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The Gift of Validation

Validation. Everyone needs it. Hardly anyone gets it. Yet it is the very thing that most people crave. More than sex. More than money. More than drugs.

If you can’t see this video in your RSS reader or email, then click here.

I’m not a psychologist. But I think it’s safe to say that most people who have an unhealthy craving for anything are really craving validation. Why is it so hard to get?

Ultimately, our validation has to come from God. Parents, bosses, spouses, and even friends will disappoint us. They have their own issues. But God is the one Person who is wholly other-centered. He made us in his image and delights in us. He stubbornly loves us even when we are unlovable. If that’s not validation, I don’t know what is.

So while I want to look to God for my own validation, I want to be a validator to others—a reminder of God’s good intentions toward them. I want to affirm that God is for them not against them. That His plans for them are good. That He has given to each person I encounter unique gifts, talents, and strengths. May God give me the grace to see it and acknowledge it. This is leadership in action.

That’s also the beauty of the short film above. I hope you will take the time to watch it. It’s sixteen minutes long, but it’s well worth it. It was was written by Kurt Kuenne and is the recipient of a number of film festival awards.

It reminded me how easy it is to validate others. It means so very much and yet costs so very little. I can’t think of a better gift to give to others. Can you?

Who are you going to validate today?
Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

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Posted on February 2, 2009

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  • http://lovinthearts.blogspot.com/ LauraLee@Selah

    Oh YES, how true is this? I don't have time to watch the video right now, but your words alone are full of wisdom. I have always been one to easily validate others, so I often crave it myself. When I'm walking surrendered to the Lord's way of thinking, I'm focused on Him and others instead of how anyone else views me. Excellent post.

  • http://lovinthearts.blogspot.com/ LauraLee@Selah

    Oh YES, how true is this? I don't have time to watch the video right now, but your words alone are full of wisdom. I have always been one to easily validate others, so I often crave it myself. When I'm walking surrendered to the Lord's way of thinking, I'm focused on Him and others instead of how anyone else views me. Excellent post.

  • http://the-walrus-said.blogspot.com/ Janet

    Ah, but there's validation and there's empty praise.

    Once I was doing some side-by-side translating at a banquet at an international event. As we were leaving the banquet hall, a member of the audience came up to me with a bright smile and said, "You did such a good job!" I swelled a bit. "Oh," I said, "do you speak French?" "No," she said brightly. I deswelled. I still haven't figured out exactly what she thought she was complimenting.

    I guess she just wanted to make me feel good, which was very sweet, but her compliment was empty. A puff of Dream Whip, with no substance.

    The power of a meaningful and justified compliment should never be underestimated though. I've sometimes gone months or years on the strength of one of those. And while I tend to be a bit sparing with mine, I've seen my kids beam with pride when they earn them. They know that I don't hand out compliments unless I've got good reason to and even if they are rarer, they've got a fantastic shelf life. (None of that, "Of course you'd say that, you're my mother.")

    Not trying to be difficult here, just looking at the issue from another angle.

  • http://the-walrus-said.blogspot.com Janet

    Ah, but there's validation and there's empty praise.

    Once I was doing some side-by-side translating at a banquet at an international event. As we were leaving the banquet hall, a member of the audience came up to me with a bright smile and said, "You did such a good job!" I swelled a bit. "Oh," I said, "do you speak French?" "No," she said brightly. I deswelled. I still haven't figured out exactly what she thought she was complimenting.

    I guess she just wanted to make me feel good, which was very sweet, but her compliment was empty. A puff of Dream Whip, with no substance.

    The power of a meaningful and justified compliment should never be underestimated though. I've sometimes gone months or years on the strength of one of those. And while I tend to be a bit sparing with mine, I've seen my kids beam with pride when they earn them. They know that I don't hand out compliments unless I've got good reason to and even if they are rarer, they've got a fantastic shelf life. (None of that, "Of course you'd say that, you're my mother.")

    Not trying to be difficult here, just looking at the issue from another angle.

