427
Comment

Whatever Happened to Modesty?

I watched MTVs VMA awards last night. Some of my daughters’ friends are in the band Paramore, and they were nominated for an award. And—to be honest—I wanted to see how Britney Spears would do, since we are publishing her mom’s book next week.

A Women with a Veil - Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/hidesy, Image #886115

Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/hidesy

It’s been a while since I’ve seen MTV, but I was flabbergasted. I could not believe the sensuality and decadence I witnessed. Gail and I finally had to turn it off. We just couldn’t take it any more.

As I thought about my experience later, it made me sad. I am the father of five daughters. So perhaps I’m just a little overly sensitive. But I was shocked at the complete absence of modesty, the ridicule of virginity, and the latent misogyny displayed by Russell Brand and many of the artists themselves.

One of the few redeeming moments in the evening was when Jordin Sparks, referring to Brand’s contempt for chastity, said,

I just have one thing to say about promise rings: It’s not bad to wear a promise ring, because not everybody, guy or girl, wants to be a slut.”

Touché. It must have struck a nerve, because the next time Brand appeared, he apologized for his comments. Sort of.

Regardless, it got me to thinking, Where are these girls fathers? Has anyone ever taught them the concept of modesty? Or have all the men in their lives simply exploited them as sex objects

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not a prude. But I do think some basic guidelines are in order. These are not rules about skirt length or the amount of cleavage you can show. I’m just not a very good legalist; they are simply guidelines.

I gave these to my girls when they were growing up. Frankly, they haven’t been perfect in following them. Modern culture exerts a powerful influence. Nevertheless, I wanted them to have something that would transcend current fashion and guide their attire once they were older and, perhaps, a little wiser.

Here they are: “Four Guidelines for Modesty”:

  1. If you have trouble getting into it or out of it, it is probably not modest.
  2. If you have to be careful when you sit down or bend over, it is probably not modest.
  3. If people look at any part of your body before looking at your face, it is probably not modest.
  4. If you can see your most private body parts or an outline of those parts under the fabric, it is probably not modest.

If you think these guidelines are helpful, you might want to pass them along to the young women you know. Evidently, not many are getting the message elsewhere.

Question: What advice would you give young men or women? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Get Free Email Updates!

Exclusive bonus! Subscribe today and you’ll receive a link to download my brand new e-book, Creating a Personal Life Plan, FREE. This step-by-step guide will help you design the life you’ve always wanted.

WestBow Press

Posted on September 8, 2008

« Defending Your Brand Online
Behind the Scenes—The People Who Make... »

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are snarky, offensive, or off-topic. If in doubt, read My Comments Policy.

← Older Comments
Newer Comments →
  • Tania Palmer

    Amen……I'm the mother of 4 with my twins. I have one daughter that fights me on the issue of clothes. I will never loose on this one. She came home from someone's house with one of their really short skirts on and all I had to say was I wonder what your father will think. She ran in the room and changed her clothes. She handed me the skirt and it went into the trash. My friend thought I was wasteful, but if it is don't proper for my child then it is not proper for any child. We wonder why our children have been attacked in this time and age.

  • http://www.kristigriem.com/ Kristi

    PREACH! I could not watch either, it made me sick. I wanted to plead with those girls "leave a little mystery, please!" Thank you for this post.

  • http://www.kristigriem.com/ Kristi

    PREACH! I could not watch either, it made me sick. I wanted to plead with those girls "leave a little mystery, please!" Thank you for this post.

  • http://www.facebook.com/stuart.blank Stuart Blank

    Great post Michael, thanks!

  • http://www.facebook.com/stuart.blank Stuart Blank

    Great post Michael, thanks!

  • http://www.kristigriem.com/ Kristi

    PREACH! I could not watch either, it made me sick. I wanted to plead with those girls "leave a little mystery, please!" Thank you for this post.

  • http://www.facebook.com/stuart.blank Stuart Blank

    Great post Michael, thanks!

  • Kevin

    @michaelhyatt – Excellent post. I've got an 11 year-old and we've always done "fashion shows" from the time she was little. We made a big deal out of it and made it also fun. One rule was that if Dad didn't approve, it had to get returned. To this day – we do not have an issue with clothing. I wish more Dads were involved in their daughter's lives in this way. Thank you for your leadership in your family! Thanks – @hudsonkerrigan

  • Kevin

    @michaelhyatt – Excellent post. I've got an 11 year-old and we've always done "fashion shows" from the time she was little. We made a big deal out of it and made it also fun. One rule was that if Dad didn't approve, it had to get returned. To this day – we do not have an issue with clothing. I wish more Dads were involved in their daughter's lives in this way. Thank you for your leadership in your family! Thanks – @hudsonkerrigan

  • MarCya

    THANK YOU! IT HAD TO BE SAID! FINALLY!

