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Where Do You Put Yourself in Your List of Priorities?

If you are a Christian, God obviously comes first. Jesus said, “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you” (Matthew 6:33). He is the ultimate priority. Until He is first, everything else will seem out of kilter.

A Flight Attendant Demonstrating an EMergy Oxygen Mask - Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/sjlocke, Image #15019236

Photo courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/sjlocke

But who comes second. You know, after God? This is where it gets tricky.

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I believe you come next. That’s where I put myself, and I make no apologies for it. That means before my family, friends, and career. Even before my ministry.

I don’t think this is because I am selfish or ego-centric. Then why do I do it?

Because I can’t take care of anyone else unless I take care of myself.

If you travel much, you have no doubt heard the flight attendant say some version of the following:

In the event of a change in cabin pressure, panels above your head will open revealing oxygen masks. Pull the mask down toward you to activate the flow of oxygen. Cover your nose and mouth with the mask. Place the elastic band around your head and continue to breathe normally. Remember to secure your own mask before assisting others.”

This is how I look at life. I have to attend to myself first (second only to God) in order to be spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, and physically available to others. If you have trouble with the semantics of putting yourself second, think of it as preparation to serve others.

For example,

  • If I don’t feed myself spiritually, I don’t have the spiritual resources necessary to share with others. This is why I read the Bible and pray daily.
  • If I don’t look after my own health and become sick, I am not much use to my family or my employees. This is why I run and try to eat nutritionally sound food.
  • If I don’t make time for reading great books, I don’t have the intellectual resources I need to share with others.
  • If I don’t make the effort to work through my own emotional wounds, I end up reacting to others instead of being in a position to minister to them. This is why I think counseling and therapy can be a valuable exercise for most people.
  • If I don’t get sufficient rest, I get grumpy. No one wants to be around me. This is why I try to sleep a solid seven hours every night.

In addition, I want to to model how to take care of myself, so that the people under my influence will take care of themselves.

Some Christians insist on putting themselves at the bottom of their priority list. I think this springs from a false—and dangerous—piety. We are in a much better position to serve others when our basic needs are met.

Questions: Where do you fit into your priority list? What do you do to ensure that your needs are met, so you can be a genuine resource to others? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

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Posted on February 7, 2011

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  • http://uma-maheswaran.blogspot.com/ Uma Maheswaran S

    Naturally, I tend to take care of myself first. I feel there is nothing wrong in this. But when we fail to use it for the nourishment / betterment of others, there is a real danger developing within us. Hence, we need to have a clear focus of achieving ultimate end. I am reminded of the anonymous saying, “Equip yourself well first and then you can change the whole world.”

  • http://www.elizabethingersoll.blogspot.com Anonymous

    I know the importance of caring for myself, but sometimes I feel guilty for doing so.

    For example, my husband likes to take our boys to the park to play baseball on Saturdays. I work all week, and I CRAVE solitude sometimes–my brain just needs it. With six people living in my house, that’s hard to come by. So often on those weekends, I choose a few quiet hours at home alone over an afternoon at the field.

    He thinks I’m being anti-social.

    I think he doesn’t understand that it’s how I’m wired, and my way of relaxing is not the same as his.

    So, do I give in and go play ball, but feel like a martyr for doing it, or do I stay home and feel guilty for not going, even though it’s really what I want to do?

    I’m still looking for a win in this situation!

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      I think it is worth having an honest discussion about this with your husband. Even in my own marriage, Gail’s needs and mine are vastly different. She is an extrovert; I am an introvert. She gets recharged by being with people; I get recharged by being alone. The good thing is that we know this and work to give the other what they need.

    • rose

      this thread is one year ago, I hope you already find the balance…I have similar situation, where I usually like to rest on the weekend and do nothing but I found out that I can do every other weekend going out with friends so my social life does not suffer and I still have my “me time weekend”.

  • Anonymous

    I have learned to stop feeling guilty for saying no to others. There are days I have to attend to me, in order to be a better friend to them. I am a recovering co-dependent, so using my “no” muscle is a big step for me.

