Why You Must Confront Seemingly Indispensable but Disrepectful Team Members

Nicely done. Reminds of what Mike Brown et al DIDN’T do with LeBron James here in Cleveland. And in the end, the Cavs DIDN’T accomplish their goals. As the good book says, you reap what you sow, right?

This is a very interesting and informative article. I wonder how many times people have allowed their emotions to enter into the situation of dealing with a belligerent team member or employee rather than follow this kind of a reasoned and thoughtful approach to a difficult situation.

In the past, as a preschool teacher, I’ve had to deal with a situation where an assistant teacher was being incredibly disrespectful in front of the class. I did eventually have to pull her aside and speak to her about it and things improved. I see the wisdom in going to a supervisor first to get their support (even though in this case we were able to overcome the attitude issue without further incident.)

Thanks for this post. Great insight.

I served as president for a community ministerial initiative in a rural town. The director of our food pantry was known for her immature, bad behavior and yet people including her pastor constantly excused the behavior saying that she just needed extra grace. I tried working with her for a year before she made racially charged comments that were quoted in the newspaper.

I confronted her using the steps you described. She apologized and she resigned. Today the organization is healthier and she grew tremendously through the experience.

Having grown up a Houston Oilers fan, I’ve seen Bud Adams style of leadership. I wouldn’t hold my breath hoping he’ll do the right thing.

Michael, this was an excellent post. Thank you.

Great post. I believe your advice is true of most relationships: be willing to speak into people’s lives. I’m also glad you shared that he should quit if he doesn’t get the owner’s support. He’s a pawn otherwise.

I don’t get why “indispensable” yet disrespectful people are kept on a football team or any team. It breaks the moral of other people who are working hard for the success of the team and yet aren’t in the limelight. I see people get moved from department to department in hopes of “finding a good fit” for them. When I see this I ask, it’s ok to have a bad attitude towards all if I’m not happy in the situation? We are all indispensable. Sometimes I think people with that attitude need a hard lesson in that – fire them!

No one likes confrontation (especially in my Southern U.S. culture). Confrontation done in the right way, however, will often turn smoldering conflict which is destructive to the team into an opportunity for the team to grow.

Nice Post Michael,

I think your recommendations were spot on. Unfortunately, Vince Young and Coach Fisher’s relationship is steeped in a culture that doesn’t take a persons feelings into account. I recall a press conference a few years ago, where Jeff, said in no uncertain terms, “I don’t care about his feelings” I feel Jeff’s sentiment would echoed by tons of Football coaches over the years. Many coaches often pride themselves on how their toughness, brings out the best in their players. The NFL locker is riddled with hazing and mind games.

IMHO, Jeff had an equal share in what transpired yesterday. As a leader you have to invest in the people you lead. I don’t for one second excuse what Vince did, he was out of line. But, if we think back over the years we have watched football, how many times have you seen players and coaches being separated? Brett Favre, Sunday?

One more thing to be taken into account. (By no means am I attempting to make excuses just reporting, a mindset.) Many professional athletes like Vince, don’t know how to be men (mature). I was just having this discussion with an associate, and the immediate response was that that the national media has taken. “That’s ridiculous!” Don’t Make excuses! Well without a viable example, how can we expect them to? So to expect them to handle certain pressures, like a mature individual, get lost in the translation often. Some might ask how I know. I have lost many jobs, in the past because I didn’t know that me and my supervisor, boss, coach or person in authority, where playing two different games. I had to relearn the rules.. I was around Vince’s age, and on a much much smaller stage.

I was sad to hear how Vince Young acted. Regardless of his feelings towards his coach, to throw a temper tantrum and toss his jersey and pads into the stands is just childish… especially for someone getting paid the kind of money he is.

All boils down to integrity in my book. Everyone makes mistakes. We all get angry but anger is like fire. It can be used to warm our food or it can burn our house down. We choose which it will be.

Young may be a star and we don’t know the real issues between him and his coach but public disrespect is not the way to go.

I love posts that are about real situations, it seems to create a higher since of relevance and learning as we either watch them develop or try and determine how we might respond in the same situation. I believe that rarely is there a circumstance when one member is greater than an organization. I can recall being on a college baseball team where one person was truly a standout, easily our best player. However, he was let go for acting in a way that put himself before the team. Our team actually rallied and performed better without that person than with them. There may be situations where that same result may not happen, but I know that our coach at the time was initially questioned by some fans and even some team members, but he initially gained great respect from some, ultimately gaining respect from everyone once emotions calmed.

Thanks for a great article on a difficult subject! As a pastor I have had to address this on a few occasions but not a lot, Thank the Lord!

For the most part I agree. But in the situation that was given, I wonder about the scenario. If Vince was upset and leaving, the right thing might have been to just let him go and deal with it later. If the coach in fact centered him out in front of the team, giving him an ultimatum, I think his leadership failed. He put Vince in a no-win situation. Vince now has a decision to make, do I back down in front of everyone, or do I stand up to this guy. Just seems like something a good leader would see and pull him aside immediately. While I can see how the coach would be upset of the impression it leaves, he is effectively doing the same thing to Vince.
Sounds to me like the coach hasn’t figured out how to earn the player’s respect and now is just demanding it. But I wasn’t there, so who knows.