  • MarCya

    THANK YOU! IT HAD TO BE SAID! FINALLY!

  • Kevin

    @michaelhyatt – Excellent post. I've got an 11 year-old and we've always done "fashion shows" from the time she was little. We made a big deal out of it and made it also fun. One rule was that if Dad didn't approve, it had to get returned. To this day – we do not have an issue with clothing. I wish more Dads were involved in their daughter's lives in this way. Thank you for your leadership in your family! Thanks – @hudsonkerrigan

  • MarCya

    THANK YOU! IT HAD TO BE SAID! FINALLY!

  • http://www.facebook.com/ebroussard Eddie Broussard

    Good words…thanks for the common sense wisdom.
    My recent post CONFESSION…what is it good for?

  • http://www.facebook.com/ebroussard Eddie Broussard

    Good words…thanks for the common sense wisdom.
    My recent post CONFESSION…what is it good for?

  • http://www.facebook.com/ebroussard Eddie Broussard

    Good words…thanks for the common sense wisdom.
    My recent post CONFESSION…what is it good for?

  • Pingback: Doing Life Together » A Tragic Loss

  • Pingback: Modesty « Swafford Family Blog

  • bill

    No htank you, I just wanted to copy hte short article to read to my crisis preg center but you will not allow it
    I am sorry for that
    My recent post 12-Year-Old Sets Out on 2,478-Mile Walk

  • bill

    No htank you, I just wanted to copy hte short article to read to my crisis preg center but you will not allow it
    I am sorry for that
    My recent post 12-Year-Old Sets Out on 2,478-Mile Walk

  • bill

    No htank you, I just wanted to copy hte short article to read to my crisis preg center but you will not allow it
    I am sorry for that
    My recent post 12-Year-Old Sets Out on 2,478-Mile Walk

  • genjun

    You know that when you go to the stores, it is hard to find a shirt or sweater that is not almost low enough to see your belly button, Why do they think all people want to show off what they have. I am a granny and I sure dont want to show my stuff. Morals have gone out the window, We all need to stand up for Jesus and let him help us decide what to wear, because if you are living a godly life you will feel the conviction when you put something on that is not decent and you will change. I love having God as my personal consultant. Try it , you will too.

  • susie

    The very reason we do not have a TV in our home, we do not want the junk in our home or our family.
    However, we did set limits with our children and both have grown up to be wonderful people. We never had a problem with modesty (and they did not fight us about it).
    If more parents would draw the line instead of “picking their battles” the world would be a better place.

  • Cebra

    I have seen some of us with high- high heels on and tight skirts split up the back and when walking you can see the top of the thigh and even a pantie line. Some girls want to be attractive; but you could attract the wrong guy. We have to be careful, doesn't mean we cannot dress our age. We should see a specialist on what proper fits.

  • http://yahoo jeanie stone

    i wish modesty was a BIG issue!!!!! we need every postive minded modest woman to stand up and teach our younger girls!!!

  • Pingback: An Interesting Take on Modesty | nilochlainntwit's Brain Dribble

  • Debbie Simler-Goff

    Boy oh boy do I agree wit this post!! You are so very correct!! Keep getting the word out… I worry about my grandaughters and the world they will grow up in!!

  • Pingback: Whatever Happened to Modesty? « The Ballestero Blog

  • Pingback: American Decency Association » Whatever Happened to Modesty

  • Pingback: Saturday Night Mind Dump… « My World

  • http://sarah-aubrey.blogspot.com/ Sarah Aubrey

    I've always loved designer Edith Head's quote:
    "Your dresses should be tight enough to show you're a woman and loose enough to show you're a lady.”

  • Jason

    I was a youth minister for ten years and saw (literally) this way to often. The way I addressed modesty, with my girls especially, grossed most of them out. I told them don't show anything you wouldn't want your grandfather to touch. They would all wince…but it is a great rule. Makes shoulders and knees OK…but cleavage and upper thighs concealed.

  • http://twitter.com/ThingsBright @ThingsBright

    I disagree with #3 completely. It's not a woman or girl's fault if a guy is can't control himself or is a straight up pervert.