  • http://www.shirleybrosius.com Shirley Brosius

    At the beginning of the new year, I developed the following missions statement: My mission for 2011 is to take care of myself physically and to grow closer to God spiritually so that I am prepared to share my faith through personal witness, writing, speaking and serving in my church.

    I then set short term and long term goals in the categories of physical, spiritual, mental, ministry, career, home, family and creativity. It keeps me motivated when I’m feeling too lazy to exercise, etc.

  • Greg Finke

    Can’t wait to hear you next week at Kingdom Advisors! This is the same thing that John Maxwell said a couple of months ago when I heard him speak. Is tough for us people pleasers though.

  • http://scottkantner.com Scott Kantner

    It’s refreshing to hear boldly stated what could be easily be taken the wrong way. What you’ve pointed out serves fresh notice that I often find “myself” at the end of a long line of other priorities. Taking care of yourself first so that you can take care of others is strikingly logical, yet surprisingly difficult to take consistent action on.

    We can easily see in the life of Jesus that he practiced this policy, at least to a degree. Despite constant crowds and attention we often find him going off to a desolate place to pray, or getting away to recharge.

  • Terry

    The word I struggle with is “priority.” Yes, we must take care of ourselves as biblically instructed, but our biblical “priority” is God, others, and ourselves. We take care of others’ needs as our second priority best when we take care of ourselves. But, when the needs of others are greater than ours, they come first.

  • http://kevinmartineau.blogspot.com Kevin M.

    This is something that I struggled with for many years and it eventually lead to a time of burnout. Since that time of burnout I have learned that it is not “wrong” to take care of myself. I do this by:

    *Taking 2 days off in a row each week (one of those being a sabbath day).
    * Planning my life around my breaks instead of planning my breaks around my life.
    * Going to a conference each year for personal growth and refreshment.
    * Being home more nights than I am out.

    • http://stevencribbs.com Steven Cribbs

      I like your point of “planning life around your breaks instead of planning breaks around your life.” I tend towards the side of trying to plan breaks around life – and, too many times the breaks get pushed out, minimized, dilluted or even cancelled. And then the other people in my life that the benefit from the breaks (such as family) end up missing out.

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      This is a great list, Kevin. Thanks.

    • http://peterpollock.com Peter P

      You and Michael Hyatt are very alike in many ways, Kevin…

      Great wisdom comes from both of your blogs about these kinds of things.

      I LOVE it that I’ve found you both online.

  • http://peterpollock.com Peter P

    Great post, Michael.

    Excellent way to handle a potentially controversial subject!

  • http://twitter.com/courtenayrogers Courtenay Rogers

    I find it refreshing that you are able to say this, as too many people would be afraid of what others have to say on the matter. I totally agree, and as a single mom and business owner, I have to remind myself to do the same. Thanks for your honesty and the reminder!

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      You’re welcome. I knew I would get some criticism, but I meet too many people who are suffering from burnout, all because they felt they needed to put others ahead of themselves.

  • Anonymous

    I had to learn to put myself first (after God) so that I could start to heal from being raped as a child. It was a long process, believing that I was allowed to be before my husband and family. But once I started to take that time, then I was able to see healing in my life.

  • Anonymous

    I had to learn to put myself first (after God) so that I could start to heal from being raped as a child. It was a long process, believing that I was allowed to be before my husband and family. But once I started to take that time, then I was able to see healing in my life.

  • http://stevencribbs.com Steven Cribbs

    I like your point of “planning life around your breaks instead of planning breaks around your life.” I tend towards the side of trying to plan breaks around life – and, too many times the breaks get pushed out, minimized, dilluted or even cancelled. And then the other people in my life that the benefit from the breaks (such as family) end up missing out.

  • http://stevencribbs.com Steven Cribbs

    I like your point of “planning life around your breaks instead of planning breaks around your life.” I tend towards the side of trying to plan breaks around life – and, too many times the breaks get pushed out, minimized, dilluted or even cancelled. And then the other people in my life that the benefit from the breaks (such as family) end up missing out.

  • http://goinswriter.com Jeff Goins

    I know that people had mixed reactions to it, but the Prayer of Jabez made me realize why I need to not neglect the discipline of praying for myself.

  • Sarah S.

