What If You Work for a Bad Leader?

About once a week I get an email from someone who wants to know how to work for a bad leader. Maybe their boss is a jerk. Maybe he is just incompetent. Regardless, they are not quite sure how to lead well in this kind of situation.

A Businessman Yelling at an Employee -Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/francisblack, Image #11854358

Though I eventually became a CEO, I spent most of my corporate years in middle management. I had my share of bad bosses. A few were jerks. I imagined myself quitting or at least giving them a good tongue-lashing. Others were incompetent. I wanted to pull my hair out or rat them out to their boss.

Fortunately, I didn’t do any of these things, though I was often tempted. And, I’m glad I didn’t. Each of these bad bosses served to make me a better leader. You can learn from positive role models. Sometimes you can learn even more from negative ones.

But what if you are in that situation right now? Here are five ways to cope:

  1. Manage your expectations. When you read a lot of books and blogs about leadership, it is easy to become idealistic. If you are not careful, you can create a set of expectations that no one could possibly meet. You have to remember your boss is human—and fallen at that. He struggles with his own fears, wounds, and weaknesses. He has his own accountabilities and pressure. He will experience good days and bad.
  2. Evaluate the impact. What kind of effect is your boss having on you and your teammates? Is he over-bearing and abusive? Incompetent or careless? Or is he checked out or inaccessible? I have worked in all of these situations and each of them requires a different response. Some are easier to put up with and manage around than others.
  3. Consider your options. If the situation is bad enough, it may warrant your resignation. I have only been in one job where I did this, and frankly—knowing what I know now—I wish I had stayed. But your circumstances may be different. Most situations provide an opportunity to learn, if you are alert and teachable. Some of the best lessons I ever learned were from bad bosses.
  4. Be assertive. Bad bosses have a way of creating a culture of fear, where people are afraid to speak up. But this may be the perfect opportunity for you to become more courageous. This doesn’t mean you have to be disrespectful. Nor does it require that you become inappropriately aggressive. Being assertive means giving voice to your needs and establishing clear boundaries.
  5. Support him publicly. Someone once said, “public support leads to private influence.” I think that is exactly right. When I have been in these situations, I have refused to publicly debate my boss or to gossip about him behind his back. I looked for positive attributes (everyone has them) and publicly affirmed them. I was loyal when he wasn’t present. This gave me credibility when I needed it later.

I once had a boss chew out one of my direct reports in public. I was embarrassed and angry. I did my best to end the conversation civilly and move the agenda along. Immediately, after the meeting, I met with my boss privately and recounted what had transpired. I didn’t raise my voice; I was very matter-of-fact.

I told him that his behavior was unacceptable, unproductive, and would ultimately keep him from getting the results he wanted. I then said, “Look, in order for me to be effective in serving you, I need you to go to Ron and personally apologize. If you don’t, it will undermine your leadership and mine. If you do, it will restore your credibility and win the respect of your team. I’m counting on you to do the right thing.”

This was a very difficult conversation. I knew I was betting my job by being assertive. But he knew in his heart that I was loyal and that what I was asking was reasonable and right. He walked out of his office and did exactly what I asked. Thankfully, this kind of situation never came up again.

Question: How have you handled working for a bad leader? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

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  • http://twitter.com/cheetosrapper Dan Greegor

    I just keep working and do my best to understand the situation. If I have time, I have gone to a boss or two and asked about what just happened and, how I can or if I should, help in the matter. This usually eased the situation. If it did not, I would go back to work and see if time settled the matter. If it did not, and I noticed a continual trend, I would seek God on if I should move on in my career.

    I wonder if seeing good people leave is a catalyst for a leader to check himself/herself and do some self-evaluation and growth.

    • http://www.tnealtarver.wordpress.com TNeal

      I think it raises questions in a leader’s mind but it proves most helpful if there is an exit interview and an honest evaluation in the process. Churches often lose people but the reasons for leaving vary. You may wonder but you don’t know until someone helps you to see the problem.

      Most of the time when a person leaves, I believe, he or she just wants to go with as little trouble as possible. In leaving, people normally don’t think, “How can I help this boss/company do better?” They just think, “Thank goodness that’s over.”

