Validation. Everyone needs it. Hardly anyone gets it. Yet it is the very thing that most people crave. More than sex. More than money. More than drugs.
I’m not a psychologist. But I think it’s safe to say that most people who have an unhealthy craving for anything are really craving validation. Why is it so hard to get?
Ultimately, our validation has to come from God. Parents, bosses, spouses, and even friends will disappoint us. They have their own issues. But God is the one Person who is wholly other-centered. He made us in his image and delights in us. He stubbornly loves us even when we are unlovable. If that’s not validation, I don’t know what is.
So while I want to look to God for my own validation, I want to be a validator to others—a reminder of God’s good intentions toward them. I want to affirm that God is for them not against them. That His plans for them are good. That He has given to each person I encounter unique gifts, talents, and strengths. May God give me the grace to see it and acknowledge it. This is leadership in action.
That’s also the beauty of the short film above. I hope you will take the time to watch it. It’s sixteen minutes long, but it’s well worth it. It was was written by Kurt Kuenne and is the recipient of a number of film festival awards.
It reminded me how easy it is to validate others. It means so very much and yet costs so very little. I can’t think of a better gift to give to others. Can you?
Come join me and several of my friends for the Recreate Cruise for Christian Creatives. The first 12 people who register will have the opportunity to meet with me privately to pitch their book idea.
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Ah, but there's validation and there's empty praise.
Once I was doing some side-by-side translating at a banquet at an international event. As we were leaving the banquet hall, a member of the audience came up to me with a bright smile and said, "You did such a good job!" I swelled a bit. "Oh," I said, "do you speak French?" "No," she said brightly. I deswelled. I still haven't figured out exactly what she thought she was complimenting.
I guess she just wanted to make me feel good, which was very sweet, but her compliment was empty. A puff of Dream Whip, with no substance.
The power of a meaningful and justified compliment should never be underestimated though. I've sometimes gone months or years on the strength of one of those. And while I tend to be a bit sparing with mine, I've seen my kids beam with pride when they earn them. They know that I don't hand out compliments unless I've got good reason to and even if they are rarer, they've got a fantastic shelf life. (None of that, "Of course you'd say that, you're my mother.")
Not trying to be difficult here, just looking at the issue from another angle.
Ah, but there's validation and there's empty praise.
Once I was doing some side-by-side translating at a banquet at an international event. As we were leaving the banquet hall, a member of the audience came up to me with a bright smile and said, "You did such a good job!" I swelled a bit. "Oh," I said, "do you speak French?" "No," she said brightly. I deswelled. I still haven't figured out exactly what she thought she was complimenting.
I guess she just wanted to make me feel good, which was very sweet, but her compliment was empty. A puff of Dream Whip, with no substance.
The power of a meaningful and justified compliment should never be underestimated though. I've sometimes gone months or years on the strength of one of those. And while I tend to be a bit sparing with mine, I've seen my kids beam with pride when they earn them. They know that I don't hand out compliments unless I've got good reason to and even if they are rarer, they've got a fantastic shelf life. (None of that, "Of course you'd say that, you're my mother.")
Not trying to be difficult here, just looking at the issue from another angle.
That was awesome! Thanks for sharing.
That was awesome! Thanks for sharing.
I totally just watched that video for TJ Thyne AKA Dr. Hodgins from Bones, but it was AWESOME. Thanks for posting!
I totally just watched that video for TJ Thyne AKA Dr. Hodgins from Bones, but it was AWESOME. Thanks for posting!
My nephew is the only (half) black member of our entire family. He is being raised by white folk. The question of validating his role in the family, and validating him directly, sort of blind-sided me when he was about 5 years old.
I wrote about it here:
http://bit.ly/tlx42
peace | dewde
My nephew is the only (half) black member of our entire family. He is being raised by white folk. The question of validating his role in the family, and validating him directly, sort of blind-sided me when he was about 5 years old.
I wrote about it here:
http://bit.ly/tlx42
peace | dewde
I L-U-V this post. My total "hot" button in ministry and life, in general.
If only we could validate as much as we criticize, how much brighter and happier our world around us would be.
If I could err on the side of love, why not? I say. Take a risk. Love and validate someone TODAY. 1 Cor 13.
Thanks, Michael!
I L-U-V this post. My total "hot" button in ministry and life, in general.
If only we could validate as much as we criticize, how much brighter and happier our world around us would be.
If I could err on the side of love, why not? I say. Take a risk. Love and validate someone TODAY. 1 Cor 13.
Thanks, Michael!
IMO, lack of validation in someone's life can slowly starve someone's spirit to death the same way lack of food will starve the body. I've been giving my wife validation in a new venture she's working on.
IMO, lack of validation in someone's life can slowly starve someone's spirit to death the same way lack of food will starve the body. I've been giving my wife validation in a new venture she's working on.
Thank you very much for this inspiring post!
Thank you very much for this inspiring post!
Wow, I am a person who needs a ton of Validation and just the need to feel imortant. It took my wife quite sometime to figure this out and pinpoint. When she did it really helped our relationship but also helped me to try to stop depening on other peoples validation and of course to look to God for that. Cause as always we disapoint each other.
Tnaks for the reminder