    I 100% agree! I confess, however, this comes very naturally to me — a writer/ introvert. I’ve always considered myself very selfish with my time. I am a mother/ wife/ freelance writer and do a myriad of other things for church/PTA/ community, but I have learned to take care of me first. I can see how it makes me a much better mother/ wife/ freelance writer.

  • Karl Mealor

    This article came at a good time for me. I’m fairly exhausted after an unusually busy week of ministry. I’ve been feeling a little guilty about just “letting things go today”. Now, I think I’ll go take a nap!

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      Sometimes that is the best thing you can do—for everyone!

  • Gigi

    Thanks for this reminder. I type this as I lay with heat on my neck in a physical therapists office due to the effects of not prioritizing my own health. As a caregiver I often put others needs before mine. No more. I am a lousy caregiver wit a neck out of joint. 2011 is my year to focus on God and me…

  • http://blog.cyberquill.com Cyberquill

    Observing the proper sequence of priorities in the event of a change of cabin pressure, the flight attendant’s instructions should be to first to say a prayer, then to pull the mask down toward oneself, and then to assist others. In reality, though, the most important step is always being left out.

  • http://www.prokopetsstudio.com/blog Candace Prokopets

    This is something that I need to consistently remind myself of. Before recently, I never would have thought this were true. I would have thought that it was selfish to think this way. But I no longer agree and I see the value of living like this. Thanks for the reminder!

  • http://twitter.com/manyhatsmommyMI Jenny Herman

    This post is rather interesting to me because my husband has said to me before, “I need you to rest. You’re no good to me and the boys if you can’t move [because of back pain].” I think it is hard for us first-born, rule-following people-pleasers to put ourselves first!

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      As a firstborn myself, I agree!

  • http://twitter.com/obihaive Joseph Sanchez

    Nobody can make any difference if they’re burnt out all the time running on fumes…However, Jesus did say the greatest command is to love God AND our neighbor. I believe the taking care of ourselves comes from the loving God part. Great post.

  • http://stevencribbs.com Steven Cribbs

    Thanks, Mike, for sharing your examples.

    I like to “say” that I have certain priorities in a certain order. However, when I look back on things, I see that it is easy for my priorities to get mixed up. And, often times, when I go through periods of highly-focused efforts on work, ministry and even family (to the exclusion of myself), I come crashing back down and then go overboard with time focused on just my own wants.

    So, I can totally support the need for a proper balance of continuing to grow in God, take care of (prepare) myself, and then let the overflow spill into the lives of others.

  • Mark Martin

    I think what’s important about what you posted is your purpose. If taking care of yourself in your book were totally self-serving, you would become a stagnant pond. But what you are talking about is like keeping a fountain clean so others can benefit from it.

    • TNeal

      This is an excellent metaphor reminiscent of Psalm 1. “That person is like a tree planted by streams of water…”

  • http://www.confessionsofalegalist.com Jeremy Statton

    Its difficult. Sometimes we convince ourselves that if the work we are doing is good, then we should just push on through fatigue and busy schedules. The work seems so important that we neglect other things, and then the work suffers.

  • Robynbavati

    Great post, but I think you should put yourself first, ahead of God. Obviously, God can take care of Himself. I mean, He’s God, right?

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      Yes, He is indeed God. He doesn’t need me to take care of Him. But I need to be connected to Him. It’s like an electric motor. Unless it’s plugged in, not much happens.

  • http://www.thehahnhuntinglodge.com Nikole Hahn

    For the most part, I put myself second, but sometimes I slip down to third. Very good article. Lots of good wisdom there. I, too, have found it far better to get enough sleep and make sure that I eat “nutrtionally sound foods.”

  • http://AandBCounseling.com Don Ibbitson

    Great post. Jesus need to withdraw from the madding crowds and recharge. As a counselor, I see many in ministry who seem to believe (maybe subconsciously) that burning out for Jesus is a good thing. It is an affront to the Lord to put ministry before family and an important part of ministering to our families is that we be healthy in every way.

  • http://www.itsworthnoting.com Levi Smith

    Reminds me of some wise counsel I received back in college when I was wrongly focusing more on other people’s relationship with Christ more than I was my own. I wasn’t effective and needed to get my priorities in order and be more balanced.

