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Seven Better Questions You Can Ask in the Midst of Adversity

I have several friends who are going through enormous uncertainty right now. Some are out of work. A few others are on the precipice of divorce. Still others have been diagnosed with cancer—one who is pregnant. In these situations, most of us ask, “Why is this happening to me?”

Business People Holding Question Mark Signs in Front of Their Caces - Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/Yuri_Arcurs, Image #11860969

Years ago, two months after I became the publisher of one of our book divisions, we lost a major author to a competing company. This had a significant negative impact on our bottom line. At first, I was angry. Then I became discouraged. Finally, I realized I was asking the wrong question.

Instead of asking “Why did this happen?” I started asking, “How can this make us better?” Immediately, I sensed a shift in my spirit. It began energizing me. In retrospect, losing the author was one of the best things that could have happened to my division. We grew from the experience in ways that would have never happened otherwise.

I learned a valuable lesson: the answers we get are often determined by the questions we ask. If we ask bad questions, we will get bad answers. If we ask better questions—empowering questions—we will get better answers.

If you are going through a difficult, uncertain time, here are seven better questions you can ask yourself and your team:

  1. What if this isn’t the end but a new beginning?
  2. What if the answer to my prayer is just over the next hill?
  3. What if this is necessary in order for me to be prepared for the next important chapter in my life?
  4. What if God knows exactly what I need at this particular time?
  5. What if God is speaking to me through means I would not have chosen for a blessing I cannot see?
  6. What does this experience make possible?
  7. What will I be telling my grandchildren that I learned was so valuable in this season of my life?

How is this related to leadership? As I have written numerous times before, leaders must lead themselves first—even when they don’t feel like it. Sometimes it just starts with a better question.

Question: What should you be asking NOW in your situation? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

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Posted on March 17, 2011

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  • Barbara

    Though I don’t comment often, I love your blog, and look forward to reading its awesome content each day. Your questions are compelling and so important to ask. Recently, our world was shaken when my dear husband had a health scare. Thank God he is doing just fine, but the experience was powerful enough to re-focus my priorities, and his. I was overcome with fear, and clung to prayers and Psalm 91 to allay anxiety. Trusting God took on new dimensions. Through it all, God taught me lessons about love and life, and blessed us in the midst of the storm. I am so grateful.
    God bless you for your wise words.

  • Anonymous

    This is a very timely message. I ask myself that sometimes and GOD always shines through. I know i need to trust him more. Thanks Michael.

  • http://twitter.com/JoeyTheGrove Joey O’Connor

    Great questions! Easy to say, but we grow far more through adversity than we do in our successes. It reminds me of John 15. We are either going to be cut or pruned. Both will be painful, but one has a much higher purpose.

  • http://www.milestogofromhere.com Jeff Miles

    Thank you so much for posting this. We (as a company of my wife and I) are going through a particularly tough time because of some decisions out of our control. We had earlier this week been encouraged by friends and family members along these lines and to see it reinforced here is awesome. These are exactly the questions we need to be asking right now.

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      Great. I am so glad you got this confirmation.

  • Anonymous

    Our family recently went through a difficult time: after battling health issues throughout a tough pregnancy, I (along with my husband) experienced the “scare” of our newborn son being diagnosed with “failure to thrive”. For five miserable months, I cried myself silly and asked “why?”. God chose that set of circumstances to teach me many things, chiefly that HE is in control and does not “owe” me a thing. I got an up close and honest look at myself; I didn’t like what I saw.

    Our son is now nearly 8 months old and is thriving beautifully. Every day, as I look into his chubby little face, I’m reminded that health is a GIFT, not something that I (or my children) necessarily “deserve”. The past year has taught me much about life and about God… and my attitude toward both.

    You’re absolutely right… when you ask the wrong questions, you get the wrong answers every time. That’s a recipe for bitterness. I chose trust.

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      Thanks for sharing this heart-felt story. When I hear stories like yours, I realize: I have nothing to complain about!

    • http://uma-maheswaran.blogspot.com/ Uma Maheswaran S

      That was touching Kristy! Thanks for sharing such powerful incidents with us.

    • http://www.tnealtarver.wordpress.com TNeal

      Uma’s comment brought me back to your story, Kristy. This is an example of how our words and our stories continue to linger in the air (cyberspace). You remind us all of the humility it takes to say, “Lord, only thou knowest.” Borrowing from “The Traveler’s Gift,” the strongest steel is forged in the hottest fires. I am certain both your character and your faith have been hardened through these circumstances, unlike Pharaoh who simply hardened his heart. Wonderful, precious, and encouraging story.

