Whatever Happened to Modesty?

This is one of the first posts of yours I read. It was a re-post, but as the father of 3 girls it certainly struck a chord.

I think this applies to all women . . . (at least I wish it did) I can’t even look at store ads in the newspaper anymore.

Great post!
I have a daughter, and I always taught her that I wanted boys and men to be attracted to her for who she is, not what she looks like. She is tall, blond and beautiful, but we all age, and things change with our bodies. If she marries a young man who loves her body more than who she is…well, that could be a problem after 10 years and 2 or 3 kids. But if he loves her for who she is first and foremost…she’s in a much better position as time and years do their work.

Mystery. I want to teach my daughter the faith that being mysterious requires, rather than taking her desires to be noticed into her own hands by revealing her precious body like our culture counsels her to.

Thanks for bumping this up on Twitter. It’s a great reminder of what you can do to be modest.

“If you have trouble getting into it or out of it, it is probably not modest”

Definitely true. 

“If you have to be careful when you sit down or bend over, it is probably not modest.”

This is definitely the case except with a lot of skirts and dresses. Sometimes they can be a normal length but still have to be messed with when you sit down. And no one should ever bend over in a skirt or dress unless it’s extremely long.

But going back to my point: I was wearing a dress the other day at my friend’s bridal shower, and even though the dress went down nearly to my knees, I still had to adjust it when I sat down. Although, I will totally concede the point that if you have to be careful with your dress like most guests on late-night talk shows, it’s probably not modest. Good point though–if you have to worry excessively about your item, it’s probably not modest.

“If people look at any part of your body before looking at your face, it is probably not modest.”
“If you can see your most private body parts or an outline of those parts under the fabric, it is probably not modest.”

Hah! Totally reasonable.

Love it! I really like the simplistic, bottom-line approach here. Going to share-we have 3 daughters & lots of young girls in & around our lives. Thanks.

Went to the beach the other day, Seen a Jewish  family place there little Yarmulke hats on a pile of towels, then off went the sandals  and into the water they ran, fully clothed.
     I also seen a Indian couple playing in the waves in beautiful starved dress, fully clothed, then i see christian holiness teaching  people in bathing suits.
 wow  feel someones very Confusedwith modisty issues.

Thanks for the post Michael –  you might like to check out :  ”10 Things to  Teach your Son about True Manhood”
http://www.allprodad.com/top10/parenting/10-things-to-teach-your-son-about-true-manhood

My advice to young women is this: sex, outside of marriage, isn’t love. No matter how much you’re boyfriend says, “if you love me, you’ll have sex with me.” Sex, outside of marriage, isn’t love. 

There are a lot of wives and mother who would benefit from these guidelines, too!

I believe that modesty should be taught by the parents by role modeling modesty themselves. I think it’s important at the same time that we are teaching our daughters to cover up and be  modest not only for their own dignity but so that they don’t become a stumbling block to guys out there. Let’s face it showing cleavage has been a trend for a while but it is just that a trend. Soon looking back into this era people will note it was the decade woman hung their breast out for the world to admire. We should not judge one who does this but rather bring awareness of that the outcome is lack of propriety. I think there is a mixed message in lack of modesty and wanting to maintain a degree of dignity, you simply will have a difficult time having both dignity and lack of modesty. But I strongly believe this is a touchy subject in this day when it’s so the norm within most cultures. Bottom line if our heart is to please God then we would want to make sure we are being modest and recalling it is a imperative form of being. 

For the woman who wants to be valued for who she really is — for the heart and intelligence and inner beauty that makes her a wonderful companion and friend — those guidelines are priceless.  For the woman who wants a long-term relationship based on the qualities that will not fade with age, compliance with such wise counsel is foundational.