  • Dave Aldrich

    That was awesome! Thanks for sharing.

  • Dave Aldrich

    That was awesome! Thanks for sharing.

  • http://www.kaylafinley.com/ Kayla

    I totally just watched that video for TJ Thyne AKA Dr. Hodgins from Bones, but it was AWESOME. Thanks for posting!

  • http://www.kaylafinley.com/ Kayla

    I totally just watched that video for TJ Thyne AKA Dr. Hodgins from Bones, but it was AWESOME. Thanks for posting!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/dewde dewde

    My nephew is the only (half) black member of our entire family. He is being raised by white folk. The question of validating his role in the family, and validating him directly, sort of blind-sided me when he was about 5 years old.

    I wrote about it here:
    http://bit.ly/tlx42

    peace | dewde

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/dewde dewde

    My nephew is the only (half) black member of our entire family. He is being raised by white folk. The question of validating his role in the family, and validating him directly, sort of blind-sided me when he was about 5 years old.

    I wrote about it here:
    http://bit.ly/tlx42

    peace | dewde

  • http://www.faithbarista.com/ FaithBarista Bonnie

    I L-U-V this post. My total "hot" button in ministry and life, in general.

    If only we could validate as much as we criticize, how much brighter and happier our world around us would be.

    If I could err on the side of love, why not? I say. Take a risk. Love and validate someone TODAY. 1 Cor 13.

    Thanks, Michael!

  • http://www.faithbarista.com FaithBarista Bonnie

    I L-U-V this post. My total "hot" button in ministry and life, in general.

    If only we could validate as much as we criticize, how much brighter and happier our world around us would be.

    If I could err on the side of love, why not? I say. Take a risk. Love and validate someone TODAY. 1 Cor 13.

    Thanks, Michael!

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  • http://intensedebate.com/people/JasonWert JasonWert

    IMO, lack of validation in someone's life can slowly starve someone's spirit to death the same way lack of food will starve the body. I've been giving my wife validation in a new venture she's working on.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/JasonWert JasonWert

    IMO, lack of validation in someone's life can slowly starve someone's spirit to death the same way lack of food will starve the body. I've been giving my wife validation in a new venture she's working on.

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  • Jeroen

    Thank you very much for this inspiring post!

  • Jeroen

    Thank you very much for this inspiring post!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/DerekDRobertson DerekDRobertson

    Wow, I am a person who needs a ton of Validation and just the need to feel imortant. It took my wife quite sometime to figure this out and pinpoint. When she did it really helped our relationship but also helped me to try to stop depening on other peoples validation and of course to look to God for that. Cause as always we disapoint each other.

    Tnaks for the reminder

  • http://www.embracepositivepassion.com Georgiana

    Validation, encouragement, support all filled with positivity is what we all need in this world! I’m so thankful for my loving family and close friends who have been with me through both good times and bad. God is gracious in providing when we are in need and his Word is a genuine validation beyond all measure! :-)

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  • http://paulbooks.blogspot.com Paul

    Amazing video. Thanks for sharing. 16 minutes of my time well spent. God bless you!

  • Anonymous

    I love this video…it has been awhile since I watched it…thanks for the reminder to validate others!

  • http://www.pursuitofHisbest.com Andrew Allen

    What a great video and great lesson. Made me smile :-)

  • Vwmashni

    unbelievable video..def worth the 16 minutes.

  • http://pauladavispeace.com/ Paula Davis

    This was incredibly inspiring to me. I work at the front desk of an orthopaedic office and this makes me think of all the opportunities I have each day to validate others. I’m going to make this my mission from now on.
     
    Michael, thanks for sharing, and for inspiring others with each post you write. God uses you in my life and I’m certain he does in others.
     
    blessings to you!
    Paula
     
    http://www.pauladavispeace.com

  • http://www.christianrayflores.com Christian Ray

    Insightful video. My wife Deb is my biggest validator. Ultimately we all long for the big “…well done”, don’t we? 

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