  • Brian Mabin

    Michael,
    Great perspective! We so often become caught up in the wrong side of the BUT, and then we neglect to stretch beyond to the other side where God resides and is waiting for us. Thank you for these great questions!

  • TNeal

    I usually don’t read every comment (although I know you do, Michael) but so many have shared their own encouraging stories and sound advice that I kept reading and reading and reading. If I had replied to every comment that touched my heart or helped me with greater insight, I’d be laboring into the late night.

    Thank you and your readership for your shared experiences and good advice.

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      They really touch me, too, Tom. I think the comments are the best part.

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      They really touch me, too, Tom. I think the comments are the best part.

  • http://www.thequietquill.blogspot.com DJ Hughes

    When our church went through a difficult transition in senior leadership, church members responded in a myriad of ways. Some were glad, some were mad, and some were just sad. As a result, a lot of speculation and misinformation and gossip penetrated the conversations of many.

    My mom, who lives hundreds of miles away, asked me a question during a phone conversation that anchored me through this time:

    “When all of this is over, what do you want to be true of you?”

    As I thought, and prayed, about this question, I knew what I wanted to be true of me. After this season passed, I didn’t want anyone to ever say that they heard me participating in the negative talk going around.

    I’m so thankful for this question that my mom posed as it got me to look beyond the immediate circumstances and consider a long-term perspective.

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      Man, I love your mom’s quote. Very powerful.

  • http://dustinstout.com Dustin W. Stout

    Great post Michael! I was just getting ready to write a new blog post about the times when God says ‘No’ – He usually has something way better in mind. I will be using the greatest example of this, my wife! ;) I will definitely be referencing this post in mine. Thanks!

  • http://twitter.com/promobrain Mike Freestone

    I should be asking: How can I use this to grow in my walk with God. Not how could this happen to me.

  • http://twitter.com/colleencoble Colleen Coble

    I really needed to hear this today, Mike! Thanks so much.

  • http://www.icbangkok.org Stewart

    I am going to use an angle on this in my sermon on Sunday. Thanks for thoughtful posts.

  • http://twitter.com/dbonleadership Dan

    Great thoughts. I really enjoyed the 7 questions a person can ask themselves. I think in my situation I need to know that the answer might just be over the next hill and not to give up.

  • Stan

    God DOES know exactly what I need–I just need to have Faith & carry on; learning that a lot lately…
    yes, I want to be a Winston Churchill…

  • Iamblessed

    Thanks Michael for this. I have been going through a difficult time and my wife sent this quote to me to start my day : “God will not permit any troubles to come upon us, unless He has a specific plan by which great blessing can come out of the difficulty.” Then I get home and have your blog and 7 Qs to end my day. Great reminders that the “whys” are not as important as the “whats” and the “Who” of our lives. Thanks Michael and everyone who have shared – you have all been a blessing!

  • misty

    The question I keep asking myself right now: Why do not I not trust God has a plan and will take care of me through this? He always has…and He will yet again! Trust. Have faith.

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      Just to tweak this a bit: “Why can I be confident that God has a plan and will take care of me through this?” and “How has God delivered me in the past?”

  • Jordan

    Wow this is great advice. I’m bookmarking this. Maybe I’ll make it my homepage or a while!

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  • Tom Moucka

    Excellent advice Mike. I too have found that I tend to focus on less-than-satisfying outcomes and fail to ask the questions that will lead to better outcomes in the future. One thing that I have found helps in the process is to bring others in on the constructive questioning. Thanks!

    Tom Moucka

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  • http://www.bigb94.webs.com Brandon

    This was a great post! Really something to think about!

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  • Alice

    Long time reader, first time poster…

    This was a powerful post that I read at a moment when I actually needed it, so thank you for writing it. I also thought you might be interested to know that an avowed athiest reads and enjoys even your posts with Christian sentiments. I can appreciate the spiritual aspects of posts like this, and take or leave the God references while still getting meaning that applies to me and helps me. So while I may not ask what God’s plan is for me, I can use the same principles to explore the situation in a more positive light. I hope this makes sense; I just wanted to share it. :-)

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      Thank you, Alice. That is very encouraging to me. It also says a lot about your maturity that you can sift through my musing and still find value.

