Recently, I made an early morning phone call to one of my direct reports to own a blunder on my part. Not a great way to start the day. If you’ve ever blown it as a leader you know that these conversations are never fun. It’s humbling.

Great leaders hold those they lead accountable. But those we lead must see us as holding ourselves accountable as well. If we expect them to “own it” when they make mistakes, we need to first model this for them.

Many words in the English language are difficult. In fact, there’s even a Dictionary of Difficult Words. But none are more difficult than these: “I’m sorry. I was wrong. Will you please forgive me?”

Many otherwise articulate people seem to have great difficulty in spitting these words out. They hem and haw. They stutter. They may get something close out, but they have a hard time slowly and deliberately saying these ten simple words.

You don’t have to go far to hear someone criticize BP for the catastrophic impact of their oil spoil. The news media have chronicled every misstep. Psychologists, environmentalists, and social media experts have all weighed in on what BP should have done or should be doing.

Over the course of my career, I have fired off my share of angry letters and e-mail. However, I cannot think of a single time when these communiques had a positive effect. Usually, they only served to escalate the conflict and alienate the recipient.

Several years ago, I wrote a fourteen-page diatribe to a business associate. I skewered him. I was right. He was wrong. And I had the proof.

All of us blow it from time to time. But some mistakes are worse than others. Some are so grievous that they threaten to undo a career. Such was the case this week when Don Imus insulted the Rutgers women’s basketball team by using a degrading racial slur to describe them.

It’s hard to imagine the situation getting worse, but it did. Imus added insult to injury by completely botching his apology yesterday on Al Sharpton’s radio show. If there’s anything redemptive in this situation—and I admit there’s not much—it’s the fact that this situation can serve as a vivid example of how not to execute an apology.

One key to leadership is the willingness to stand up and take responsibility for your mistakes. Good leaders do this even if they are guilty of only 10% of the accusation or problem. They do this even if the source is a carping, high-maintenance client. They do this even if there were circumstances beyond their control that led to the mistake.

Good leaders do this because it’s the right thing to do. They don’t do it for the sake of public relations alone. They do it because they failed to meet their own high standards of ethical conduct or operational performance.