  • Pingback: Whatever Happened to Modesty? What’s that? | The Church of Jesus Christ

  • Leigh Anne

    I agree. thanks for the list of guidelines, which are easy to explain to younger girls. Unfortunately for #3, there will be men who look at other parts no matter how a girl/woman is dressed before they look at your face. I think you should make another list for boys/men and modest behavior. We can't just address the way females are looking these days and not address how males behave.

  • http://www.healthmedicinetalk.com Stacy Annichiarico

    you can buy some promise rings from ebay but those are the cheap ones, the quality ones are sold elswhere :’.

  • http://www.embracepositivepassion.com Georgiana

    Modesty displayed on the outside reveals a person’s heart’s intentions on the inside. We dress the part in life. It shows our genuine character and morals in how we live our lives each day. It’s important that we as a culture be a people of true value and worth and therefore dress appropriately to be a Christian witness to others. After all, that’s the fundamental reason Jesus came ~ to spread the love of God and his eternal blessings for us! :-)

  • Pingback: Four Guidelines for Modesty | Austin Gardner

  • Pingback: Market Capitalization, Sexual Assault, Purity and Modesty « Him we proclaim…

  • Pingback: What is Happening to Our Little Girls? Part 2: Guarding Their Hearts | The Domestic Executive

  • Pingback: Whatever Happened to Modesty? by Michael Hyatt | crew church

  • Pingback: The Off Season

  • Rebecca

    I wholeheartedly agree with you.  And you are not being overly sensitive.  I believe that a lot of people are choosing to be underly senstive…if that is a word.   I love your guildlines.  I get sad when I walk onto a school campus and see students and teachers dressed inappropriately, especially when they have a dress code in place.  And the boys need to take note too.  All to many are wearing such baggy pants that are ready to fall off of them, and that makes me feel so uncomfortable.  And I wonder how they can feel comfort at all.  If we dress modestly, we feel better about ourselves and can concentrate on the important things in life, instead of sorrying about bending over or someone looking at our bodies instead of our faces.  God has given us standards to live and dress by.  He has told us through His living prophets.  He wants us to dress modestly and behave modestly.  We need to live up to god’s standards, not the world’s.  Thank you for your great article. 

  • Pingback: Whatever happened to modesty? | Make Her Up

  • Dewayne

    I’m
    afraid most girls aren’t getting it because the “church” is
    not teaching it from Gods Word.  As watchmans and under
    shepherds of Gods flock we will be held accountable for the care, or
    lack thereof, of His sheep.   “Son
    of man, I have made thee a watchman unto the house of Israel:
    therefore hear the word at my mouth, and give them warning from
    me. When I say unto the wicked, Thou shalt surely die; and thou
    givest him not warning, nor speakest to warn the wicked from his
    wicked way, to save his life; the same wicked man shall die in his
    iniquity; but his blood will I require at thine hand.” Ezekiel 3:17-18.

  • Pingback: Only an idiot passes up free Knowledge from a millionaire for a quick Buck.. « The Off Season

  • http://LookingForPurpose.com Dylan Dodson

    Just re-read this post. Love it!

  • http://www.mycallingiq.com Natasha Crozier

    Not sure when this was originally posted but glad I got to read this today. I would highly recommend reading A Return to Modesty by Wendy Shalit – it’s such a great look at what modesty means and why it’s important.

  • Nicole

    And for the young men:

    1. If you are unable to train your eyes to seek out a woman’s face first, you are probably not being modest.
    2. If your first reaction at seeing a woman is to point out how hot she is to your friends, you are probably not being modest.
    3. If you don’t complement modestly dressed women, but fix your attention on scantily-dressed women, you are probably not being modest.
    4. If you can see your most private body parts or an outline of those parts under the fabric, it is probably not modest. (yes, that works for both)

    If men didn’t so highly prize the women who are so very scantily clad (as they do in our culture), perhaps men wouldn’t be such a stumbling block to young women who simply want to be accepted and seen as beautiful. Modest women are not put on a pedestal in our culture and–sorry, guys–that’s not women’s fault.

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      This is excellent. If you have a blog, you should write this up as a post!

  • http://jlgerhardt.tumblr.com Jennifer Gerhardt

    I’ve been thinking and writing a lot about modesty lately–realizing that in teaching it poorly we’ve sabotaged generations of women. Here’s a link to an interview I did about a life-changing modesty project I’ve been working on this year: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPODYc2PrWk

← Older Comments
Newer Comments →

©2008 Michael Hyatt, Powered by Standard Theme

Want to know how to get published? Check out this step-by-step guide. Click here!