I too have been greatly disturbed by the lack of modesty among people of all ages today.  I ask, what happened to glamour and elegance and grace ?  “Muffin tops and trashiness ” do not fit in those categories, nor do they flatter 99% of the population.  I have been working on ideas for a book and possibly magazine devoted to grace, elegance and glamour.   That doesn’t mean that we have to wear evening gowns to work in the yard or a burkha (sp?) either.  Your four rules of thumb sound good.  But women, most women, want to feel attractive and feminine, and there is a difference between sexy/trashy and attractive/feminine.  You can be modest and feminine and attractive without being overtly sexy or looking like a hooker.  I think you can add, that if it makes you feel uncomfortable you shouldn’t wear it (and by that I mean that men are probably more interested in what is under your dress or outfit than what you have to say).  Mystery is still attractive to men.  In fact, I am in my 50′s, have gray hair ( I choose not to ruin my hair with dye which is in truth what it does… I did it for ten years… my hair is sooo much more healthy now), wear classic, modest clothes, and yet everywhere I go both men and women complement me (and many of them feel half naked and go put their coats on).  Make no mistake, they don’t think I look nice for a “grandmother type.”  They think I look nice and am appropriately dressed for whatever activity I go to.  Also, I only own about a dozen tops, one or two dresses, three skirts and some jeans.  I have a few classic accessories,  8 pairs of shoes that I take good care of, and some high quality, natural looking makeup that protects my skin.  I eat right and exercise and most importantly… I cultivate that inner glow of the Spirit.  I think without that inner glow, the clothes wouldn’t be that remarkable.  It seems that the opposite attitude also goes with the skimpier/hooker look.  You could say in part that “We are what we wear.”  I used to work in the fashion retail world.  There are both wise financial choices in dressing modestly and wise lifestyle choices.  And the type of man you will attract, for those who wish to meet men for more serious relationships, is definately affected by what you wear, both inside and out.

I do agree with the modesty guidelines specially 3rd one.  If people look at any part of your body before looking at your face, it is probably not modest.

Rather than teaching women a set of rules.  I teach them to hear God.  Then, the pursuit of modesty becomes a pursuit of God, and an opportunity for their conscience to mature.  

Thank God for this because God wanted us to  stand against the devil’s work

Sadly, immodesty has crept into our churches and for a reason. Rather than promoting Godliness as a believer, we have become weak in our resolve to honor our Lord. We fail to train our children, accordingly.  Instead of telling our children about God, we need help them establish a close relationship in such a way that every aspect of life takes His Word into consideration: we are not our own, we are bought with a price, our bodies are a living sacrifice, etc.  As for the world, they live as unsaved do.  For the believer? Judgment begins in the house of the Lord.

Young ladies and men learn
about relationships from their fathers (how a woman should be treated and how a
man should treat her). Unfortunately, we have generations being raised without
fathers. They are instead being raised by Jerry Springer, MTV Spring Break, and
Girls Gone Wild. These programs show young people drinking, partying, acting
out sexually, and apparently having fun; however, what they don’t show is the
venereal diseases, the people who drank too much and died from alcohol
poisoning or caused a car crash killing innocent victims, the unwanted
pregnancies, the feelings afterward that lead to depression, low self esteem,
etc.  I remember a case where I had to
respond to the emergency room, because a 17-year-old girl had been at a “party”
where she shouldn’t have been and was slipped drugs and used as a prostitute
and dropped passed out outside the hospital emergency room.  Numerous statistics from credible official
sites show that 1 out of 4 sexually active teenagers is reported with a
sexually transmitted disease each year; many without any visible symptoms and
many incurable.  Further statistics show
1 out of 4 girls being sexually molested before adulthood and 1 out of 6
boys.  Isn’t it time for The Church to
rise up and reach out to these young people in love showing them the truth that
God loves them and has a good plan for their lives.  And that the lies being told them are to
destroy their lives and to prevent them from experiencing the real joy that God
has planned for them. (from “It’s Okay, You’re With My Father”, A Child Abuse Investigator’s Call to The Church, published through Westbow Press).

Those are great questions! They help girls make good choices even on there own…