      • http://uma-maheswaran.blogspot.com/ Uma Maheswaran S

        Yup! Agreed TNeal. That will be the mentality of a disgruntled employee while quitting

  • http://bentune.blogspot.com/ Ben Tune

    Like everyone else, I have worked for some good bosses and some bad bosses.  I started taking notes years ago about these good and bad traits and I try to review and update them regularly. I plan on using these good and bad experiences some day when I am the boss.

    Most of the notes have started taking the form of personal letters to myself.  Since I usually tie the characteristic to an event, I can usually recall the emotion that went along with it when I review the note.  

    • http://www.tnealtarver.wordpress.com TNeal

      Ben, you share some very good ideas in your comments. This is no exception. How very forward looking in your approach to leadership and your current position.–Tom

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      These would be good fodder for blog posts.

      • http://bentune.blogspot.com/ Ben Tune

        I agree, but have wondered how it would be accepted.  For example, when you were the CEO, would you trust leadership advice from someone who wasn’t in management?

        • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

          Sure. Of course, it all depends on the credibility of the messenger.

    • bethanyplanton

      I like the idea of writing down both the good and bad traits. Thanks for the idea.

    • http://uma-maheswaran.blogspot.com/ Uma Maheswaran S

      That’s seems to be a  practical and pragmatic idea!  Thanks Ben.

    • http://bentune.blogspot.com/ Ben Tune

      You guys are all very nice in your comments.  I’m praying God gives me the ability to use what I have learned some day.  I think He will.

  • Taffy

    Oh yeah, I’ve worked for a bad leader. She liked everything her way and if anyone opposed what she wanted, that person was cut out of the planning. She was very passive aggressive as well. Didn’t tell you to your face what she thought of you or your idea, but she would tell someone else in the same room what she thought.
    It was sad, really. She didn’t know how to have a one-on-one relationship. She was very use to getting her way, especially with her family. After awhile I kept my tongue, did my work and tried not to stir the pot. But! A few times I did take her to task when she was being unfairly mean about one of the leaders above us. That was uncomfortable (to say the least!) but I felt it was needed. I mostly pointed out the good things the leaders have done and how much they supported our team.
    Looking back on that time,I learned many things that I hope have helped me be a better person.

  • http://twitter.com/StephenSauls Stephen Sauls

    I’ve found that bad bosses affect everyone emotionally and one of the best ways I can combat their negative influence is to intentionally encourage my coworkers and stop the negative talk.  When the boss is being a jerk it seems to be the only topic of conversation in the office and EVERYONE gets down on themselves and the organization.  Kind of like “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!” 

    Plus, many of us as subordinates seem to think that we could EASILY do the job of the person above us and we forget that they’ve got a lot more to deal with and take responsibility for.  Do you think your subordinates could walk right in and do your job?  If they can, then “Good Job!” equipping them, but you should know they’re probably outgrowing your leadership and possibly frustrated with you.

    So, how would you want people to react if YOU were the jerk boss?

    My 3-fold approach is:
    1. keep out of their way
    2. confront calmly if necessary (with Details & Solutions)
    3. do damage control / PR for them.

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      Excellent advice. Thanks, Stephen.

    • http://uma-maheswaran.blogspot.com/ Uma Maheswaran S

      “Doing PR for them. ” – Oh! I never thought of that Stephen

  • Barry W

    In my 29 year career, I have had great
    bosses, with two exceptions. My most recent ex-boss was the worst,
    demonstrating all of the bad traits in the article: the bad leader, a
    jerk, incompetent, over-bearing and abusive, careless, checked out &
    inaccessible, created a culture of fear. I suggested that he was a
    descendant of Genghis Khan and Attila the Hun. I was wrong in doing
    so, as I may be damaging their reputations. Actually, I conducted
    myself professionally for the three years I worked for him, did what
    was right for the company and my employees, and my leadership skills
    grew significantly. What he meant for evil, God meant for good. Now
    I hope I can pay for all of the counseling to make me normal again.
    Just kidding. As painful as the experience was, I am a better boss
    and person because of the experience. My best advice: 1. Trust God’s
    sovereignty (He is in control), 2. Trust God’s sovereignty (He is
    good), 3. Don’t let their faults set your tone – you can choose
    your attitude and responses.
     