  • Anonymous

    I’m a mom in ministry, but I have a recurring problem: I push myself too hard and then reap the physical consequences. Reading your post and the wisdom coming from many of the comments has enforced what God has been speaking to me recently. I haven’t always counted the cost (Luke 14:28) before starting a new ministry project. When my actions are out of balance in ministry it is the undoing of the “building of my house” (Prov. 14:1). I’m pushing up my spiritual sleeves to overcome this problem! Thank you for your post!
    The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her hands. Prov. 14:1 NKJV

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      I have never heard that verse from Proverbs quoted in this context. Wow. (Thanks also for quoting from the NKJV, my favorite translation.)

  • TNeal

    This is one of those “messages”–you know, the type where you hear the preacher and think “I know someone who should hear this”–that I’d love a friend to read. He suffers often from headaches and depression. His typical state in life ranges from simply tired to exhausted. In this case, it’s the preacher who needs to hear the message.

    Of course, after driving over a thousand miles out of Wisconsin snow into North Texas snow, sleeping in different beds, and changing my normal routine, I don’t miss the importance of self-care for me either.

  • Mary C.

    More than anything else, this is what I’m struggling with right now. But it’s a battle worth winning, because you’re right, I’m not helping anyone when I’m burnt out and struggling with health effects of putting myself last. I’m working with a personal coach and redrawing the boundaries, reframing the issues.

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      I’m glad to hear that you are working with a coach. That was huge for me. I really needed someone to give me permission to take care of myself. That got me over the hump.

  • Jimmy

    Thanks so much for posting this! So great to see you actually listen to your followers on twitter!!!!

    As always, I love your blog post!

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      Thanks, Jimmy. I get some of my best ideas from people I interact with on Twitter.

  • http://www.speakingagent.com Speaking Agent

    I think it’s important to find a balance. I have lost myself before dedicating my life to the advancement of others (which is a great feeling, or at least can be). I woke up one day and thought: “what about me?” Consequently, I over corrected and grew to become selfish for a period of time, which ultimately felt and created horrible manifestations.

    In the end I think you have to remain aware of your dynamics and take care of yourself as you would another close friend or family member, and do the same for others you care about.

  • http://www.cdenning.com Chris Denning

    Initially, I had a knee jerk reaction of hesitation. I think this comes from my personal battle with pride. I’ve been trying to work on the whole “less of me” thing over the years. However, I don’t think that what you’re talking about interferes with humility.

    What you’re referring to has everything to do with good self management. You’re right, if you’re not well (spiritually, mentally, or physically), you’re no good to anyone anyways. Good word Michael, I dig where you’re going here.

    cd

  • http://www.culturesmithconsulting.com cherylsmith

    A few years ago I had to give a speech and was stuck trying to find an engaging topic. On the trip home, the flight attendant speech hit me:

    http://www.culturesmithconsulting.com/2009/03/secure-your-own-mask-first-2/

    I posted my observations and book recommendations based on my speech.

  • http://twitter.com/ThatGuyKC K.C. Pro

    This is definitely a challenge for me. And an easy one to spot in other people. Sometimes I feel like I just don’t have time to take care of myself. However, I do get up early to workout 4-5 times a week and consider this high priority “me” time. No interruptions, no demands, just me and the weights.

    Thank you for the healthy perspective. I’m working on it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ralphyoder Ralph Yoder

    Michael – thanks for sharing and putting this into perspective. We get this so mixed up so many times – or at least I do. Your admonition and example is accepted and I am grateful.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ralphyoder Ralph Yoder

    Michael – thanks for sharing and putting this into perspective. We get this so mixed up so many times – or at least I do. Your admonition and example is accepted and I am grateful.

  • http://twitter.com/MrDavidWillis David Willis

    This post made me think of good advice I have read about how to handle money. Tithe comes first. Saving comes second. Then the rest of the bills get paid. If we don’t tithe, we rob God. If we don’t save, everything else will get spent and we end up with nothing. Thank you for sharing this post. I had thought of priorities in the same way, but it makes so much sense.

