wisdom in parenting our children. Being a leader is not an easy task. God bless.

      • http://www.struggletovictory.com/ Kari Scare

        Thank you! I pray for wisdome in being a leader mom daily. Can’t do it effectively without Him!

    • Jim Martin

      Kari, I suspect that all of us who have had children go through these stages can sympathize with what concerns you regarding your friend’s son and your son.  There are moments in rearing children that really are sobering.

      • http://www.struggletovictory.com/ Kari Scare

        Sobering is a good way to put it. Such a huge responsibility. For me, imagining what a habit or action or attitude will look like in them as adults helps motivate me to teach and guide and mold even in the very smallest of details. I think preventative maintenance is an effective parenting technique at least to some extent.

  • RPhillips

    One of the things that hit me recently listening to a service at my church, was how we speak over our children. This can be applied to how we speak over ourselves, our friends, our co-workers, etc. Whenever someone starts to speak negative, stop then in their tracks. Do not let negativity be placed over you or your family.

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      Often our actions follow our thoughts and words. Michael Hyatt has taught that on this blog often. If we expect to fail, or only “try,” we often don’t achieve.  That is a great leadership lesson we can teach our kids.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mary-Tomillon/100001631903207 Mary Tomillon

    I loved this. Although I really struggle with #4,  #6 reminds me how important #4 is.  Raising new/tomorrow’s leaders is a huge responsibility. It cannot be achieved with positive results if we are trying to be everyone’s friend.

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      It’s true.  Real leaders make the tough decisions that are not always popular. It’s not our job to be the friend of our children or  employees. It is our job to mentor them for tomorrow.

  • http://www.ChristianStressManagement.com/ Miriam

    Just like content is king in the blogging world, effective communication is king in the company and home and this is both verbal and non-verbal.  PS thanks for content which makes this a kingly blog.

    • Rachel Lance

      You’re so right, Miriam. Communication is key all the way around. Thanks for the comment!

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      Absolutely. Thanks.

  • Dale Aceron

    Awesome Insights Kelly!

    I too am learning the lesson of “If it stinks, change it.”
    One of my areas for growth in leadership is being able to first admit to mysef that it stinks, then to the team, and then to change it.

    I often think that just because I poured my time end energy into it, it’s gotta be good.

    Thanks for the post!

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      Thank you Dale. I know your team appreciates a leader who is willing to grow! It’s never fun to admit mistakes, but if we learn by them than it is worth it.

  • Dale Aceron

    Great Insights Kelly!

    I too am learning the lesson of “If it stinks, change it.”
    What I struggle with is to first recognize and admit to myself that it stinks, then to the team, and then trying to come up with solutions on how to change and solve it.

    Thanks for the post!

  • http://uma-maheswaran.blogspot.com/ Uma Maheswaran S

    Good manners begins from the home. many children develop their mannerism and attitude from their home. The same will hold true for an organization.

    “Action speaks louder than words” — Each parent must remember this principle when they grow their kids. This is also true for any leader in the organiztion.

    • Rachel Lance

      You’re right, Uma, character is handed down. Sometimes the degree to which an organization’s character reflects that of its CEO strikes me as uncanny. I’m not sure why I’m struck, it makes perfect sense. 

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      Absolutely, everyone around us watching. We have to model the behavior we want to see emulated around us.

  • http://twitter.com/JessBlogSchmog Jessie Gunderson

    What a fun and insightful post. I enjoyed this and am sharing with all my mom and CEO friends alike.

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      Thank you Jesse.  I had fun writing it too. I hope your friends enjoy it as much as you did.

  • Bob Tiede

    Whenever I visit with a Christian Mom I share with her that we both have the same Mission Statement:  ”Developing the Next Generation of Christian Leaders!”

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      I love that Bob! Thank you for sharing it. 
      (I may even use it…imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.) 

  • Daniel McNally

    I’m a father that helped to raise 6 kids, took care of the kid’s home schooling much of the time, etc. but I just want to say I loved this article and I loved how Kelly acknowledges the fact that she is also a leader and a trainer. Our mothers and even fathers who carry the home duties’ role should really be encouraged by this one… being a parent is your best human resources management course… among other necessary skills….Go Mom! 

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      Thank you Daniel. Sounds like you understand my thoughts exactly, especially after parenting 6 kids.  Go mom…and dad!

  • http://www.springmemarketing.com/ asenath

    This is a fabulous article! I especially love the part where it says its ok to be mean- cute story and I have hear similar with my 7 year old. I also love the know how to follow too. It seems like people have an overwhelming sense that to be a leader means to be in charge.
    Thanks!

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      Never dull with a 7 yr old, is it?  Thank you for your comments!

  • Pastor Pam

    I have learned it is ok to say “not right now” recognizing there are seasons to do things and it might be the right thing to do but the wrong season to do it in.  I’ve also learned making mistakes is ok as long as you make them only once.  Learn from them and grow.

    • http://theordainedbarista.com Barry Hill

      Pam,
      You have a better learning curve than I do! :)

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      I so agree about the right thing but the wrong season. God’s timing isn’t always our timing. Keep growing, Pam!

  • http://twitter.com/BrandieLagarde Brandie Lagarde

    Wonderful post! Every morning I try to remember that all day I have six sets of eyes watching and listening to every single thing I say and do, even my body language. I am raising and homeschooling six future leaders and only with God’s amazing grace do I proceed.

    • http://www.MicheleCushatt.com/ Michele Cushatt

      Yep, only by grace. Thanks for impacting the future for ALL of us, Brandie.

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      His grace IS amazing – so keep up the good work. I love your attitude.

  • Quetita212

    Train your kids well and their are going to have less problems and more good nights. 

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      And we as parents will too!

  • Harrisonshauna

    Ive learned diplomacy is of uttermost importance …in the weirdest of times. That being said my brood of 7 realize that I don’t run a democracy. I run a Theo-Monarchy. lol….

    • http://www.kellycombs.com/ Kelly Combs

      Monarchy-ing is good mommy-ing.  Eventually it will turn into a democracy, and then they will grow up, well served by your leadership.

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  • Cherylaldridge2010

    This is a very good article by Kelly Combs. Wisdom comes when we choose to learn from seemingly insignificant situations. She has mastered the selfless art of taking
    Mundane tasks and turning them into object lessons. All
    Of life is really our classroom, if we choose to learn from it.

  • Rwooten73

    The leadership skill I have learned at home is “servanthood”.  When I was single and even in the early stages of marriage it was all about me and what was convenient for me.  Nothing like parenting and marriage to teach me how to “consider others above myself.”

    • http://TillerFamily.org/ John Tiller

      Congratulations on recognizing something that many others don’t (which almost always ends up in failed relationships)!!

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  • Rebecca

    Well the reason why I was asking you did you remember my case because, I have already seen results. He called me on Jan 4th to wish me a happy birthday, and I called him on the 6th to wish him a happy birthday. We had a nice long conversation, and I expressed to him how he made me feel. He apologized over and over. Then after that conversation I didn’t hear from him until around the 8th of Feb. I started calling my phone, and I kept missing his calls because my phone was on silent. Well that third day of him not getting a response from me, he sent me a heartfelt email apologizing again, and saying how much he missed me and wanted to hold me in his arms. At the end of the email he stated that he loved me, in which he has never said those words to me. I still love him also, but its hard now to be with him because I will be moving 5 states away and I don’t want to start something back up with him, knowing we can’t be together. So I just want to thank you High – Dr madurai of maduraitemple@yahoo.com

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