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      Thanks for distilling down to these lessons. Excellent.

    • http://uma-maheswaran.blogspot.com/ Uma Maheswaran S

      Your story reminds me of the book Good Boss Bad Boss by Robert Sutton

  • wendy

    I’ve been in both situations, experienced conflict and quit/ran, as well as toughing it out to stay!  
    True, I would rather write off 2008 (yes, the entire year) most days, but I have never been the same or viewed conflict the same since that day when I had to stand up for myself respectfully yet confidently.  I was scared out of my mind to do it, but I was being pushed around and being held to unfair standards by my predecessor.  At one point in the conversation/confrontation I actually said, “I will make my own mistakes, they will be very different from yours, and I am responsible for correcting them”!  I learned that I valued my job,  I was/am good at it, and I didn’t want to quit OR continue being treated the way I was being treated….so, I learned!There are inevitable pains when growth is involved, but it hurts us more in the long run if we choose to stunt ourselves.

    • http://uma-maheswaran.blogspot.com/ Uma Maheswaran S

      “It hurts us more in the long run if we choose to stunt ourselves. ” – That a great truth Wendy! Thanks for sharing

  • Ron

    Two books to read, both by Michael Maccoby:
    “Narcissistic Leaders: Who Succeeds and Who Fails” [2007] and
    “the Leaders We Need and What Makes Us Follow” [2007].
    both from Harvard Busienss School Press.

    • http://uma-maheswaran.blogspot.com/ Uma Maheswaran S

      Thanks for suggestion Ron! I am adding that to my personal library list.

  • http://twitter.com/jonmholcomb Jonathan Holcomb

    I know I have heard Andy Stanley put it somewhat like: Support me in public will give you leverage in private.  

    Really good stuff

  • Rusty

    I quit.  No fight, no argument, no big confrentation,  I resigned.  Best thing I ever did!

    • http://uma-maheswaran.blogspot.com/ Uma Maheswaran S

      Quite crazy! may not be possible always

  • http://www.irunurun.com Travis Dommert

    I got some particularly valuable wisdom from Keith Eigel at Leaders Lyceum here in Atlanta.  He certainly didn’t intend it, but he encouraged me to stay and talk with my boss.  He was teaching his firm’s philosophy to a group of advisors, namely:

    [(challenge + contradiction) / time ] x perseverance = growth

    He said we don’t learn much when success comes easy.  We learn and grow by persevering through challenge and contradiction over time.  Each element is required.

    I was struggling with a new boss at the time with a fundamental different outlook on life and mission in business…pure financial motive.  I felt we were making short-sighted decisions that would jeopardize client and employee loyalty with big (financial and otherwise) consequences down the road.  I felt I was condoning these actions by staying and thus came close to just calling it a day and moving on.  Keith made me realize I would be short-changing MYSELF by quitting so soon.

    I learned a LOT more by engaging and debating my beliefs.  It was hard, and they were not entirely welcome or valued, but I did it anyway.  Like you, I learned A LOT from this person and am truly thankful for these lessons (even though they are more about what I don’t want to do / be).

  • Anonymous

    I think point 5 is extremely important. 

    You may not agree with a leader, but when you create public rift or tension, you are pretty much deliberately sabotaging his or her reputation and influence. Such conflict can be poison for an organic system that depends on its roots.

    I think there is a fine balance between letting a rampant leader run all over you and crucifying him with your words and actions. I think the most appropriate solution lies more on the side of humility.

  • Louise Thaxton

    It has been many years since I worked with someone who was an incredibly bad leader and have been blessed to work with an amazing leader for over a decade.  But I remember that at the time I was in the bad situation – thinking that I was working with the “devil” himself, I had to pray “constantly” – for him, for the situation, for peace and patience. 

  • http://www.lobays.com Loren Baysden

    Do you think there is ever a time to go above them?  When loyalty is less important than doing the right thing?  I have resigned from a job because I was loyal, and didn’t want to be around what was going on….but are their times when we should approach it differently?  When are some of these times?  Thoughts???

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      Yes, I do. But this is complex. I don’t think I could offer anything via a comment that would be universally applicable. Having said that, Two situations came to mind: (1) when the boss is doing something unethical or illegal or (2) other people are suffering significantly.