  • Pingback: Seven Better Questions You Can Ask in the Midst of Adversity « Following and Trusting

  • http://www.jeffrandleman.com Jeff Randleman

    This is so timely for me right now. We are facing some car repairs that are rather urgent. We’ve faced this on one car or the other for foour years in a row. Fortunately (read, God), this has happened every year at tax return time. So we always have the money to cover it, but never get to use the money to pay off debt or do some home improvements that we need to do. I keep asking those types of questions, “Why this? Why again? Why me?” Thanks for the reminder to aske better questions!

  • http://karlakakins.com Karla Akins

    I needed this. Can’t say why. Just did and do. Thanks.

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  • Ruth

    I think I may have worked for the author that you lost two years ago, (smiling) and I ended up asking the same questions. As a result of that changed, I found myself without a job because the competing publishing company had their own editorial team! But over the last two years, I have come to realize that God never makes mistakes. He always has a plan and that plan always leads to something special because He is involved. I have a new sense of freedom, a new job, and a new list of book clients. I had to trust the detour that God placed in front of me. And while there have been many challenges, I have yet to be disappointed. Thanks for this article and for your transparency.

  • http://markjmartin.com/ Mark Martin

    Those are great questions! Thank you for sharing!

    It has been mentioned, but let me echo the “What is God trying to teach me?” question.

  • http://twitter.com/BobEwoldt Robert Ewoldt

    So many people become bitter when trials and uncertainty come their way. James 1 says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of every kind, because the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” Some might say that the events in my life currently are trials–having to work 2 jobs in order to make ends meet to raise 3 1/2 kids. But I love what I do, and I can see the way forward (partially thanks to you, Michael).

  • John (15:16)

    Thank you!

    Are these the questions I was afraid to ask? Indirectly, or in part, yes.

    Some, I, (the “natural” man) wouldn’t even like to consider.

    But, for me, a few years ago, when I simply began to ask, “Where is the ‘good’ , Lord?” (as in Romans 8:28) it had such a wonderfully positive effect on my spirit, my life and my “world view”.

    It became almost like a game, or an exercise. As soon as I began to find myself bawking, or saying “Oh, NO!”.. I would stop and say, “OK, Lord, where is the “good” in this?”.. and only THEN did I begin to SEE it.

    These questions carry it to “another level” and are very direct and going deeper into the soul.

    But if we don’t “seek” we won’t “find”; if we won’t “knock” it will probably NOT “be opened”.

    God does NOT own a “brick bat” to “clobber”! But sometimes His “nudges” can send us on an apparent zig-zag course, like a hockey puck, on it’s way to the goal.

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      Great question. Thanks!

    • TNeal

      Wonderful insight. I like your question and where it leads a person’s thinking. We find what we’re looking for.

    • http://uma-maheswaran.blogspot.com/ Uma Maheswaran S

      I like your perspective John

  • Rogertonsberg

    I.AM LEARNING THAT MOSES AND ALL THE PROPHETS INCLUDING JESUS GAIN THEIR VICTORIES THROUG PRAYER AND PRAISE. NOT SPECULATING. SOO LORD HELP ME.

  • Anonymous

    I,AM LEARNING THROUGH THIS BLOG THAT MOSES AND ALL THE PROPHETS INCLUDING JESUS GAINED ALL THEIR VICTORIES THROUG PRAYER AND PRAISE SOO LORD HELP ME.

  • Mrs.Riyaz

     Brother just came across your site when searching for something,God bless you.We are blessed with a guide(Our Holy Book) for humanity that addresses everyone,which
    contains for eg,the following verses

    The cry of Prophet Job, upon him be peace, to God: Truly
    distress (disease, tribulation) has seized me. But You are the Most
    Compassionate of the Compassionate (21:83)
    and the groaning of Prophet Jacob, upon him be peace: I only complain
    of my anguish and my sorrow unto God (12:86)
    are supplications or entreaties for God’s pity and compassion. God Almighty
    praised Job, upon him be peace, for being an excellent servant distinguished
    with patience and supplications: We found
    him patient; how excellent a servant! Truly he was ever turning (to God) with
    supplications (38:44).

     

    155. “And We will surely test you (all) with something of fear and
    hunger and loss of property, lives and fruits; but give glad tidings to the
    (steadfast) patient.”

    156. “Who, when a calamity befalls them, (by showing perseverance),
    say: ‘ Verily we belong to Allah, and certainly unto Him shall we
    return’.”

    157. ” Those are they on whom are blessings and Mercy from their
    Lord, and they are the ones that are guided (aright).”

    Our Prophet (peace be upon him) said”How remarkable a believer’s
    affair is, for it is always to his advantage, and such a condition is only for
    a believer. If something good happens to him he thanks God, which is to his
    advantage; if something bad happens to him he endures it, which is also to his
    advantage.”