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      I never thought about money as an analogy, but your example is perfect. That is exactly my philosophy.

  • http://bladeronner.com Ron Dawson

    I see what you’re saying, and I would agree in general. But, it seems like it needs some disclaimers or something. Or some kind of ancillary to account for exceptions. You know, times when you as a servant leader you may put someone else before you. Times when you may need to sacrifice for a loved one. I can see situations where if you take the “Me second (after God)” approach to the Nth degree, you would not give your wife that back massage because your back aches too. You would never take your son out to the park after school because it’s been a long day (as it is every day) and you want to rest. And, heaven forbid, if you were ever in a situation where you had to risk your life, even unto death, to save your loved one (e.g. wife or child), I would guess you wouldn’t hesitate.

    So, while I agree with the overall premise, I think there’s room to make account for those kind of circumstances. “No greater love can a person show than laying down his life for a friend.”

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      But if I included all the exceptions, what would we talk about in the comments? ;-)

  • Sjohnston

    Although I get out of balance at times, I try to prioritize myself similarly to what you described. It is easy to get off track due to the demands of life. One thing that helps me is applying a little diagram we use at our church which speaks to being rightly related. We should first be rightly related to God, then rightly related to self, followed by rightly related to family, church and world. It is shown as five concentric circles with the outer rings being directly affected by the inner rings. Failure to being rightly related to God affects all the other circles. Failure to be rightly related to self affects family, church and world relationships. It is based on application of the principles laid out in Matt. 22:37-39.

    Thanks for your insight!

  • http://twitter.com/mrmarkmcdonald Mark McDonald

    This is a tough questions. It comes at a time when I have been thinking a lot about myself. I have been thinking about how I can be a better father. I focused on my skills and what is in fatherhood for me. Yet when I think about it I need to be a better father for my kids, so that they are formed into good young men when they are older.
    So it is “both /and”. I need to look after myself so I am a good father and I need to serve and nurture my sons so that I am a good father.

  • Anonymous

    Until recently, I bought into the “J.O.Y.” mentality – Jesus, Others, You. However, I’ve realized over the past few months that I can’t give anything I don’t already possess myself. Whatever I give has to be from the overflow of my own life. Spiritually, I need to be drinking deeply of the well of the Word of God. Physically, like you mentioned, eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest are all areas I need to focus on in order to be my best possible self to give to others. Nobody wants my dregs!

  • Anonymous

    I find this very true as a single person. If I don’t put myself first and don’t look after me no one else does. I’ve noticed that often others will try and pressure singles to take on more commitments and responsibilities as if being single amazingly adds hours to someone’s day. But I’ve also noticed that single people can get run down more easily as they don’t have a spouse to tell them to slow down or to take over for a while so they can have a break or say no to others on their behalf. This is where Godly friends and family need to keep an eye on their single loved ones that they are not burning themselves out.

  • Judy

    certainly something to think on. Thankyou

  • http://www.brianhinkley.com Brian Hinkley

    Thanks for the post.

    I think once we secure our own mask; we need to remember to help those around us.

  • Martha

    OK, so it’s Sunday morning, it’s 10:30am, you’re deciding what to have for breakfast. The dog, who won’t pee in the small grassless garden, needs a walk to pee at least, and you want to go for a run. What do you do? There is only you to walk the dog as your wife has gone to Church where she is sidesperson.

    • http://michaelhyatt.com Michael Hyatt

      This is just me, but I would have been up at 5:00, reading, praying, and getting ready for the day. By 7:30, I would be available to tend to the needs of others, including the dog.

  • http://twitter.com/dominicrajesh Dominic Rajesh

    Very interesting perspective Michael – I enjoy reading your blog posts and this is the first time I am commenting on one of your posts. There are a lot of leaders and individuals who don’t bother to take care of themselves – this is really useful for all of them! Thank you for sharing this!

  • http://www.rowentree.com April Rowen

    “If I don’t make the effort to work through my own emotional wounds, I end up reacting to others instead of being in a position to minister to them. This is why I think counseling and therapy can be a valuable exercise for most people.”

    This is EXACTLY spot on – thank you!

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