      • http://www.lobays.com Loren Baysden

        Gray areas abound, ha.  With my specific situation, my job is working with others, leading others through coaching.  In years past, when I was an assistant, you would see players being hurt, or their needs not being met.  Basically a “business” was being run, not a “service” for these young men.  Common in athletics, and other business arenas I suppose. 
        While doing my best, to serve them through serving a higher power, I just felt like I was coming up short in changing the environment, and felt like I could have more of an impact on lives somewhere else.  But at the same time, I think if I had stepped up more in different ways could have made more of a difference in the lives of the people that I ultimately left. 
        I think you have touched on it plenty of times, but at times, while it’s EASY because we are built to serve God, it’s also TOUGH, because the nature of the business world can be built against it.  The times to stick up and fight for serving others through serving a higher power vs. moving on to a different environment where you can more effectively serve in a way that you see more fit….can be gray, confusing, frustrating.  Prayer is good.  Prayer is always good.  :)

  • Johnstonteam

    Got to ask.  Why would you have stayed at the job you left because of the boss?

  • http://twitter.com/lhanthorn Larry H

    Good word.  I liked “Manage Your Expectations” because I read a lot of leadership & managment books, articles & magazines and then my expecations become exaggerated such that almost no one could fully meet them.  I end up expecting a Kotter, Peters, Drucker, Hybels, Godin, Welch, Warren & Buckingham alll rolled into one!
    Also, any bad boss just gives me inspiration to be an even better one.

  • Beyond Horizons

    Sometimes, you tend to feel suffocated at your workplace. Like you cant freely express yourself. This happens because a
    lot of people in a position of power manage to surround
    themselves with yes-men, cheerleaders so to speak. And when you are stuck among a bunch of cheerleaders, you think twice about expressing your opinions because you don’t want to be the one who’s thrown under the bus.But its important to realize that your boss might sometimes not realize this fact. He might actually be wondering himself, “why is no one disagreeing with me?”. So take a chance. Talk to your boss.Sindoora at http://www.beyondhorizons.in

  • Adam

    You dont want to miss out on what God might be trying to teach you in this season. You should look at yourself first and ask God, “What do I need to learn through this, what in my character or attitude needs to change before I can move up or on?”
    Changing your perspective can make all the difference

  • Rick Cochrane

    Great thoughts – have me thinking :)
    http://richardjamescochrane.wordpress.com/

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  • Babybug840928

    Ok to me, I feel alone with my situation but perhaps it is not so different from others experiences. My family started a non-profit organization in 1995 and it has grown quite considerably from being in our home to now owning 3 properties and having about 30 staff memebers helping out with minimim wages. 

    We elected a board to make sure things were run properly and my father became the CEO. The board dont seem to do anything about what is happening. I now work earning a salary under my father so business and personal life has only a fine line between them. I think my father is personally going through a midlife crisis or something. He will moan at my mother publically, even though they are the head of the organization. I am in charge of fundrasing so it is very hard for me to see people bring down the name of the charity especially in public. We work with children from a township, and my father has started making very racial comments as well, in the past year.

    With finances not being so great everyone is on board trying to get donors in, being very careful with what is essential and on the budget  and trying to get ourselves known by local and international communities.  We have tried to get my father to understand what a budget is and how donors donate for a specific project that interests them. however he still just draw money out of accounts and spends it on whatever he feels like and what feels is important to him at the time, saying that everyone only wants their projects to be sponsored and everything that is important to him is ignored. We sit down with him every year to ask him what he wants to do in next year, and we try and raise funding for htis. However in the middle of the year he will come up with new ideas and just go spend money instead of waiting for the next year, or until we can find a donor for this new project idea.  Firstly I think it is fraud if we are spending donors money on things that we didnt ask for and secondly we have to try raise funding to cover what has been spent by him, and forget about the necessities of running costs for awhile etc so that we can cover ourselves legally. I feel he needs to have no access to money and maybe even fired, but that would leave him homeless, without a car and well possibly break the family apart. I ‘m not even sure if I could get it done. How do I fix this mess or possibly do this in a nice way.

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