     

     

  • http://suburbiauncovered.com/ Matt Powell

    this is great… not only does it collide with a season of my life when I have constantly been asking “WHY?” but I also gave a sermon on the subject this morning.  I spoke from 1 Peter 4:12-19.  We are all either amidst difficulty/struggle, emerging from it, or quickly approaching it… this is such a relevant and applicable post, Michael. 

    in reference to your question #5, God has definitely been speaking.  he is teaching me that his work is not dependent upon my effort.

    thank you!

  • http://twitter.com/dyuhas62 Diane Yuhas

    I recently spent money I shouldn’t have, ruining my otherwise workable budget, putting me behind by a couple of months, and leaving no money for several necessities.  After confessing and repenting, I sought God’s mercy and grace, asking Him to provide what I needed to get through until next payday.  God did not provide, which confused me greatly.  I didn’t ask for help because is was all my own fault.  I had asked all sorts of questions, but not the right ones – until now.  Now I see that it was pride that prevented me from asking other people to help.  Had God provided, I would never have made the connection between my pride and my unwillingness to reveal my weakness and sins before others.  And this has far-reaching consequences.  Asking different questions has turned a discouraging situation into an opportunity for faith and hope to shine.

    • http://byrdmouse.wordpress.com Jonathan

      I find myself often with an unexpected expense or broken car part. When I do I tell God I’ll spend as much of His money as he wants on the matter. It maybe more than I wanted, but it has been what was needed.

  • Marcia

    Interesting how God gives you the same kind of message over and over again. I’m part of the Big C Club now – about to have chemo. These are good questions. Thanks, Michael. If you have a moment you might enjoy my husband’s sermon from this morning – the audio and text are here –
    http://www.faithcommunitychurch.ca/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=206:god-has-a-plan&catid=35:sermons&Itemid=53

  • http://byrdmouse.wordpress.com Jonathan

    Leaders have to lead even when they don’t want to, brilliant. I don’t know how anyone can do it without praying.

  • Tim

    Being a coach and educator for investors, these questions are so relevant for investors concerned about retirement, the next bubble or lack of confidence in the markets.
    I often reference a quote by Confucius; “When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.” 
    Thanks for the insight and inspiration.

  • http://www.angiekinsey.com Angie Kinsey

    I like many others deal with adversity almost daily. I have Lupus and it makes ordinary things a little more difficult. These questions (and others like them) allow me to really LIVE my life. For instance, I just went on vacation with my 12 year old to Orlando. Sun is a no-no for what I have so I had to seek shade – and met some very interesting people. I had to pay for my time playing (swollen joints, etc) but my son witnessed me being persistent, patient, and saw me put on a strong face for the sake of the group. He was proud of me and in the process learned valuable lessons!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1346029195 Yvonne Green

    WOW!  I was reading the notes I took from your Speech that you agave at Liberty University again this morning.  There is always something in that Speech that I need for the day.  Today was “Only YOU can take yourself out.” So don’t let Satan take you out.

    This article went along with several of the Key points in that Speech.  Great article    

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  • shall

    I do not have money for school! I am raising my children, and my daughter father keeps taking me to court to get custody of her and we have a parent coordinator who is bias and disrespects me! Lord I still trust you and I know that you are working in the mist of my trouble!!! Lord I trust you!!!

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  • Guest

    I am trying to figure out what on earth possible good could come from my brother going missing 3-1/2 years ago, in addition to many other severe trials that I have had to bear since then. 

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      I don’t know. That’s a tough one.

  • Barbaragabogrecan

    Interesting
    article I like the helpful information you provide in your articles. I will
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    make money at home

  • Kim

    My dausteelghter has been involved with a cult for about five years. I havetried to keep the lines of communication open and stayed close so I could see my grandkids. I followed them to Texas. Now she has moved to Nebraska, where the “prophet” lives, and has cut off communication with me because I do not believe the “prophet’s” letters. I have clung to Jesus, who has shown me He is in contol and is doing amazing things in my life. We are to cling to Him, not people, for they can be taken away in a literal heartbeat. I have been using this time to listen and pray fervently. I know He will make something good of my tears. kY M

  • Jo Lynn

    I don’t know!  I have asked everything I can think of both positive & negative!  I have been in chronic pain with me knee for 2 months.  Barely able to get around.  I just don’t understand why the Lord won’t heal me.  Any suggestions?  I’ve repent, I’ve rebuked, I’ve prayed, I don’t know what else to do!

  • Mike

    Very encouraging. Thank you

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