I hear it all the time. “My husband [or wife] doesn’t understand me. We are so different. We don’t really have anything in common.”

When I first met Gail, I was attracted to her precisely because she was different. Sadly, after a few years, these same differences started to annoy me. In fact, I began to think that my approach to live was right and hers wrong.

Gail and I have been married for thirty-three years. She is my lover, my best friend, and my coach. But a few days ago we had a fight. It was a doozy.

It’s not important what it was about. It was one of those issues we have stumbled over previously. But I will admit that it was my fault. I ambushed her and let it escalate beyond what the circumstances warranted.

For the last eight months I’ve been seeing a thirty-something male client who is a month away from his divorce being final. He is relieved that this painful experience is almost over, but he is also very sad. He’s grieving the marriage that he wanted to have—the one that he wishes they would have had together.

By the way, this tells me he is dealing with his divorce in a healthy manner. I never trust anyone if they tell me they have no sadness about their marriage ending and that they are simply glad that it is over. Marriages are investments and we are always sad when an investment goes belly up.

What does marriage have to do with leadership? If you are married, everything. Nothing will undermine your effectiveness as a leader faster than a bad marriage. Your marriage is a living example of what it is like to be in a close relationship with you. This is why it is so important that leaders get this right if they want to influence others.

Unfortunately, we live in a culture that is very me-centered. Gail and I often talk to people who are frustrated with their spouses. Most of this stems from the fact that they are not getting what they think they need or what they think they should be getting.

The lead story in the news for the last several days has been Arnold Schwarzenegger’s infidelity. Apparently, he has fathered at least one child out-of-wedlock. There are likely more.

To be honest, this whole thing makes me angry, especially when I consider the impact this is having on his wife and children. He is also one more negative example for our own children and grandchildren.

As you may recall, I am mentoring a group of eight young men. We meet once a month for three hours, using the excellent program from Next Generation Mentoring. In between sessions, we all read an assigned book, memorize a verse of Scripture, and complete other homework assignments.

It happens to me several times a week. I want to quit. Just yesterday, I wanted to quit my run halfway into it. After the first mile, my lazy self asked, “Why can’t we just walk?” For a while, the voice got louder with each step.

About five years ago, we published Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. It has sold more than one million copies and is consistently one of our top five bestsellers at Thomas Nelson.

A couple of weeks ago, Gail and I had the privilege of attending the Love and Respect Conference in Dallas. It started on Friday evening and ended Saturday afternoon. Emerson and his wife, Sarah, taught it. They are both excellent communicators.

Indulge me. Today is Valentine’s Day. At the Hyatt household it is the third most important holiday of the year, right after Easter and Christmas.